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Rape after effects - 7/3/2007 10:20:01 PM

Spiderbite

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Greetings...

I would like to know if any of you women have been raped and years later, while describing your ordeal(s) to your Dom or Master, he found himself getting aroused, which in turn caused you to become aroused.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/3/2007 10:27:39 PM

slaverosebeauty

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I'm a 3 time rape survior, it is no way arousing; I don't really share much of what happen with anyone, not even my closest friends know exactly what occured any of the times, I don't share much when it comes to my rapes; MJ knows I was raped, He also knows that I will talk about it when I feel comfortable, if its not brought up, I don't bring it up. As for it being arousing, never. Rape is a violent act, nothing arousing about that; if anything, it would push me away from any man I was with of he found any of it arousing.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/3/2007 10:29:10 PM

AquaticSub

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Can't say I've been raped personally but if memory serves me correctly it's not uncommon for women to relive the rape in their mind and turn it into something vaguely positive. Sort of a way of getting control back. At least it's a theory.

Personally, if Valyraen was aroused by the idea of someone actually raping me, without either of our permissions, without either of us giving consent... I'd be out that door in a heartbeat.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/3/2007 10:29:29 PM

mistoferin

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Spiderbite, For many years I counselled the victims of sexual assault. What you are describing is not uncommon.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/3/2007 11:37:12 PM

becca333

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There seem to be a lot of rape threads all of a sudden.

I've never been raped (did one guy serious damage when he tried), but if I was in the situation described in the OP I can't imagine I'd become aroused. And if my Dom did I'd seriously reconsider the relationship.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/3/2007 11:41:48 PM

Mystique567

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As a rape survivor. I can't see that happening. But I can see forceful situtations becoming erotic. The difference is that I know that I am still giving myself with free will. I also know that whomever I trusted enough to play that role with would stop if it were too much. Thats what safe words are for.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 12:10:13 AM

mistoferin

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Again, I will reiterate....it is a normal and common reaction. Please do not misread the different reactions of others as an indicator that there is something wrong with you. People who have been there can react in different ways and people who have not been there can give all the commentary they want but the reality is that until they have been through it themselves they are entirely clueless as to what their reactions would be.

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 9:27:16 AM

Driver1961

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He dips His lid to all;

Mistoferin- I completely agree-
People who have been there can react in different ways and people who have not been there can give all the commentary they want but the reality is that until they have been through it themselves they are entirely clueless as to what their reactions would be.

Too many people give opinions without having an understanding of perspectives! This only muddies any possible enlightenment.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 9:39:57 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

give all the commentary they want but the reality is that until they have been through it themselves they are entirely clueless as to what their reactions would be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Again, I will reiterate....it is a normal and common reaction. Please do not misread the different reactions of others as an indicator that there is something wrong with you. People who have been there can react in different ways and people who have not been there can give all the commentary they want but the reality is that until they have been through it themselves they are entirely clueless as to what their reactions would be.

It is a common reaction and nowhere did anyone say that anything was wrong with the OP.

However, I know that if Valyraen was aroused by the molestation that did happen to me, I would leave so I don't think I'm entirely clueless as what my reaction would be if Valyraen was aroused by me having been raped. I can not say that I know 100 percent, but I have an indicator.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 7/4/2007 9:40:48 AM >

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 9:43:13 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Driver1961
Too many people give opinions without having an understanding of perspectives! This only muddies any possible enlightenment.

Thank you. Not only does it muddy any possible enlightenment it can be detrimental to the survivor. When I began counseling assault victims the thing that shocked me most was how hard women can be on survivors of rape. Sometimes it stems from ignorance or simply a perspective of having not been there. But all too often comes the "well if it were me, I would have.....". Well if it wasn't you then you can't really say "what you would have....". Many times women who have not been there will answer in ways that make it easier (most likely on a subconcious level) to feel as though it could not happen to them rather than from a perspective of having to admit and feel that vulnerability.

Answers will also come from other survivors. This is not in itself a bad thing and can actually be very helpful. Unless of course those answers come in the way of "this is what I did to get over it and it should work for all victims". The reality is that each and every rape is different and each and every survivor will process it differently. No survivor should ever feel that if they are not reacting to it or processing it the same as the next that something is wrong with them. But often that is exactly what happens.

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

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"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 11:38:18 AM

sleazybutterfly

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I have been aroused thinking of being raped, but not thinking of my own rape. I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all though.

On the other hand, I have been aroused and so has a past partner of mine at my molestation as a child. It's not something I set out to have, but it did happen on occasion. To some that is probably sick, but there isn't anything I can do about how my body, nor his reacted. I know he wasn't a molester or anything like that, it was just with me that it turned him on. I think it's good I can look back at something in a healthy way, not a haunted one. By bringing it to the here and now, I am taking control over it and what it is in my life.

I could cover my head in shame over those thoughts, but I prefer to share that things like that happen and it's normal. There isn't anything wrong with you getting aroused over something bad that happened to you. If everyone that had those thoughts didn't share them with others, then a lot of people would go around thinking they are sick. If me opening myself up here about my situation allows one person to realize they aren't some sick perv...then it was worth it.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 11:44:04 AM

imthatacheyouhav

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i have not been raped as an adult...i was raped from age 3 ish to age 17 .... but this was all dealt with in my late twenties early thirties...MUCH counceling....i'd say i'm relativly norm now...LOL whatever that means....in recounting any of this...(and i haven't told Master much)...i did not feel aroused at all....

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 1:22:56 PM

santalia

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Greetings

i've never been raped, but i was molested when i was a child by a cousin of mine. i was about 8 and he was around 15 at the time. He was too big for me and didn't want to hurt me so it didn't go past (lots of) touching, enough to wake me up to my sexuality and cause me to begin exploring on my own.

i have never had any negative feelings about the molestation, and never thought of it as something bad...it just happened and i lived through it. And as it ended up, my body was awakened to sexual desires earlier than it probably should have been...it's just how it happened for me and i don't think i'd change it even if i could. But, i've never thought back on it and become aroused from the thought of it and if my Master were to have become aroused by my telling Him about it, i think that would concern me a bit and i'd ask to speak with Him about why He reacted that way. i think the same would be true if i were a survivor of rape....if in discussing it He were to become aroused, i'd ask to speak with Him about the reasons for His arousal while discussing something that is so traumatic to a person as rape is.

Well wishes

-santalia{JR}

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 1:25:06 PM

freyjasdottir

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Mine knows I was raped, I never said who it was but he does know the person, I was also molested and again he doesn't know by whom but he's probably got a good idea.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 1:41:28 PM

mistoferin

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When a woman is telling the details of her rape to a man it is like a story. He often can not attach himself in any realistic way to the traumatic part of it at the same level as the survivor. If he becomes aroused it is generally not an indicator that he is aroused by your trauma because he is detached from the impact of that. His arousal is usually a response to the sexual details. It is a normal response.

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There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 1:49:53 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

When a woman is telling the details of her rape to a man it is like a story. He often can not attach himself in any realistic way to the traumatic part of it at the same level as the survivor. If he becomes aroused it is generally not an indicator that he is aroused by your trauma because he is detached from the impact of that. His arousal is usually a response to the sexual details. It is a normal response.

There's also the opposite effect. My sister's husband was so appalled and pained by what happened to her in her past, he didn't want to hear about it, therefore closing off her ability to discuss the biggest most traumatic event in her life, with her life's partner. I felt sad for her for that.

If my Master felt aroused by my telling him of sexual trauma, he never revealed it. Because of his sensitivity toward little ones, I am fairly certain from his reaction that he found no enjoyment at all when I relayed what happened to me at 7.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 1:50:22 PM

lateralist1

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Thankyou mistoferin for sharing your knowledge so eloquently.
I agree with you sleazybutterfly we can not control our reactions only our actions.
Thankyou santalia for sharing with us. That's exactly how I felt about my childhood experiences BUT I have changed my mind. They actually harmed me a great deal.
The men who abused me took away my innocence. I will never recover from the harm they did to me. The word to pervert means to corrupt. I was corrupted and went on to corrupt others. I try very hard not to anymore.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 1:55:01 PM

MagiksSlave

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I was Never raped but I was sexualy abused for 15 years of my life (ages 5-20) and I have had men get arroused and think it was hot when I finally told them, and that was usualy the last conversation we ever had, well the last convo we ever had was me telling them off but you get the picture. This is why I started telling them earlier on as to not waist anyones time. Besides it causeing me to have a lot of triggers that they need to know about, I want to know how they will react to it because how they react to it tells me weather Im gunna stick around with them or not. I am lucky to have found Master who wants to work on me with my triggers as well as he finds it as apalling as I do.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 2:20:43 PM

mistoferin

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One can find something apalling and still become aroused by it. Women find rape apalling yet many still have orgasms during it. On another thread here many folks talked about being aroused by rape scenes in movies...yet they still find rape apalling. Many people here participate in play rape scenes...even survivors....and find it very arousing....yet they are still apalled by rape.

One should not label someone a sick pervert for a reaction that is a normal response...a response that is beyond their concious control and is often shocking and troubling to the very person it occurs in. It does not mean that someone accepts, condones or has some secret perversion about rape.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 7/4/2007 2:25:54 PM >

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/4/2007 2:38:48 PM

Lockit

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Hello Everyone,

I am very sorry that you were raped… for those of you that have been raped and I hope that you can find every bit of healing that you need. It is very true that we all process rape... as well as anything else in life; differently. If you feel it... it is true to you and your situation. Period. If it isn't healthy for you... it is up to you to find the way to make something of the situation where you can be healthy. If it is healthy for you... then no other has a right to say anything about it. They weren't there and they can't be you, so even if they have had a situation that is typically called the same thing... it is different.

I have been molested and raped many times. For me I didn't look at it as a sexual situation. It had a sexual aspect to it, but it was a violent act of rage, power and control. I matured very early and was quite the oddity in a way. No one could ignore what bounced in front of me as I was a very tiny person and very top heavy. For a year, a group of teens decided to have their fun and no one would believe me or protect me. It would take five to hold me down. They could not do it otherwise. (There are quite a few that carry scars from me.) Then I have had stranger rape and date rape. I put my UM's to bed upstairs and came down to find a man standing there.

I do not carry wounds from these things. To me they were the bad guys and I wasn't going to allow them to control me for life. They got but a few moments in time to victimize me, but I wasn't going to allow them to victimize me forever. That stubbornness helped me survive. lol I guess that even as a UM my dominance was evident and I wasn't allowing anyone to take over.

I also processed things differently because so many people around me were experiencing something like what I did. My brother is the only surviving victim of the freeway killer. It was almost commonplace and maybe that helped me deal with it as well. It seemed almost normal even though it wasn't acceptable normal if you know what I mean.

We all are different. I really resent when people have no clue and then form opinions and judgments and then speak out of turn to those who have been victimized. The only time I have ever wanted some sort of revenge was with mouthy people who did this. I am not mad at anyone here… but in general… out there so to speak… I have heard it all.

I just encourage the one’s who have been raped to talk about it if they are comfortable doing so. But chose who you talk to about it because people can have some odd reactions and quite often don’t know how to process what you are saying. A long time ago, my ex wanted to know my story. In the course of two weeks I told him most of it. The last night he screamed… stop… I can’t hear anymore… I can’t handle it! My (calm) response was… how do you think I feel… I lived it? So find the right persons to talk to and talk if that will help you. If you can’t talk about it and are having problems… you might need to talk about it and I would encourage a professional even if it is just a rape crisis center and not a doctor. In fact… I think they often can help you faster and then lead you to a doctor if need be.

May life be kind and kinky!

< Message edited by Lockit -- 7/4/2007 2:44:25 PM >

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