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RE: Rape after effects - 7/5/2007 10:53:41 PM

MagiksSlave

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((HUGGSSS Aqua))

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/5/2007 11:12:47 PM

zindyslave

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Lockit I don't mind talking about it on the boards but I don't want it to be for the enjoyment of others, that is what is disgusting to me about it. I don't bring it up much and when I do I would hope it wouldn't be for someone to get stimulated or aroused by it. Had an ex that was like that about it should have been a red flag. You live and learn.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/5/2007 11:20:20 PM

MagiksSlave

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((passes some hugs along to Zindy))

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/5/2007 11:31:56 PM

Lockit

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zindyslave,

I'm sorry about spelling your nic wrong in my last post. I didn't want to edit because I want my words to stand as they are so there is no confusion.

I come online and assume that some will enjoy a picture or whatever and I have no control over that. What I don't know won't hurt me. Knowing about this is causing pain and I am sorry... but I was afraid of other kinds of pain if it wasn't addressed. I hate knowing that at least two women here have said something about how this makes them feel and it couldn't really be stopped unless nothing was said... but how does one get an email like I got and not say something?

Try not to think about what is being done that is ugly or hurtful. Maybe we can look at what we all have learned and how it might help us all bond in that we know each other's pain. We are going to run into situations here that will remind us... will shake us up... will offend or anger us and even hurt us. How do we deal with that so that whatever is said or done... we are not hurt by it? Let's go through the pain we have to and get it out and then try to find some good and on top of the healing... we might be all the better for it. I can hope anyway.
Hugs

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/5/2007 11:43:13 PM

Lockit

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Spiderbite,

Now do you understand? Can you see why I would rush to ask, find out... stop?

If you are sincere and in ignorance you found yourself stuck with desires and questions... that can be understood. What cannot be understood for some and what cannot be acceptable is your behavior and attitude. Now... come on... we all have been bad... we all have done wrong... but hopefully we learn from it... can right our wrongs and will see to it that we are not going to allow it to happen in the future.

I hope you can understand where we would jump to conclusions at your words. You can prove yourself. It is real simple. I make mistakes. I am the first one to admit I do and when I am wrong I do try to analize myself and say I am sorry and prove I mean it... by trying hard not to make that same mistake again. That's all you have to do. Learn from this, just as we all are. It might take some time... trust has been broken... I also can't speak for anyone else... but I think someone else has said it too... just prove yourself.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/5/2007 11:54:40 PM

Lockit

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I must add that I don't feel we jumped to conclusions. I feel we went on actions and words... all that was avilable to us to decern what was happening.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 12:11:26 AM

Lockit

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Well... he left. I guess that says something right there. I had hoped that if he humbly admitted and apoligized that it might help curb some of the anger and hurt. I thought it worth a try. I'm sorry ladies.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 12:14:51 AM

desiresluv

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I felt compelled to post here...my first sexual experience was by all accounts "rape". He took me on a date, then later, to a cornfield, deserted, and forced me to have sex with him. For years, I refused to admit it was rape. It of course later reared it's ugly head in relationships--always in the back of my mind. I never got counseling, I wish I had. I was only 18 at the time. It still bothers me sometimes, but I have learned to seperate it from my life.

I came back to edit this...after reading some more of the posts...I am not really sure what I walked in to on this one..

< Message edited by desiresluv -- 7/6/2007 12:29:23 AM >

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 12:15:15 AM

habibi

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i thought i knew what i would do were i ever to be raped..until it happened when i was 17. i was not however conscious while it happened, so perhaps things were a bit different. i only know what happened because of the major damage that was done to my body and didn't have to endure the details of it. i always thought i'd lust for vengance, that i'd want him dead, castrated, something. ....but in the end, all i wanted was to heal, hope i could have children and be done with the whole situation. i didn't tell anyone but my best friend and my boyfriend at the time about it...not my parents, no one else. but now, the only time it bothers me is when i have to tell a significant other about it. and that's more because i have to deal with their reaction to it. but, never has it been one of arousal, outrage..tears..sympathy and bloodllust, yes.....but never anything sexual. i'm not sure what i would do in that situation. i think i would probably be upset, since the details were not of overpowering me, but of drugging and maiming....and i fear the ones who find pleasure in the thought of that....i can understand an outsiders perspective, especially a man's in that it's much more of a story and not something they can truely relate to. i have learned from first experience that you can't possibly know how you'd react to being raped if you haven't been, since the best you can do is know what you THINK you would do, not what will actually happen, when and if that happens. it's two very different things.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 12:19:25 AM

Lockit

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Couldn't somebody kill this thread?

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 12:39:11 AM

Lockit

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You will have to read the thread I guess. I'm sorry. The op did some things that hurt people.

I am sorry that this happened to you both!

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 3:06:07 AM

Politesub53

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiderbite

Now that I have stimulated myself…I am curious, for those of you this wisdom far beyond my own…how would you have requested the information that I requested of Lockit? It is a very touchy subject, how do you approach it? I did agree that my way, was perhaps not the best, yet I continued to get attacked. I can only assume that the attackers were stimulated…

Seriously, how in the hell does a man request such information from a woman (with the insight) without sounding ignorant, selfish, and careless?

Okay, there is nothing wrong in asking questions. The issue here is how you go about it. If it was for " Your work " or research, then why not be upfront and say so. You could have explained your story in full, instead of expecting others to explain for you first.

You asked why Ma`am Lockit, as a Dom ( it`s Domme ) answered if She was not submissive, in which case why did You email Her for details ?

You complained about the use of the word stimulated. i suspect almost everyone who read that read it as aroused.

One thing i have learned in my short time here is if i want to ask something, type my question and read it a dozen times, then see how it comes across.

It really is all about the words you use, as being the internet its all you have to work with.

Edited for spelling as per usual

< Message edited by Politesub53 -- 7/6/2007 3:07:23 AM >

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 5:23:43 AM

Kellendra

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Well said Lockit, and many hugs to you all.
For me, it was as a child...and I decided that survival and living my life as I chose to and to staying essentially who I was, was the best form of revenge.You have 2 choices you can dwell within the darkness, (and believe me I HAVE done that) or you can say fuk it, get the help you need and refuse to let them take anything else from you.
Anyway just the 20 cents of a lurker.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 5:56:18 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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why would Daddy and/or i be aroused by my frightening experience that happened over 20yrs ago? in fact discussing it with the Psychiatrist side to Him helped me heal since He was the only person i told (at the time, i didn't have the strength to tell my mother when i came home because i blamed myself for allowing it to happen). i don't view my experience as wanking material.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 8:10:27 AM

zindyslave

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Lockit it is alright about spelling my nic wrong I get it all the time. I understand where you are coming from in what you are saying, but what I find within myself is that I tend to open up a bit more when I feel comfortable in a group of people such as this, and it usally comes back to smack me in the face. I have experienced similiar situations in real life also so I need to learn to be discreet. I know that there are more on here that said a great deal more than I did, I hope they are dealing with this in a good way. You said that very good in your post lockit, thanks for letting us know. It was good you did before someone actually told him more of what he wanted to hear.

(hugs MagiksSlave)

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 9:56:40 AM

mistoferin

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I'm actually pretty glad this thread hasn't been pulled. There is a lot of great information that has been presented here. I think that for every person who posts and shares a story, it is likely that there are ten more in the wings who don't share theirs...but they read them and can find comfort in them knowing they are not alone, they can find understanding in the details or explanations offered by others.

We have to understand that this forum is a public place that is accessed by many with different agendas and intentions. I think that we all have to take that into consideration whenever we share personal things in a place such as this. If you are not comfortable having people view your details with less than honorable intent, it may be best not to use such a public medium.

I have been very public on these boards sharing my own personal history. I have gone into great detail at times. I know that there are some guys out there who read shit like that and use it for little more than material to whack off to. The thought of such is far less than appealing to me. But I also know that my words reach those who may need to hear them most....those who may be helped or comforted by them....those who may find understanding by them. Those reasons far outweigh the negative possibilities to me.

To all of you who have shared, know that someone has viewed your words and used them in a positive way. Don't allow the less than honorable of the world to overshadow the good that can come as a result.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 10:11:46 AM

Politesub53

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Nice post erin, although i can well see how some women may be upset at guys reading posts for pleasure.

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 11:17:20 AM

aguy4funtimes

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i was raped - i guess you could say - as teen - without a doubt in influenced the direction of my life

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 1:02:55 PM

Lockit

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Thank you...

I think I got a little too wrapped up in it all... tired from not being able to sleep more than a couple hours a day... stress... TROLL... feeling protective of those who have been hurt. I did dream I couldn't find this thread today! lol I was happy and sad because I wanted the hurt to go away, but I also agree with mistoferin in everything she said! I think when we were so intent to protect people and more stories were being posted... I got a bit frustrated because I pictured people going back and reading the thread and feeling hurt. I can honestly say the op had me up in arms, but I didn't get mad until last night after I tried to draw him out and get him to understand the pain he has caused.

Now... with that being said... we do have to remember that this is a public forum on an adult site. We have to deal with what has happened to us and if this thread is a catalyst of any sort... that brings about some healing or knowledge that maybe things are a bit more upsetting to us than we thought and somehow we move toward professional helps... or life helps and healing... then it is all worth even the pain.

That would be some good found in the bad of this situation.

I do apologize for being so… I don’t really know what to call it… but after directing a shelter for women and children and being Mama and Grandma Donna to so many… I naturally gravitate to that position and get very protective and this isn’t necessarily the place for that! lol

Hugs to all who need them… may life be kind and kinky!

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RE: Rape after effects - 7/6/2007 3:45:10 PM

Najakcharmer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

why would Daddy and/or i be aroused by my frightening experience that happened over 20yrs ago? in fact discussing it with the Psychiatrist side to Him helped me heal since He was the only person i told (at the time, i didn't have the strength to tell my mother when i came home because i blamed myself for allowing it to happen). i don't view my experience as wanking material.

Because some people are fundamentally wired like that. Self included. And no, ethically speaking, I don't view anyone's real pain and trauma as wanking material. That's part of why I prefer to keep a polite distance from such real life situations. I really don't want to get any gratification out of them as I prefer to confine my enjoyment to consensual rough play or fictional rape situations only. But I would probably be turned on if they were put in front of me anyway, unless I kept a pretty tight lid on it and worked on staying detached from my natural reactions. It's not my choice how I'm wired, but it is my choice how ethically I act on that wiring.

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