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Is this where it goes awry? - 6/15/2005 12:27:24 AM   
IAmSoSorry


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/13/2005
Status: offline 		Question for the dominants.
Having been in the dominant position before, I know what my answer to this is, but maybe I'm mistaken.
In a D/s relationship, isn't the dominant, both partners for that matter, reponsible for ensuring that basic personal, daily and human needs are met??

Point in case.
If anyone who's read our story will remember, my gf has assumed the dominant role, at my urging, with my blessing, and she's being "mentored" by a pro-domme she recently met.
Her level of training, of "breaking" me is excellant, however, my needs are being ignored.
In a relationship that made too many mistakes in, taking her for granted, ignoring her emotional needs, I know that she's trying to make me feel the way she did, by physically forcing me into situations that stimulate me emotionally as she was by my actions.
And it's definitely working.
Specifically, she has kept me up every night, since this started Saturday until well after 4AM. I get up at 6:30 everyday for work. And don't get home alot of nights until well after 10PM. Last night I had 30 minutes. The night before 2 hours. Before that, about three hours. Plus, the only place she wants me to sleep is in the bathtub, which is way too small. Actually, imagination wise, that's great.

It's a job that requires a high level of mental awareness. Today, I dozed off while home for a break, and overslept, missing an important 7PM meeting. If I fall asleep now, my chances of sleeping through the alarm are great. I sleep like a rock, anyhow. I'm 40 years old. The days of working all day, playing all night are far behind me. This job is in a high pressure environment, where things like what happened tonight, and what could happen if I miss my morning meetings will cost me my job. BTW, my job is the sole source of income that we have, and financially, we're struggling right now as it is.
Her response to me voicing my concern was to accuse me of not being committed to this, announcing that it's over because of that, and hanging up, then refusing to take my calls. I asked her to talk to her mentor about this type situation ,and she said she has, and although she has a good point as to why she needs to deprive me of things, this particualar need is something that's not physically capable to be met by me.
I want to please her of course, but a line has to be drawn where a) individual needs, not wants are not being considered, and in a case where we are a family, b) being able to step outside these roles we've assumed and being the typical nuclear couple.

Is this mentor she's talking to giving her wrong advise, is she taking what this woman, who has 20+ years in the scene is telling her the wrong way, or am I completely mistaken??

_____________________________

Faithfully serving Her, in all ways.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/15/2005 12:57:38 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		Feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt... or an entire salt lick block. But this is my advice.

I would suggest, for lack of a better word, "vanilla" counseling (with a counselor who understands sexual needs/desires) before you try to integrate BDSM into your life.

BDSM isn't a heal-all band-aid that will cover up what you've done to her in the past - nor will her lashing out at you by putting you through hoops solve anything.

You and she both need to be committed to making things work, forgiving things that have happened in the past and moving beyond those frustrations and sorrows.

Once you understand yourself and are at peace with her you'll feel more comfortable. Once she has mastered herself and is at peace with you she'll be able to be a better Domina.

But with her putting you through things to make you feel what she felt... experience what she experienced... That sounds like backfire abuse. You may think that you deserve it because you hid things from her or because you did things that upset her. But two wrongs don't make a right.


_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/15/2005 4:28:31 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
While I'm all for "breaking" a sub, you do NOT interfere with his livelihood. Keeping you up and making you ill prepared for work is not acceptable. This is the type of thing you do on a two week vacation in a cabin in the woods.

Do not assume that your Domme's Pro friend has any clue what she is talking about. Anyone can call themselves a Pro. I once had a woman who'd been on collarme advertising herself as a Pro for several months, ask my advice on buying her first flogger. While Pro should mean that the woman has experience, common sense and training, you can not take it for granted. Length of time in the scene doesn't equal any of those things, btw.

Also, some Pros do not have relationship BDSM experience. They deal with the fantasy end of things. What sounds hot in an hour session doesn't always translate well to real life. Having someone sleep in a bath tub for extended periods of time sounds like a good way to damage their back. I'm sure it makes for great fantasy, just like the thought of being kept in a cage.

Her getting upset at you voicing a concern is VERY BAD. She is impeding communication, which is the basis of any BDSM relationship. Without communication, you can never develop deep trust. If she isn't able to deal on a mature level with questions or concerns you might have (and her reaction to your query was not even close to a mature response), I do not think she is ready to be practicing BDSM. She sounds like she is angry about your shared past and is out to make you pay, rather than approaching BDSM from a positive, growth angle. BDSM done out of anger can end up being harmful on both a physical and emotional level.

Dahlia brought up some great points. BDSM is not about abuse, and it sounds like that is what you are getting. Go read http://www.sscn.org/abuse.html I would suspend any BDSM activity until your partner has figured out how to deal with herself and her problems/feelings. You're a submissive, not a punching bag.


_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/15/2005 4:37:43 AM   
IAmSoSorry


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/13/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you. As a dominant, those words are exactly what my practice was.
The thing I tried to explain to my Master is that, what we've experienced so far are great things. And the woman she's talking to, may have a lot of knowledge and be able to share with her alot of ideas. But I've been into this most of my adult life, mostly on a private level, but in public BDSM groups too. She's been into it for a week. My opinions must be heeded, maybe more so than those of this woman she's learning from.I mentioned to my Master about this other woman's relationship experiences and according o her she has had some, but on what level, I don't know.
See, even of BDSM never entered our lives, we're still in a commited, long term relationship. It's a few hurdles that have stopped us from marrying yet. We have a new daughter, that we love very much, as well as each ither. My commitment to her is not increased by the existance of BDSM. I don't know if her mentor has ever had that, and may be teaching from the viewpoint of an unemotionally connected, Master-Slave perception. in our relationship, as in any other, the loving/caring part must stand above anything else.
The par tthat worries me is that in BDSM, a completely open mind must exist. Not just to experiences and scene related desires, but open to listening, to gauging reactions and measuring how far you can continue, and when to pull back a little.
To me, that's how limits are expanded. I don't like pain, so you don't lead me into it with a bullwhip, for instance.
I thank you both for those well thoutgh out answers.

< Message edited by IAmSoSorry -- 6/15/2005 5:10:26 AM >

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/15/2005 4:52:41 AM   
fillepink


Posts: 124
Status: offline 		iamsosorry...you mentioned being a "nuclear family" but never said there were children in the home..so i am asking..are there kids dependent on you for financial and emotional support? if so, their needs must come first..beginning with keeping your job by getting adequate, restful sleep in a bed.
i feel sad for you now..for how can you feel trust and intimacy and all the wonderful things that i'm hoping will be present in a D/s relationship when you are being abused this way? if you are willing to serve, why should you require "breaking down" mentally, physically or emotionally -- to me, that just sounds abusive. i wish you well, iamsosorry. fillepink




Attachment (1)

< Message edited by fillepink -- 6/15/2005 4:53:24 AM >

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/15/2005 5:13:44 AM   
IAmSoSorry


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/13/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you. You posted that as I was expanding on my own last post, if you want ot go back and read it.
I understand the breaking part. I understand the punishement and I understand her need to show me how I was making her feel when I'd leave her crying on the bathroom floor. Or when I was looking at porn behind her back, in our house, while she was in the shower, etc. It's where the name IAmSoSorry comes from. Not because I'm a generally sorry excuse for a person, but because I am unashamed and soory to her for my actions. I admit, I need my nose rubbed in it, but the original context of this post has to remain intact. We all have basic personal, human and daily needs that must be considered, right?

< Message edited by IAmSoSorry -- 6/15/2005 5:15:14 AM >

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/15/2005 5:36:56 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IAmSoSorry
In a D/s relationship, isn't the dominant, both partners for that matter, reponsible for ensuring that basic personal, daily and human needs are met??

Yes, but the dom might ensure that by telling the sub "OK go make sure your needs are met" It's called delegation.

quote:


Is this mentor she's talking to giving her wrong advise, is she taking what this woman, who has 20+ years in the scene is telling her the wrong way, or am I completely mistaken??

I guess you're learning that bdsm doesn't help everything. You both obviously need to sit down and have discussions about communications, priorities and reality.

(in reply to IAmSoSorry)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/15/2005 7:34:47 AM   
stormsfate


Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

, my gf has assumed the dominant role


It doesn't sound to me as if she has. It sounds like she is taking an opporunity to act like a spoiled brat and get back at you for all those perceived slights of the past without a plan for the future or where she wants to take the relationship. Just my take on it.


best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/15/2005 8:41:46 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IAmSoSorry

Question for the dominants.
Having been in the dominant position before, I know what my answer to this is, but maybe I'm mistaken.
In a D/s relationship, isn't the dominant, both partners for that matter, reponsible for ensuring that basic personal, daily and human needs are met??

Point in case.
If anyone who's read our story will remember, my gf has assumed the dominant role, at my urging, with my blessing, and she's being "mentored" by a pro-domme she recently met.
Her level of training, of "breaking" me is excellant, however, my needs are being ignored.
In a relationship that made too many mistakes in, taking her for granted, ignoring her emotional needs, I know that she's trying to make me feel the way she did, by physically forcing me into situations that stimulate me emotionally as she was by my actions.
And it's definitely working.
Specifically, she has kept me up every night, since this started Saturday until well after 4AM. I get up at 6:30 everyday for work. And don't get home alot of nights until well after 10PM. Last night I had 30 minutes. The night before 2 hours. Before that, about three hours. Plus, the only place she wants me to sleep is in the bathtub, which is way too small. Actually, imagination wise, that's great.

It's a job that requires a high level of mental awareness. Today, I dozed off while home for a break, and overslept, missing an important 7PM meeting. If I fall asleep now, my chances of sleeping through the alarm are great. I sleep like a rock, anyhow. I'm 40 years old. The days of working all day, playing all night are far behind me. This job is in a high pressure environment, where things like what happened tonight, and what could happen if I miss my morning meetings will cost me my job. BTW, my job is the sole source of income that we have, and financially, we're struggling right now as it is.
Her response to me voicing my concern was to accuse me of not being committed to this, announcing that it's over because of that, and hanging up, then refusing to take my calls. I asked her to talk to her mentor about this type situation ,and she said she has, and although she has a good point as to why she needs to deprive me of things, this particualar need is something that's not physically capable to be met by me.
I want to please her of course, but a line has to be drawn where a) individual needs, not wants are not being considered, and in a case where we are a family, b) being able to step outside these roles we've assumed and being the typical nuclear couple.

Is this mentor she's talking to giving her wrong advise, is she taking what this woman, who has 20+ years in the scene is telling her the wrong way, or am I completely mistaken??


As a few people have pointed out, and some of us did early on, you don't need BDSM in your relationship, you need therapy. You came on here glowing about what you thought was the BDSM-injection your relationship needed to make things closer, and in reality it's now a train wreck.

I would also agree that your girlfriend is using this as a way to get back at you for hurting her. This is her, "Well, this is what you wanted ISN'T IT??" slap in the face. It's not caring bdsm, it's dysfunctional.

Your relationship needs to start over at square one -- get counseling, stop ALL bdsm, stop porn, and spend a good year I would say just learning to communicate and function. You can't "add on" bdsm to a struggling relationship and think it's a band-aid.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/15/2005 5:51:55 PM   
IAmSoSorry


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/13/2005
Status: offline 		There is one thing in her favor. The things I wrote about in that story were just a scratch on the surface of how I treated her. I drove her to attempt suicide several times, almost succeeeding at least once. She always stood by me and stood up for me and I treated her with total disrespect. I took every secure feeling she had and smashed them to peices, then casually walked away as if it was nothing. I always made her look bad to whomever I was complaining to about her, which was everyone I encountered.
I humiliated her in front of my friends and even my ex-girlfriend. I rarely, if ever stuck up for her.
I could easily not do the things that she tells me too. She's still 700 miles away. Sleep in a bathtub?? She'd never know if I didn't do it.
But I have to, because all I can complain about is a lack of sleep. Isn't the balance still one-sided?
I have to because I feel like it's the least I can do. I love her and the fact that she's still here is amazing to me. It's more than I deserve or could hope for. I doubt many of you would have stayed with me. And still, she wants to give me what I want in the hopes of saving our relationship.
I have the nerve to complain??

_____________________________

Faithfully serving Her, in all ways.

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/15/2005 8:44:22 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IAmSoSorry

There is one thing in her favor. The things I wrote about in that story were just a scratch on the surface of how I treated her. I drove her to attempt suicide several times, almost succeeeding at least once. She always stood by me and stood up for me and I treated her with total disrespect. I took every secure feeling she had and smashed them to peices, then casually walked away as if it was nothing. I always made her look bad to whomever I was complaining to about her, which was everyone I encountered.
I humiliated her in front of my friends and even my ex-girlfriend. I rarely, if ever stuck up for her.
I could easily not do the things that she tells me too. She's still 700 miles away. Sleep in a bathtub?? She'd never know if I didn't do it.
But I have to, because all I can complain about is a lack of sleep. Isn't the balance still one-sided?
I have to because I feel like it's the least I can do. I love her and the fact that she's still here is amazing to me. It's more than I deserve or could hope for. I doubt many of you would have stayed with me. And still, she wants to give me what I want in the hopes of saving our relationship.
I have the nerve to complain??


You need relationship counseling.
NOT bdsm.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to IAmSoSorry)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/15/2005 10:25:21 PM   
Shadowsdream


Posts: 35
Joined: 9/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IAmSoSorry

There is one thing in her favor. The things I wrote about in that story were just a scratch on the surface of how I treated her. I drove her to attempt suicide several times, almost succeeeding at least once. She always stood by me and stood up for me and I treated her with total disrespect. I took every secure feeling she had and smashed them to peices, then casually walked away as if it was nothing. I always made her look bad to whomever I was complaining to about her, which was everyone I encountered.
I humiliated her in front of my friends and even my ex-girlfriend. I rarely, if ever stuck up for her.
I could easily not do the things that she tells me too. She's still 700 miles away. Sleep in a bathtub?? She'd never know if I didn't do it.
But I have to, because all I can complain about is a lack of sleep. Isn't the balance still one-sided?
I have to because I feel like it's the least I can do. I love her and the fact that she's still here is amazing to me. It's more than I deserve or could hope for. I doubt many of you would have stayed with me. And still, she wants to give me what I want in the hopes of saving our relationship.
I have the nerve to complain??

Redemption BDSM style? Not in this lifestyle. Neither of you are practicing BDSM. Good luck working through the complexities of respect and self respect.

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/16/2005 11:45:13 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
If she were acting mature, I'd say do the therapy and BDSM at the same time. As it is, you are not helping her heal. I'll agree, you were a bit of a cad. From what you've listed, I'm afraid you have to face the fact that the person you're with is probably not emotionally stable at this point. You helped make her that way (with her consent, since she didn't leave, by the way) so you get to help her work through it. No matter how guilty you feel after your realization, that doesn't mean that punishment and true degradation is the route to take. It will not heal her. She needs counseling by a professional both alone and with you. You need to find vanilla respect for each other. It is a lot easier to take the abuse (which is not BDSM by the way.. it is ABUSE by someone who is seeking to get revenge) than it is to fix things in the vanilla way. In the vanilla way YOU have to take some responsibility for making things better rather than leaving it on her to muddle through how to make her feel better.

If you really wish to atone for what you've done in the past, make her life better. Do not help her continue to live in anger and emotional pain.


_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/17/2005 5:45:49 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		I'm not familiar with your "story" but this post sounds exactly like what's to be expected when "Dom/me" truly is an assumed role.... If you believe being a Dom/me is nothing more than playing a part or wearing a hat etc then logically you must believe being sub is equally nothing more than role playing kink, too! If you don't believe that, then surely a 40yo can appreciate no amount of urging, reading, mentoring etc makes someone something they're probably not! As far as I'm concerned, "teaching" someone to be a Dom/me (or sub) is as plausible as teaching a gay to be hetero - you always were or you never were or will be....!

But for starters, not all your needs are being ignored....
quote:

ORIGINAL: IAmSoSorry

<snip> my gf has assumed the dominant role, at my urging, with my blessing, and she's being "mentored" by a pro-domme she recently met.
Sounds like she did this for your benefit rather than a genuinely independent Domme need of her own.

And it also sounds like she's now using her power over you for some payback, which is a huge red flag against her as far as her "dominant" bona fides are concerned. The differences between dominating and abusing are occasionally only subtle, but there is a difference nonetheless.

As for the general complaint in your post, I doubt any worthwhile Dominant would ever allow their personal relationship to intrude to such a disastrous and even dangerous degree into everyday life! Sleep deprivation is a personal limit of mine - no matter what I may do to/with my girl, I want her to have a good night's sleep, especially a work night for either of us!

The Domme you've "created" has the traits of an abusive wannabe Domme. Coincidence?

Focus50.

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/17/2005 7:30:13 AM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		It went awry a while back. Now you're just rubbing each other's noses in it. You're not ready to take control of another human. Neither is she. All BDSM is doing for you right now is giving you license not to argue. You get to take turns being an asshole and the "rules" say that the one not being an asshole at present has to take it. Just stop it.

What do you really want? Are you truly so deeply identity confused that you can think you want to be your wife's master one week and then think you want to be her bitch the next? And what about her? Does she really want to be your mistress, or is it just her turn to be the asshole and so by God she's going to make the most of it?

It's painfully obvious that there isn't really a power differential between you. You're just swapping roles back and forth. That kind of thing belongs in playtime, not in the context of full-time M/s. Unfortunately, your wife has found herself a mentor that has no business outside the play context either. "Ooooo, I know, after you make him sleep in the tub, write slut across his ass in red lipstick and make him wear panties to work". Isn't that fun? Yes, being naughty can be fun as long as whatever repression you're emerging from makes the naughty stuff have a sexual charge for you. A whole way of life, however, it isn't.

Full-time slave ownership isn't about how creatively you can make someone else uncomfortable. It's about how successfully you can guide the life of another human who lives thier life in service to you. It has rewards of its own, but they aren't particularly centered on creative naughtiness.

I'd suggest that you forget about M/s for a while. For M/s to work, one you has to be dominant through and through and understand ownership, and the other really has to have a slave nature. Nothing that you have said here suggests to me that is so. If you want to play around with BDSM, OK, set aside some time in the week and have yourself a little scene. Then when the scene is over talk to each other. See if you can figure out where you really do fit. If you still think that you want to do M/s seek out those who live that way and observe. Dismiss the pro-domme back to her world of making fantasies come true for money. She has nothing of value to offer you outside that context.

Good luck to you. I know it's hard.



_____________________________

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Leonidas

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/17/2005 7:54:56 AM   
playfuldomme


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline
Dear IAmSoSorry

I agree with everything that's being said here -- what your gf is doing to your family is not OK. She's not only endangering your job, but your health and your daughter's welfare. But I have another question for you:

quote:

ORIGINAL: IAmSoSorry
Is this mentor she's talking to giving her wrong advise, is she taking what this woman, who has 20+ years in the scene is
telling her the wrong way, or am I completely mistaken??


Do YOU have any contact with this mentor? How often does your girlfriend contact her? Is this mentor overseeing the entire situation, or does your girlfriend contact this mentor only occasionally for specific advice? Do you know this woman?

It could be the case that your girlfriend isn't explaining the entire situation to her mentor, which would make the mentor's advice meaningless. For a "breaking" type situation, you'd think the mentor would want to be on hand to make sure her advice was being followed safely...

It could also be that your girlfriend is hiding behind her mentor to avoid taking responsibility for what she's doing. This mentor may have suggested sleep deprivation in passing, and your girlfriend latched onto it as an everyday thing.

Please stop what you're doing immediately. If you can sleep somewhere other than home, even in a hotel, I'd suggest you do that tonight. Call you girlfriend to let her know where you are. Then, after a full night's sleep, think about what's going on and whether you should go home at all. This situation sounds dangerously abusive to me, on both sides.

I suggest what everyone else has -- getting vanilla counselling and stopping BDSM immediately.


(in reply to IAmSoSorry)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/17/2005 11:19:12 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IAmSoSorry
There is one thing in her favor. The things I wrote about in that story were just a scratch on the surface of how I treated her. I drove her to attempt suicide several times, almost succeeeding at least once. She always stood by me and stood up for me and I treated her with total disrespect. I took every secure feeling she had and smashed them to peices, then casually walked away as if it was nothing. I always made her look bad to whomever I was complaining to about her, which was everyone I encountered.
I humiliated her in front of my friends and even my ex-girlfriend. I rarely, if ever stuck up for her.

There's something problematic with her attempting suicide and your taking responsibility for it.
I certainly hope you two don't have children.
This sounds like a terrible relationship where you two are both too afraid to walk away from... Okay stay, but PLEASE GO GET COUNSELING before one or both of you ends up seriously hurt or dead.. M

_____________________________

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/17/2005 11:44:07 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		They do have a child.....

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/17/2005 12:21:04 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
They do have a child.....

Even more urgent reason for them to get counseling and stop the BS they're calling a DS relationship. I'm sure some of this abuse is being noticed if not directly done in front of lil ones who cannot consent.. M

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/17/2005 12:48:32 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		I would be walking away from this relationship. Forget the BDSM. Forget the vanilla. Forget her. She is not dominating at all. She is abusing you. She is being foolish and childish. To interfere with a man's livelihood, especially when it is the only bread coming into the home is sheer stupidity. This woman does not deserve control. She does not know how to handle it. She sounds like she has a few screws loose actually.

On the same token, you do not know how to treat a woman. you treated her like garbage and are now reaping the rewards as you have intentionally (why the hell would you do that? Sucker for punishment? Is that your way of making amends?) put her into a position of authority where she can wreak havoc and pay you back ten fold.

The whole thing is immature nonsense from the sounds of it.

To Me, a BDSM relationship should be built on a solid foundation of trust, communication and respect with NONE lacking, and a big spoonful of maturity, honesty and good old fashioned common sense. your relationship is severely lacking in several departments, exacerbating the situation. If you are going to stick with her, chuck the BDSM out the window, at least for now. Tell her to settle down before you lose your job, or else you are both going to be screwed royally.

Lastly, you can not expect the Dom/me to do everything to provide for the sub unless that is a prearranged scenario between the two of Y/you. For instance, in My scenario My pet and I split everything equally. In some scenarios the sub pays for everything. In others the Dom/me pays for everything. There are no hard and fast rules, nor should there be any hard and fast expectations. The way Y/you two are going though, if you do not end up driving each other up the wall Y/you are either going to force her into the job market or the both of Y/you into living in a cardboard box.

There is My honest take on your situation. Take it for what it is worth, but please do not read anything into it other than what is printed and do not assume that I am demeaning either of Y/you, as I am not. Rather I am just being My usual blunt and to the point. lol

Good luck.

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 6/17/2005 1:05:08 PM >

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 20
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