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RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 4:20:43 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

Feeling respect and showing respect are two different things.

Perhaps you have a different idea than I of how to show respect, and maybe we also diverge on what "always" means.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 21

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 4:40:54 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

why can't she tell him that she no longer wants to be considered? It is, after all her choice, is it not?

Yes, here's how it can work:

"Hello, guess what, I'm breaking up with you, there is no longer a consideration of anything in this relationship. Goodbye."

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 22

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 5:18:37 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

She's been told that it wasn't her choice but his. She needed to straighten up and act like she's supposed to. How do you act when you're under consideration? Is there proper behavior when under consideration and don't want to be? Is there proper consideration...PERIOD?

under consideration is just that. its a trial period to see how well the Dominant and submissive act together. it may be that it cannot work...and it is still BOTH party's choice to decide to continue on.

even if you're collared, you can still remove it and move on from the relationship.

kitten, who made the decision that several of the Dominants she met were not good fits to her, when she was in the lookin process....knowing yourself well enough to know you're difficult is a good thing.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 23

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 5:33:40 AM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

All I can add is " ditto to all of the above"

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to Pleasur)

Post #: 24

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 6:49:22 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

yes she can tell him that she no longer wishes to be considered and would like to move on and away from the situation it is her choice, and her right.

This topic is only different when a slave has granted TPE or total power exchange.

Best wishes,

~meticulous~

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 25

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 9:05:00 AM

MasterHephaestus

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline

I don't believe the topic is different even in a TPE situation, meticulousgirl. Even in your post you recognize that the slave or sub has GRANTED TPE to her Master or Mistress. That gift can be just as easily taken back, though as always there are consequences to every action.

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 26

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 10:55:59 AM

slaveofKaos

Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

At this point you owe him nothing, you are not bound to him, if you dont want to be under his consideration tell him and leave the situation. I dont think any Master or Doms from here on out will condem you because you left whileunder consideration.

_____________________________

slave jodi

(in reply to Pleasur)

Post #: 27

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 11:21:36 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

How long is the consideration time?...i mean is there a pop up timer the Dom shoves in the girls ass or something?....is it when one is offered a collar?..... i lost my handy dandy slave handbook so i'm clueless......

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to slaveofKaos)

Post #: 28

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 12:29:52 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Fast reply to no one in particular....

What happened to the thread on "rationality"? Is rational thought and behavior lost the moment that a thread is closed?

If people require a constant reminder that it's ok for them to think and act rationally, they have a bigger problem than breaking up with their leatherish boyfriend.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 29

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 1:18:37 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

You tell him you aren't compatible and please don't contact you again. If he keeps pestering you at a site such as this, use your block button. If he calls you at home, corners you in real life, contact your attorney and have a cease and desist order sent, talk to the D.A.'s office about the stalker, get a restraining order. But keep a log of phone calls, use a caller ID to screen your calls. Contact the phone company about phone harassment.

To prevent this in future you may want a hotmail or such email that you only use with such people, and a second cell phone number that is also only used for new relationships. This makes it easier to close the email account and cancel the cell number.

(in reply to Pleasur)

Post #: 30

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 6:22:40 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear saseblubutrfly, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Consideration means the period of time in making decisions; not the decision itself. It is a cooling off period as well as a 'get to know' period of time.

Independent on what consideration means; we deal with people and their emotions. Some will want to seek every remedy out there to change the position of another. Instead of parting ways when one party ends the relationship, some seem obsessed with making the other person change their mind or re-evaluate the choice.

Those who can come to the terms that the match is no longer a positive endeavour--it would be hoped that both parties would gently part ways, civil and supportive of the other's welfare and happiness.

Until there is mutual consent to continue from the 'under consideration' period, which can be 'before the fact' be give a set time or undetermined and or undefined time--adults need to be able to change their minds and the consideration period--void or over.

Otherwise, re-negotiations can be a thought and a new process starts.

For me, I do not want anybody with me that does not want to be with me. I am not going to stalk, threaten and mistreat someone because they no longer wish to be considered. I rather them come to me in friendship or as a student and leave on friendly terms and know they can always count on me cheering them on when they look for peace, happiness in a more comfortable relationship. Perhaps people try to hold on to a person, even though it failed, is failing because of the community/the scene's perception that either person--Dominant or submissive was a failure because that particular relationship isn't working. It is only made worse when people worry about what the 'peanut gallery' feels about what should be about 'them.' What needs to be acknowledged--is that nobody has to have failed when a relationship does not work under the consideration period. It is better to invest time in what people are jumping into, as far as a D/s relationship then to bemoan the fact that errors were made and now the relationship splits and hard feelings are had.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 31

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 7:07:47 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

If people require a constant reminder that it's ok for them to think and act rationally, they have a bigger problem than breaking up with their leatherish boyfriend.

Yeah, John. This problem seems ~rampant~ - young subs and slaves (meaning those new to this dynamic) make this way too complicated, believing what Dom says has more weight than common sense. It's f'n scary.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 32

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 7:18:34 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

i dont know much about a lot of all of this but i do know that if you get with someone sexually that you do not want to be with sexually, you create darkness. so dont do yourself any favors hun, get out if that is not where you want to be. it is hard to leave i know but you can be assured you are taking care of yourself and leavin yourself open to meet someone who you would love to be under consideration with. end the thing with him and watch your life open up to someone else. even yourself. standing up fpr yourself can really suck at times but what is the option?

(in reply to slaveish)

Post #: 33

RE: Consideration - 7/5/2007 7:19:04 PM

psykocloud

Posts: 50
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well no matter what you agreed to when you came under consideration (such as 'I know I want to be your slave forever, but you aren't decided yet, so I'll wait and see') it doesn't matter. This is still a relationship based on consent, and it's MUCH better to just end it now rather than wait.

And any dork who puts someone under consideration and then tries to tell them THEY can't leave yet isn't really someone you want to be in a long term situation with anyway, is it?

I'm in agreement with LuckyAlbatross. He can't make her stay. She can leave anytime she wants to if she has any common sense...Just tell him to fuck off and thats all.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 34

RE: Consideration - 7/7/2007 8:27:44 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

ok but i mean, do what ya want. i mean allow a process if you stick around. i realize my intitial response was kinda harsh sounding like i was an expert on what i was sayin --very b&w. no, no, do what you feel comfortable, no need to force anything. this is your unique experience bottom line.

(in reply to psykocloud)

Post #: 35

RE: Consideration - 7/8/2007 7:35:19 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Geez, Rover, next you are going to suggest that people actually be responsible for their own decisions and actions......

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 36

RE: Consideration - 7/8/2007 7:44:14 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

sase,
Just remember this. Although in theory, it is the sub that is under consideration, in reality the Dom is under consideration as well. In order for a relationship to grow and thrive, both have to pass the consideration test. Someone who is confident being a Dom will naturally understand this dynamic, and knows they are as much under consideration as the sub is.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 37

RE: Consideration - 7/8/2007 8:06:15 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

Geez, Rover, next you are going to suggest that people actually be responsible for their own decisions and actions......

Just another example of my need for ongoing counseling.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 38

RE: Consideration - 7/8/2007 10:50:25 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

When a sub is under consideration with a Dom and she no longer wishes to be considered, why can't she tell him that she no longer wants to be considered? It is, after all her choice, is it not?

Who says she can't?

I never heard this nutty thing before.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 39

RE: Consideration - 7/8/2007 11:23:39 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

It's both their choices - she can stop the relationship at any time and so can the dom. How you handle it depends on the bond or friendship you have with each other and what led to the decision it wasn't going to work long term. Anyone who tried to tell you (the sub) that you had no right to cease the consideration arrangement is just trying to use their "power" to keep you from leaving because they still want to use you in some fashion. Smarten up and leave.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 40

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