i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before...

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darkclouds -> i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 9:06:08 AM)
i was going to write this long thing about how i think this has all begun, blah, blah, blah... But instead i will save you all alot of reading and ask my question. Have any of you ever had a problem with thinking that masturbation is disgusting? i have never, NEVER had an issue with masturbation, it has always been one of my favorite ways to pass the time. But recently, the last 2-3 months, i am disgusted by the thought of it. The bigger problem is that it is something that needs to happen.... a girl has needs, ya know? Yes, i have a Master, but in the last 8-10 months He has been focusing on His needs more then mine (as He should, i think). And so, masturbation is 9 times out of 10 my only outlet. And, i know i will get replies to talk with my Master, but i dont view this as a problem that He should be concerned with, this is crap in my own head (i think) but i am willing to listen to other opinions. Thank you for your time.

laineyjade -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 9:08:55 AM)
Hi darkclouds, I took notice when you said that you'd always been ok with it previously and that the disgusted feelings started only in the last few months. Would that be a hint to try to figure out what may have changed or triggered you to go from one end to the other in how you feel about it so suddenly?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 9:13:39 AM)
What she said. And while I understand your mutual agreement that you master should focus on his sexual needs and not yours, you obviously need to communicate to him what's going on with you so that he can decide if it's something to be involved in or not (unless he's already told you NOT to tell him about this obviously). It's not YOUR choice whether he should be involved or concerned about.

Eldritchdancer -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 9:22:44 AM)
In the dark recesses of the mind, his inattention to your sexual needs, combined with a constant rerouting to self-pleasure instead of mutual pleasure, may have planted a festering seed of doubt/anger. While you intellectually know His pleasure comes first, emotions rarely listen to logic. As a side note, think of this: If he Orders you to masturbate, will it still feel disgusting to you? That would definitely make it His problem as well. It is best to nip it in the bud asap. Master Darkmoon

MasterFireMaam -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 9:44:05 AM)
My guess is that you're using masturbation like some people use food...to deal with a stressful situation where you don't feel you're needs are being met. Since it's now being used as an "instead of" rather than pleasure, you're coming to hate it because it represents your frustration that your Master isn't fulfilling you. Master Fire

obis -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 11:14:05 AM)
I agree with pretty much everything said so far :) Talk to your master, he wants to know things that are troubling you regardless of whether or not you think it is his problem. If it affects you, then it affects him.

k8trix -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 12:51:41 PM)
Hmmm...I wonder if your Master's focus on his own needs has effected your own ...maybe you're -so- focused on his needs that masturbation feel selfish or wrong to you?

MagiksSlave -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 12:54:46 PM)
Your not gunna like this but really it is the only thing I can come up with and aparently Im not the only one to think this, You need to talk to your Master aparently weather you think he should ignore your sexual needs or not you aparently arent doing great with him ignoreing them. Personaly I dont see why you feel your needs should be ignored and that only his should be thought of but thats for you to think about not me. I also dont know why he cant think of your needs and his needs both? Why is it both your needs cant be fullfilled? is it that he will be less fullfilled if he fullfills you?? I personaly dont understand that. Any way aparently something isnt right and you owe to yourself and your Master to be honest to him about what is going on, does he even know your needs arent beeing met sexualy by him. Remeber slave doesnt mean that your needs arent importent and when your needs arent beein met long enough problems such as this come up. Talk to him see what has changed in the last 8-10 months that made him stop meeting your need, i assume he was meeting them befor that and if so what caused him to stop. Eather way your needs arent beeing met and that is not a good thing no matter if you feel your needs should be met or not! Magik's slave

windchymes -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 1:28:59 PM)
It's possible that your feelings of disgust for masturbation are really subconscious feelings for Master's lack of caring about your needs, no matter what you may have agreed upon initially. Maybe you're not actually disgusted with masturbation itself, you're disgusted with the fact that you have to resort to it to get any satisfaction and pleasure of your own. You're only human.

lateralist1 -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 2:14:00 PM)
Why do you think men want women as their slaves? Because after the initial interest/curiosity about how to satisfy women has worn off if they were ever interested in the first place that is and you have not told him to go to hell then he can be as selfish a lover as he pleases and he doesn't lose his comforts.

MistressNoName -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 4:20:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darkclouds i was going to write this long thing about how i think this has all begun, blah, blah, blah... But instead i will save you all alot of reading and ask my question. Have any of you ever had a problem with thinking that masturbation is disgusting? i have never, NEVER had an issue with masturbation, it has always been one of my favorite ways to pass the time. But recently, the last 2-3 months, i am disgusted by the thought of it. The bigger problem is that it is something that needs to happen.... a girl has needs, ya know? Yes, i have a Master, but in the last 8-10 months He has been focusing on His needs more then mine (as He should, i think). And so, masturbation is 9 times out of 10 my only outlet. And, i know i will get replies to talk with my Master, but i dont view this as a problem that He should be concerned with, this is crap in my own head (i think) but i am willing to listen to other opinions. Thank you for your time. If he's your Master, then that means he owns you...all of you, including the crap in your head...so my suggestion is to talk to him about it. I consider it part of the power exchange dynamic and open communications. MNN

darkclouds -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 4:52:20 PM)
i thank everyone for their replies. i did want to comment on one thing, part of the reason that i came here to try and 'fix' things myself is that my Master made it clear that for the most part my orgasms are my problem. He may decide to give them or not, but it is up to me to take care of what i need from day to day. So, while i understand that this new problem may mean that i need to speak with Him about this, it is the reason why i came here for advice first. But all of you who answered are correct, i do need to speak with Him as it is affecting my day to day life.

MistressNoName -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 10:33:21 PM)
Hey darkclouds, You know, I read your 2nd post, had a knee-jerk reaction to it and decided it would probably be best to not respond...then I went to read another thread and your post was still bothering me, so I had a change of heart. Take what I'm about to say with about a teaspoon of salt, b/c it might take more than a grain of the stuff. I already know what I'm about to type is gonna sound very judgmental and most likely reflects a lack of understanding of your particular power dynamic...but I can't help but wonder if part of your current aversion to masturbation has to do with the fact that your Master just doesn't seem to give a flying f*** about an area of your life that is obviously quite important to you. To me, it almost feels like he has a certain contempt for your sexual needs...and that to me is a shitty attitude for a Master to have toward his slave. Plain and simple. When he took ownership of you, he took ownership of your sexuality. It's part of who you are. I hope I'm misreading what you are saying here...Perhaps I just don't understand, if so, please set me straight. But to me, a Master has a responsibility toward the well-being of his slave. If he's not up to the task or just doesn't give a shit, perhaps he should release the slave and let someone else who cares give it a go. Again, knee-jerk reaction...salt...and all that. MNN

LadyHugs -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 10:53:42 PM)
Dear darkclouds, Ladies and Gentlemen; As a Dominant, I would care about my slave's sexual health and all the emotional, mental, physical aspects in connection to sexual performance, gratification and maintainence. Sadly, as opposite genders--it really is frustrating to understand what another person's body goes through. Heavens knows, that even same genders have difficulty in fully understanding what other's bodies are going through or doing. We're all different and we all function differently and yet at times similiar. In my mind's eyes I see--it is like someone trying to fix a bike and frustrated, they get up--toss the tools and then looks at the person watching or someone else--saying 'you go fix it.' Not pleasant when the person tossing the tools and quiting was the 'expert' or 'had more knowledge' than what was proffered. That said, as age is teaching me--simple things I use to do I find harder to do, with arthritis and such. It will make anybody frustrated. It takes a moment to revisit that frustration as to problem solve it. Being that it is sensual and or sexual; one cannot fix what they do not understand so, communication is a must. Most of us are sexual and or sensual beings. Our womanhood/manhood is something that defines who we are. When any identifying aspects to womanhood/manhood suffers--so does everything else. Is it esteem? Is it identity? Is it pride or ego? --can be many things but, it is a part of the tapestry that makes us -- us. I would hope any slave of mine that is having mental and emotional struggles, would be brave enough and at ease enough to come to me, as to help each other as to solve the problem and if not solve the problem; at least be aware of the problem with more understanding and not give up on the total person for just a small aspect of what a person is. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

AquaticSub -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/5/2007 10:55:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darkclouds And, i know i will get replies to talk with my Master, but i dont view this as a problem that He should be concerned with, this is crap in my own head (i think) but i am willing to listen to other opinions. Thank you for your time. Umm... why he shouldn't care? Being a matyr does not always good submissive make. Make him aware of the issue and let him decide if he cares or not.

LadyHeart -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/6/2007 1:28:24 AM)
Although you say your Master has no interest in your masturbation issues, is there a background where perhaps he did take an interest in past games? Many Masters take delight in orgasm denial, in forbidding subbies to masturbate or in humiliation games where masturbation is somehow involved. Most of these games can be fun, but sometimes they strike the wrong chord and leave behind a negative residue in the mind. Was any of this going on just before the problem started for you? Even though it may not be the current tenor of the relationship, was it there is the past? :)) LH

DiurnalVampire -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/6/2007 1:38:18 AM)
Has he said anything at any point in time about your attention to your pleasures being selfish? Even in passing, has it come up? I know I had limited my boys masturbation for a while becaue I thought they were beign overly endulgent and the were made to ask me for permission. They had stopped using masturbation for pleasure and were using it as a passtime when they were bored. That sounds like what you were doing as well. Id suggest asking him to take control of your masturbation. He should order you to and not to do it, and that might help. Right now, you are seeing it as disgusting probably becsue it is self indulgent. If the problem continues and becomes a major issue, then you might want to speak with a phsychologiest and se if theres something else at play. DV

Quivver -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/6/2007 2:33:41 AM)
MistressNoName, I'm glad you had a change of heart and posted. Your words were exactly what went through my head too. Thanks for posting your two cents........... quote: ORIGINAL: MistressNoName Hey darkclouds, You know, I read your 2nd post, had a knee-jerk reaction to it and decided it would probably be best to not respond...then I went to read another thread and your post was still bothering me, so I had a change of heart. Take what I'm about to say with about a teaspoon of salt, b/c it might take more than a grain of the stuff. I already know what I'm about to type is gonna sound very judgmental and most likely reflects a lack of understanding of your particular power dynamic...but I can't help but wonder if part of your current aversion to masturbation has to do with the fact that your Master just doesn't seem to give a flying f*** about an area of your life that is obviously quite important to you. To me, it almost feels like he has a certain contempt for your sexual needs...and that to me is a shitty attitude for a Master to have toward his slave. Plain and simple. When he took ownership of you, he took ownership of your sexuality. It's part of who you are. I hope I'm misreading what you are saying here...Perhaps I just don't understand, if so, please set me straight. But to me, a Master has a responsibility toward the well-being of his slave. If he's not up to the task or just doesn't give a shit, perhaps he should release the slave and let someone else who cares give it a go. Again, knee-jerk reaction...salt...and all that. MNN

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/6/2007 7:16:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darkclouds He may decide to give them or not, but it is up to me to take care of what i need from day to day. Does this include finding another partner you can enjoy sexual closeness and intimacy with?

TexasMaam -> RE: i am hoping that someone has dealt with this before... (7/6/2007 8:51:56 PM)
you need a new 'Master'. One with a healthy libido, a concern for your well being, the skill and sexual prowess to meet your sexual needs and the emotional stability to meet your intimate emotional and psychological needs. When masturbation becomes just a peripheral activity again, rather than a necessity, your feelings of aversion to it will dissipate. TexasMaam

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