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Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 7/6/2007 9:32:49 AM

CrimsonMoan

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From: Portland, Me via Las Vegas Nv
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I was wondering how other went about explaining the whole switch thing to any of their vanilla friends IF they have told them that is. now to my friends i have always been out ther and kink so they aren't really surprised because they have seen how interact with certain people; either submissively or dominately. I'm wonder if anyone had that one or two friends who had a hard time wrapping their brains around the whole switch label. How did you explain it? Did you make the bisexual vs straight vs gay comparisson?

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 7/6/2007 9:45:47 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I find it's harder for kinky people to accept it than vanillas.

I always just assure people that they don't have to "get it" they just have to see us and how we work together and that we're happy.

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(in reply to CrimsonMoan)

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 7/6/2007 11:08:17 AM

GeekFreak

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Oh I love explaining it to so called "vanilla" people 10 times more than to someone who is deeply into BDSM. I don't have to explain anything...why even give myself a label (I hate labels to begin with). I just tell them, I like such and such and there we go. They don't know that some people think that it's weird to like both the top and the bottom...I just say I do, and there we are. :)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 7/6/2007 1:40:49 PM

Alumbrado

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No, I just explain that it is part of the lifestlye to want to explore both sides of the scene, and to take turns giving and receiving, except for those unfortunates who are afraid to relax and enjoy it all.

< Message edited by Alumbrado -- 7/6/2007 1:53:25 PM >

(in reply to GeekFreak)

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 7/12/2007 8:35:28 PM

aparootsa

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Like LA I've found it far easier for non-scenesters to grasp. When I was trying to explain to my mother about the whole situation (I'm close enough to my family that they've asked about it), she was surprised that many people were dom or sub. I think that since most people haven't formalized their relationships nearly as much as scene folk have, they haven't paused to think seriously about power dynamics. They just kind of accept that most people are switches, and now that I think about that, I wonder if that's part of the supposed stigma that's attached to us (I say supposed because I've personally never encountered it).

(in reply to Alumbrado)

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 7/13/2007 2:11:21 AM

TigerNINTails

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I honestly, even when communicating with other kinksters in the scene publicly, never once had experienced any sort of stigma, or misunderstanding come up about my duality of nature. I also notice that people are quite a bit different online, than they are face to face.

The first time I ever heard anything about a stigma, and even experienced it, within my first little bit posting here on CM, was... Heheh, here on CM... In fact, it was in this section of the forum.

I tend to feel that the "stigma" is largely isolated, but then again, if people say they experience it in the real world, well, there ya go. But being a regular at Citadel in 'Frisco, I never once experienced the silliness about switches that I experienced here. Kinda makes you go "Hmmmmmm...

" Especially when you consider that people were more accepting of you as a switch there, at least, that is what it seemed to me...

I mean, who are you going to trust... Someone that refuses to take a few to the assmeat, or someone that does on a regular basis, when it comes to tanning yours? Hmmm... Good question...

Most all of my friends knew I was kinky from the get-go, and most of them have seen my dominant interactions, though a couple have seen me go bottom-side up. *shrugs* They grasped it fine, in fact, with less judgementality than the so-called "all Dominant" or "all submissive" that you meet online. Sometimes they teased me about being "domestic"... Heheh... Well, ya can't win em all I guess.

I heard it said best by one Dominant that I know from Sacramento when we were having a conversation, that proved he understood where I was coming from, at one play party... He said: "I understand... Just because you bottom doesn't make you a submissive... Sometimes you just gotta get beat..."

I just had to nod. There wasn't anything left to say at that point, except grin and nod. It was so simple, so right on, for me at least. I'm not a submissive, but I assume a slave or bottom role when it suits me, and with the right person(s) that suit me. Well, obviously when I suit them as well. And none of my 'nilla friends or scene friends have ever had an issue understanding that.

I've also never had an issue explaining it to them either. But then again, I guess my circle of friends in and of themselves really don't make up the majority vote in the vanilla or bdsm pie, when it comes down to who they are.

They're all as strange as I am, in some ways. A world full of fetish-freaks.

In any case, in my experience two sides are better than one anyway.

Without it, I'd be half a man... LOL.

Peace.

TNT

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(in reply to aparootsa)

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 7/13/2007 6:36:02 AM

Grlwithboy

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My experience is probably similar to TNT's and interestingly, I also clock in at "Dominant but every once in a while people should be spanked" on the pseudo D/s kinsey scale. If people have stupid things to say to me they know better than to say them to my face at this point, or they just don't.

(in reply to TigerNINTails)

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 7/13/2007 6:56:12 AM

callofzion

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quote:

I mean, who are you going to trust... Someone that refuses to take a few to the assmeat, or someone that does on a regular basis, when it comes to tanning yours? Hmmm... Good question.

Assmeat! Ha! Man that sounds gross...

(in reply to TigerNINTails)

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 7/14/2007 9:27:33 PM

BlackWolfSwitch

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Explaination I use:
"We're the shades of gray in the kinky black and white."

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"Command of the collar, or submission to wear it. It's your choice. My choice is to know what I like from both."

(in reply to callofzion)

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 7/18/2007 2:51:53 PM

Celeste43

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Why not compare it to nilla sex? I'm sure they all know people who prefer to be on the bottom during sex and others who prefer to be on top. And then they know people who are fine doing both.

(in reply to BlackWolfSwitch)

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 7/22/2007 5:13:26 PM

ToysAndTies

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In general, just saying a couple of things you're into can help explain it easily enough. Saying "Sometimes I have the cuffs on, sometimes I have the key" is a g-rated enough answer that clarifies the point.

(in reply to Celeste43)

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 7/26/2007 9:52:03 AM

Rockwell

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They just know I am a freak

(in reply to ToysAndTies)

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 8/8/2007 2:27:24 AM

Dini

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*chuckles* I have had more resistance from my local community than from my ‘nilla friends.. I started out in the lifestyle many moons ago.. and was very much Domme from a young age. I then met a so called Master and he wanted me to submit to him.. disaster of note! I then left the scene for some time and upon my return I can back in as Domme.. thriving and loving every minute of every play! Several years later I met an amazing Domme to who I did sub both in public and private and that was where the confusion and criticism started… not many in the scene can understand how one can be Domme on the whole but have One who they submit to. If anyone ells were to try and Dom Me, they would seriously come off second best!

And yes as for ‘nilla friends.. they just see me as being generally odd and, on the occasions that I have answered there questions they have now reached the “I would rather not know” stage..

(in reply to Rockwell)

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RE: Switches With 'Nilla Friends - 8/9/2007 7:14:53 AM

sophia37

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Most people in general understand submission and dominance, tops and bottoms. Its based on states of mind. How many "regular" people have conversations about friends and family based on things like being in charge or follwing anothers lead. If you just talk about it in general terms, there wont be a problem.

Personally, I think thats a good way to go if you want to create bridges for people to walk over. It shouldnt be about building walls.

(in reply to Dini)

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