RE: a rocky start.....

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: a rocky start.....

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: a rocky start.....

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: a rocky start..... - 7/7/2007 11:23:21 AM

pleasureforck

Posts: 95
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jayded34

When He asked me to start a journal i was completely against it. With His encouragement to write about anything i want, good or bad, about how I feel about Us, i realize He wants to know and respects Us enough to listen.....even when i am being needy or pushy or down right bitchy. 4 thousand miles away and still He amazes me. .

The same here. I write whatever comes to mind and however I feel and he never says anything negative about it. Even if I'm angry and feeling bitchy I can write anything and he will never use that against me in any way. That was the reason he had me start it in the first place. He feels it's better I write it all out, then we can talk when I'm feeling calm. Prevents a lot of misunderstandings I'm finding since long distance can bring more of those I think. It really is amazing to have someone who you can be yourself with good or bad and he loves you no matter what. I've never been able to be open like that with another human being.

_____________________________

I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not

(in reply to jayded34)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: a rocky start..... - 7/7/2007 11:46:18 AM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

I don't see how your journal could be anything else but about you, and your needs and desires and dreams. I thought the point of a journal was helping the writer clarify her thoughts and needs, and IF someone was allowed to read it, the purpose was to allow the other person a glimpse of the inner workings of her mind. It is kind of like peeking into someone else's medicine cabinet; maybe he just expected to see breath mints and teeth whitener, and the Astroglide and Preparation H came as a surprise. Personally, I can't stand journaling, and would do so only at gunpoint.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to fantasyweaver)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: a rocky start..... - 7/7/2007 6:58:08 PM

Spankme312

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

I have learned through past relationships, both vanilla and otherwise (well, mostly vanilla...because i'm also very new to this

) that different people effect you in different ways. Some may bring out the worst in you, while others bring out the best.
I was corresponding with a Dom and i found myself very argumentative with him. Not a desired trait of a submissive. He pushed all the wrong buttons but at the same time gave me attention and made me feel wanted. The more i spoke with him the more i realized that, he wasn't for me.
I'm currently starting a relationship with a Dom to whom i feel very submissive. i can't imagine even wanting to argue with him. That's not to say, that i don't express my opinions but he makes it easy for me to tell him my thoughts, opinions and needs in a respectful manner. He brings out the submissive in me. i find myself wanting to give myself over to him.
Be aware, maybe he brings out "pushiness" in you. I wouldn't advise getting involved with someone just because you are sexually attracted. The attraction needs to be much deeper.
I really don't believe that a submissive can submit to anyone just because He/She is Dom. You can only submit to the person that is right for you and you at the same time are right for Him/Her.

Good luck
E

(in reply to fantasyweaver)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: a rocky start..... - 7/7/2007 8:14:07 PM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

I don't see why you saying you would like to meet for coffee should be taken as pushy and i don't understand what else a journal is supposed to be about other than your thoughts and feelings, wants and needs. I am also fairly new to all this and i recently came to the lifeshattering realization that "me" is exactly what i need to be focusing on right now. How can i ever be expected to give myself to someone completely if i have based everything i want and need on someone else's expectations and needs? I am looking forward to the day that i am able to devote myself to pleasing another completely but i will only be able to really please them if pleasing them is what makes me happy. If you are new to submission it's probably safe to bet that you don't know everything about what it means to you, how you want to incorporate it into your life, how far you want to submit with the right person or what the right person looks like to you. We cannot mold ourselves to be something we're not, we can simply try to be our best and find someone who desires that. In my limited knowledge of all this i would assume that an experienced Dom worth your salt would understand that helping a "newbie" explore this is a huge responsibility because he is helping to shape your relationship with submission, not just with him. This doesn't mean you will figure everything out before meeting the One but it does mean that you should be careful of people who start to question your submissiveness. I understand about having trouble re-wiring vanilla habits but i would think a good experience with a Dom should leave you feeling like you're finding your submission, not "shaking your sense of self" as LA stated.

Just my ramble on the matter in probably way too many words (i need to learn how to express myself in a few articulate sentances..lol). Like others have said, be yourself. If he can't see the potential that i think is there in just reading one of your posts then perhaps you have seen too much potential in him.

take care
~charlotte

(in reply to Spankme312)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: a rocky start..... - 7/7/2007 9:28:50 PM

Hina00

Posts: 20
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Sounds like he thinks pretty highly of himself to judge you so soon. But, if it was feedback you were asking for, maybe he just hasn't had time to know you yet. He might be worried that, although he has feelings for you, you may not meet his needs sexually. If you really want to become a sub, for him, focus on everything and anything he says will help you.
but, don't stray too far away from who you are, or panic that you aren't the right type of person, youll find the sub side of you inside.

(in reply to jayded34)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: a rocky start..... - 7/7/2007 10:12:58 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Fantasyweaver,

Don't worry about being pushy, I have seen pushy and I have seen self centered and while I am sure you are imperfect as the rest of us, you don't seem to qualify for those two.

As BossyShoeBitch says about her and I, it isn't always easy, sometimes it is hard for me, other times she is the one who struggles but neither of us go around yelling "bad dom" or "bad submissive" at each other. We sit down and talk things through and work together to stay together.

In your case you are trying to find someone. Spend your time in the scene, be friendly but act with class and someone will notice you. If you notice them first, as BSB says, "dirty pictures and shameless flirting" do go a long way, in our case a bit over 3,000 miles but oh my god is it worth it, I have never been happier in my life.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Profile

Post #: 26