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What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 10:44:16 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		This thought has been on my back burner for sometime.  Every now and again it boils alittle and requires alittle stirring  as it simmers.  But, slowly I am going to need to bring it up to the front as Kyra's move comes closer.

Bringing a person into a existing house is much different than move into a place together.  With Alandra, We basically started like many in that we established a place together.   When she moved in with me, I was only in the place for approx 4 months or so and she was actually part of the decision process when I purchased the place.  I purchases a place with the mindset that it was going to be our home.  Since that time we have moved once into a bigger place and over the years have made the place a home for both Myself and Alandra.

I have brought another girl into the house once before.  It was then and as it is now, very important that the "new girl" feels like this house is there home.  With the previous girl it became very apparent after a time that "Things" was made it a home for her.  She constantly was reminded at all the things in the house that she was not a part of bringing into the house.  From the couch in the living room to the forks and spoons in the drawers.   I personally had alot of difficulty with this issue at the time.  As Master of this house, everything is Mine.  I do with it what I will.  Within the M/s dynamic I found her whole focus on things to be a home to be a contray to my M/s dynamic.  In time it was clear there was alot of other issues.  But, the experience reflected that how a person sees a Home as a rather important issue with regards to the M/s dynamic. 

For myself, I don't see home as my Things.  For me it is a place that Love of the relationship exists.  It exists not only in the present, but past and future as well.  At the end of the month I will be moving from one house to another.  In fact, it's one city to another.  I am rathr excited by this new prospect.  Even thou Kyra will not be move into this new house as the same time, she has been to the best of my ability part of the process.  Every house I looked at purchasing was discussed between the three of us.  After I went into each prospective house, I called Kyra and gave her some feedback of what Alandra and I saw that couldn't be seen on the Listing.  In some cases, alandra took some pictures and sent them to Kyra.  In the end, I purchased the House that all three of us liked for different reasons.  There is no past with this house.  Not like the past house.  Which has a past that is good in some ways... but has a past that I am looking forward to leaving behind.  This new house isn't even in the present yet since we don't move into till the beginning of August.  But there is alot excitement for the future.  I see alot of Love in that house happening in our future and that is what is going to make it home for me.  It why I can go to my parents place... and it always feels like home.  It's why I can go to Alandra's grandparents and feel like we are home.  The stuff within doesn't make it a home for me.  For the M/s dynamic that I live, the stuff gets in the way.  Some stuff is rather important of course.  That is the stuff that reflect loving moments in our past.  I have few items that I have bought for Alandra.  Some expensive and some not so much.  Sometimes it was none thing but it is priceless to me.  When Kyra came to see me the first time, she was required to bring pictures of herself that reflected different parts of her life.  Well one of those pictures is by my bed... for me it is a priceless item.  A beautiful young women.. a picture that I stared at for more then a moment or two when she first showed it to me.  Now if I only can get the picture of her that hangs in her parents house.  Some day it will be.  But things like this reflect of Love.. not a couch or what drapes to hang or what colour to paint a room etc.

Home is a place of Love to me.  It to me feeds that inherent aspect of humans that want to belong.  When I am home.. I feel I belong there.  That is what home is to me.

So what about you?  How do you see it?  How does this aspect affect your M/s or D/s dynamic?

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 7/8/2007 11:04:22 AM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 10:52:58 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, home for me has always been where I felt secure, where I could be me, and where I went to recharge.

My worst experience for this was coming back from living in Ireland.  I really had made that place my home.  So when I "came back home" I experienced a lot of confusion and distress because I was incredibly "homesick" and yet I was "back home" at the same time.  As someone who envisioned her life with a lot of travel in its future, I realized then that I needed to have a home base for myself no matter where I went.

For me, because I am so materialistic, decorating a place is a big part of making it my home.  It's my taste, my energy, my choices.  I think if I had to live in a place that was not my style, it would never really feel like a home to me. 

And it is a lot harder to bring someone into a home and make it good for everyone versus everyone moving in together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 11:30:38 AM   
amiciaN


Posts: 228
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

This thought has been on my back burner for sometime.  Every now and again it boils alittle and requires alittle stirring  as it simmers.  But, slowly I am going to need to bring it up to the front as Kyra's move comes closer.

Bringing a person into a existing house is much different than move into a place together.  With Alandra, We basically started like many in that we established a place together.   When she moved in with me, I was only in the place for approx 4 months or so and she was actually part of the decision process when I purchased the place.  I purchases a place with the mindset that it was going to be our home.  Since that time we have moved once into a bigger place and over the years have made the place a home for both Myself and Alandra.

I have brought another girl into the house once before.  It was then and as it is now, very important that the "new girl" feels like this house is there home.  With the previous girl it became very apparent after a time that "Things" was made it a home for her.  She constantly was reminded at all the things in the house that she was not a part of bringing into the house.  From the couch in the living room to the forks and spoons in the drawers.   I personally had alot of difficulty with this issue at the time.  As Master of this house, everything is Mine.  I do with it what I will.  Within the M/s dynamic I found her whole focus on things to be a home to be a contray to my M/s dynamic.  In time it was clear there was alot of other issues.  But, the experience reflected that how a person sees a Home as a rather important issue with regards to the M/s dynamic. 

For myself, I don't see home as my Things.  For me it is a place that Love of the relationship exists.  It exists not only in the present, but past and future as well.  At the end of the month I will be moving from one house to another.  In fact, it's one city to another.  I am rathr excited by this new prospect.  Even thou Kyra will not be move into this new house as the same time, she has been to the best of my ability part of the process.  Every house I looked at purchasing was discussed between the three of us.  After I went into each prospective house, I called Kyra and gave her some feedback of what Alandra and I saw that couldn't be seen on the Listing.  In some cases, alandra took some pictures and sent them to Kyra.  In the end, I purchased the House that all three of us liked for different reasons.  There is no past with this house.  Not like the past house.  Which has a past that is good in some ways... but has a past that I am looking forward to leaving behind.  This new house isn't even in the present yet since we don't move into till the beginning of August.  But there is alot excitement for the future.  I see alot of Love in that house happening in our future and that is what is going to make it home for me.  It why I can go to my parents place... and it always feels like home.  It's why I can go to Alandra's grandparents and feel like we are home.  The stuff within doesn't make it a home for me.  For the M/s dynamic that I live, the stuff gets in the way.  Some stuff is rather important of course.  That is the stuff that reflect loving moments in our past.  I have few items that I have bought for Alandra.  Some expensive and some not so much.  Sometimes it was none thing but it is priceless to me.  When Kyra came to see me the first time, she was required to bring pictures of herself that reflected different parts of her life.  Well one of those pictures is by my bed... for me it is a priceless item.  A beautiful young women.. a picture that I stared at for more then a moment or two when she first showed it to me.  Now if I only can get the picture of her that hangs in her parents house.  Some day it will be.  But things like this reflect of Love.. not a couch or what drapes to hang or what colour to paint a room etc.

Home is a place of Love to me.  It to me feeds that inherent aspect of humans that want to belong.  When I am home.. I feel I belong there.  That is what home is to me.

So what about you?  How do you see it?  How does this aspect affect your M/s or D/s dynamic?


The moment my Master NChaka wrapped me in His arms at the airport, I knew I was finally home in a way I had not been in a very, very long time.  We are also long distance at this time, so the months away from Him leave me feeling very 'homesick', in spite of the fact that I'm living in a house I've owned for 18 years.  I find I refer to it as 'going back to my/the house' as much as I say going home.  Home is not these walls that surround me, the roof over my head, or the things inside it.  Home is in my Master's presence.


_____________________________

NChaka's amicia

I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 11:48:15 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		In my opinion you can buy yourself a house, and that's just a place you live in. With a significant other it becomes a home cheesy but that's my opinion nontheless


I doubt it would affect the M/s D/s dynamic but then I've no idea

(in reply to amiciaN)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 12:07:32 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Go on a vacation for any length of time, and see how relieved you are at getting back to your own place. There is something to be said for putting your own stamp on things. It's difficult for someone to move into a pre-existing place. You always feel a little like "company." You didn't help decide which cabinet the glasses went into, you didn't help pick the firmness of the mattress you sleep on, you didn't get to choose the fabric on the couch, you didn't choose the artwork for the walls. Those things may sound minor, but they are part of what makes a place feel like a sanctuary from the rest of the world. Certainly things aren't the most important component of home, (ask anyone who ever lost every possession in a fire or tornado- they are just glad to have each other), but look at how much they will treasure the one or two items they might save. Home is a reflection of who we are, and when there is so little of one's own personality and choices in a house, it's hard to feel at ease there.
Edited to add...Now if you asked me what was MOST important, I'd say the people, but I am explaining why the things in a house have their value, too.

< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 7/8/2007 12:09:12 PM >

(in reply to amiciaN)
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RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 12:29:12 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline 		'Home' is a place of comfort
(bodily sensation may retreat into 'background noise');
peace of mind, sanctuary and sense of safety/isolation (in the monastic sense).

For me; YMMV.

Fundamentally... a place where one 'fits' and is free to be oneself (safe).

Knight...
What harm to allow those who serve you,
to have (you may consider these as symbolic, and short-termed panaceas)
some 'trinkets' to satisfy innate needs,
which, to be fair, are not so easy to divorce onself from?

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

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RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 12:48:58 PM   
viperess


Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings,

To me home does not mean material things, nor does it mean my "stamp" has been placed on it. Yes to me anything here does not belong to me but belongs to the One i serve. i came here to a home that was already established, long after any furnature, pictures, nicnaks, dishes or anything else was purchaced for the place. i have no say in what is where or how they should be. To me home is about feelings be it love, safety, a feeling of belonging, contentment, and caring. When i stepped off the bus and looked into Masters eyes that is when i knew i was home. It does not really matter where we live or how many moves may or may not happen for where He is to me will be home. But then that is just how this old slave feels. Oh and the best of luck to Yoyu and Your during the move and the enlargement of Your family.
Respectfully,

_____________________________

viperess slave of BlackTarnHeart
heart and chain sister to velvetvixen68

(in reply to kiyari)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 12:50:46 PM   
CrimsonMoan


Posts: 2652
Joined: 10/31/2006
From: Portland, Me via Las Vegas Nv
Status: offline 		Home to me is whereever my um, my bf and my friends are. so right now...portland

(in reply to viperess)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 12:51:02 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		Interesting question. I need all my fingers and toes to count the number of places that I have lived in over the years. For the longest time, home was my mother's place. If I was away from "home" living in an apartment or such, then those places were just a residence. Once my mother had to leave her home to move into a care centre, I felt violently displaced - "homeless", or better yet, as I described it "rootless" and I hadn't lived at home with her for quite a few years by that point.
 
That feeling of rootlessness was finally abated by the purchase of my first house. It has become my home because it is mine, and I can what I please with it. For all those years previously of renting places, I never painted the walls, or hung much artwork because it wasn't mine to do that with. Now every room has some colour, and all my pictures are up. I've made flower beds and a veggie patch in the yard. If one of my cats gets out of the yard, they know where to come back to. Its a point of stability in my life too - jobs may change, the people around me change, but my home is constant (so far, and dont forget I've lived in many places) I don't therefore agree with your statement that a home is more than just "things".
 
Were I ever to have an SO (*sighs, no luck so far*), I don't think it would be fair to have/expect them to move into "my" home, and in the same way I wouldn't like moving into "their" home. I would prefer to find somewhere together, that would be "ours". I am no position to comment on your opinion that home is a place of love... but I like the idea.


_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

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RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 12:52:11 PM   
LeMis


Posts: 9255
Joined: 9/24/2005
From: Florida
Status: offline 		"things" don't make a house a home...
people make it a home, memories & love make it a home...
I can't wait to go on vacation, but I also can't wait to get back home too


_____________________________

Make a mental note . . . oh, I see you're out of paper!
Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. — Lincoln

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RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 12:56:07 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari
Knight...
What harm to allow those who serve you,
to have (you may consider these as symbolic, and short-termed panaceas)
some 'trinkets' to satisfy innate needs,
which, to be fair, are not so easy to divorce onself from?


I am not sure why ask the question or what you trying to read into what I said?  But, my girls do have some things that are important to them for one reason or another.... however, things don't make it a Home to me.


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kiyari)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 1:02:35 PM   
SlND3R3LLA


Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		Home is this nice little house that includes Master, me, four dogs, and two hamsters.

Home is where my family and friends all still live. 

I am blessed to have two places to call my home..where I feel loved, comfortable, cared for, and at peace.   It's not the towns, it's the people (and animals) that I love in both of them.  It's being surrounded by some things that bring back wonderful memories, where cuddling on the couch is a daily occurance, and where my heart feels the most uplifted.

~sin, Masters slave

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 1:05:03 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I have brought another girl into the house once before.  It was then and as it is now, very important that the "new girl" feels like this house is there home.  With the previous girl it became very apparent after a time that "Things" was made it a home for her.  She constantly was reminded at all the things in the house that she was not a part of bringing into the house.  From the couch in the living room to the forks and spoons in the drawers.   I personally had alot of difficulty with this issue at the time.  As Master of this house, everything is Mine.  I do with it what I will.  Within the M/s dynamic I found her whole focus on things to be a home to be a contray to my M/s dynamic.  In time it was clear there was alot of other issues.  But, the experience reflected that how a person sees a Home as a rather important issue with regards to the M/s dynamic.




quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari
Knight...
What harm to allow those who serve you,
to have (you may consider these as symbolic, and short-termed panaceas)
some 'trinkets' to satisfy innate needs,
which, to be fair, are not so easy to divorce onself from?


I am not sure why ask the question or what you trying to read into what I said? 
But, my girls do have some things that are important to them for one reason or another....
however, things don't make it a Home to me.



Nothing remotely critical was any component of my commentary, just so U know.

Your headspace is what it is.
The headspace of others is what it is.

The *failed* 'previous girl' may have been unsalvageable,
or might have merely needed a few trappings of her old life to cling to, initially.

Just saying. [relativity, ya know]

Respectfully ~k

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

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RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 1:09:01 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think you're confusing succinct fortune cookie blatherings with actual wise discourse.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kiyari)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 1:13:58 PM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		I have moved close to 40 times in my life. My fathers job made us move alot, and then I bounced around alot right after high school cause it took me a while to get my life under control, then I married a Military man...even after he retired we moved three times because we rented while our house was being built. To me...a place never seemed like home until I learned where everything was. I know it sounds silly, and probaly slightly materialistic, but I dont mean it to. I always hated it when people tried to help by unpacking and putting things away for me. My husband may be the Dom in our relationship, but darn it Im the one doing the cooking so I want to know where the potholders are.

Moving so much has caused me to be slightly minamalistic. If youve moved three times without unpacking a certain box, you probably dont need it. I have a few trinkets and baubles that mean quite a bit to me, and a few "habits" like a certain ceramic dog always has to be higher than my bed somewhere in my bedroom because when I was 12 my brother gave it to me to chase away bad dreams. Once things like that are out, it feels more like home. My husband has been in the house/apartment/whatever with me everytime, but a hotel room paid for by the US government for 6 months because they screwed up base housing never felt like home. Id be happy living in a cardboard box if he was there with me, but it wouldnt make it a home.

(in reply to LeMis)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 1:14:07 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think you're confusing succinct fortune cookie blatherings with actual wise discourse.


I am wounded! Deeply Wounded!

My commentary may be misguided, but I do assure you, that it is genuine.

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 1:15:45 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari
The *failed* 'previous girl' may have been unsalvageable,
or might have merely needed a few trappings of her old life to cling to, initially.



aww I see.. You read into something much more than is there in this regard.  The previous relationship only raised an issue/concept to me of increasing my understanding of what a Home was to me.

As far as making some "shot in the dark" comments of the failed relationship... well ... if I asked for comments about it... I suppose it would be appropriate to make the comment.  Inaddition... the without knowlege of the details... you can't appreciate just how silly your comment would be.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kiyari)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 1:20:32 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari
The *failed* 'previous girl' may have been unsalvageable,
or might have merely needed a few trappings of her old life to cling to, initially.



aww I see.. You read into something much more than is there in this regard.  The previous relationship only raised an issue/concept to me of increasing my understanding of what a Home was to me.

As far as making some "shot in the dark" comments of the failed relationship... well ... if I asked for comments about it... I suppose it would be appropriate to make the comment.  Inaddition... the without knowlege of the details... you can't appreciate just how silly your comment would be.


Ya gives no quarter, does ya?

Silly me, I do not fully appreaciate the capitalized 'Me' in contextual discourse

*properly chastised complete stranger here*

Apologies all 'round... now back to Lurking....

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 1:24:51 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari

Ya gives no quarter, does ya?



Nope.. I don't ... especially when someone walks where they where not invited.  That is not to say that you don't have the right to make your own comments... but they are not going to occur without an appropriate response on  my part.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kiyari)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What is Home to you? - 7/8/2007 1:29:00 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Knight, hard to say. I have lived all over the world and came back to my home finally. There is something about where you grow up.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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