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Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 2:25:03 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline 		Caveat: I come from 50s Vanilla

My perspective is this:

Female instinct is to seek accomodation, to be supportive,
and to take pleasure and personal satisfaction/fulfillment
in the success of those whom one has chosen to invest in.

My question to y'all is:

Is this, or perhaps, how is this
any component of a BDSM engagement/associaton/...

...as betimes,
tha boys are not barrelling full speed ahead in their own best interests?

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Black Water Dragon
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RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 3:31:16 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		Huh?

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to kiyari)
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RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 3:56:06 PM   
nicoLe82


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/23/2007
Status: offline 		 the best i've ever seen none  better in the world

< Message edited by nicoLe82 -- 7/8/2007 3:58:06 PM >

(in reply to earthycouple)
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RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 4:00:32 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline 		My perspective comes from the 'nurturing' instinct.
Handicap? Perhaps

If one has chosen to devote to another
is acting upon this instinct,
short-circuited when one's 'position' is [technically] subordinate?

...clear as mud?

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Black Water Dragon

(in reply to earthycouple)
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RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 4:23:41 PM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		You're not being very clear, but I think you're trying to say that females are inherently nurturing.

I disagree...I have very little nurturing instincts towards humans (hence my lack of anything remotely resembling maternal instinct.)

I don't really like taking care of anyone else...I always saw BDSM  (in a  Male dom/fem sub relationship) as one with the dom being the nurturing/guiding force and the submissive following where he leads.

Per


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"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to kiyari)
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RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 4:28:36 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline 		Very well,
so then, do you not observe the one you have chosen to submit to,
never see them acting (or failing to act) in their own better interests?

If you do ever notice this, are you not moved to ...
well, have you no desires to interfere?

As un-subordinate as that might be interpreted?

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Black Water Dragon

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RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 4:30:50 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari

Caveat: I come from 50s Vanilla

My perspective is this:

Female instinct is to seek accomodation, to be supportive,
and to take pleasure and personal satisfaction/fulfillment
in the success of those whom one has chosen to invest in.

My question to y'all is:

Is this, or perhaps, how is this
any component of a BDSM engagement/associaton/...

...as betimes,
tha boys are not barrelling full speed ahead in their own best interests?


 Why is no one making sense today.

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to kiyari)
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RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 4:33:15 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Not all women are nurturing and not all are content to only take pride the success of their loved ones. While I am very nurturing, almost to a fault, I am not content only with Valyraen's successes. I will graduate from college, I achieved a black belt in one style of martial arts and am currently working on another. I am working to be an accomplished painter (I don't dream low), I wish to write, possibly teach, and be a mother.

I am a submissive woman but I have my own dreams and my own successes. I will have future successes of my own. I love Valyraen and I am very proud of his successes. Just as he is very proud of mine and wishes to see me have more.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kiyari)
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RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 5:28:09 PM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		I am a top, I can be a sadistic bitch, but I can also be motherly and nurturing.  Are women all this way? Oh hell no!  That is only the ideal that our society has placed upon us. (that to not be nurturing is wrong.) My mother was not nurturing. (though she did try to be.) My father was in many ways both mother and father to me.

My 1st thought when I read your post Kiyari, was "What the f***, over?"  just thought I 'd share that with you.

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Our Community may be openminded as a whole, BUT it is made up of indivduals who bring in their own baggage,perceptions and agendas

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 5:34:37 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Is there a full moon out?

Is this the special night on Collarme.com where they clutter up the forums with special cryptic messages, stupid fortune cookie tid bits of wisdom that dont make any sense, topics of discussion apparently one person understand, and proclamations to the awesomeness of an Internet troll?

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Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Trampler)
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RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 6:15:28 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline 		Ah, no 'fortune cookie' cryptic blather permitted

...where is that TOS again...

Sheesh

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Black Water Dragon

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RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 7:00:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think we can all do things that aren't in our best interests for survival depending on the circumstance- orientation, relationship type, gender, or sex is irrelevant.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kiyari)
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RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 7:56:39 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari

Caveat: I come from 50s Vanilla


Yes, I can tell.    Thank you for sharing this perspective with us, by the way. 


quote:

Female instinct is to seek accomodation, to be supportive,
and to take pleasure and personal satisfaction/fulfillment
in the success of those whom one has chosen to invest in.


Even if this was true for everyone with an X chromosone, which it is definitively not, your question is whether proper authority and guidance can be exercised within this paradigm when a submissive may be unruly and behaving in impetuous ways that are not in his own best interests.  The answer is simple.  Ever seen a mother discipline her child, say for playing with matches?  

This is not to say that all femdom D/s relationships are motherly in nature, but if you need to understand how a stereotypically feminine nurturing woman could exercise loving authority and guidance, that would probably be the easiest model for you to understand. 

< Message edited by Najakcharmer -- 7/8/2007 7:58:08 PM >

(in reply to kiyari)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 8:15:34 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear kiyari, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
It is my belief that you are asking if others in a submissive/subserviant role are seen as invisible by the other person in their life and or the Dominant figure in their life.  If this is correct, then I will express what my mind's eyes see.
 
It is often a case where communication lacks where validation of what you do and what you are, that you feel under appreciated and not appreciated for the talents you bring to the relationship.  Perhaps like a man's 'street rod' and made for high performance and its driven gently to and from church. 
 
That said, not all women are nurturing -- my mummy (mother) is a clear example of that yet, to others she is the epitome of the supportive, nurturing wife like "Father Knows Best."  I took more from my father's personality--he was a kind soul, very giving to a fault.

 
If you have problems in communicating to your spouse/partner, perhaps a note will work or send him a letter in the mail and list things that bother you; such as lack of attention sexually in the bed and how it makes you feel and or other things that he would at least mention, as to let you know he sees you and appreciates you; and for what you add in so many ways to the relationship.
 
There is little difference between Dominance/submission and marriage/relationships; no matter what role you are in or choose for yourself --that is to be acknowledge, to be respected and to feel some sense of appreciation and--feeling secure.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 

< Message edited by LadyHugs -- 7/8/2007 8:21:45 PM >

(in reply to kiyari)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 10:28:43 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		One of my submissive partners' best little moments of service is reminding me to take my folic acid and bringing it to me. I don't think this is trying to excercise control, it's nagging me gently about stuff that's good for me and I ought to remember. And that's part of his job. I don't feel especially undermined by that.

He's an XY, even. And he's better at that stuff than I am.



< Message edited by Grlwithboy -- 7/8/2007 10:29:33 PM >

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 10:39:25 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Grlwithboy, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I agree with your post.  Serving at times requires doing things that need to be done for the 'us' factor --not because it is a Dominant and or submissive factor.
 
I find that I can really enjoy myself at parties and or other social situations if I do not have to watch the clock.  Slaves are my clock watchers and signal in our special gesture as to the time I have left.  I then know I have ten minutes to wrap things up and withdraw politely and leave.  When I am being pulled to stay longer, my slaves come into the effort to keep me longer than I wish and politely create a diversion as to allow me to escape.  Little things mean so very much to me.  Or, just having them there behind me, as to pass off my handbag as I am in a recieving line discrete and knowing my handbag is in good hands, or exchanging soiled gloves for fresh  at parties and or social gatherings.
 
I don't find my slaves, from what personalities and traits I pick from, being domineering at all but, taking care of me as to take care of us.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Female perspective in BSDM/subordinates - 7/8/2007 10:42:26 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		I love the clock watching thing! That's excellent.

I think BDSM is one way that the non celebrities and politicos among us can enjoy having attaches and assistants.

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 17
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