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Sub versus slave - 7/8/2007 4:14:20 PM   
wannabesub67


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am very new to this, have not had my first experience but have been very interested for a long time. I had thought I wanted more of a sub relationship since I thought that meant I would be in more of a relationship and more special to my DOm. But I have begun talking to a Master whom I find very exciting and I have a desire to pursue a relationship with him, but, he wants a slave. He says I will be well taken care of and that he will respect my life and my children. Is there a big difference? I want to feel loved and cherished by the man I live to please.
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RE: Sub versus slave - 7/8/2007 4:16:08 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Honestly, you have to ask him what the difference is in his eyes.  I can tell you what the difference is in my relationship but that may be very different than what he is expecting.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to wannabesub67)
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RE: Sub versus slave - 7/8/2007 4:17:05 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Hey--------who fuckin' knows, huh?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to wannabesub67)
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RE: Sub versus slave - 7/8/2007 4:21:49 PM   
dincubus


Posts: 231
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
Status: offline 		Kyra well said. What one person may consider a slave may be considered a sub to another. it all depends upon the two people, or more if one is poly, wish the relationship to be.

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Sub versus slave - 7/8/2007 4:33:27 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		You will only find those answers with lots of and lots of communication and being together. My Sir and I spent 10 months online before moving into together. We had lots of preconceived ideas about what we thought we wanted from each other and out of this lifestyle. He wanted a slave and had lots of ideas about how things would be once we were together. I wanted to please him and be the slave I thought I should be. You can't be what you aren't. Both of us were new to actually living this lifestyle and the last 15 months of living together have been a wonderful learning experience. What we have learned is to not have absolutes before you know what you're really getting into. Try a label on yourself for awhile and if it works for you both then great, and if not then try a another one. 

For instance, I tried being a service slave once at a formal dinner party, because my Sir thought it would be good for me to do this. I totally sucked at it! He didn't like it and I didn't like it. So we said to heck with that idea. The motto we live by is, "If it ain't fun then don't do it."

If your dominant is the one for you then things shouldn't be forced. You are new and you have to listen to your heart and do what feels right for you. If your dominant is trying to force you be something you aren't ready to be then there is a problem. I wish you all the best.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Sub versus slave - 7/8/2007 4:36:53 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		You will find some who will you there is a difference. I don't believe there is. There is only what your owner calls you.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Littlepita)
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RE: Sub versus slave - 7/8/2007 5:11:54 PM   
wannabesub67


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all. He has said that the difference to him is the right or ability to make my own decisions!

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sub versus slave - 7/8/2007 5:23:27 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wannabesub67

Thank you all. He has said that the difference to him is the right or ability to make my own decisions!


Are those the decisions you have agreed he can have control over or does that include everything in your life? My Sir makes all decisions for me that we have predetermined he has control over. My UM, my faith, and my career are mine and he acts as mentor in these areas.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to wannabesub67)
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RE: Sub versus slave - 7/8/2007 5:35:05 PM   
BabyNyla


Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think ... like everythign else ... it's dependent.  There is no rule book and everyone in D/s sees everything differently. 
 
For us, my Daddy calls me a slave, because in his eyes I do everything for him, I give him all I have to give, and he sees me as a perfect person, he always tells me how much he cherishes my gift to him.
 
To others, they may not see me as a slave, by their standards.  Some even tell me I am not submissive or slave, because I have opinions and free thoughts.  But I don't serve them, so to me, it doesn't really matter how they view me.
 
He is what matters :-)

_____________________________

My Journal

(in reply to Littlepita)
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RE: Sub versus slave - 7/9/2007 10:49:06 AM   
Lewcifer


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wannabesub67

I am very new to this, have not had my first experience but have been very interested for a long time. I had thought I wanted more of a sub relationship since I thought that meant I would be in more of a relationship and more special to my DOm. But I have begun talking to a Master whom I find very exciting and I have a desire to pursue a relationship with him, but, he wants a slave. He says I will be well taken care of and that he will respect my life and my children. Is there a big difference? I want to feel loved and cherished by the man I live to please.


Since you have begun talking to a Master whom you find very exciting, why don't you also give Him the respect He deserves and discuss this issue with Him first, rather than with U/us?  Knowing that your relationship with Him will likely be negotiated ahead of time, shouldn't you be focused on communicating with Him directly?

I personally find it puzzling that you didn't take the time to ask this of Him, and instead subverted His opportunity of first response when it comes to lifestyle questions you might have.  Personally, I'd be very offended if my slave asked others questions about O/our relationship without first going through the effort of addressing them with Me.

Perhaps you're not ready for the psychological submission (and trust) inherent in the relationship you wish to establish.

(in reply to wannabesub67)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sub versus slave - 7/9/2007 10:58:04 AM   
SlND3R3LLA


Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		Ask a hundred different subs/slave/doms and get a hundred different answers.  I am a slave to my Master, but it's not the same way it was with doms in the past.  Each dom had a different way to doing things, and each relationship had a different dynamic.

You need to talk to him, a lot.  Being a slave can have a fantasy feel about it, but there can be some harsh realities.  It depends on the dom you are talking to.  It can get you a relationship with a lot of love, but so can a submissive one.  It can also get you a home where you are cut off from all friends, family, and things you care about.  Like I said, it's not whether you are a submissive or a slave, it is more what your dom thinks either one is.  Saying he has control leaves a lot left unsaid.  That would be a red flag for me, but maybe it isn't for you.  Don't get caught up on the frenzy of the romance, being chained naked at his feet... get your adult thinking cap on and think about what you want, and what you are getting yourself into.  You have to protect yourself and your family... no one else will.

~sin, Masters slave (that didn't jump into it)

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

(in reply to Lewcifer)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sub versus slave - 7/9/2007 10:58:06 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		As always- find out what you would be agreeing to and expectations you would be held to.  Then decide if that works for you or not.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lewcifer)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sub versus slave - 7/9/2007 9:51:09 PM   
Viciousbabe


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I can't agree more with most of the posts so far. It is key that you know what he expects out of you and how much you are willing to give. For instance, would you be ok with him telling you not to go see your family on a holiday? Are you comfortable handing all of your finances over to him? Will he listen to your opinions/thoughts/concerns?

From what I gathered a slave is some one who's only choice is that she gives her self to her Master. A sub, while submitting to her Dom, has control over certain areas of her life but not others. Again, it does depend on His definiton and what you two work out

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
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