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RE: Mistress please advise this Dom - 7/11/2007 2:14:53 AM

MisPandora

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quote:

ORIGINAL: luck12br

My wife and I have been married 25 years. I have always been the DOM. I am looking to expand my role to a switch. How can I approach my sub wife with this request without her thinking I am gay or bi-sexueal. Although it probably would not matter to her. I would like to expand our experiences without looking like a sissy. Neither one of us is homo phobe or anything like that, but just looking to spice up our BDSM lifestyle. Any and all suggestions are welcome.

Thanks...Ed

One, submission isn't "gay" unless you wish to do male on male activities.

Two, does your sub wife wish to dominate you? Or are you just going to tell her to do it from your dominant role and make it a part of her service to you?

Three, if she's NOT willing to do it, are both of you secure enough with yourselves and your relationship to involve someone else for the purpose of your fantasy fulfilment? And what does your wife get out of it?

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RE: Mistress please advise this Dom - 7/11/2007 2:54:39 AM

Politesub53

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rhythmboi

quote:

Why do you assume that a submissive male has to be gay or bisexual. i am as much of a man as anyone yet just prefer to be submissive as against Dominant. In many ways it takes courage to do this, as a submissive male is flying in the face of what is considered normal.

I agree with your point, but did you really mean to imply that gay or bi men are not "as much of a man as anyone"?

No i didnt, and i am sorry if i came across that way. I was replying to the Op`s concerns about submissive men being gay or bi.

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RE: Mistress please advise this Dom - 7/11/2007 3:10:04 AM

MsStryker

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You've been given some really good advice and can think of nothing to add myself except best wishes. I hope that you both find happiness and comfort within this new dynamic.
Ms Alizbeth

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RE: Mistress please advise this Dom - 7/11/2007 8:57:11 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: luck12br
My wife and I have been married 25 years. I have always been the DOM. I am looking to expand my role to a switch. How can I approach my sub wife with this request without her thinking I am gay or bi-sexueal. Although it probably would not matter to her. I would like to expand our experiences without looking like a sissy. Neither one of us is homo phobe or anything like that, but just looking to spice up our BDSM lifestyle. Any and all suggestions are welcome

Thanks...Ed

I looked back over this thread & your additional replies.

I think you & your wife need to focus on one another & really look deep into what your current dynamic is.

You opened this thread with the statement... I've been married 25 yrs & I've always been the dom.

Have you?

Later you admit you are both rather new. I'm wondering if all you have explored with your wife are the kinkier side of this but not the side of structuring a dynamic based on power & authority. You've continued to write about you & your wife & I really believe she holds far more power in this relationship than you are aware of or willing to admit to. Could this be a case where you both entered this & thought that you had to assume roles that were designated by gender... male equals dom female equals sub....??

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RE: Mistress please advise this Dom - 7/11/2007 9:26:48 AM

goddessAVA

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Ed-I read your post with GREAT interest. This is an issue I am approached about often and I can offer the following advice:

1. we all know that to be a better Dom or Sub, one should spend some time on the other end of the whip so to speak, perhaps you can explain it to her like this. Some subs do not realize how much time, thought and effort we put into learning our craft, it is good for them to get a taste of that.
2. It sounds like you might have a kinky fetish desire, as opposed to really wanting to submit. I meet men all the time who like to take a strap on or have their balls tortured but are not true submissives-only you can answer that.
3. There are tremendous bdsm educators out there who can be found in various ways, Veronica Bound is my favorite in Philly. Meeting with them can be an advantage because the rules are so defined beforehand and your partner can know there will be no sexual contact in a play session of this type.

Finally, there are countless women who are never going to be comfortable as a Domme, you cannot fit a square peg in a round hole. When I started exploring domination of men, it was like a light switch went on in my brain-I knew immediately that I had found my true sexuality. That cannot be forced or faked.

As for reading material, Claudia Varrin is the best, anything by her will awaken the Domme in your mate if it is there to be found.

Good Luck and Be Safe

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RE: Mistress please advise this Dom - 7/24/2007 9:53:35 AM

luck12br

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No I did not mean to imply that gay men are not real men......Our son is gay and we have been supportive of his lifestyle and we do love him very much......Stereotypically gay men are not as macho was my point.

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RE: Mistress please advise this Dom - 7/24/2007 10:03:10 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: luck12br

No I did not mean to imply that gay men are not real men......Our son is gay and we have been supportive of his lifestyle and we do love him very much......Stereotypically gay men are not as macho was my point.

What you have to do is make sure your wife comes into domination with a clean slate, and is not burdened by the stereotypes or perceptions. She cannot be worried that just because a man is turned on by wearing panties that it means he's less of a man; in fact, he's MORE of a man - he's able to be vulnerable, humiliated, and suffer for her pleasure. The key is - HER pleasure.

I give advice to new femdoms and scared vanilla wives quite often and have written about it a lot on my web site, including a Good Girl's Guide to Domination. My theory is that a woman needs to learn about domination not through toys, roles, or expecations by the submissive; she needs to hear it from another woman and hear why it is HOT. She needs to then find her own foundation and blossom from there. I find that most women do find a foundation for domination that they find sexy, erotic and empowering.

I could not summarize in one or two posts what I think you need to do. It does sound like you have a very open minded relationship, a sex-positive partner and all the right things in place to make a move to this new kind of dynamic. The trick is going to be getting her buy in, having her ENJOY it and having her embrace and select tools -- like forced femme, sissification, strap on play -- on HER terms.

Akasha

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RE: Mistress please advise this Dom - 7/24/2007 10:10:33 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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I find it rather amusing that most Dom say oh hell know I am not gay/bi curious and yet use males slaves, IE ,blow jobs sound like the kettle calling the pot black, WE own a male slut and if the fancy strikes me I will have a BJ,What does that make me???A trueful Dom I hope smile..bounty

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RE: Mistress please advise this Dom - 7/24/2007 10:14:26 AM

beargonewild

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quote:

ORIGINAL: luck12br

No I did not mean to imply that gay men are not real men......Our son is gay and we have been supportive of his lifestyle and we do love him very much......Stereotypically gay men are not as macho was my point.

I have to wonder at how much of the gay community you've been exposed to. It's been my experience that a certain segment do come across as being less "macho" yet one has to look at the Bear and Leather community and see many if not most are classified as "macho."

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RE: Mistress please advise this Dom - 7/24/2007 10:23:13 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: luck12br

No I did not mean to imply that gay men are not real men......Our son is gay and we have been supportive of his lifestyle and we do love him very much......Stereotypically gay men are not as macho was my point.

I'm sorry that you've lived your life with such blinders on in terms of the GLBT community. While I've seen my share of nelly fellas, I see them in AND out of the gay male population. If only some of the submissives who approach me were half as butch as some of my gay male friends, I'd have a stableful of testosterone -- way more than I could ever handle. Hell, some of the drag queens are more butch than some boys who throw themselves at women's feet here!!!

Toss away the stereotypes. There's much to learn from gay men, even for us women :-)

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"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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