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CreativeDominant -> RE: Yellin & cussin (7/12/2007 11:11:29 AM)
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Situations like this is why I have those 3 simple rules in place that were discussed in a thread on "house rules"...
1. Civility and courtesy must be used in communication
2. Patience
3. Communicate, communicate, communicate
Those rules hold for myself as well as for any submissive I am dealing with. If I cannot be civil and show courtesy to someone, how can I expect them to do so with me? Being dominant does not give me the right to be verbally abusive. If I don't like the attitude or mannerisms a submissive is using when talking to me, I believe my first question would be "are you aware that your manner is coming off as belligerent/angry with me/sarcastic/whatever?" Then, when she asked what I meant or, even if she did not, I would point to what gave me that indication.
Patience...Getting angry over someone's attitude is understandable when it is a repeated thing AND when you have taken measures to understand their attitude and correct it and the problem continues. However, anger does not mean a need for raised voice or cursing at someone: it may mean that the dominant needs to remove himself for a bit, calm down, then come down and speak to the submissive again about her attitude, explain to her what indicators are there that are pushing HIS buttons and then take corrective measures...depending on the dynamic that could range from discipline to dismissal with all kinds of steps in-between, including getting help for her in dealing with past issues while disciplining her to enforce the dynamic.
Communication of the dynamic you had growing up and about your feelings about that dynamic and how it influenced you should have taken place at the beginning and, depending on how much it has affected you, a sustained effort to communicate that clearly to him and a sustained effort on his part to communicate either his understanding of it/dismissal of it/plans for changing the resulting behaviors.
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