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worrying about failure - 7/12/2007 8:56:44 AM   
sadomasokisti


Posts: 221
Joined: 10/20/2005
From: Iceland
Status: offline 		Some times before a scheduled scene I start to worry about not being able to perform or sustain what my Mistress has planned.  This is more apparent when long time has passed between sessions.  This goes up to the point that I'm almost not up for the session when it starts.
Most of the time this feeling disappears once we start playing.

Few months ago we were going to friends house when I almost told her that I wasn't up to anything heavy but kept my mouth shut, thought that if something would happen it would be fairly light but this ended as one of the top 5 scenes in intensity which ended well for all of us.  On the way back when I told her of my concerns I had earlier that night she really cracked up.


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Pain is good. Extreme pain is extremely good
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RE: worrying about failure - 7/12/2007 9:03:10 AM   
hannahmay


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/1/2005
Status: offline 		hi,
i can totally understand that feeling, as you say especially if you not played for a while, also i know with me sometimes i can take pain other times i cant and wimp out, i think thats natural, i hope it is anyways, but i also think if you worry too much about failing it will tense you up then its impossible to play at all

best wishes
hm

(in reply to sadomasokisti)
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RE: worrying about failure - 7/12/2007 9:06:34 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Why are you worrying if she isn't worried?  It is her you are trying to please and apparently you are doing just fine.
You can't please strangers no matter how hard you try. 
My dom and I are very private people when it comes to play.  Because of that, not many people at all understand our relationship.  Those people seem to think there is something wrong with it.  In reality it is merely the fact they don't understand what exactly we do.
Then others we are close to, know a bit too much.  Our last few parties, those people know way too much...hehe.

(in reply to sadomasokisti)
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RE: worrying about failure - 7/12/2007 9:26:35 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Your feeling are understandable, but they are also pointless, selfish and insecure.  Try to laugh at yourself over them.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: worrying about failure - 7/12/2007 7:16:06 PM   
classykindasassy


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		I think any sub who's in posession of their full mental faculties, and who has a dom that will push limits, will at times fear that they lack the ability to go as far as they think the dom wants to take them. Especially if the dom is someone they don't play with often. The thing is, the dom has their own experience when they play you. You are not the one to judge and assess how you are doing/have done. Leave it to your dom to do that. I mean, sure you will judge yourself - how can you help it? But, look to your dom for input on their experience of playing you.

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"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: worrying about failure - 7/12/2007 7:25:05 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I know that little hints are supposed to create anticipation, instead too often they cause me to have anxiety attacks which ends play altogether. Honestly, I don't want any hints. Just blindfold me so I can't see what he's pulling out of the toy bag and I'm much more likely to enjoy it than if I know about it.

(in reply to classykindasassy)
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RE: worrying about failure - 7/13/2007 2:16:33 PM   
sadomasokisti


Posts: 221
Joined: 10/20/2005
From: Iceland
Status: offline 		We have been playing together for more than a year.  I don't worry so much about not pleasing her.  My worries are only toward me, how I will cope with the pain I'm about to receive.  We are fairly heavy S&M players and 90% of the time some limits are pushed and new things tried.  If I had any worries... they are all gone the moment I have been tied up.

_____________________________


Pain is good. Extreme pain is extremely good

(in reply to classykindasassy)
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RE: worrying about failure - 7/13/2007 3:30:17 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Your feeling are understandable, but they are also pointless, selfish and insecure.  Try to laugh at yourself over them.


Hi LA, why are his feelings selfish if he is worried about being able to please his Mistress ? I dont see the logic in this.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: worrying about failure - 7/16/2007 12:05:37 AM   
hideandseek


Posts: 38
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline 		I can understand why you might feel this way, but just go with the flow.  You seem to be doing fine.

_____________________________

"For three years I had roses and apologize to no one."

(in reply to Politesub53)
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RE: worrying about failure - 7/16/2007 8:40:33 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
Hi LA, why are his feelings selfish if he is worried about being able to please his Mistress ? I dont see the logic in this.

Because his worries about how HE will perform- to the point that he almost psyches himself out of it.  If he were really focused on simply "doing my best, and letting my mistress decide" he could let go of his inner worries.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: worrying about failure - 7/16/2007 10:53:10 AM   
slaveofKaos


Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Well I completly understand where you're comming from, all I would say is when you're feeling that way remeber all the times you felt like that and ended up having a great time. It wont of course stop all the feelings but it will calm them down a bit at least until you start the scene and then as you know from past experience it will be fun.

_____________________________

slave jodi

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: worrying about failure - 7/16/2007 12:06:22 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I don't think it's selfish. If you get anxious you get anxious. You may need to know that every playdate won't be as rough as possible to feel better about things. If I thought that he would push limits every time, then I'd be sure that eventually a point would come where  I couldn't handle it. Being me, my response to worrying about having to safeword would be to safeword in advance, because the anxiety is unbearable.

You had better tell her how you're feeling because eventually it will be too much at the wrong time and you need to know now whether or not you setting limits will end the relationship, whether she values you as a person or just to show off during play. I may be wrong but this is what I'm hearing

(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: worrying about failure - 7/16/2007 5:31:50 PM   
ProfJoe


Posts: 75
Joined: 6/7/2007
Status: offline 		It's selfish because it's centered on the self.

When I play with Mine, I like to know ahead of time if there's anything "I should know." I'd be aggravated to find out about an impediment -- real or potential -- after the fact.

Add to selfish: a failure to trust me.

I want her to give it all to me. I'll decide what to use, not use...... if I know what's going on, or can at least have enough info to know she is unsettled, I can pay attention in a way I might not otherwise.

To me, that transparency is one of a submissive's chief obligations.

Respectfully,
ProfJoe

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 13
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