collaring a submissive (Full Version)

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shrpcrvyrdhd -> collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 11:56:19 AM)

question: Is there any particular etiquette or standard regarding the collaring of a submissive who does NOT consider herself a slave?

I ask because someone brought up this point to me (and i paraphrase):
collar=owned owned=slave

For example: i would consider myself a "6" on the much-debated "9 Levels of Submission". Would someone have to be at a certain level, to use those standards as an example, to be truly "deserving" of a collar?

my response was that "ownership" means different things to different people and a Dominant's decision to collar is His/Hers alone and not dictated by any criteria but His/Her own. i could be wrong. i am very new.

Just an honest inquiry, so please don't flame.



Sylverdawn -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 1:21:23 PM)

I think a collar is whatever it means to the person.. some people use it as part of a roleplay scene..and when they take it off at the end of an agreed upon time thats that.. for others it holds a different sort of significance.

In general a collar is the visual symbol of an agreed upon comittment.. it can take many forms.. from a single strand of silver to an eleborate piece of bdsm paraphernalia. It can be worn on the skin, it can be worn on the finger.. it can be worn in any manner that suits the person to whom it belongs ( ie the giver). The comittment can be for an hour, an evening, a year or a life time ( ie a wedding band .. just the vanilla form of a collar) and for each person it holds a different meaning and level of intimacy. So yes anyone can collar anyone .. just dont expect everyone to agree with it or like it.



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 1:25:09 PM)

There is no "standard ettiquite" for anything done in this lifestyle. Every Dom/Master/Top makes something up and if the Sub/Slave/Bottom is into it, a style is born.

Some pure masochists (level one) will wear a collar for a scene, others refuse. Some bottoms like to wear collars for the look. Ask 100 different people what a collar means and you will get (at least) 100 different answers.

I think you nailed it right on the head when you said "that 'ownership' means different things to different people." Some never want to be owned, and don't take a collar to mean anything other than a funky decoration. Some desire to be owned in such a way that they are forced to proclaim their status with a large black leather collar with a padlock on the front to be worn everyday.

I think you have picked up a lot quite well for one so new.

Yours,
Taggard



sub4hire -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 1:57:55 PM)

I agree with the two other responses. A collar means whatever it means to the two involved in the relationship.
There are no organized groups that follow protocals anymore. At least none I have heard of...and I speak to people in the scene world wide. About the only people who claim part of a group is the old guard. Most all who claim that don't fit into the people who the old guard was originally formed from.

So, no strict group or protocal, what are you to do? Other than do what is right and best for you. Even if there were protocal people would'nt follow it anyway. Look at the 1000's of religions in the world. If there were one single true way there would be one true religion.

Anyway, I'm rambling. To me a collar means more than a wedding ring. It cannot be broken except with death. I am a failure if it happens otherwise. That is how I view it.

You will find others here on the net who give out collars to many. Give them out online. Obviously we have different views.

So stay true to yourself and follow your heart you won't go wrong.



Sinergy -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 2:24:09 PM)

quote:

my response was that "ownership" means different things to different people and a Dominant's decision to collar is His/Hers alone and not dictated by any criteria but His/Her own. i could be wrong. i am very new.


I would give almost the same response. The reason I would collar a submissive are not predicated on what somebody else thinks the reason should be.

Sinergy



Estring -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 4:00:53 PM)

I look at a "collaring" as a state of mind, a commitment. The actual collar, ( or whatever is used) is the symbol of that commitment or state of mind. I have put collars on slaves' or subs' to use in play, but they would not be "collared" in my view. But I am sure others may see it differently.



MizSuz -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 5:25:11 PM)

There are a ton of people who will tell you "it should be done this way" and "it should be done that way." As has been suggested here, everybody's got an opinion.

However, ultimately the guidelines for such are between you and the person/people partaking in your own personal journey. You get to decide what it means to you.

Now, if your paradigm is flexible enough to allow for an assortment of different meanings for collaring, on a case by case basis, then you may find yourself in a position to enjoy a collar on different levels.

If you prefer a more rigid "this is the ONLY thing a collar means to me" then you are likely to only experience it from that limited window.

What's your preference?



ModeratorThree -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 7:00:59 PM)

As everyone else has already said, it is dependant upon what it means to each person.

I seem to recall reading about a collaring ceremony that was actually beautiful, it may have been at Castlerealm, however I am not sure. Since you are new, I would read up on all the different options, then put together something that works for you.


Mod3



proudsub -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 7:34:29 PM)

quote:

I seem to recall reading about a collaring ceremony that was actually beautiful, it may have been at Castlerealm, however I am not sure.


If you belong to some kind of group i think a special ceremony would be very nice. My only collaring was in private because all our bdsm friends were online. I did show off my collar very proudly on the cam site we frequented. Hubby doesn't see any reason for a collar since i have a ring, which is fine with me.



Sinergy -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 7:55:26 PM)

When I have had collared submissives, I have put a gold and silver chain collar on their necks to wear 24x7, and had a wide leather collar (with ring and dog tags) to wear to fetish parties. Of course, hanging a nice chain dog leash from them I find quite fetching.

I generally am not in to public collarings. Putting a collar on my submissive really is something I want between the two of us without anybody else around.

Sinergy



MistressDREAD -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 8:08:37 PM)

Excuse My opinion here Masters in Your area:
quote:

I ask because someone brought up this point to me (and i paraphrase):
collar=owned owned=slave

this paraphrase is not correct in My opinion.
a collar does not determine if a person is a slave or submissive
the person does. A collar shows Ownership which can be gained
from either a submissive or a slave by a Dominant.
a submissive chooses to serve on their terms
when they so choose to serve daily a Dominant.
a slave choose once to serve on the Dominants terms forever.
JMO



MistressDREAD -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 8:11:44 PM)

On one more note:
There are sum really beautiful cerimonies
that are performed both for submissives
and for slaves in Our Lifestyle and Ive seen
sum done for both roles both in real life and
online and if this is the etiquette you are asking
about I am sure I if not you can find
sum of them here on the W W W.



featheryOne -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 8:46:00 PM)

I've been a submissive woman all my life. My first relationship which was totally D/s, was long before I discovered this little subculture, which I've made my home in the past five years.

In this fourteen year marriage (my second), I was devoted to the man I loved and he loved me in such a way, he'd nurture me in all areas of my life and make me blossom. His guidance in my life was wonderful. His decisions as a dominant man in our household...were made with great care. I wore no collar, I wore his ring. We were Oone and yes, we enjoyed many BDSM activities...and we didn't even know they had a label.

Since finding this little realm, I've had two real life Masters (at different times of course). Though I am "merely" (smiles, please that was written for a reason) a submissive...they both considered me their slave, their endearment for me. I was this, with or without a collar. Who has the right to say they were wrong in choosing this term for me. I pleased each one.

A ring does not make me a wife...it is the ceremony and the legality.

A collar does not make me a slave...it is what my Master wishes to consider me.

No ring, no collar? Smiles, I am still a submissive woman, none-the-less, even if I walk alone, waiting for my One to be revealed to me.

Those are just my thoughts...smiles, certainly not chisled upon a mountainside.

Humbly,

feather

"Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Theodore Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

Dom sub To Thine Own Self Be True Real Life

[image]local://upfiles/32520/25C4FAEC9E8F41AEA287368A42CC5BE1.jpg[/image]



featheryOne -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 8:48:28 PM)

Sorry, didn't mean to post such a large photo. Will look for a smaller one in the future.

Humbly,~f~



LDnHisRose -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 10:08:14 PM)

Had to pipe in on this as I am a collared submissive. I don't think a collar requires me to be a slave. It took quite some time for me to earn my actual collar and I have deep respect for it's symbolism. I wear it in the privacy of O/our home and to fetish type events, but the bond between U/us goes beyond the collar. I think that's the way it has to be ultimately, unless you are simply using one in a scene.

I have also been at a few beautiful collaring ceremonies and I must say I liked my own private one best. I don't need a group to witness it as long as it's in my heart and soul. [:)]
One instance stands out though: a certain collaring W/we saw involved a male "slave" and Domme, and was lengthy and very planned. However, within a month I began to see this same "collared slave" at other parties with other Dommes, uncollared... Just goes to show it has to come from within. [;)]

~His rose~



shrpcrvyrdhd -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/14/2004 10:40:19 PM)

thanks to A/all who responded...W/we seem to have a consensus of opinion on this topic...nice to know my instincts were correct...still can't seem to pin down that mythical "One True Way" that some people like to pretend exists...lol...but then, what do i know? [;)]



MizSuz -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/15/2004 5:26:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shrpcrvyrdhd

still can't seem to pin down that mythical "One True Way" that some people like to pretend exists...lol...but then, what do i know? [;)]



HAHAHA Sounds to me like you know a bit. It also sounds to me like your instincts do good work for you. I'd stay with them.



featheryOne -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/15/2004 6:13:00 AM)


quote:

nice to know my instincts were correct...still can't seem to pin down that mythical "One True Way" that some people like to pretend exists...lol...but then, what do i know?


In looking for this one true way sis....smiles, softly~if you happen upon a unicorn, please take a picture for me!

~f~



Thanatosian -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/15/2004 8:04:07 PM)

quote:

if you happen upon a unicorn, please take a picture for me!


she very well might come across one feather, as, IMX, the 'One True Way' only exists in myth/fantasy

each person/couple/group will have their/its own way of doing things that is right for them - and while some or even many parts of this way of doing things may overlap with others ways of doing things, it still does not make those parts that do overlap into a 'universal' 'one true way' of doing things, if that makes sense

the usual IMX,YMMV, etc. caveats apply



ShadeDiva -> RE: collaring a submissive (6/16/2004 2:20:38 AM)

OTWism sucks ass - and not in a good way. LOL

JMO, FWIIW.

~ShadeDiva



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