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RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/16/2007 10:48:02 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyLadyPamela
My main point is he started as a paying submissive to me with my intentions to play with him as I saw fit..  never did I think this would happen.  (snip)  strange place to be that is not often visited for me... yet absolutely wonderful.


Though I didn't quote it, I caught what you said about planting yourself back on the ground.  I think this is a sensible thing to do.  Still, I hope things work out and/or that you visit this place of romance and wonderful euphoria more often.  I know the right person has to come along, but you also have to allow yourself the pleassure of exploring somone this way.  All the kink in the world doesn't rock as hard as a passionate, heartfelt kiss, the smell of his body, and all the other little (but not so little) things that make someone worth getting to know.  I'm glad you're having fun. :-)

ElanSubdued.

(in reply to BossyLadyPamela)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/17/2007 6:05:42 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		I know this kind of makes me sound like some sort of feminist in reverse, but I just found the OP's view of men and many of the views that followed to be demeaning of men. (Not that we're that great anyway, but still.......)

The undercurrent is that sub men, for the most part, aren't "real men," rather we're just a bunch of lustful, fantasy-driven, blokes ripe for manipulation, exploitation, and detached FEMDOM control. But wait, I just met one guy who doesn't fit that mold..... and....

Anyway, glad to see you fell in love. Obviously love entails a great deal more that BDSM games and fantasy plays. The great question the OP seems to be asking, which is something we all ask, is "is this something."

Whatever you do, don't lose that "something" in a fog of D/S expectations, projections, and malesub stereotypes.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 7/17/2007 6:07:33 AM >

(in reply to ElanSubdued)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/17/2007 8:29:57 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		I get more of where the OP is coming from now. As a pro, there's this standard we have - like shrinks and dentists. You don't screw them. You don't date them. Well, it happens. Even among shrinks and dentists.


(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/17/2007 9:03:31 AM   
skareamoos


Posts: 46
Joined: 5/13/2005
Status: offline 		Young woman ... I don't know how greedy you are, but if you want money by the pound, write a book.  You have the touch.

(in reply to BossyLadyPamela)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/17/2007 3:53:40 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline
quote:

cloudboy:

I know this kind of makes me sound like some sort of feminist in reverse, but I just found the OP's view of men and many of the views that followed to be demeaning of men.  (snip)  The undercurrent is that sub men, for the most part, aren't "real men," rather we're just a bunch of lustful, fantasy-driven, blokes ripe for manipulation, exploitation, and detached FEMDOM control.  But wait, I just met one guy who doesn't fit that mold... and...

Anyway, glad to see you fell in love. Obviously love entails a great deal more that BDSM games and fantasy plays. The great question the OP seems to be asking, which is something we all ask, is "is this something."

Whatever you do, don't lose that "something" in a fog of D/S expectations, projections, and malesub stereotypes.


As a sincere, submissive male seeking a mutually loving, long-term relationship with a dominant woman, I found this thread similarly demeaning and disheartening for the same reasons coudboy illuminated.  Still, just as cloudboy did, I cast these thoughts aside for what I believe to be more important (which in this case is helping the OP enjoy her newfound romance).

One of the reasons I've avoided professional dommes is that as soon as money gets involved, I become a client.  When the work day is done, nobody wants to spend their relaxation and/or intimate, romantic time with their clients.  I suppose the OP is an unusual exception.

I wonder how many professional dommes end up dating a client?  My understanding (as a few professional alluded above) is that the general rule is "hands off" - no romance and no sex.  Clients remain clients.  This makes sense because if one starts dating clients, the business interests tend to get overlooked.

If I can be so bold and blunt, the ultimate goal of a business is to remain solvent and to make money.  Romance doesn't typically enter this equation and may well be a detriment to the business goals.  Consequently, as soon as I find out someone is a professional domme, I tend to immediately rule out romance, even if I'm not her client.  It just feels too easy to get lumped in with the other boys who are clients.  This is a shame because I'm sure there are some rather lovely professionals who would be great fun to romance and would make wonderful romantic partners.  But hey, like professionals, I have my rules too.  I won't give my time to someone who doesn't make me a priority.  It's pretty hard for me to be a priority when there are hundreds of others ushering in who also want to be that same "priority".  To use a business analogy, why introduce yourself in a crowded market when you can enter elsewhere with greater chance of success?  Thus, I prefer to date women who are not (or who are no longer) BDSM professionals.

Having said all of this, I do tend to believe in the axiom "never say never".  For all I know, a few years from now I'll be the loving partner of a professional domme while helping her run the business.  My business and computer skills would certainly be rather useful in this context.

ElanSubdued.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 7/17/2007 4:20:37 PM >

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/17/2007 7:01:36 PM   
pollux


Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

we're just a bunch of lustful, fantasy-driven, blokes ripe for manipulation, exploitation, and detached FEMDOM control.




*looks down, shuffles feet*

But seriously though, I can relate to my buddy cloudboy on this.

My first reaction to the text of the OP (excluding the, ahem, visuals) was...heaven forfend someone fall in love with a damn sub or playmate.  To the OP: You fell in love.  BFD.  Consider yourself lucky and enjoy it. 

My second reaction to the text of the OP (after reading the profile) was...sounds like someone is trolling for emotionally needy subs hoping to score a fantasy-Domme GFE.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/17/2007 7:11:16 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

we're just a bunch of lustful, fantasy-driven, blokes ripe for manipulation, exploitation, and detached FEMDOM control.




*looks down, shuffles feet*

But seriously though, I can relate to my buddy cloudboy on this.

My first reaction to the text of the OP (excluding the, ahem, visuals) was...heaven forfend someone fall in love with a damn sub or playmate.  To the OP: You fell in love.  BFD.  Consider yourself lucky and enjoy it. 

My second reaction to the text of the OP (after reading the profile) was...sounds like someone is trolling for emotionally needy subs hoping to score a fantasy-Domme GFE.



C'mon, you guys are hashin' her buzz, I'm sure.

Jealous much?

She does refer to him as a submissive.  He may carry himself differently and that's what sets him apart. Instead of complaining about it, why not aspire to be more like him?

When I was totally high on love when I met my man, I got so much shit from submissives who complained that I hooked up with a *gasp* "vanilla" guy. I think the comments were things like, "What a waste of a dominant woman."  It's been told over and over again that dominant women like strong, self sufficient, assertive, confident men who do not self label and LIVE the label as "submissive" to the core; after all, what's the fun in that?  Instead of bristling at it, why not embrace it and strut a little of that confidence yourself?

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/17/2007 7:58:45 PM   
BossyLadyPamela


Posts: 62
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

C'mon, you guys are hashin' her buzz, I'm sure.

Jealous much?

She does refer to him as a submissive.  He may carry himself differently and that's what sets him apart. Instead of complaining about it, why not aspire to be more like him?

When I was totally high on love when I met my man, I got so much shit from submissives who complained that I hooked up with a *gasp* "vanilla" guy. I think the comments were things like, "What a waste of a dominant woman."  It's been told over and over again that dominant women like strong, self sufficient, assertive, confident men who do not self label and LIVE the label as "submissive" to the core; after all, what's the fun in that?  Instead of bristling at it, why not embrace it and strut a little of that confidence yourself?

Akasha



Akasha....  girrrrl..  I thank you for your post.. I threw my post up there when I was in such a moment of lost thought of glee ....  thought it would be fun to read other womens experiences.. did not mean to offend anyone..  I value people so much...  all of them...  I dont let the buzz killers even phase me...  I dont walk thru life with any negative agenda ever.... it has never served me..doesnt exist with in my make up...

Trolling??? I troll everyday of my life for new experiences of many kinds.. .. some days it is there..some not.....    I am in quite a doozy right now....  its all good... 

Emotionally Needy...? imagine if a head shrink took a look at all of us here..dear god and we like sex..-- and the kinds of sex. .. I currently cant get enough of this hunk..I am ga ga with.......as my "drag" lesbian lover..oh we play this well.... ... 

--"diagnosis all dropped on heads as infants on purpose by mother and or father".......   enough of this crap.

Akasha--- just spent an hour on your web site for the first time.. had a good time..its simply beautiful and sexy... has a personal touch...  very nice....oh la la.. very..will visit again.............. such a masterpiece compilation 
 

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/17/2007 9:35:19 PM   
pollux


Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


C'mon, you guys are hashin' her buzz, I'm sure.

Jealous much?

She does refer to him as a submissive.  He may carry himself differently and that's what sets him apart. Instead of complaining about it, why not aspire to be more like him?



Akasha, my friend, the only person I aspire to be like is me, and that's working out just fine, thank you very much.

As to the OP:

quote:

I have two new slots open for serious submissive men who want to fall in love with me.... then I will sweetly adjust your feelings so they are appropiate.


Let's just say that the OP and her profile make an interesting counterpoint to one another.  But hey it's a free county and I'm not out to "hash" anybody's buzz.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/18/2007 12:58:19 AM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		Pamela,

I read Akasha's post, followed by yours, followed by Pollux's.  This caused me to read your profile in great detail.  Here is some of what I found:

quote:

Put your smart cap on now today -- you are nothing to me other than a drain on my time, no matter how wonderful I am sure you think you are.  This is the reason for the tribute for entry to the introduction phase.  Dont contact me if you dont understand this!  I know there are wonderful men who are all that.  I really mean this... some may be able to give me a dance of the soul... something I adore... however...  still nothing until tribute.  I just dont do it any other way -- it is not beneficial for me!


quote:

I have two new slots open for serious submissive men who want to fall in love with me...  then I will sweetly adjust your feelings so they are appropiate... this takes time, so in the mean time we can play... play... play... online.


quote:

There has been a turn that has restored my faith in submissive men because of my few subs who see past this entry.  The "oh my god she is asking me to tribute her"... oh dear god, a mere approx dinner or coffee per week...  that type is  not in my league.


quote:

I am offering fun and a chance for real creativity to train you and your body... your introduction and interview process is exciting all by itself.  You will crave the daily communication we will have -- it is raw and individual.  No commercial mass mailings at this time.  That is where I am going and those who are here with me will stay my long term associates, as I mentioned just the other day.


quote:

Oooh got some cuties in the last few days...  smart... healthy sounding men who are reasonably attractive...  I like the eagerness to be smart and communicate with me...  I have a group of you that have made the cut... the cut is all I am seeking at this point as the month of July is when you will be my new group.


quote:

I have deleted 38 messages already... only 2 followed directions.  You will read and follow the directions to even get a notice from me.  I laugh as I hit delete.  "Mistress, I want to serve you."  "Mistress, willing to relocate."  "Mistress you will never find such a willing slave." -- useless.  Where is the Mistress I want to give you what YOU want... tribute????


And then finally...

quote:

falling in love with your submissive...   very complex play...  facinating dynamics



Based on what you've written, it doesn't surprise me that you'd find falling in love with a man complex, fascinating, and yes (as per this thread) difficult to comprehend.  As before, I wish you all the success in the world with your new relationship.  I sincerely hope this is a turning point that helps you discover men have much, much more to offer than your approach and experiences allude.

Elan Subdued.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 7/18/2007 12:59:31 AM >

(in reply to BossyLadyPamela)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/18/2007 2:28:38 AM   
interestingtimes


Posts: 57
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		It sounds like you are both inhabitting the same space and is kinda cool, good luck.
I hope to find my version of you one day...

(in reply to BossyLadyPamela)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/18/2007 2:33:25 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

How do you deal with the situation when men fall in love with you but it is not mutual? Is it ever salvageable, or is it always the sign that things must end?  Have any femdoms ever had a successful, harmonious relationship with a submissive who says he is falling in love with you, but you know you will never have the same feelings for him?

Akasha


Akasha,
I've had the situation occur with male AND female submissives in service to me.  It's pretty frightening, the depth that someone can love you and you feel responsibility, but not love in return for them.  In each instance with me, it was a sign that I had to do the right thing and cut things off.  It would be unfair for me to retain them in the position where they were knowing I'd never go the distance they were willing to.  The female, I am still friends with 12 years later.  We're close enough that I was with her mother and her aunt when both of them died.  The males, not so much.  One of them stalked me to the point the police were involved.  The other, well let's say that situation got out of hand as well, but I was able to convince him that he did not want to parry with the likes of me.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/18/2007 2:39:22 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyLadyPamela

was just reaching out to see how many others felt this and felt crazy for a few days.. strange place to be that is not often visited for me..yet absolutely wonderful...

I suspect what you're describing is limerance, or what those in the poly community term "new relationship energy".
http://www.aphroweb.net/articles/nre.htm
http://www.aq.org/~js/memes/nre.html
and my favorite article, from Nan Wise, http://www.outrageousintimacy.com/nre.htm


_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to BossyLadyPamela)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/18/2007 8:20:10 AM   
MiladyLily


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline 		ah yes...limerance...it can unhinge you and send your life spinning into new directions...sometimes several at once.  it's a wild ride.  never thought i'd experience anything like it, and it came to me quite late in life.  but it does not change my nature one iota, so it would be foolish to think it really changes anything imo.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/18/2007 12:00:00 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

How do you deal with the situation when men fall in love with you but it is not mutual? Is it ever salvageable, or is it always the sign that things must end?  Have any femdoms ever had a successful, harmonious relationship with a submissive who says he is falling in love with you, but you know you will never have the same feelings for him?

Akasha


Akasha,
I've had the situation occur with male AND female submissives in service to me.  It's pretty frightening, the depth that someone can love you and you feel responsibility, but not love in return for them.  In each instance with me, it was a sign that I had to do the right thing and cut things off.  It would be unfair for me to retain them in the position where they were knowing I'd never go the distance they were willing to. 


This is exactly why I've never casually played with others and have only been interested in one-on-one relationships that had potential.  I'm very well aware that the more submissive I allow myself to be with a woman, the stronger my feelings become for her.  Obviously, knowing that about myself, it would be unwise for me to become involved in any kind of D/s activities with someone where a LTR was not a possibility.
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik
 


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/18/2007 6:35:14 PM   
abytchgoddess4u


Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline 		For the last 8yrs, all my partners have been subs. It's what I ultimately want. I'm sure it's different falling for a Pro client, but it can happen...and work.

I have two friends who are making it work now, in fact. They met at a party, he saw her a few times as a paying client, she decided she wanted more...they are now living together.

I've also had subs fall in love with me and I've been very clear from the beginning that I will NEVER fall for them. If they do and can handle that I don't, all is well. If they can't, that's their problem, not mine.

Btw, I wanted to add that amongst myself and numerous friends, there's been some very strange  highly sexual energy going around for the last few weeks. Some who have not had penetrative sex in ages are craving it. Perhaps you're sensitive to whatever's going on with the earth's energy right now?


_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

(in reply to BossyLadyPamela)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/20/2007 2:07:15 AM   
SubA2serveU


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Well, I haven't posted much on here, but the subject on this paticular thread really caught my attention... imagine this a Domme falls for her sub... could it really be? ;-)

I was truly touched when I read the original post. She seemed very sincere in her feelings for this new found, dare I say... love... for this submissive man. And I was also very pleased to see many posts from others on this site, both dommes and subs, supporting her and her lucky new sub. But I was equally disappointed to see several other posts from my fellow submissive males that felt the original post to be demeaning towards submissives and all men in general. I don't understand this one bit... I, being a very submissive male myself, in no way found this post to be demeaning in any way, shape, or form... To the contrary, I actually found it to be quite enlightening and VERY refreshing to hear that a Domme like this can be so in touch with her feelings, and for her to share this with all of us on here... how wonderful.

I agree completely with Miss Aakasha's post when she says that that maybe it's what is different about this submissive that has attracted her to him and maybe the rest of the submissive men on here need to spend less time whining and complaining about these posts and spend more time actually "reading" them. Maybe if you pay close attention to what this Domme and all the other Dommes on here talk about, you may discover what they are truly looking for, then maybe this can help you become a much better and more desirable sub... just a thought.


(in reply to BossyLadyPamela)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/20/2007 3:20:32 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		SubA2serveU,

You totally missed the point (as did Aakasha) of those who found parts of this thread demeaning.  The undercurrent here is "oh my God, a domme *actually* fell in love with a submissive".  Say what?  Women fall in love with men every minute of every day.  There is nothing miraculous here.  The notion is that one special and extraordinary submissive somehow beat the odds and rose above the unworthy livestock that are his forbearers.  Read the OP's profile and you'll get it.  I'm glad the OP has found love.  This is a wonderful thing.  However, if you view men as nothing more than dumb cattle to be corralled, manipulated, and used for filling your pocketbook, then yes, it is no wonder it would feel amazing yet simultaneously inconceivable to fall in love with a submissive boy.

As to your sentiments that submissive men learn to be more like what many of the dommes on here talk about, hmmm.  I've met some extremely intelligent, funny, kind, and loving dominant women.  Some of my real life friends are dominant women who I both enjoy and respect.  Unfortunately, the online community is full of opportunists and I have no desire to be anything like what some of these people advertise for.  To do so would mean that I'm a fool who has no sense of my own self worth.

ElanSubdued.

(in reply to SubA2serveU)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/20/2007 3:33:29 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

However, if you view men as nothing more than dumb cattle to be corralled, manipulated, and used for filling your pocketbook, then yes, it is no wonder it would feel amazing yet simultaneously inconceivable to fall in love with a submissive boy.



Emphasis is mine -- you have no idea how many submisisve men present themselves as 'dumb cattle to be corralled and manipulated' -- starting from the very first introduction.  Just because you don't do it, doesn't mean that 98% of the subs don't either - they do, and they do it gleefully. Don't assume the femdoms push this image onto the subs, it's the way most subs present themselves and wish to be regarded -- from first interaction. 

Akasha

< Message edited by AAkasha -- 7/20/2007 3:34:14 PM >

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to ElanSubdued)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: falling in that "womanly" way for a subbie - 7/20/2007 4:25:22 PM   
MsDonnaMia


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/30/2007
Status: offline 		Why oh why do I get the feeling you're a man?

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyLadyPamela

I am sure this has tickled many of your womanly fancies as mine as well..  Not often does this happen........this is the 2nd version of this in almost 13 years...  the first was 10 years ago..

Here I am again...  this submissive gentleman..whoolala..  -----usually I see them as the sweet offerings they are..as they surrender and give me that special place inside them...  I enjoy owning that part of my submissive puppies.....I get in their heads.. I enjoy all the playing and there is touching when I want it-- not in a man /woman lover way.....usually just for me to feel pleasure using them...I care about them as the people they are..laugh with them want them to feel joy.. want to see their spirits soar..they get much from me as their domme..much....all that..  it is 99% the way it always is........has been for many years...

They are my submissive friends who I do what I do with..everyone is happy..

There is this one..though several weeks ago.. he was playing as I was....flirting..I noticed  his adnonis body and his smirky tone..  I noticed many things about him..it soon spilled to emotional... sappy..  I wanted to do things to that penis and body that you do when you start to love that man or woman..eeeek...  he was falling too..

I take a deep breath ..enjoy the hell out of it...and just laugh and think how the fu_k did this happen......... there is no answer... all touching is better..all orders are better.... there are the times of softness and cooing.. giving him a morning and afternoon and several night time golden showers are better..  all the taboo is now sensual....    oh god, ........... it will pass as I cant stay in this sap--ville... it is not productive.. and it will change as long distance relationships dont appeal to me....Thank god, I know there is an ending at the end of the tunnel..  laugh here I know...

The heel on these pair of kick ass boots broke and I dont care..  girls... sistas.... oh women of the dark side... sweet dark side... ..share with me your stories  about this..and ... give me some stories to enjoy while I laugh  at myself and pretend I am not thinking about his fine little ass and his incredible mind....

I am approaching the hell out of 40.. it makes me think.. if I choose to partner up.....that partner has to be so many things.........  submissive is the first one-- I dont see myself partnering up....... he has made me visit the possibilities though.


(in reply to BossyLadyPamela)
Profile   Post #: 40
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