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RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 10:26:45 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
Status: offline

In addition...

Mom got mad thismorning because she's having problems with her female friends...

now i have a 10pm curfew...

so i can't even stay out of the house like i'd like to...

i feel so stuck, and it will be at LEAST another month before I have enough money to move into the room I am looking into... $400 deposit... $400 first months rent... plus food to move in... and hopefully a bed or sleeping bag or something... so thats like $1000 move in.

I have started REALLY looking for another job. I sent some resumes out from work thismorning... obviously I have to do something...

Problem is, all the jobs that I can find don't work with the job I have now, so I would simply have to keep the higher paying job...

My best friend of almost all my life decided just the other day to beat the crap out of me... he's male... so... we're not talking anymore... and for good reason...

what can I do to get out NOW...

do i have anywhere to go?

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 41

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 10:30:22 AM

farglebargle

Posts: 10715
Joined: 6/15/2005
From: Albany, NY
Status: offline

The key is to get a good pad for the sleeping bag. NICE AND COMFY and portable, too!

_____________________________

It's not every generation that gets to watch a civilization fall. Looks like we're in for a hell of a show.

ברוך אתה, אדוני אלוקינו, ריבון העולמים, מי יוצר צמחים ריחניים

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 42

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 10:43:49 AM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears
Getting a marketable undergraduate degree is important, very important, especially if you are in a situation where you need to be able to make money and be on your own quickly. In fact an 18 months to 24 month trade school might be an even better choice for her to at least get her some skills to make money - no skills = no job or at the very least a minimum wage jobs.

I'm afraid you're talking to someone with an antimarketable degree who was able to live on her own less than a year after graduation.

Of course having great skills is important, and no, college isn't the only answer. But suggesting that you need a particularly marketable major in order to make money is completely false.

No one suggested you need a particularly marketable major to make money, Lucky. And while I'm proud of you for having done better than the statistical average for your major, that doesn't mean it's a good idea for everyone, particularly when better alternatives are readily available.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 43

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 10:44:56 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears
Getting a marketable undergraduate degree is important, very important, especially if you are in a situation where you need to be able to make money and be on your own quickly. In fact an 18 months to 24 month trade school might be an even better choice for her to at least get her some skills to make money - no skills = no job or at the very least a minimum wage jobs.

I'm afraid you're talking to someone with an antimarketable degree who was able to live on her own less than a year after graduation.

Of course having great skills is important, and no, college isn't the only answer. But suggesting that you need a particularly marketable major in order to make money is completely false.

i'm not surprised as you are very bright and probably posess many skills above the norm. i agree you don't even need to go to college to make money - you can go into a trade or work your way up in a company, etc. The issue is IF you choose to go to college.. then do x to get y.

Lot's of kids in college (their choice to go or their parent's choice) won't have a lot of skills upon graduation - even basic daily living skills, like balancing a check book or budgeting. Life would be much easier and simpler if they took a course of study with employability in mind, not everyone has supportive parents or built in life coping skills.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 44

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 10:48:40 AM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I'm glad you're looking for a new job. And it's good you're keeping away from a fellow who's hurt you like that.

If you have any friends looking for a place, now would be the time to start talking to them. If you don't, then you can look for some roommates. RoomMates.com is a site I've seen success with before.

I'm suggesting the roommate thing due to the finicial situation. I entirely understand that living on your own, in the absense of a mate, is generally to one's perference. Nonetheless, roommates can contribute to easing a rent condition significantly.

Good luck with the job hunt. No harm in putting in a bunch of applications and seeing which respond to you, even if you aren't overly interested in working there.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 45

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 10:53:32 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
Status: offline

i just don't know how to be agreeable to the 10pm curfew idea...

i can't get away and stay away that way... and if i do, i am likely to end up with a lack of a roof over my head before i intend for it to happen.

i think the best thing to do is to keep things like that in my control... so that its on my time table and not hers...

so that i maintain a roof over my head...

i just can't think of where i could possibly go if i made the decision to leave right now...

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 46

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:01:11 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

You have to decide what is more important to you, living in an environment where you are free to make all of your own rules, or realizing that the one's who pay the bills get to make the rules and you have to just suck it up and live by them.

I can tell you what I did on the day I needed to make that decision (and I was alot younger than you at the time). I packed some clothes and toiletries and walked out the door. No car, no pillow, no blankets....just left. I slept on a picnic table in a local park and washed up in gas station bathrooms. Might not have been a perfect situation but I was free to make my own rules....and I also learned in the process that the situation that I left wasn't nearly as bad as I had perceived it to be and I learned to be a lot more thankful and take a lot less for granted.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 47

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:04:45 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

In addition...

Mom got mad thismorning because she's having problems with her female friends...

now i have a 10pm curfew...

so i can't even stay out of the house like i'd like to...

i feel so stuck, and it will be at LEAST another month before I have enough money to move into the room I am looking into... $400 deposit... $400 first months rent... plus food to move in... and hopefully a bed or sleeping bag or something... so thats like $1000 move in.

I have started REALLY looking for another job. I sent some resumes out from work thismorning... obviously I have to do something...

Problem is, all the jobs that I can find don't work with the job I have now, so I would simply have to keep the higher paying job...

My best friend of almost all my life decided just the other day to beat the crap out of me... he's male... so... we're not talking anymore... and for good reason...

what can I do to get out NOW...

do i have anywhere to go?

"From the halls of mont-a-zuuuuuma, to the shores of Tripoli."

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 48

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:08:09 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
Status: offline

I don't need to make all of my own rules. I need there to be a standard rule of respect... and the ability to let me do things on my own. I endure this constant struggle of being made to feel like I can't do anything on my own because they appear to tell me about it right before I would have taken care of it on my own. They've spent so long making sure that they tell me right before I go to do it myself that they now believe I can't get anything done on my own...

Like... I can't get up for work on my own if my mom comes in at 6:30 and tells me I need to wake up... if I had my alarm set for 7, knowing it provides ample time to get ready...

She likes to make me feel incapable

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 49

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:11:24 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Well you sound like you are pretty miserable there so I would suggest you leave. I honestly don't see what the problem is. People leave relationships all the time on a moment's notice. Like Nike says....You "just do it".

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 50

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:12:46 AM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

i just don't know how to be agreeable to the 10pm curfew idea...

i can't get away and stay away that way... and if i do, i am likely to end up with a lack of a roof over my head before i intend for it to happen.

Maybe I am misreading, but what does the 10 pm curfew have to do with you being able to get away? Unless you mean, just in the short term, as in having less time in the home, until you move out.

I'd advise giving the curfew a chance. If you are in bed by 10 pm, unless for some reason they wake you up to argue (I hope that is not the case), then you will hopefully get more sleep, and find it less annoying when she wakes you up at 8:30 am. Many people from your parents generation are just fundamentally annoyed by folks who sleep late. It was seen as laziness or immaturity. 8:30 was actually considered sleeping very late, when I was growing up.

I must confess to being one of those hard assed parents, in some ways. I got along well with my kids, except for a bit of the usual teenage strife, but it was definitely "house rules" as long as they lived at home. We paid for their college education, provided them with an inexpensive car, insurance, gas money, full health insurance, charged no rent, but they had to maintain the same standard of behavior that I expected of them before they started college.

On school days, they had a 10 pm curfew; on Fri and Sat, curfew was midnight, unless something really special was going on, and in that case, I had to be called so I would not worry about them. No drinking/drugs/boyfriends/bad language/smoking in my house or on my property, or they would be escorted to the edge of the nest, and booted into their first solo flight to try their new wings. Basically, my rule was, "you are always welcome to a home here, as long as you don't show a bad example of behavior to your younger siblings." As a matter of fact, the husband of my oldest daughter still laughs because the week before she moved out to live with him, we put her on restriction. *grins*

They both went for 2 yr college degrees, then started working. They are both married now, and doing well, and are fine adults. As a measure of the good relationship we maintained with them, BOTH of them are trying to get us to move closer to them.

It sounds like you have a lot of friction with your parents, but until you are able to leave home, unless what is happening is harmful to you, you will probably have to just make the best of it. If the environment is harming you, then you will have to decide when you will be able to leave it.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 51

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:20:33 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

"Anchors awey my boys, anchors awey."

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to nyrisa)

Post #: 52

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:21:03 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
Status: offline

I don't like being there...

my brother doesn't have a curfew...

i shouldn't have one either...

i can't stay away if i can't be out past 10... and i disagree whole heartedly with the idea of giving anyone over the age of 18 a curfew at all..

they're pushing me away... creating a place where i don't at all want to be...

i keep attempting to develop a closer relationship with them...

it doesnt work

you'd have to know the family dynamic for the past 8 years to understand how this truly works...

its always been blatant disregard for anything that interested me or anything i cared about.

my no curfew was my way to leave when i wanted to and not come back until i felt like i was ready to... it made things a little easier... i didnt have to be there when she was power tripping, i could just get in my car and leave...

now i'm stuck until i can afford to move.

(in reply to nyrisa)

Post #: 53

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:28:05 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I'm sorry but it's all sounding like whining. My brother doesn't have a curfew, why do I have to have one? It's not FAIR!!! My brother doesn't have to clean his room, but I have to clean mine. It's not FAIR!!! They don't understand me, it's not FAIR!!!

If you don't like where you are at......LEAVE. You are an adult, take responsibility for yourself and go, or stay and make the best of it without all the whining. No one owes you anything. Yup, reality sucks and life isn't fair!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 54

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:29:05 AM

BBBTBW

Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

In addition...

Mom got mad thismorning because she's having problems with her female friends...

now i have a 10pm curfew...

so i can't even stay out of the house like i'd like to...

i feel so stuck, and it will be at LEAST another month before I have enough money to move into the room I am looking into... $400 deposit... $400 first months rent... plus food to move in... and hopefully a bed or sleeping bag or something... so thats like $1000 move in.

I have started REALLY looking for another job. I sent some resumes out from work thismorning... obviously I have to do something...

Problem is, all the jobs that I can find don't work with the job I have now, so I would simply have to keep the higher paying job...

My best friend of almost all my life decided just the other day to beat the crap out of me... he's male... so... we're not talking anymore... and for good reason...

what can I do to get out NOW...

do i have anywhere to go?

No one is telling you to find a second career, they are telling you to get a second job. Go wait some tables and get some cash in your pocket. You will find that waitresses make a great deal of money if they are personable. In a couple of months, you can sock away a few thousand dollars to make your moving a little easier or move out now and sleep on the floor. If you get a job where you are making CASH money every day, you can buy food and whatever else you might need. I know a lady that works 4 days a week and takes home over $3000.00 a month waiting tables. Do it on the weekends when you are not working your Career position. People do what they have to do in order to be sane and make it. Quit complaining and whining like a spoiled brat. Get off your duff and make something happen or stay there and take it...The choice is yours

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 55

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:29:50 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
Status: offline

In a household with two children... there shouldn't be that much descrepency.

its not whining...
i'm attempting to discover a way to cope with this that isn't

"move out"

because its not an option for me right now...

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 56

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:31:22 AM

farglebargle

Posts: 10715
Joined: 6/15/2005
From: Albany, NY
Status: offline

AND by working in a restaurant, you can get free meals.

_____________________________

It's not every generation that gets to watch a civilization fall. Looks like we're in for a hell of a show.

ברוך אתה, אדוני אלוקינו, ריבון העולמים, מי יוצר צמחים ריחניים

(in reply to BBBTBW)

Post #: 57

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:33:16 AM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

they're pushing me away... creating a place where i don't at all want to be...

Why do you think the teenage years happen? It was nature's way of making sure the young want to leave the nest, and that the parent's don't die of heartbreak when they do. My daughter expected a huge emotional scene when she told us at dinner one night that she was moving out. Her jaw hit the table when my husband and I stood up and high fived each other. The others in the restaurant were kinda surprised, too.

Let's face it, this is part of growing up. And one day, you too will probably make your near-adult children's life hell, until the darlings move out. It is that whole circle of life thing.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 58

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:34:30 AM

BBBTBW

Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: farglebargle

AND by working in a restaurant, you can get free meals.

Not always free, but at least discounted

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to farglebargle)

Post #: 59

RE: Bullies - 7/16/2007 11:35:13 AM

gentlethistle

Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

Check out freecycle.org and see if there's a group near you for getting free furniture etc. Think of it as a sort of free-bay...like e-bay without the money. Help yourself to set up a new home and help the planet by keeping stuff out of landfill.

Laura

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 60

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