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romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 2:11:20 PM   
wwwkevinww


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some people cannot let a dead dog lie.  I'm now getting emails about the stuff I wrote regarding love in authority dynamics and romantic love only lasting 18 months.

so I actually typed in "romantic love 18 months", to pull up info on it....
this is a section from a news article quoted from the web from number 13,
http://www.drirene.com/lovevs.htm
 
"That word - addictive - may be exactly the right word to describe the effect of romantic love, Kort says. The emotional high it gives us is caused by something called phenylethylamine - PEA, for short.
"It's like a drug," says Kort. "People who are unhappy no longer feel that way. Or people who are depressed. That's why we love it. And that's why we don't want to let it go."
Novelty induces the body to create PEA, says Kort. And at best, a real-life love can only be very novel for six to 18 months. After that, we've got to learn to appreciate the maturing of a relationship.
If it's a PEA rush we're after, we have few options.
We can have flirtations or affairs. Or we can bring on a burst of PEA by reading one of those larger-than-life love stories or watching one in a movie. The latter is a far safer course of action.
Of course, there's a downside to all of this.
By having a steady diet of romantic love, we start to think of it as a normal state of affairs. Unless we have the outsized, chest-pounding love of a Romeo and Juliet, we think we must be doing something wrong., Our expectations are out of kilter."
 
 
This is a section of the news article, let me make sure I pull out the 6 to 18 monthes so its easier to read from that section, this is the sentence:
 
"Novelty induces the body to create PEA, says Kort. And at best, a real-life love can only be very novel for six to 18 months. After that, we've got to learn to appreciate the maturing of a relationship."
 
This isn't exactly the news article I was quoting on my bedroom wall, but it has the statistic at least.  Let me find another article....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LOVE
 
Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months. Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side-effects such as an increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.[7]

In 2005, Italian scientists at Pavia University found that a protein molecule known as the nerve growth factor (NGF) has high levels when people first fall in love, but these levels return to as they were after one year. Specifically, four neurotrophin levels, i.e. NGF, BDNF, NT-3, and NT-4, of 58 subjects who had recently fallen in love were compared with levels in a control group who were either single or already engaged in a long-term relationship. The results showed that NGF levels were significantly higher in the subjects in love than as compared to either of the control groups.[8]
 
another article:  http://net-burst.net/singles/science.htm
 

The Chemical Cocktail of Love




    Professor Cindy Hazan of Cornell University, New York, believes that falling “in love” involves the release of three chemicals in the brain: dopamine, phenylethylamine, and oxytocin. Even if the concentration of these chemicals were to remain at their peak for the rest of one’s life, the body would develop a tolerance to it, and so the effect would diminish. In reality, research indicates that levels decline over 18 to 30 months and rarely return in a relationship.
    “By that time,” she says, “couples have either parted or decided they are easy enough with each other to stay together. Love becomes a habit . . .” Professor Hazan’s conclusions are based on 5000 interviews across 37 cultures and medical tests on couples.

    Source: The Australian, 27:7:99, page 1, based on an article by John Harlow (London, The Sunday Times).

here is another article:
 
http://net-burst.net/singles/lover.htm


I think people are being wishful thinking to actually believe it lasts longer than 18 months.  If you don't like the facts, and think your BDSM play and being in romantic love is the same as when it started after this time period, your mistaken....
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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 2:14:11 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


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quote:

ORIGINAL: wwwkevinww

 Novelty induces the body to create PEA, says Kort. And at best, a real-life love can only be very novel for six to 18 months. After that, we've got to learn to appreciate the maturing of a relationship.
 

 
mature folks know that the maturing of a relationship can be romantic-for many years....just because novelty wears off, doesnt mean romance does.....

< Message edited by SeeksOnlyOne -- 7/16/2007 2:15:12 PM >


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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 2:14:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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No one can deny that new relationships have a special energy and that early relationship lust/magic/whatever does eventually fade and that a stable foundation needs to be established for the relationship to endure in the long term.

However, that's a far cry from stating that romantic love or lust does not EXIST at all after the first year and a half.  It simply tends not to be as omnipresent.

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 2:20:59 PM   
wwwkevinww


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

quote:

ORIGINAL: wwwkevinww

 Novelty induces the body to create PEA, says Kort. And at best, a real-life love can only be very novel for six to 18 months. After that, we've got to learn to appreciate the maturing of a relationship.
 

 
mature folks know that the maturing of a relationship can be romantic-for many years....just because novelty wears off, doesnt mean romance does.....


It would be silly to say you cannot be romantic after this time frame.  Its just that the type of love has to mature....I still think you can have love for someone after this time frame, but its more of a compassionate love, a more mature love if you willl.

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 2:25:43 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


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i was married for almost 20 years-the lust lasted just fine for the first 15.......we were giddy when we saw each other......his look and touch still set me on fire as much as when i was 19 years old......so i disagree, but i wont keep beatin this dead horse..........

some day may you be lucky enough to find someone to live this with....then you will understand........

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it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 2:57:36 PM   
LaTigresse


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Silly me, romantic love lasted over three years. Then she died. Wait, it still didn't die, only she did. 

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 3:05:23 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

some day may you be lucky enough to find someone to live this with....then you will understand........

agreed

*shakes head at the op*  all the book knowledge and experise in the world will never compare to actually being in love and romanced




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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 3:06:44 PM   
Mercnbeth


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FUCK! We feel like milk left in the refrigerator with an expired freshness date!
quote:

Its just that the type of love has to mature....I still think you can have love for someone after this time frame, but its more of a compassionate love, a more mature love if you Will.
Meanwhile, I have to deal with beth, stamping her feet in a tantrum screaming; "I will NOT be mature! I will NOT! - And Kevin can't make me!!!"  

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 3:13:22 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


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gee thanks.....i bout blew sprite outa my nose reading that......one more to remember not to drink while reading....damn that list is getting long

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it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 3:21:51 PM   
wwwkevinww


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

FUCK! We feel like milk left in the refrigerator with an expired freshness date!
quote:

Its just that the type of love has to mature....I still think you can have love for someone after this time frame, but its more of a compassionate love, a more mature love if you Will.
Meanwhile, I have to deal with beth, stamping her feet in a tantrum screaming; "I will NOT be mature! I will NOT! - And Kevin can't make me!!!"  


lol

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 4:37:14 PM   
Littlepita


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I get what your articles said and what you say. I agree that the "newness" of love will fade as you become used to one another. I don't agree that romantic love dies and becomes compassionate love. I love my Sir in a profoundly romantic way and it has grown deeper and stronger over the last 2 1/2 years. I liked the newness that our love created in the beginning but I'm much happier now that I know him like I do. And the way he looks at me. That is romantic!!!

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 5:41:28 PM   
slavegirljoy


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i don't understand this.  It makes no sense to me, at all, because for me, it takes just about 18 months to even begin to really feel that i love someone and, once it starts, it just keeps growing.  It takes me that long to know someone well enough to be able to feel love for them.  Preceding that, i'm just getting to know Him and liking Him a lot.  i can't love someone deeply, without knowing them deeply.
 
i never have been one to "jump" into a love relationship quickly.  i will have a very nice relationship with someone, but it's not love, until i have spent a long time with Him and learned what it is that makes Him "tick", what makes Him laugh, what makes Him cry, what makes Him relaxed and comfortable, what makes Him tense and angry, how He handles stress, what music makes Him sing or dance, what makes Him smile, etc.  After i have nursed Him back to health a few times and, after i have seen Him open my presents to Him on His birthday and Christmas and Father's Day and, after spending time in a tent in the woods with Him a few times and, after watching how He interacts with His family and friends, and so on,  then i can really see this Man for who He is and then i can know Him on a deep enough level to begin to feel a deep love for Him.  And, i'm assuming that deep love is what this is all about.
 
i can't possibly feel a deep love for someone sooner than 18 months of being with Him.  i can feel a great deal of lust for Him and i can feel a fondness for Him, but not really love for Him.  It really does take me that long to feel that i know Him, inside and out, and feel that He knows me well enough and that He wants me, as i am, without wanting to change me.  For me, that's when it starts getting really good.  That's when i find myself smiling, without thinking, just by watching Him read His newspaper and i'm completely comfortable and content about being with Him, even when Wwe aren't doing a thing, other than just being.  And, that's a feeling, for me, that just continues to grow, not diminish with time.
 
So the idea of love lasting only 18 months baffles me.  18 months is when love is just getting started, for me.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David
 
"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: wwwkevinww
some people cannot let a dead dog lie.  I'm now getting emails about the stuff I wrote regarding love in authority dynamics and romantic love only lasting 18 months.

I think people are being wishful thinking to actually believe it lasts longer than 18 months.  If you don't like the facts, and think your BDSM play and being in romantic love is the same as when it started after this time period, your mistaken....

(in reply to wwwkevinww)
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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 5:50:00 PM   
KnightofMists


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mmmmmmm so you finally provide some facts to point to.  But, what you fail to understand.. is these are the physical effects that occur when people first get together.  The fact that the physical effects within the body generally last within 6-18 months doesn't transend to the idea that a person's thougths and feelings will generally last 6-18 months.  It's like having a drink of alcohol.  It's effects on the body only last for specific period of time.  What actual effects it will have on the body will vary from person to person for alot of reasons.  However, the person that consume's the alcohol is still the same person.  the love cocktail in alot of ways helps to break the barriers that usually exists between people.  Just as alchol has a tendency to alot a person to be less reserved... the love cocktail does much the same thing for new relationships.  Feel free to call this romantic love.  personally, it is a extremely poor label to physical effect on the body.  Since by most accounts, romantic love is actually more based out of mental and emotional motivators and not simply the physical motivators of the love cocktail of our body chemistry.  In some ways the cocktail is like getting a booster just when we need it... but after the booster wears off.. the romantic love can persist and be maintained because it is movitivateed mentally and emotionally.

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 5:58:23 PM   
PairOfDimes


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Only? Heck, 18 months seems a very long honeymoon period, at least judging by my own relationship record. Truthfully, while New Relationship Energy and lust are fun, I like having a comfortable, companionate, loving, not very passionate, occasionally-boring primary relationship. I don't know whether that's romantic, but it's very nice.

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 6:20:14 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

quote:

ORIGINAL: wwwkevinww

 Novelty induces the body to create PEA, says Kort. And at best, a real-life love can only be very novel for six to 18 months. After that, we've got to learn to appreciate the maturing of a relationship.
 

 
mature folks know that the maturing of a relationship can be romantic-for many years....just because novelty wears off, doesnt mean romance does.....


Exactly!! Well said!

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 6:21:56 PM   
SubtleDifference


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Knight, very nicely explained!

Your cocktail analogy hit home for me. It reminded me of a sweet moment during my 23 years married to my husband..

About 6 years ago, I was meeting him in a subway station in between his office and mine. As I stood in the very crowded Union Square Station in Manhattan during rush hour, I noticed this man walking towards me with a sway and a confidence that would melt any woman. I smiled admiring his dark hair and broad shoulders, a bit flushed that I found this stranger so delicious.

As he came closer I realized it wasn't a stranger I lusted, it was my own husband. We still have a good laugh about it. But it was a beautiful reminder of that initial chemistry.

Do you think it counts as a 'love cocktail' after so many years of romantic love? I guess we don't fall into the 18 month theory. Lucky me.

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 8:04:33 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SubtleDifference

Do you think it counts as a 'love cocktail' after so many years of romantic love? I guess we don't fall into the 18 month theory. Lucky me.


I guess not  *chuckles*...

A thought I never provide was the idea of the power the mind can have on our body chemistry.  Science is beginning to show that the power of thought can actually generate chemical releases in the body.  The entire research is rather new, in that it has a tremendous amount of testing to be done to draw any specific conclusions.  However, bit by bit, science is showing us, that our body chemistry can affect our emotions and thoughts.  As well, it is showing that our emotions and thoughts can affect our body chemistry.  It really seems to be developing into a chicken and the egg issue... The question being which came first.  It seems that the answer is never going to a simple absolute.... as much as some might want this simple asnswer.  The answer, is going to be subject to the individuals and given situations.  But, the power of the mind over our bodies is alot more powerful than we once thought.

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 8:09:13 PM   
SexyRed


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

i was married for almost 20 years-the lust lasted just fine for the first 15.......we were giddy when we saw each other......his look and touch still set me on fire as much as when i was 19 years old......so i disagree, but i wont keep beatin this dead horse..........

some day may you be lucky enough to find someone to live this with....then you will understand........


so true...so many people fall into the "citing research and statistics" arena when they lack life experiences that often disprove all the stats in the world. I feel sad for people who never experience true passion, but try to analyze and intellectualize it.

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 8:13:12 PM   
Mystique567


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Joined: 6/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

FUCK! We feel like milk left in the refrigerator with an expired freshness date!
quote:

Its just that the type of love has to mature....I still think you can have love for someone after this time frame, but its more of a compassionate love, a more mature love if you Will.
Meanwhile, I have to deal with beth, stamping her feet in a tantrum screaming; "I will NOT be mature! I will NOT! - And Kevin can't make me!!!"  


Waiter!!! I'll have what they're having!!!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 10:09:41 PM   
AquaticSub


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Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

FUCK! We feel like milk left in the refrigerator with an expired freshness date!
quote:

Its just that the type of love has to mature....I still think you can have love for someone after this time frame, but its more of a compassionate love, a more mature love if you Will.
Meanwhile, I have to deal with beth, stamping her feet in a tantrum screaming; "I will NOT be mature! I will NOT! - And Kevin can't make me!!!"  


May I join in on that tantrum? Valyraen and I are a bit a past the 18 month mark and aren't showing any signs of the romance slowing down. I'm still as drunk for him as I ever was, maybe more!

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