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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/16/2007 10:35:39 PM

WhiplashSmile

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I feel it's dangerous to fall into a mindset of over Analyze things such as love, lust, attraction and kink even. How long something lasts for one person is not the same for another person. Why not simply let what will be, and experience, live it and enjoy instead of setting a dooms day count down timer on it.

It's important to find that somebody special you are looking for, and working at building and maintaining that relationship.

I really don't know how this applies to the BDSM lifestyle itself, Love is more of a general relationship dynamic for everybody regardless of BDSM.

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/17/2007 4:55:08 AM

wandersalone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wwwkevinww
I think people are being wishful thinking to actually believe it lasts longer than 18 months. If you don't like the facts, and think your BDSM play and being in romantic love is the same as when it started after this time period, your mistaken....

This is probably one of the many discusions where there is no right or wrong answer and sometimes it is better for our own stress levels/blood pressure to let people believe what they want to believe. It may be a matter of semantics... how do you define and measure romantic love? If people want to believe that their romantic love will last forever let them. Who knows, maybe one day you will find your experience and views of romantic love to change.

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/17/2007 5:22:47 AM

LeatherBentOne

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Romance, love and lust has its ebbs and flows in all relationships, some being more significant and intense than others, some being barely noticeable and mysteriously subtle. Like BDSM, I think romance, love and lust are a process of transitions from one stage to another, almost effortlessly.

Sometimes, we are in a romantic mood, falling in love with our partner over and over again when we recognise something new and delightful about them that we've never seen or realised before. We ressurect our lust for ou partner based on our new revelation and the love we have for them, as if the relationship has come full circle, and now we're starting all over again.

The same ebbs and flows are present in BDSM. Sometimes, when we are in a conducive D/s head space, we fantasize about the exchanges we've had in the past, and illicite creative fantsies of new and different exchanges, based on the response that our partner has given us in the past. We picture this scenerio coming to life through play, whether or not we prefer to exhibit our lust through a power exchange, S/m and/or some combination thereof based on our new-found fantasy. We then come full circle by acting out our desires, needs and wants, accordingly.

There are times when we romance, love and lust more or less depending on our life circumstances at any given moment in time. Sometimes, it's a day, week, month or perhaps years when the well seems all but dry. That's when loyalty, commitment, patience, respect and maturity kick in . . . until the process starts all over, again.

Firsty, perhaps the cycle of ebbs and flows lasts anywhere from 6-18 months based on research, but we would be relying on people to be self aware, able to focus, pinpoint their emotions and express their feelings, accuratey. In my opinion, these folks are hard to find in all reality.

Secondly, romance, love and lust are subjective emotions regardless of what the chemicals in our body are telling us, including that amounts and reactions from these chemicals vary from one individual to another.

Thirdly, I'm wondering if the researchers have ever done long-term studies, following the same people over an extended period of time to determine if the 6-18 month theory is not only scientifically valid, but also reliable. That is, can the results be replicated, not just by interviewing new participants each time, but the same couples every 6-18 months to see if this theory is cyclical.

Fourthly, there is a consensus among many medical scientists and laymen that psychological research is "junk science," perhaps because scientific proof may show its validity but lacks reliablitity, which are the two components of what is called the scientific method.

Finally, psychology is referred to an art in some professional arenas, rather than a science based on the criteria of the scientific method (validity and reliablity), and is therefore open to interpretation.

Just some food for thought.

LBO

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/17/2007 5:29:50 AM

boytoy4female

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I disagree with the fact that romantic love or lust ends after 18 months. It lasts as long as the 2 want it to and as long as they keep it alive. How do I know? I am romantically and lustfully involved with the same woman for the past 20 years.

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/17/2007 5:34:53 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Silly me, romantic love lasted over three years. Then she died. Wait, it still didn't die, only she did.

well said, only it was 'he' for me and it lasted for almost 15 years

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/17/2007 5:49:54 AM

Aubre

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...stupidity lasts forever!

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/17/2007 5:51:19 AM

GhitaAmati

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Sir and I have been married for 4 years...and we still get accused of acting like newlyweds......I still have that new-romance crush on him after all this time and I dont plan on that feeling changing anytime soon.

ghita~

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/17/2007 7:14:43 AM

LeatherBentOne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: boytoy4female

I disagree with the fact that romantic love or lust ends after 18 months. It lasts as long as the 2 want it to and as long as they keep it alive. How do I know? I am romantically and lustfully involved with the same woman for the past 20 years.

I said it cycles, ebbs and flows but doesnt end.

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/17/2007 11:21:29 AM

targon

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Life is what you make it.

If you want romance to last forever you both have to do it. Be part of it.

This is why they have called it "Making Love" since forever. The initial chemistry of the first 18 months is
what I would call "Falling In Love". The feeling of falling is felt in your stomach and it is similar
to that initial time period.

Also, familiarity should not convert to neglect or boredom. Be present and appreciative. Many good loves
have been killed by the people in the relationship. So, don't tear it apart, don't ruin it and don't neglect it.

Targon

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/17/2007 11:59:59 AM

MusicalBoredom

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When I was a kid I would go out and magically find that "special" person at bars, clubs, events, etc. Nine times out of ten (or more) "special" meant "I want you so bad I can taste it" in other words sex/lust. Now I appreciate that kind of attraction but I find that relationships built purely on initial attraction have little depth to back up the real part of a relationship.

Everyone I know likes falling in love or exploring new things. It's addictive. However, I think good sex and initial physical compatibility are a lot like finding a "good kisser." I know that I can kiss any number of ways. Without knowing the person I'm kissing then its a guess between hard/soft/fast/slow/tongue/no tongue. If I actually get to know the person then open communication usually leads to the "right kind" of kiss from the start. The same can be said for all levels of intimacy. There are many things that are just plain what we like and many other things that we really don't have a strong opinion about. We just pick something and go with it. Taking the time to actually know someone usually leads to either not being in a relationship at all with that person or actually having a relationship that's built on a better understanding of the compatibility that actually exists rather than making up compatibility based on some rehearsed method of meeting people.

Now that I'm not a kid (for the most part), I tend to meet people slowly and see what happens based on actually knowing that person. Of course open play has it's place but for me I'm even more slow to move into those situations as well.

D

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RE: romantic love in D/s - 7/17/2007 12:16:52 PM

boy46

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Have You feeling in diferent way if it is a D/s relationship?. I am interested on it because it hapened to me. Lately, at 46 yo, when meet any dominant person (a Lady) often i fall in love like a teenager, very similar...very intense. Of course that it isnt always, unfortunately there arent so many compatible people in the world, but what i am wondering if this hapens to Y/you too...
And why is it?.. More close to the true heart and love the D/s relationship?... perhaps for us,,,it is.

be well
:)

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/17/2007 12:26:42 PM

julietsierra

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Those that believe that romantic love only lasts for 18 months are those I refer to as infatuation junkies. They are so seeking the rush of new relationships that they have no concept of what romantic love feels like over time. And that's just sad.

my Master and me:
nearly 5 years and counting here.
Mom and Dad:
July 5: 49 years of marriage and she still listens to his voice on the answering machine telling her he loves her when he's out of town. He still tears up when he hears a song on the radio that reminds him of her.
Grandma and Grandpa:
60 years of marriage. He was utterly lost when she had a stroke and was in the hospital. He flew her from Texas to Michigan and then had his entire house changed up so that she could lie in the living room and watch the lake while he sang love songs to her as he fed her and did all the other care for her that he needed to do - for a year until the day of her death and beyond.
My sister and her husband:
25 years
My brother and his g/f: 10 years
even my ex and myself:
18 years.

Rationalizing behavior of infatuation junkies just doesn't work for me.

And the idea that you're starting your own thread on this subject because OTHER people won't let this die...is just hilarious - if it wasn't so sad.

juliet

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RE: romantic love lasts 18 months - 7/17/2007 2:44:10 PM

brightspot

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{FR}
The high romance, I think of the first 2 years is a most
often given gift of a blooming relationship.
After that if you want to sustain the romance in your
relationship long term, you both need to actively work on it
and make it an important practicing part of the relationship.

Missy.

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