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First steps - 7/16/2007 2:54:50 PM

niceladydomme

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/11/2007
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Hi, I'm interested in giving a BDSM relationship a go. I've played around in the bedroom, the usual things, had some fun but now I want to play harder with someone who's as keen as me. I was hoping people would give me their advice as to where to go, what to do etc. I've joined collarme to read the forums and try to learn a bit. From the threads I've read online searching for people doesn't seem too successful so should I try real life things and if so what should I expect? What should I look out for? I'm sure this is well trodden ground but just a few good links and solid advice would be great.

Kerry

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RE: First steps - 7/16/2007 4:22:52 PM

irishjoe

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Joined: 1/29/2005
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Hi, that is fantastic that you have discovered your inner domme. I think the best thing to do is to read as much about BDSM as you can and educate yourself on everything and anything. A good place to start is www.castlerealm.com and for femdom, www.elisesutton.com. These sites have taught me an awful lot of what is expected by a domme and how a sub like myself can serve them better. Naturally for a domme they will give you a lot of information pertaining to the reality of the lifestyle, which up until recently i was a little scared of myself. As far as finding a partner online goes, i don't know but i assume it may be easier for a domme to find a willing sub than vice versa as the number of subs far outweighs that of dommes...(unfortunately!). Also i have found that getting involved in the local scene, going to munches and meetings is a great way to meet some wonderful people who will further your education and you may also find a suitable submissive there.

Anyways i hope this has been of some help...i know this forum is ask a mistress and i am sure the dommes will have alot more knowledge about what you asking then i do..but i just wanted to help out.
joe

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RE: First steps - 7/16/2007 7:20:53 PM

niceladydomme

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No that's useful thanks joe. I'll look at those websites although the second one doen't quite seem me.

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RE: First steps - 7/16/2007 7:21:29 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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Your best bet is to find your local community and get involved. If you go to google and search "BDSM name of nearest large city", you should get some hits.

Master Fire

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RE: First steps - 7/16/2007 11:31:29 PM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I have a number of BDSM articles on my Profile in the Journal section. Most of them are notes from workshops we've taught and summaries of conversations with others about things they wanted to know. It's a bit "BDSM for Dummies" but you might find it helpful, if only for subby homework assignments, chuckle.

Happy hunting
:))
LH

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"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

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RE: First steps - 7/17/2007 5:56:09 AM

bschwimmer

Posts: 630
Joined: 6/30/2005
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just dont turn Pro
Every domme I have been involved with always evoles into a pro domme

b

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RE: First steps - 7/17/2007 2:26:42 PM

niceladydomme

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Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm sure it will be very useful.

Kerry

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RE: First steps - 7/17/2007 7:07:55 PM

PairOfDimes

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Joined: 7/20/2006
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Where to go from here like what activities you should do? From your playing around, and perhaps indulging in some videos or erotic novels, you probably ascertained that some things are hotter than others to you, yes? Do more of those kinds of things. Figure out what about those activities makes you excited, and then try to find that in other activities.

You should also explore the young but vibrant world of kinky blogs. Some writers are quite thoughtful and articulate. Bondage Blog and Spanking Blog are good metafilters. Two blogs I like are mistressmatisse.blogspot.com and ondominance.blogspot.com

Meeting people online can work, although I've had more success with people who are moderately active in local BDSM groups, even when I connected with them online rather than at a group meeting.

I don't know whether Wales has any significant BDSM community, nor whether there are groups convenient to you, but you can google around. "BDSM," "BDSM resources," "leather," "bondage," "spanking" plus the names of cities around you might be good. If you can't find anything, look for polyamory groups, swinger groups, or LGBT groups, if you could see yourself being remotely comfortable in any of those categories. Then email, or attend an event, and ask around. While obviously there will be plenty of poly/swinging/queer people who aren't kinky, alternative sexualities do tend to have some overlap.

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RE: First steps - 7/18/2007 12:19:14 AM

MisPandora

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From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Your best bet is to find your local community and get involved. If you go to google and search "BDSM name of nearest large city", you should get some hits.

Master Fire

I have to agree with M. Fire here. Some of the best laid foundations seem to come from a real-world based view of what BDSM and power exchange is. You get that from sharing with peers, seeing how others do it, mentoring, and learning technical as well as psychological skills both supervised and absorbed through observation.

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Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: First steps - 7/18/2007 12:43:13 AM

WyckedMystress

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Joined: 6/24/2005
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I have to agree with what looks like it couild be the majority. Local groups and clubs are a great way to get started, meet like minded people and talk to people. Wwe all started somewhere and most are more than happy to share their advice and thoughts.

Goodluck and have fun with it!!

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RE: First steps - 7/18/2007 3:06:05 AM

sierraflowr

Posts: 59
Joined: 6/7/2005
From: Northern California
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Thank you for the topic! it was actually what i was going to ask when i looked here :)
my hubby is sub and we've been 'playing' in the bedroom but wish to expand a bit outside. I'm just not even sure where to start as far as the dynamics go. oh, i am more of a sub lol.
he has more experience with ProDommes too, so it is hard to make him realize that isn't the whole picture :(
know this is blabber, sorry its late.
anyway thanks.

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When I let go of who I am,
I become who I might be.
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RE: First steps - 7/18/2007 3:01:34 PM

niceladydomme

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Just thought I'd say thanks to everyone who posted advice. I have a lot of reading to do now!

Kerry

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