RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles?

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SirDraco7 -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 4:59:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rastimmipitwax Pfft, if a "submissive" does not know how to write in a manner that does not come off as Dominant, it is pretty obvious that they have a very strong personality that is going to take a lot of work to Dominate. If you don't think you can handle that, move on, a real Dom/me will come along soon enough who has what it takes. There are many ways to understand and look at this. First of all, what is a 'real' Dom? Everyone is different in their own ways so saying someone is real or not is hard to define. Does experience make someone real? Does knowledge? Maturity? Is a Dom any less real if he's not Strong?(interesting, perhaps a conversation/debate for a different post) Anyways I digress. I understand what You're saying, however I also disagree in ways. Just because one has a strong personality, does not mean it will take a lot of work to make such a relationship to work. Yes, such relationships can work. But in my experience, people with 'strong' personalities are also much more likely to try to top from the bottom and cause difficulties within the relationship via conflict. Am I any less real because more often than not I do not desire, nor see the use in my effort trying to 'tame such savage beasts' lol? I'm not saying that I wouldn't, because I would if the compatibility looked to be there.( I guess you could see this as a good thing as it eliminates e-mails, but mine are never rude and always thoughtful. And would such stop a Troll anyways? or just the type of people and e-mails they are looking for?) Also, if a submissive is disrespectful, rude and demanding in her profile, I would not instantly equate that to a strong personality. It could just mean that she is disrespectful, rude and demanding in Real life. Besides, just because one is a real Dom, doesn't mean they are compatable with every person, doesn't mean they have what it takes to tame everyone. Anyone who thinks it does... is an idiot.

earthycouple -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 4:59:31 AM)
I believe we all have the basic human right to find what we need/want in life. If a profile is strong and tells it like it is, then I don't see it as demanding; I see it as truthful. Written words do not have voice inflection and can and will be read 100 ways by 100 people. I would rather you tell me up front in writing that you don't want a sadistic dominant so I can avoid wasting our time by making contact. As well if you don't want someone who is nearly 6 foot tall, married, or has UM's...I can keep on perusing. This changes once boundaries and trust are established. When we get to that point and you are demanding the flogger instead of the cat o' nine then we have issues. Until then, "demanding ahem pseudo subs" keep on keeping on...it helps me weed out incompatible people!

SirDraco7 -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 5:05:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wandersalone As far as I am aware there is no 'how to' handbook about how to be/portray a real submissive and even if there was one it would be open to interpretation. Can you an example of how a submissive should write their profile in order to be viewed as sub-like and not trying to top from the bottom. I could add a dozen 'pleases' and 'by your leaves' to my profile however it would not make me any more or less submissive than I am. Thank these people for showing you early on that you are not a match and move on to another profile. [:)] Well, for one, Your profile I would not consider demanding at all.(well written btw as you even throw a spash of your personality here and there in it) You say what you seek, say what you look for and desire and what you do not seek. You also do it in a non demanding and respectful way. I guess it would be easier showing an example of a demanding profile, but I have no desire to flame anyone, so I won't. It's all in the way it's written. As well as how you look at it and percieve it.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 5:26:50 AM)
what you think is demanding is merely a submissive way to weed out the unwanted and uncompatiable potential doms especially here unless you're in the market for a doormat. in case you have forgotten, we don't have to submit to you (or any other dom) after the 1st message just because you self-title yourself as "master" or "sir" ...such titles are earned out of respect by the submissive who chooses you - yeah that's right we submissives hold all the power before submitting and and giving it to you.

EmpassionedRogue -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 6:42:31 AM)
quote: Maybe the submissives will read Your post and give their profiles a second look to see if they are perhaps a little too aggressive in their offerings. Know i will. is a very good point

littlesarbonn -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 6:43:03 AM)
A few people have told me over the years that my profile is too demanding. My response has usually been along the lines of "thanks" and that's all I had to say. Sometimes there's a follow-up, as if I was somehow expected to change my profile based on a criticism, and I'd say that it's written that way because it's my profile and says what I want it to say. Recently, my profile talks about my desire for cheese. Sure, it has nothing to do with bdsm, but it's my profile, and if I want to talk about wanting cheese, I talk about wanting cheese. If I was wanting a dominant, I would have written about that.

LaTigresse -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 7:16:44 AM)
How very funny! Because a submissive or slave knows what they want, what works for them, and have the self awareness to put it out there, and hopefully weed out those that don't fit their own criteria they are too demanding?!?! Puulllllleeeeeeeeezzzzzzzz! Well keep right on passing those intelligent strong people up because there are some dominants, like myself, that actually prefer someone like that. I do not want the woman that submits to me to submit to anyone else. I don't see the need for her to show any other dominant any more respect that I would. Just because someone calls themself dominant does not mean every submissive should kiss his/her arse. And, it does not mean that dominant has earned any more respect than any other human being on this planet. Face it, just because you say it's so, does not make it so. Until I, or any other dominant has earned/proven themself, to any sub/slave then we are all just one more chest thumping (ouch) blowhard.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 7:19:12 AM)
It could be that they are not submissive, but it could be that they are simply selective and know what they want. If you don't find their profile appealing, that's a good thing because everything you can use as a weeding process helps. Master Fire

laineyjade -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 7:26:32 AM)
Who's to judge which one is demanding, and which one gives just the right amount of information? I've had men rant at me because I had an age limit and location limit for doms, is this too demanding or should I pack up and move to Egypt with a 21-year old "dom" just to prove that I'm really submissive?

SirMIkeSD -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 7:28:41 AM)
Maybe a better way to look at this would be a negitive vs understands/knows what the need/want type of profile. Knowing what you want/need does not make it a negitive profile. But a pure negitive profile, will put be off. I know I don't want to spend my time around a negitive person, so I just ignore them and go on to the next. Mike

MistressTribute -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 7:34:25 AM)
EmpassionedRogue,kossack, and little sarbonn, None of your profiles are too demanding. At least not in the rude sense. It was a pleasure to read each of yours. :)

burningdesires47 -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 7:39:11 AM)
See, I'm not a sub to everyone who is a Dom. They have to earn my submission just as surely as I have to earn their dominance. Part of the reason I enjoy being a sub is because it takes the worries and responsibility off my shoulders, and lets me drop that control freak attitude. But it has to be with the right person--someone who is going to respect me for who I am, and understand that I will treat them with respect, always, but understands that I am not meek, I am an alpha female in need of some release.

Celeste43 -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 7:42:33 AM)
Maybe they write strong, powerful profiles because they are strong, powerful women? And they don't want to be hassled by anyone who is so insecure that he believes any woman who doesn't agree to submit to every so-called dom out there isn't submissive. In which case, they've done everything right. They aren't getting bothered by insecure types who need their so-called dominant egos stroked constantly and the insecure types know immediately to move on in their search for an eternal doormat. We know who we are and what we need. By not claiming that we're willing to do things we aren't, and accept things we won't we are honest and straight forward. And we accept our partners rights to be just as demanding when looking for someone we can love, respect, have chemistry and deep compatibility with.

julietsierra -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 8:02:16 AM)
hmmm... now I'm wondering if the reason I don't receive all the e-mails everyone is always moaning about receiving is because somewhere along the line I sounded more like a dominant than a submissive...lol.. shrug as if it matters. Personally, I don't think I come off as dominant. I just come off like I don't really care what everyone else thinks. juliet

Laure -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 8:05:46 AM)
I could, if I chose, scribble out the most abjectly crawling-on-my-belly profile on earth. Then, since I am married and poly, whoever was attracted to that profile would have to be approved by my husband, after, of course, being punished for lying on my profile.

ChainsandFreedom -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 8:20:50 AM)
I was hoping to proffer unto all of you a submissive male's perspective from someone who has been happily collared, and in a wonderful live in situation, all because my Madame found my profile on this site many months back...I'm knew to the forums so if I offend or bore in any way I apologize... First of all, many posters have made what I think is a good point. There is a difference in asserting your preferences in a realilistic, time saving way (location/age/relationship status/ect), and rude or negitive profiles. Some of that, I think, is just human nature-some people arn't in touch with what they actually want and it shows, or they're simply not positive people. As a submissive male (and certainly females, from what I'm reading here), you constantly face double standards. Its reality, Its my lot on this site, I'm stating but not complaining. You need be more than a doormat but you need not be upity. You must send people more than one line but if you send alot they assume your sending that page or so of text to everyone. You have to be able to converse but you can't sound too opionated, ect. SOOO....my point is that, as a submissive, theres a lot of competition out there to attract a dominante. Oftentimes, knowing what you want out of this site and putting it on your profile, IN A RESPECTFUL WAY, can distinguish you from the rest. We're submissive but we're on this site for the same reason as dom's-we have social goals we're looking to accomplish. And having goals, to many dom's, is attractive because it means you were worth dominating in the first place. Far too many subs are either spineless or looking to top from the bottom with very narrowly focused sets of physical intersets. Writing that you have specific interests and personality traits and showing that they are realilistic can help flesh out your profile. From what I read while reading (lurking?) a forum on tribute dom's last week, it seems that if a sub has nothing to offer beyond servitude itself and has no personality, he's unlikely to find a relationship or a meaningful, non financial connection. And I've noticed, from reading female sub profiles, many female subs want to be 'broken' or 'molded' or 'punished' into a state of submission that isnt their constant state. I've never been attracted to them, so I don't know if their finding what they want on this site or not. I've also noticed, from some of the 'sub' males messaging the Madame without reading our joint profile, they are indeed pushy and demanding and disrespectful and soliciting for favors in a way which is far from submissive (or going to work, for that matter).

GhitaAmati -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 8:24:46 AM)
I dont think writing what someone doesnt want in a relationship is being demanding...and I will agree that it is often obvious that many on CM dont read the profiles anyway. I will agree that the profiles that read like a list of "I dont want xxxxx" can come off as a little negative, but I see nothing wrong with stating up front what you arent looking for, but I think it helps if there is a flip side and you write a little bit about what you DO want also.

SubinMaine -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 8:51:32 AM)
Well, then, i guess i'm going to "submissive hell"....lol. What fun could it possibly be for a Dominant personality to dominate a person with no backbone or personal thoughts/preferences...wouldn't that be like Domming a wet dish rag? Kind of makes me happy i'm not "looking" smile....but then, my profile has been approved by Sir and He is the only one i really need to worry about so....

Travelino -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 8:55:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirDraco7 I'm just basically wondering if a submissive/slave who has a demanding profile actually really submissive? Are they a submissive who would most likely top from the bottom? And please don't get me wrong, I understand why it's needed in some cases. Mostly idiot single males who don't read or are not respectful, or couples with an idiot male, or 'females' who are actually idiot males behind the computer are the cause of such. Yes, there are more causes than men, but they/we are the main cause. It's not always the fact that it's demanding, it's more the tone if anyone can understand what I mean here. Asking for a picture to be included is fair if you have one posted. Asking for set ages, or locations, or even saying 'no men' is understandable as well. But can't such be done and said without being demanding? is it really needed? is it respectful? I have seen countless profiles of demanding subs. Again, it's all in the tone. You could easily change them from sub to Dom and actually see the profile fitting better type of thing. And why is such seemingly more and more commonplace? is it ok for a sub to be Dom-like in their profile?(I'm trying to be gender neutral here btw, apologies if I slip up here or there) And then... About those who follow the rules and orders placed down. Does their replies Make them any less of a Dom? Does it start the potential 'relationship' off on a wrong foot if she's aggressive and demanding and he's defensive and doing what he's told too so he can get to step two or three? I'm just wondering if anyone has noticed this and thought about such like I have, and I was wondering about people's opinions about it as well. curiously thoughtful Sir Draco At one time, I was wondering this myself. As time went on, I realized that those with the type of profiles you mention (AND the content of the posts(if any)/replys to posts(if any)) really paint a sloppy picture of the person and their mental state, at the particular point in their life. Most of the time, I am quick to disregard said profiles/posts/replys as being of little or no use to myself, or my potential future with that person. I really have no time to teach a submissive the Lifestyle equivalent of "please and thank-you". In a way, its a self-serving weeding process and it saves me excessive stress dealing with someone who is less-than-compatible with myself. Thank you all, for the help in the weeding process. Take care, SirDraco7, and all the best to you. Travelino.

GhitaAmati -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 9:08:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SubinMaine Well, then, i guess i'm going to "submissive hell"....lol. What fun could it possibly be for a Dominant personality to dominate a person with no backbone or personal thoughts/preferences...wouldn't that be like Domming a wet dish rag? Kind of makes me happy i'm not "looking" smile....but then, my profile has been approved by Sir and He is the only one i really need to worry about so.... B, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I am all for a sub stating her expectations before entering into any relationship. This is afterall a consensual thing we practice and what the hell is the point in doing something if both parties arent enjoying themselves and getting their desires met. All I meant to say is that sometimes its better to demand what we DO want than to use our entire profile to demand what we DONT. Makes for an easier read for the most part. anyway...might I direct you to my signature line...Ill meet you in subbie hell.

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