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RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? - 7/19/2007 7:26:11 PM

Mistressor

Posts: 30
Joined: 6/13/2007
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There's a very clear distinction between rude and arrogant and knowing and stating what one wants/needs from ANY side.
No one is saying that a slave/sub should be spoken to like a piece of filth and commanded to get on their knees. The same goes for the Dominants, most of us don't want a spineless, brain dead moron.

All that is needed from anyone, in the lifestyle or not, is simple politeness.

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RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? - 7/19/2007 8:38:41 PM

Mystique567

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Bravo well said!!!

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RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? - 7/20/2007 8:32:20 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
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The problem is what one person sees as rude and arrogant another sees as straightforward and no bullshit.

It's all a matter of perception.

Another thought I have is that if, I don't like a profile, then I should cease reading it. It belongs to THEM, not me. They obviously have a certain type of person they are trying to communicate with. If I do not like their profile then I know that I am simply, not that person.

I refuse to let something as trivial as some strangers written words affect me, or my life, in any way, shape or form. To do so, puts them in control of a part of me. I choose to avoid that.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/20/2007 8:33:34 AM >

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RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? - 7/20/2007 8:47:37 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
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~fast reply~

my profile is/was fairly sparse. when i first posted it, when i was looking, it didnt have that much in it. i figured if someone was interested enough, they'd message me and talk more. i was right, even though most of the "interested" were interested because of my photo.

but it got Sir interested enough to message me, also. and he didnt mind talking with me long enough to see who i was, and what i needed, and figure out he was more than willing to be the one who Dominated me.

kitten, who is very glad he persisted, even when she kept saying she wasnt sure...

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RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? - 7/20/2007 9:26:35 AM

MiladyElaine

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SirDrako7 said " I'm just wondering if anyone has noticed this and thought about such like I have, and I was wondering about people's opinions about it as well. "
I have noticed this also and will not even bother to respond. A lot of sub/slaves will even have what they want in their handles. I just don't even read them.

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RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? - 7/20/2007 9:54:40 AM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraco7

I'm just basically wondering if a submissive/slave who has a demanding profile actually really submissive? (They are submissive or a slave if they think they are. Your interpretation of demanding is perhaps different from someone who understands that all of us have preferences and can state them any way we wish to)

Are they a submissive who would most likely top from the bottom? (Rolls eyes...how sad that you would use that terminology when in reality, being confident, sure of what you want, need and how to get it are signs of being an empowered person and has virtually nothing to do with "topping from the bottom".)

But can't such be done and said without being demanding? is it really needed? is it respectful? (again, individuals vary in their writing ability, communication style and most of all, do not need to please everyone who reads their profile. I might ask you if it is disrespectful to accuse subs or slaves who are discerning of topping from the bottom simply because their profiles offend you)

I have seen countless profiles of demanding subs.
Again, it's all in the tone. You could easily change them from sub to Dom and actually see the profile fitting better type of thing. (again, tone is in the eye of the beholder and you do not have to read it)

And why is such seemingly more and more commonplace? is it ok for a sub to be Dom-like in their profile?(I'm trying to be gender neutral here btw, apologies if I slip up here or there) (what is commonplace? that someone feels the need to express their preferences in whatever manner they choose?)

I'm just wondering if anyone has noticed this and thought about such like I have, and I was wondering about people's opinions about it as well.

curiously thoughtful

Sir Draco

I find many Dominant profiles simply laughable, but I respect their right to do whatever they like. I just move on, as you said you do.

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RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? - 7/20/2007 10:20:18 AM

umisprite

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I agree with many here who say if a profile does not appeal to you then perhaps it's not a good match, move on. And yes, there is a difference between rude and straight-forward but perception is a subjective thing.

In my own profile I think I have politely expressed the basics of what I am looking for. In my journal, which I update as things pop up, I make an effort to let a potential partner know more about what's inside my head and my heart, both good and bad. If a Dominant is sincerely interested he will take the time to read it all...it is not the length of War and Peace...before approaching me. I don't see any of it as demanding or demeaning but at 52 years old there are certain things I know for sure I do not want in a relationship. I'm not going to kid anyone about that.

I do not expect a man to jump through hoops to please me (that's my job) but I do expect common courtesy and consideration at all times. Does it make a Dom less Domly if he makes an attempt to know the inner workings of a submissive woman? Hardly! It impresses me much more and makes me much more willing to jump through those hoops. If someone thinks that is demanding then for sure we would not be good fit.

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RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? - 7/20/2007 12:45:26 PM

AdventurousLife

Posts: 72
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Oh, I think there's a reasonable standard for rudeness.

I appreciate a profile that lays out in detail what they are looking for... if someone wants something specific- that's great, it lets me say "hey, this is what we want too" or it lets me know we're not looking for the same thing and I can move along. No problems there, and I don't consider this to show a lack of submissiveness at all.

What I find funny, or really, sad, and what I think the original poster is talking about are the hostile ones-- the profiles that consist almost entirely of what seem to be lashing out attacks at the people reading it. They indicate to me that the person has a negative atittude, believes that everyone is scum out to abuse them, and really seems that they are putting up a profile just for the purpose of lashing out.

One profile I read said that they would report for harassement anyone who wrote to them that didn't fit their (vague, mostly unnamed) criteria for compatibility.

One of the worst set of offenders, though, seem to be all the subs looking for a "sister".... who list their profile as "submissive female" rather than "dominant couple". If you list yourself as a submissive and not a couple, you show up in searches when people look for submissive singles. If you're really a couple with a dominant looking for antoher submissive-- then set your profile to be that way so that the submissives looking for doms can find you and the doms looking for subs won't see you in search results.... would cut down on a lot of the unwanted mail.

(also true for subs who are owned... but maybe a feature allowing someone to indicate whether they are looking or not would fix this --- actually that feature exists, but it seems people aren't using it right-- you can indicate you're looking for "friends only"... but most of hte "owned" submissive profiles indicate they are looking for "male doms" and so they show up in search results.)

-----

It really isn't that we're looking for doormats.... its not a choice between "doormat" and "hostile bitch". Its quite easy to specify what your parameters are clearly and neutrally (obsequiousness is a turnoff for me, for instance) without having to be full of emotion and drama about how horrible it is that someone you weren't interested in messaged you.

And when I pass up on someone who is being rude or hostile in their profile-- its not a lack of security on my part that causes it-- its that I'm not interested in someone who I see as not serious or not mature.

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RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? - 7/20/2007 10:31:48 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
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From: Cali
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraco7
Like I said above, and like BitaTruble said, I guess demanding depends on how you look at it and what your perspective is. To me, it is also about the tone and in some ways respect in the profile.
Basically if you can change them to a Dom profile, their profile would fit such a place better is what I'd consider demanding. Full or not full of respect I guess is another key.

And no, I really can't blame a submissive for being that way. It's sad but there are too many trolls and etc around.
I more wanted to see and learn and understand what others thought of such profiles.

If you had read my previous profiles, you could have EASILY mistaken my profile for a Top's profile; that doesn't make me any less a slave; my previous profile wording was doen so to weed out the trolls and to make thigns as dubmed down as possible. It just makes me pissed and cynical and jaded. I 'earned' those emotions and states of being. I wanted to cut out the bs, so I did. Worked like a CHARM.

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RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? - 7/20/2007 11:53:36 PM

Ostentatious

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraco7
I'm just basically wondering if a submissive/slave who has a demanding profile actually really submissive?
Are they a submissive who would most likely top from the bottom?

Sir Draco

Hey Sir Draco...

That is completely wrong...Just because someone is submissive doesn't mean they would submit to just anyone and it has nothing to do with topping from the bottom at all...

We all have normal nilla lives with normal nilla expectations...I have standards as a person, you have standards as a person, I have standards as a kinkster and obviously you do too....now....stating what you want/desire/need isn't rude or demanding, it's honest and upfront....Much better being that way imho.

David

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