Demanding Submissive Profiles? (Full Version)

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SirDraco7 -> Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/18/2007 8:36:01 PM)

I'm just basically wondering if a submissive/slave who has a demanding profile actually really submissive?
Are they a submissive who would most likely top from the bottom?

And please don't get me wrong, I understand why it's needed in some cases.  Mostly idiot single males who don't read or are not respectful, or couples with an idiot male, or 'females' who are actually idiot males behind the computer are the cause of such.   Yes, there are more causes than men, but they/we are the main cause.

It's not always the fact that it's demanding, it's more the tone if anyone can understand what I mean here.
Asking for a picture to be included is fair if you have one posted. 
Asking for set ages, or locations, or even saying 'no men' is understandable as well.
But can't such be done and said without being demanding?  is it really needed? is it respectful?

I have seen countless profiles of demanding subs.
Again, it's all in the tone.  You could easily change them from sub to Dom and actually see the profile fitting better type of thing.
And why is such seemingly more and more commonplace?  is it ok for a sub to be Dom-like in their profile?(I'm trying to be gender neutral here btw, apologies if I slip up here or there)


And then...  About those who follow the rules and orders placed down.  Does their replies Make them any less of a Dom?  Does it start the potential 'relationship' off on a wrong foot if she's aggressive and demanding and he's defensive and doing what he's told too so he can get to step two or three?

I'm just wondering if anyone has noticed this and thought about such like I have, and I was wondering about people's opinions about it as well.

curiously thoughtful

Sir Draco



tosted -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/18/2007 8:38:47 PM)

hmmm i have been wondering that too.



BitaTruble -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/18/2007 8:46:28 PM)

I think the vast majority are probably submissives who seek compatibility and aren't willing to submit to just any Tom, Dick or hairy who comes along. If a particular profile doesn't appeal to you, move on to the next one. No harm, no foul and consider just how much time you've saved yourself by skipping over someone with whom you have no compatibility rather than wasting all that time only to find it out later.

Celeste



chiaThePet -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/18/2007 8:48:18 PM)

SirDraco7,

i don't really read many submissive profiles as i am seeking Dominants,
i suppose You've answered part of Your query already, the approach
of others sometimes precludes one to offer that "the best defense is a
good offense mentality".

Perhaps theres something in the water here at the collarme hive, i mean
with all this talk of Dominants bottoming and such, maybe submissives
are feeling the desire to try the Top approach.

Maybe the submissives will read Your post and give their profiles a second
look to see if they are perhaps a little too aggressive in their offerings.

Oh that it could all just fall into place, sigh.

chia* (the pet)



SirDraco7 -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/18/2007 8:58:54 PM)

::nods:: I agree, and I do as the demanding profiles rarely ceatch my eye.
I more posted what I did to see what others thought of such things and get their opinions.

Also I understand and agree that compatability is key, but compatibility can be expressed and asked without being demanding can it not?  Some of the profiles I find almost downright disrespectful.(and yes I move on)
Like I said in my first post it's all about the tone.

2 different profiles can say the exact same thing and yet be totally and completely different due to the different tone they might have.



BitaTruble -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/18/2007 9:17:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraco7

::nods:: I agree, and I do as the demanding profiles rarely ceatch my eye.
I more posted what I did to see what others thought of such things and get their opinions.

Also I understand and agree that compatability is key, but compatibility can be expressed and asked without being demanding can it not?  Some of the profiles I find almost downright disrespectful.(and yes I move on)
Like I said in my first post it's all about the tone.

2 different profiles can say the exact same thing and yet be totally and completely different due to the different tone they might have.



True enough.. but one man's 'demanding' is another's 'complete honesty'. It's all so subjective. What doesn't appeal to one is going to be the dream submissive of another. It, truly, takes all kinds. I've been in a relationship for several years, but if I were seeking, there are a few things that I would 'demand' were I to make that sort of profile. I wouldn't want to be with someone who was married, for example so I'd put .. 'no marrieds' in my own profile. Hopefully, that would wean out all the married folks or at least the vast majority. There are a few other things as well that I would have as absolutely vital that may be construed as being demanding in nature. I figure since I'm the one who knows 'me' so well.. I'm the one who knows what it is that I want, seek and require, I'd best put it out there in some fashion and no doubt my chosen fashion would not appeal to everyone.

Celeste



Rastimmipitwax -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/18/2007 9:23:48 PM)

Pfft, if a "submissive" does not know how to write in a manner that does not come off as Dominant, it is pretty obvious that they have a very strong personality that is going to take a lot of work to Dominate. If you don't think you can handle that, move on, a real Dom/me will come along soon enough who has what it takes.




slaverosebeauty -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/18/2007 9:50:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraco7
I'm just basically wondering if a submissive/slave who has a demanding profile actually really submissive?


What's your definition of 'demanding'??
 
When Iw as looking, I was a bit 'demanding' I demanded respect, that I be treated as an equal [duhhhhhhhhh I am an equal], etc. I am a slave, through an through. What you call demands, I call standards and letting that bar HIGH, so it can't be tripped over.

quote:


Are they a submissive who would most likely top from the bottom?


I don't top from the bottom, at least with MJ I don't. Yet, I am called 'demanding' by a LOT of people [among other things, lol]. I have only topped from the bottom when the top was weak of mind, etc. What else was I suppose to do?  

quote:


Asking for set ages, or locations, or even saying 'no men' is understandable as well.
But can't such be done and said without being demanding?  is it really needed? is it respectful?


Being on cm for years, at least for me, I got tired of the trolls who would NOT read my page and just send troll-mail; so yes, my page got a bit 'aggressive' or even 'demanding' as you call it. Why shouldn't I be at that point?! Being nice and polite didn't work, so I tried a different method. I wasn't going to continue being insane [definition of 'insanity being 'doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results']; I wanted sanity and stability, so I changed my page.

quote:


I have seen countless profiles of demanding subs.
Again, it's all in the tone.  You could easily change them from sub to Dom and actually see the profile fitting better type of thing.
And why is such seemingly more and more commonplace?  is it ok for a sub to be Dom-like in their profile?


Too many trolls are around, bottom-types are gettign fed up with the bs, I know I was, before MJ an I started to persue things. Can you really blame a bottom-type for being aggressive and a bit 'demanding' when they get inindated with troll-mail? Its frusturating and disheartening.  

quote:


And then...  About those who follow the rules and orders placed down.  Does their replies Make them any less of a Dom? 


If a top-type followed my 'rules' as yuo put it, that still makes them a top, it makes them a top who actually READ my page adn who had an IQ over a turnip. It makes them less of a top if they ca't send an intelligent email ,etc.

quote:


Does it start the potential 'relationship' off on a wrong foot if she's aggressive and demanding and he's defensive and doing what he's told too so he can get to step two or three?


You are reading too much into things.
 
If tops START on hte right foot, send a polite email, have a profile filled out, actually READ a profile and page before makign contact, a LOT of this stuff would NOT be neccessary, since the majority of people do NOT read profiles, etc, this other 'stuff' becomes a necessity of sorts.

If I had not been contacted by as many trolls as I have been over the last 4 or 5 years, I would be a LOT different person; since I have been, I am who I am now.  



AquaticSub -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/18/2007 10:16:09 PM)

What is demanding? If I were to become single again, my profile would probably read something along the lines of:

"If you don't like/tolerate and attend Ren fairs and historical reactments with me, don't have a passing enjoyment of history, won't go to battlefields with me at least sometimes, won't let me go out with my friends at least once a month or so then you should pass me by. If you don't understand or desire a relationship where the power exchange is unequal but I am your equal, then you should pass me by. If you don't want me to think, have my opinions and be willing to support my ideas with facts, you should pass me by."

There would be more of course, also a list of "Don't even bothers", which would include such things "don't even bother if you are married". Subs are allowed to know what we want, and where better to put that in our profiles so that doms know if they are interested or not?

Edited to add:

quote:


Does it start the potential 'relationship' off on a wrong foot if she's aggressive and demanding and he's defensive and doing what he's told too so he can get to step two or three?


If the dominant is insecure in his dominace to the point of being on the defensive because of a profile, is he really a dominant? Until he owns a girl, she is allowed to make all the demands she likes and he is perfectly free to move on.



julietsierra -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 1:13:23 AM)

I can't tell you why every "demanding" submissive's profile is "demanding." I can tell you why I could see mine being that way.

1. As has been mentioned, I'm not interested in every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes down the pike.
2. As has been mentioned, I have a mind. I'm not afraid to use it. I know what I want, need and would like. If that doesn't suit every single dominant who reads my profile, then it's doing its job. See point 1.
3. As has been mentioned, avoidance of trolls (although I'm not sure ANY profile is defense against that)
4. This is my most important reason. I have "issues" with dominants that I can out-think, out-maneuver, out-manipulate. I am not an overly manipulative person, but I do have my moments. I have no idea why this is, but if I can convince a dominant to let me do things I want - especially when he's said no - I lose all respect for him. I need someone strong enough to be the kind of dominant that this won't happen with. I also need him to be compassionate enough to see past the defensive posturing to the person behind all that. Oh yea... and he needs to be able to know the difference between "caving" because I said so and deciding to accept someone else's views if they make more sense. (i.e.: I can find every single great reason n the world to convince him to allow me to masturbate but it's all manipulation. On the other hand, if we're going somewhere and I suggest something with regard to that - even if it may benefit me - chances are, I'm suggesting it because it makes sense with regards to what we're doing. He has to be able to know the difference. Sometimes it's really difficult to know the difference.)

So, being demanding seems like I'm setting dominants up to fail, and in a way, I am. Because if you fail while I don't care about you, it's not impacting me.

The other side to this is that for the person who can see past all that "stuff," I wind up being very loyal, dedicated to the relationship and fiercly protective of what's being built. I don't play mind games with the person I am collared to and he can always count on the fact that even if I don't like something, I'm going to make every attempt to deliver what he wants and if I can't do that, he's going to know that I tried. And above all, he's going to know that I'm not simply "enduring" while I do this. I actually embrace what's happening - if not for itself, then for the challenge.

I am an all or nothing kind of person and do enjoy a good physical as well as emotional sadist. And if for no other reason, that, right there, is a damn good reason for making darn sure I am abundantly clear in my profile. People who engage in emotional sadism in the right way (without abuse) are rare. I have the duty, obligation, responsibility to keep myself safe from those who just THINK they know what they're doing, or worse, from those who think that being a dominant means that they have license to abuse. As such, my profiles - when I'm looking - tend to appear more demanding.

juliet



trustingsub -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 1:28:01 AM)

i think of myself as 'demanding' in regards to what i desire in a Dom, why should i not? not all subs are willing to 'accept' everything You may have in mind... [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m16.gif[/image]



nephandi -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 2:19:24 AM)

Hi

One of the first lines of my profile is this:

quote:

i am happy to be collard by a wonderful man, he is my one true love, and i am proud to be his.


And still i get many mails from men that want me to move in whit them, that want me to leave my Master and so on. i think it is easy to get a little angry after a while that they can not respect that somone is spoken for. Many also try to be nice first whit the things in their profiles they want, the problem is that when you have pepole write you again, and again, and again showing either no respect for your wishes or simply have not read the profile, then eventually one get a bit testy. Many then rewrite their profile and make sure their dos and donts stand out clearly marked.

Yes this is often caused by pepole that think a submissive woman is some sex crased numphomaniac whit no will of her own that will at once drop her current relationship and fly out to who know where to be whit some total stranger that liked her picture on an online forum but did not even bother to read her profile. It is hard to stay polite whit so many idiots on the site.

i wish you well



Mistressor -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 2:24:56 AM)

I have said something very similar in My journal. The rudeness and arrogance of some alledged slaves/subs is astounding. No wonder they are unowned and always will be. Some of them seem to be daring Dom/mes to subdue them. That isn't submission and never will be.

I've also found that after speaking to a slave/sub for a little while, and realising that they are not what I seek, how quickly they become abusive when I POLITELY advise them that I choose not to collar them. I have had a number of "fuck you bitch" type replies.

Makes you wonder how they would react in person doesn't it?



SubinMaine -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 2:43:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

i am happy to be collard by a wonderful man, he is my one true love, and i am proud to be his.


The first line of my profile is similar, yet i still get messages from "psuedo" doms who try to dom me via those messages. It's not only irritating but it shows a lack of respect for the submissive, therefore my profile may come off a bit "demanding" but the only thing i'm demanding is "respect".

If, on the other hand, a Dom/me messages me and is polite and courteous, they will recieve the same back from myself.  See, i'm only submissive to one man and He has worked very hard to gain my trust and deserves it...some online personna i don't know from Adam demanding i kneel down and lick their shoe because they gave themselves the title of "Dom/me" doesn't get the same courtesy.




instynctive -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 3:46:01 AM)

Personally, I feel that anyone, regardless of station, deserves a little common courtesy (and intelligent emails).  I've been fortunate enough to make a number of friends on this site, both Dom/me and sub, and honestly I treat them all the same.. as my friends, online or not.

When approaching anyone for the first time I will do my best to be as polite and courteous as possible, without resorting to sucking up or laying it on too thick.  The words will come from my heart, and good or bad, will be honest. :-)

That is something anyone will get from s.i.m. as well.  Not because that is how she was "trained", but because that's the type of person she is.



nephandi -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 4:27:30 AM)

Hi

i think rudeness and disrespect can be found on both sides of the proverbial whip Ma'sm. i have heard from Dominant woman of slaves that are very rude and even abusive in their behavior when the Dominant Lady says she do not wish to collar them. i think perhaps many have a very strange idea of what serving somone as a slave is.

Hi SubinMaine

quote:

The first line of my profile is similar, yet i still get messages from "psuedo" doms who try to dom me via those messages. It's not only irritating but it shows a lack of respect for the submissive, therefore my profile may come off a bit "demanding" but the only thing i'm demanding is "respect".


And they are not just disrespecting you they are disrespecting your Dom and your relationship to, and it is a shame when pepole can not stay at least civil and respect that real sub women are not like in the porn movies and will leave our loves for anyone that says so. The whole thing make me very sad.

i wish you both well.



kossack -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 4:34:08 AM)

I think there are 2 issues--demands and anger.  I have a very demanding profile in many ways: it is long, uses some pretty bizarre words and has a long set of "what I think I seek:" that includes marital status, location, age, political party, etc, etc., etc. I have specifically designed it to be off-putting to most guys because if they are intimidated by words like liminal or a long profile describing who I am, they wouldn't be good for me anyway.  That said, I have done my best to not allow my annoyance at the men (and occasional woman, but very rare) who treat me lousily to infect my profile.  I've had some bad experiences (haven't we all?), one of which involved the police, but I try to journal about that (in my private journal--I really don't think anything on here should be called a journal) and remain upbeat and warm in my ad.  Whether or not I've hit the right sweet spot is a huge question, and I often tweak it, but that is my goal.



SirDraco7 -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 4:37:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

What's your definition of 'demanding'??

Too many trolls are around, bottom-types are gettign fed up with the bs, I know I was, before MJ an I started to persue things. Can you really blame a bottom-type for being aggressive and a bit 'demanding' when they get inindated with troll-mail? Its frusturating and disheartening.  

You are reading too much into things.


Like I said above, and like  BitaTruble said, I guess demanding depends on how you look at it and what your perspective is.   To me, it is also about the tone and  in some ways respect in the profile.
Basically if you can change them to a Dom profile, their profile would fit such a place better is what I'd consider demanding.  Full or not full of respect I guess is another key.

And no, I really can't blame a submissive for being that way.  It's sad but there are too many trolls and etc around.
I more wanted to see and learn and understand what others thought of such profiles.

Perhaps in a way I am looking too much into it, but many of the questions I asked I asked to ask, so they can be considered for discuession, not because I think/feel that way.
Thank you for your thoughts and opinions as they are much appreciated.



wandersalone -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 4:43:08 AM)

As far as I am aware there is no 'how to' handbook about how to be/portray a real submissive and even if there was one it would be open to interpretation.  Can you an example of how a submissive should write their profile in order to be viewed as sub-like and not trying to top from the bottom. I could add a dozen 'pleases' and 'by your leaves' to my profile however it would not make me any more or less submissive than I am.  Thank these people for showing you early on that you are not a match and move on to another profile. [:)]



nephandi -> RE: Demanding Submissive Profiles? (7/19/2007 4:53:31 AM)

Hi

i think that is an good point. i am often found to be not slavelike by a few pepole as i ask question and join into the debates and respectfully say so when i disagre. i try to be polite but i guess i am not very subserviant in how i write my posts. But that i how Master want me to. i have asked him if he want me to speak in theird perspective, if he want me to add many by your leave and well shows of submission into my posts, but he do not want that. All he require of me is that i am repectful and that i obey him, and if that do not show in my posts then i do not know what to do about it.

Basically some will think a slave demanding if he or she diagree whit a Dominant, some will think she is so if she speaks in a debate between two Dominats and others will think so if she deliberatly rush him whit demands. There is much different opinion among Masters, Free, and Dominats on what constitutes respectful behavior for a submisive or a slave.

i wish you well



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