Lack of Replies? (Full Version)

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sub7boy -> Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 5:27:26 AM)

I see a lot of complaints from women in the online BDSM world that the men that message them are not genuine, or are simply looking for a quick fling.

I sympathise with the problem, and with the complaints, but also see that very few women in the online communities are willing to make much effort to change this. If you do find a message from a genuine guy, it doesn't take long to write back "thanks for your message, but you are not what I'm looking for right now" or "thanks for you message, lets chat" but instead it seems that if you are a male who is genuinely interested in BDSM, you will be ignored by women no matter what.

The replay rate I have had so far from women on BDSM sites is around 20%. And that 20% is by and large from women who - no offense to them - are out of my league. Honestly I'm not looking for a supermodel here, just someone I could be compatible with, and with an intelligence level at least equal to mine.

What does it take to find a decent woman these days!?



SweetDommes -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 5:29:18 AM)

I don't know, but I have the same problem with guys not replying to me.  For all the complaints that no one ever e-mails them ... then when they are e-mailed, they don't reply.  It happens to everyone, not just one group or another.



Laure -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 5:49:38 AM)

It is tough to reply when an e-mail says,  "Hi, tell me more about yourself"!  ....uumm.....I am 44 years old.  Which year would they like to hear about?   



mnottertail -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 5:51:21 AM)

for me, I would want to hear all 44 years



SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 5:57:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

for me, I would want to hear all 44 years


does this mean i should start writing a novel to send in answer to these kinds of mails?

i was born a poor black child back in 1962.......lemme find my writers cap



anguissette62 -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 6:03:46 AM)

Lack of a reply *is* a reply. 

For years I scrupulously replied to each email, even if to only say "no thank you."  I'd say a good 15-20% immediately write back in reply to "no thank you" with either 
  1. "Yeah, another phony bitch.  Why I'd waste my time on a fat wannabe like you. . ."
  2. "Come on, you know you want my thick ten inches, slut.  You just like to be begged, don't you baby. . ."
  3. "Why not?  I've got a big toy bag."

Having a profile on a site related to BDSM does not automatically mean I wish to be abused. 

So, no reply usually is a "no" reply. 



mnottertail -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 6:31:14 AM)

Come on, you know you want my thick ten inches, slut.  You just like to be begged, don't you baby. . .

Would you mind if I used this after personalizing it a bit ?
(uhhhhhh---10 inches?  Uff da!!!! I need to do some work on that part)

Ron



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 7:44:24 AM)

As LA says, "No answer IS a reply."


I imagine it's because of your profile. It's rather dull and doen'st just out at me. You say you're looking for friends but then complain that you can't find a relationship. Make up your mind. If you want a relationship, what are your expectation and what do you have to offer? Post a picture, too, or at least attach one (a nice face shot) when you email.

Master Fire



Celeste43 -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 7:46:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anguissette62

Lack of a reply *is* a reply. 

For years I scrupulously replied to each email, even if to only say "no thank you."  I'd say a good 15-20% immediately write back in reply to "no thank you" with either 
  1. "Yeah, another phony bitch.  Why I'd waste my time on a fat wannabe like you. . ."
  2. "Come on, you know you want my thick ten inches, slut.  You just like to be begged, don't you baby. . ."
  3. "Why not?  I've got a big toy bag."


Having a profile on a site related to BDSM does not automatically mean I wish to be abused. 

So, no reply usually is a "no" reply. 


What she said. You're paying for other men's rudeness. Women on sites such as this have learned that we don't get rude emails if we don't respond but if we send polite no thank you notes, we do get hit with nastiness.

No response is a response of no. Accept that and go on. And if you're getting a response rate of 20% then you are doing far better than most men here who would be lucky to claim a response rate of 2 or 3 %.



KatyLied -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 7:47:18 AM)

quote:

it doesn't take long to write back "thanks for your message, but you are not what I'm looking for right now"


To reply like that often invites more messages urging us to give them a chance or meet and let's find out, or they reply with yet another form letter, outlining their wonderful qualities.  It's best not to reply at all, hopefully they can figure out that no response, is indeed a response of not interested.



littlesarbonn -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 8:23:08 AM)

What's really funny is that I have a response rate of about 100 percent. Granted, I RARELY actually contact someone, but I have yet to really run into a situation where no one has responded to me. Of course, I'm not writing them asking to "do" them or have them "do" me, or any drivel like that.



AquaticSub -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 9:20:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub7boy

What does it take to find a decent woman these days!?



Finding a decent partner has never been easy. Who told you it would be otherwise?



MHOO314 -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 9:26:34 AM)

The same effort it takes to find a decent man---smiles



michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 9:30:42 AM)

quote:

What does it take to find a decent woman these days!?


patience, honesty, patience, persistence, oh, and did i mention patience?

sometimes it takes years before you find someone. i should know, i'm STILL looking.



DrkJourney -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 9:37:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Come on, you know you want my thick ten inches, slut.  You just like to be begged, don't you baby. . .

Would you mind if I used this after personalizing it a bit ?
(uhhhhhh---10 inches?  Uff da!!!! I need to do some work on that part)

Ron


I figured that was you...lol



BitaTruble -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 9:39:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub7boy


The replay rate I have had so far from women on BDSM sites is around 20%. And that 20% is by and large from women who - no offense to them - are out of my league.



Why are you writing to women who are 'out of your league?' Perhaps if you were a bit more selective in chosing to whom you write, you'll find your response rate goes up commensurately.

Celeste



BitaTruble -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 9:41:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

for me, I would want to hear all 44 years


Damn, Ron, that was downright charming. Made me kinda swoony.

::fans self::

Celeste



missbehaeven -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 9:44:16 AM)

Greetings All,
 
As has been pointed out many times on similar threads, no reply is a reply in itself.
I used to respond to every message I received, even from people who weren't compatible with me for whatever reason, whether it was an age difference, geographically incompatible, they're married,or completely mismatched profiles.
After a while though I noticed that I'd then get mail in return asking why I felt that way, and several arguments why I shouldn't.  
That got old.
I still reply to well written posts that appear sincere, but now I make it clear if they're not what I'm seeking, and I wish them well in their continued search, and end the exchange there.
I no longer reply at all to the one line messages that read "Wanna chat?", or the messages from married men that read.."Hi, my poor sucker wife doesn't understand my needs which I can't believe I didn't state clearly enough to her because I've been a natural Dom for 35 of my 36 years, and by the way, I'm going to be in your area, well away from my wife finding out, for business, and wanna get together?"
Well, sometimes I will reply to them and ask politely if they'd be so understanding if their wife developed a NASCAR racer fetish.
Anyway, I'm rambling..Don't take it personally if you don't get a response.
Think of CM as just one tool, a useful one, for trying to find people who share your interests, not as a lifeline to a happy relationship.
Explore other options such as local organizations and become active in community munches.
 
I wish all well...miss



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 9:48:01 AM)

I youve gotten replies, then obviously the women didnt think they were out of your league... or they wouldnt have replied. Unless these were all "no".
Remember your medium here, you are on the internet. How are we to know which emails are from the genuine guys and which arent, so that we can make out replys a little friendler?  Theres no filter for "genuine". May first emails are polite, and the stupidity doesnt take hold until a second email, positve or negative reply. Replying, even with a no thankyou, is often taken as an invitation to start a dialog which is unwanted. So, to avoid that, we might not reply. Some genuine guys cant take no for an answer. So, instead of wasting both our time playing email ping pong over "are you sure you dont want me?" "Yes, Im sure" "Give me a chance" and the like, I just dont reply now if i dont see something I want to pursue or discuss. And even then, some guys write back followups, to see if we got the first...

Looking for a partner is hard, looking online is harder. With all the silliness I run into online now, I thank my lucky stars I found one good one out of the mountains of junk I recieve.

DV




MistressDaisy73 -> RE: Lack of Replies? (7/19/2007 10:08:11 AM)

I think I have seen this complaint about, oh lets see... over a thousand times. I also see complaints "dissing" people who write in their profiles something like "if you msg me, please have more than one sentance" or "if you email me, please be able to constuct a proper sentence", etc.

Personally, I WOULD say that in my profile, but I like to stay on friendlier footing. :) (Just call me Mistress Daisy, the friendly Domme) SO, I say none of that in my profile, and I get barely coherant one sentance emails from subs asking if I am interested. I used to reply to almost every email, regardless and just say "no thanks" but, here are my reasons I don't do that anymore:

As someone already pointed out, that often gives a person the opportunity to say "why not" or otherwise continue an unwanted exchange.

If I responded to every badly written email I receive (and I don't get a ton everyday, just some days) I would really be kept busy, as, sorry to say, most of the emails I receive are NOT in even a semblance of proper writing.

It is often obvious, even from those emails that are not terribly written that they have not read my profile.... or even the short version. (ie. I get asked all the time, "I am coming to Chicago next week, can I see you there?" Or "How far is Chicago from suchandsuch?" and my profile CLEARLY states I live near St. Louis (in TWO places). Even idiots can pull up a mapquest or something and see that St. Louis is 300 miles away from Chicago.----ok sorry to vent that but it is a HUGE pet peeve) And, if they did not take the time to read my profile, why take the time to write them back. My profile isnt even long for heavens sake.

If I get a decently worded email, I usually respond, unless they appear to not have read my profile. And, unfortunately, there are many who use a form email and just mass send it, hoping to cover a lot of ground to get their few takers. More power to them, but don't expect me to write back.

I will say I have been fortunate enough to only feel it necessary to block 3 people in the several months I have been on CM, and that most subs have not been rude. GOOD BOYS! (and girls) to all of them. :)

But, to the OP, do not let it discourage you. Figure out more clearly what you seek. Try to find ways to engender responses by making your profile more informative, post a pic, and pesonalize each email (if you are not already doing so) having CAREFULLY read the persons profile.

Best of luck to you!

M. Daisy



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