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Describe how they CONTROL - 6/23/2005 12:09:03 PM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline 		I would greatly appreciate it if you would describe how your owner, your top, your Dom/Domme/Domina--whatever, controls you outside of the bedroom. ((i have my reasons, but that's not the important part))
Sample questions: (please feel free to answer any or all)
How is your day to day life controlled?
What does your partner DO and/or say to exhibit control? This should be active behavior, not 'it is understood between us' passive-type responses.
What actions from them make you feel most submissive or them most in control daily?
Do you feel that just by simply being submissive in the first place initiates much of their dominant behavior? Is it just a response to you? Do they constantly behave dominantly or does it ebb and flow throughout the day? Do you behave in any certain way to 'encourage' their dominant streak? (other than misbehave of course)
If you are involved in a D/s relationship that while may not be considered the infamous TPE, does bleed over into daily life, how do they see to it that you are 'kept in place' as it were? (your chore list is not what im looking for lol)
ok, now for my reasonings:
i want to help lay the groundwork for the next phase of our relationship... we are moving in together as roomies ;) and while i can think of a hundred ways i'd prefer NOT to be controlled day to day, im having a hard time discussing w/Him what exactly it is that im looking for... i used to think total slavery/total control by an iron fist but now that i have seen control from a different type of Master, a father figure, a truly kind and loving soul that would prefer not to hurt his littlegirl unless neccesary, well im rethinking it all... and while this may sound like im trying to orchestrate my own topping, allow me to say that this is all just food for thought, for His thought, for our further discussion regarding living together, as ultimately He will control however He sees fit! i would just like to see what works for you ;)

ps)further disclaimer, the reason i posted this here is to get obviously the sub's perspective of what they find most controlling to THEM primarily outside of the bedroom, not just to see how they submit..i hope that makes sense!
xoxo


< Message edited by subversiveone -- 6/23/2005 12:22:07 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/23/2005 12:37:57 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		WOW lots of questions!
quote:

ORIGINAL: subversiveone
How is your day to day life controlled?

Very little, he rarely controls anything. In some ways he is always guiding me in that I have principles of his that I live by, but he doesn't have the time or energy to be controlling me. He makes me control myself.
quote:


What does your partner DO and/or say to exhibit control?

Well when he does it, he either takes me by the hand and puts me there or he directly says "go do this"

quote:

What actions from them make you feel most submissive or them most in control daily?

Masturbating...it's the truth. That's one of the few things I do daily that I would consider submissive because I'm having fantasies then.

Now, the most submissive headspace ever comes from him doing breathplay with me, but that's not a daily occurrence.
quote:


Do you feel that just by simply being submissive in the first place initiates much of their dominant behavior? Is

With the Owner? No.

quote:

it just a response to you?

Not with the Owner.

quote:

Do they constantly behave dominantly or does it ebb and flow throughout the day?

You don't define "behave dominantly" and in many ways *I* behave dominantly throughout the day so not sure how that's relevent. The Owner is always the Owner though.
quote:


Do you behave in any certain way to 'encourage' their dominant streak? (other than misbehave of course)

Hmmm...yes in that I behave in ways and give cues that are likely to make him happier and more relaxed...but who doesn't do that?

quote:

perspective of what they find most controlling to THEM primarily outside of the bedroom, not just to see how they submit..i hope that makes sense!
xoxo

Submission is not an action, life will devise a million ways to ruin whatever rituals you want to set up.

Create a DYNAMIC of authority that can fit into ANY situation, and you will always be in submission to him.

And if you want to be put in your place, go kneel at his feet and say "Please sir put me in my place tonight"

(in reply to subversiveone)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/23/2005 2:06:56 PM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

>>>Very little, he rarely controls anything. In some ways he is always guiding me in that I have principles of his that I live by, but he doesn't have the time or energy to be controlling me. He makes me control myself.

Think specifics. Think newbie. How????

>>>Well when he does it, he either takes me by the hand and puts me there or he directly says "go do this"

So we're talking verbal commands... How else?

>>>Masturbating...it's the truth. That's one of the few things I do daily that I would consider submissive because I'm having fantasies then.

You say yourself it's about making them happy, relaxed. How does this accomplish this? How is this submissive to you? If this is one of the few things you do daily subly what's going on the rest of the time? You don't live w/owner? Is it just because you are pleasing yourself while thinking of the owner??

>>>Now, the most submissive headspace ever comes from him doing breathplay with me, but that's not a daily occurrence.

More talk of sex. Let's focus on the non-sex ways please.

>>>You don't define "behave dominantly" and in many ways *I* behave dominantly throughout the day so not sure how that's relevent. The Owner is always the Owner though.

Being as dominant as you are, this may not *be* relevant for you.?

>>>Submission is not an action, life will devise a million ways to ruin whatever rituals you want to set up.
Create a DYNAMIC of authority that can fit into ANY situation, and you will always be in submission to him.
And if you want to be put in your place, go kneel at his feet and say "Please sir put me in my place tonight"

Thank you for your response.



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RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/23/2005 3:20:16 PM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

How is your day to day life controlled?


I have a set list of chores that I must keep up with. I am responsible for a lonnnnnng list and Master does follow up on this.

I must be naked at all times. (was put in the corner the other day for forgetting)

I must address her with Master at the end of a sentence

I may speak freely when asking permission if she allows it

I do all that she she asks of me without question, however I may ask why afterwards

I am very forgetful with things right now so if forget to carry out a task I will be punished and it depends on what I did. Ranging from standing in the corner to being confined to a small area for a longer period of time (we do not have a cage)

She does prefer my input on things because she does want to know how I am feeling. But this doesnt mean it will change her mind on any decisions that she has made.


quote:

Do you behave in any certain way to 'encourage' their dominant streak?

quote:

Do you feel that just by simply being submissive in the first place initiates much of their dominant behavior?


In my situation kinda. Let me explain. When I first met my Master (vanilla relationship at first) I was already naturally submissive but had little knowledge of a D/s relationship. Meaning total 50's housewife. I already enjoyed doing everything for her. I wouldn't let her pick up a finger to do anything. And she wasn't used to this. However, she was naturally dominant too. So of course she got used to this very quickly. We are both still learning about the lifestyle, but yes, I believe me being submissive has encouraged her to be more dominant and take our relationship further.







(in reply to subversiveone)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/23/2005 9:54:56 PM   
oceanprincess


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I totally understand what you are asking. I moved in with my Dom about 8 months ago full time. I thought at first that I wanted him to be in total control of me and my daily tasks, chores, etc. But in reality, I don't. I do like the thought of it once in a while though. :)

We go through our normal daily stuff, work, etc. On my days off and nights home, I do the laundry, clean up, take care of our pets, etc. I also help him every night when he gets home from work to take off his clothes, shoes, and to clean out his pockets. It helps me to know my place and where I stand with him and in our relationship. I told him that I wanted and needed more from him. That I needed to feel that I was a sub. Sure, I am a sub when it comes to sex and when it comes to him making most of the decisions. But I wasn't getting to kneel in front of him, to feel humiliation. I need that, I crave it, I long for it. I want to feel humble in front of him and when he's home.

I pick up his plate when he's done with dinner without being asked, I get up and get him a new soda or water when the one he was drinking is empty. He has been training me this past month to pick up on the little things like that. It's not easy putting his needs before mine. Even if that means that I have to stop eating my dinner to get up to do something to please him, I do it.

As far as which action from my Dom makes me feel submissive...When he gives me a hug and a kiss when we both get home from work, since we get home around the same time. Then he puts my collar on, and I sit down on the floor in front of him and begin to take his shoes and socks off, etc.

Lol, I sometimes try to do something bad or talk back to him, or not get up and get or do something for him to upset him to get his attention. Usually when I do that though, I am just asking him to please make me feel like a sub. We live with his brother and his brother's wife and their 3 kids. But we have our own room that's outside and attached to the garage, so we have privacy. But it's tough when we don't live in an apartment or our own house because there is so much more that we could be doing. We talk about that sometimes, and we can't wait to get a place of our own.

I work at a check cashing place, so I get to serve other people all day long. I really enjoy it, even though it was really busy today, and there are usually two people at the store on Thursdays where I work. So I was working pretty much nonstop till we closed at 7pm. It was crazy... So I get to be a sub all day long at work and also when I get home from work. It makes it easier for me to get through my daily life actually. I wouldn't want to work anywhere else right now.

Your relationship and homelife are what you and him make it, and don't let anyone else tell you different. Some people will tell you that your not a true sub unless....blah, blah, blah, and that's a bunch of b.s.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/24/2005 4:36:07 AM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline 		LOL, I work in customer service for an insurance company so i too sub all night long, over the phone, but you could say that in most any job i suppose...
i am prepared for the things you speak of, the anticipating needs (food, drink, smoke, etc) the house cleaning, the chores etc. what im not quite prepped for are the tasks that may involve something ritualistic or special memorization...
don't worry, ive heard it all before, i just ask to see their official BDSM guidebook and/or license ;)

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/24/2005 11:22:58 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subversiveone

I would greatly appreciate it if you would describe how your owner, your top, your Dom/Domme/Domina--whatever, controls you outside of the bedroom. ((i have my reasons, but that's not the important part))
Sample questions: (please feel free to answer any or all)
How is your day to day life controlled?
What does your partner DO and/or say to exhibit control? This should be active behavior, not 'it is understood between us' passive-type responses.
What actions from them make you feel most submissive or them most in control daily?
Do you feel that just by simply being submissive in the first place initiates much of their dominant behavior? Is it just a response to you? Do they constantly behave dominantly or does it ebb and flow throughout the day? Do you behave in any certain way to 'encourage' their dominant streak? (other than misbehave of course)
If you are involved in a D/s relationship that while may not be considered the infamous TPE, does bleed over into daily life, how do they see to it that you are 'kept in place' as it were? (your chore list is not what im looking for lol)
ok, now for my reasonings:
i want to help lay the groundwork for the next phase of our relationship... we are moving in together as roomies ;) and while i can think of a hundred ways i'd prefer NOT to be controlled day to day, im having a hard time discussing w/Him what exactly it is that im looking for... i used to think total slavery/total control by an iron fist but now that i have seen control from a different type of Master, a father figure, a truly kind and loving soul that would prefer not to hurt his littlegirl unless neccesary, well im rethinking it all... and while this may sound like im trying to orchestrate my own topping, allow me to say that this is all just food for thought, for His thought, for our further discussion regarding living together, as ultimately He will control however He sees fit! i would just like to see what works for you ;)

ps)further disclaimer, the reason i posted this here is to get obviously the sub's perspective of what they find most controlling to THEM primarily outside of the bedroom, not just to see how they submit..i hope that makes sense!
xoxo


=========================================================

quote:

I would greatly appreciate it if you would describe how your owner, your top, your Dom/Domme/Domina--whatever, controls you outside of the bedroom. ((i have my reasons, but that's not the important part))
Sample questions: (please feel free to answer any or all)
How is your day to day life controlled?



what bedroom? never been there. my control from my 1st Mistress was total, except sexually. it was not allowed, nor was i allowed IN the bedroom.
thanks

(in reply to subversiveone)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/24/2005 2:30:14 PM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline 		please tell us about how She controlled you if it indeed was not sexual... not every D/s couple is sexual and i realize that, i was looking for input just like yours ;)

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/24/2005 6:23:10 PM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subversiveone

please tell us about how She controlled you if it indeed was not sexual... not every D/s couple is sexual and i realize that, i was looking for input just like yours ;)


quote:

please tell us about how She controlled you if it indeed was not sexual... not every D/s couple is sexual and i realize that, i was looking for input just like yours ;)

_____________________________


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my Mistress was a pro...and She controlled everything i did daily.....and there was no sex....and i slept in the living room on the floor, and no romantic lovey dovey......
everything like that was taboo.
and no play except fake photos for sale.
i have no idea what it is to be in Her bedroom, nor having sex with a Domme.
nor about play.
i was expected to do everything alone. from in the house, both yards, cars......(i was not allowed to have one nor drive) i handed Her all my money..i was not allowed to have 1 dime in my pocket. ever. even i found one in a parking lot i was expected to turn it over.
it just WAS. full control.

i do not know how else to explain.

(in reply to subversiveone)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/24/2005 7:05:20 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05


quote:

ORIGINAL: subversiveone

please tell us about how She controlled you if it indeed was not sexual... not every D/s couple is sexual and i realize that, i was looking for input just like yours ;)


quote:

please tell us about how She controlled you if it indeed was not sexual... not every D/s couple is sexual and i realize that, i was looking for input just like yours ;)

_____________________________


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my Mistress was a pro...and She controlled everything i did daily.....and there was no sex....and i slept in the living room on the floor, and no romantic lovey dovey......
everything like that was taboo.
and no play except fake photos for sale.
i have no idea what it is to be in Her bedroom, nor having sex with a Domme.
nor about play.
i was expected to do everything alone. from in the house, both yards, cars......(i was not allowed to have one nor drive) i handed Her all my money..i was not allowed to have 1 dime in my pocket. ever. even i found one in a parking lot i was expected to turn it over.
it just WAS. full control.

i do not know how else to explain.



Did you enjoy it?
Was that the kind of relationship that worked?

What were the rewards of it?


Akasha

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/25/2005 2:21:05 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05


quote:

ORIGINAL: subversiveone

please tell us about how She controlled you if it indeed was not sexual... not every D/s couple is sexual and i realize that, i was looking for input just like yours ;)


quote:

please tell us about how She controlled you if it indeed was not sexual... not every D/s couple is sexual and i realize that, i was looking for input just like yours ;)

_____________________________


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my Mistress was a pro...and She controlled everything i did daily.....and there was no sex....and i slept in the living room on the floor, and no romantic lovey dovey......
everything like that was taboo.
and no play except fake photos for sale.
i have no idea what it is to be in Her bedroom, nor having sex with a Domme.
nor about play.
i was expected to do everything alone. from in the house, both yards, cars......(i was not allowed to have one nor drive) i handed Her all my money..i was not allowed to have 1 dime in my pocket. ever. even i found one in a parking lot i was expected to turn it over.
it just WAS. full control.

i do not know how else to explain.



Did you enjoy it?
Was that the kind of relationship that worked?

What were the rewards of it?


Akasha

quote:



Did you enjoy it?
Was that the kind of relationship that worked?

What were the rewards of it?


Akasha


yes i enjoyed it.
it worked until She took ill and decided to retire.
my only reward is to serve. i ask for nothing else.
thank You

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/25/2005 4:22:16 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I must be naked at all times. (was put in the corner the other day for forgetting)


One wonders how this would go over at her office....

Lily

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~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/25/2005 4:35:59 AM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline 		Here's a strange thought...
What if, you couldn't do something as simple as a chore, to show your submission? I mean, if let's imagine you were so wealthy that everything was taken care of and all you had to do was exist with your Dom, there were people, lawyers, accountants, maids, servants, etc to do all the little things, what would you still do? what would you do in place of those things? how can control be established without assigning tasks/chores? im sleepy forgive me if this is silly...

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/25/2005 8:14:42 AM   
sudja


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		You say it "should be" active behavior - yet there is not any.

It just is.

She asks/wants/needs - I do.

It's pretty simple.

sudja

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/25/2005 9:14:17 AM   
sanita


Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subversiveone

Here's a strange thought...
What if, you couldn't do something as simple as a chore, to show your submission? I mean, if let's imagine you were so wealthy that everything was taken care of and all you had to do was exist with your Dom, there were people, lawyers, accountants, maids, servants, etc to do all the little things, what would you still do? what would you do in place of those things? how can control be established without assigning tasks/chores? im sleepy forgive me if this is silly...


it is an interesting thought. but really, these are just employees. the chosen sub or slave is there for whatever the Dom/me wants beyond the creature comforts. these employees are not there to please. they are not there to provide an outlet for the Dom/me's BDSM drive. that's what you are there for. i mean, in this scenario, does Donald Trump NEED a wife? if there is a relationship, you are there for a reason.

if you have someone to cook every meal, or scrub the house, or who prepares Their drink when They come home from work... then you be the one to make sure it is to Their liking. or, you can be in charge of a pleasurable meal on the cook's day off. and ummmmm, it is not a task, but more a thing to do, but rubbing Their feet, or curling up under their desk so He/She can pet on you while They tend to business. that is something one can do to feel submissive.

acting as a dressing maid (m or f) would be a good task. sure, there could be one on payroll, but it is an intimate task that could be performed.

anyway,

i have been musing about your OP for a few days, and even made a big ole journal entry about it on the other side.

How does He control me? He just does. it is funny, my boss at work is a Dom... not sure if He knows it, but there are clues, and both He and Master can shoot this "Oh, you think so?!?" look at me, and i surrender whatever position i am trying to hold. now, there is a dork at work, who is a bit full of stories about how great he is, and how much he knows about everything, and when i challenge him about getting into my files, or using the wrong approach to solve inventory discrepancies, and he tries to shoot me that look, i stare him down. mostly laughing, never really rude... but still.

i am not yet 24/7 with Master, so i can't answer many of your questions, but i can say that it is mostly a case of He says and i do. and i do it for His pleasure, His pride in me, and His happiness, because that is what makes me content.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to subversiveone)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/25/2005 12:52:38 PM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

I must be naked at all times. (was put in the corner the other day for forgetting)


One wonders how this would go over at her office....

Lily



LOL!

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/26/2005 5:07:40 PM   
Rascalyrabbit


Posts: 56
Joined: 6/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nonuts4thshoney


quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

I must be naked at all times. (was put in the corner the other day for forgetting)


One wonders how this would go over at her office....

Lily



LOL!


Not very well...LOL


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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/26/2005 5:34:10 PM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

I must be naked at all times. (was put in the corner the other day for forgetting)


One wonders how this would go over at her office....

Lily


i am guessing i am nitpicking here. but i guess? one assumes ALL are white collar?
hmmm. but i wonder MORE about the blue collar? *WEG*

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/27/2005 10:53:25 AM   
DaddyMstr


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/2/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, it's true. Many "just do" and it is all understood. I suppose one could argue that the 'act' of submission isn't nearly as important as the agreement itself. I don't believe that just by serving on submits.
The looks, the voice, the tone and body language are primarily how He controls. The nonsexual punishments back it up, but for me these are few and far between right now. Not having moved in together, we spend our precious time caring for one another.
Do you speak differently around your Dom or all the time? Do you have rules regarding eye levels/posturing/verbage? When walking do you stay behind or beside? What little signals does He/She throw you in public?

< Message edited by DaddyMstr -- 6/27/2005 10:57:03 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/27/2005 1:28:45 PM   
tigress31047


Posts: 98
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		I have been thinkning about this post and how Master controls me. He just does. He knows my body language and expressions and almost seems to have esp as to what i'm gonna say or do sometimes..he has a very good way of heading me off at the pass so to speak before i get into too much trouble.I know evey minuite of everyday that He is looking out for my well being and guiding me. HIs control is just there.

in answer to DaddyMstrs question...i do not speak differently to Master per say..i call Him Sir or Master in private(no exceptions) and call Him by his first name in public ...this has not been hard for me do thankfully. He set a rule into motion almost immediatly of U/us beginning to talk that i may say what i wish as long as it done politely and respectfully until i am put in greeting position. from that point on i am not to speak unless ask a question. this allows me to refocus my attention only to Him...There are rules reguarding posture and verbage..He wants me to be lady of course..Eye levels ?? no wouldn't say rules there .. of course i am to keep head bowed and eyes down when in greeting positon but that is the only time i am required to do so . When walking with Him it is at His left side (always) never behind Him. The only signal i need is that look...brings me right back from wherever i might be at the moment

evelyn
Masters_sweet_peach

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Profile   Post #: 20
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