RE: Describe how they CONTROL

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Describe how they CONTROL

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Describe how they CONTROL

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 6/27/2005 1:38:24 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sudja

You say it "should be" active behavior - yet there is not any.

It just is.

She asks/wants/needs - I do.

It's pretty simple.

sudja

quote:

You say it "should be" active behavior - yet there is not any.

It just is.

She asks/wants/needs - I do.

It's pretty simple.

sudja

==============================================================

thank you......this is as simple as it should be.
wish "i" said it first.

(in reply to sudja)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 7/15/2005 9:57:44 AM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

this is a great thread.

My daily life, family, full time work, and subbing. These all mishmash around somehow. Whilst im at work, we will occasionally text message each other, or telephone if time permits, not often. I work shifts, during those, im expected to have written a email to him, so that he has something to read at the office, at the start of his day.

when walking, i must be to his left.
recently, ive got some bizarre ritual requested of me, started off with 'the last thing you do each night, is to say, 'thankyou and goodnight Sir'. I do this of course, but admit, that i dont get any hightening of my submissive feelings during this type of behaviour. Recently, this has been upped a little, and im to kiss his cock, then kiss his lips and either say the above, or welcome to the day. In the back of my head, this nasty bitch keeps finishing it with, 'would you like fries with that Sir?'
Ive asked why i have to do this, and im told i do not need to know. He wishes it, that's suffice. So i do it, coz he wishes it.

I talk to him lots, we talk about anything and everything. We debate things, but if things get heated, and i get uppity, he then pulls rank. God thats tough sometimes lol. But generally speaking, i speak with him, as i would a great friend, with respect, but perhaps a little more so.

Eye contact is not restricted, unless its deliberate for sensory dep stuff.

He has a look, that lets me know the Dom vibes are flowing, and as i get to know him, i can predict if this is going to be a night of wonderful sex, a 'cant do a bloody thing right' night, or a picky night. He has different tones as do all of us. and im a very attentive person, so try to pick up on those, plus the usual body language stuff.
He also has differring intonations in his voice. Sometimes, his speech is formal almost, im not sure what that's about, and how he feels when he is using this form of speech. Its quite subtle, but detectable to me. On these occasions, im called upon to physically do certain things, and more in the 'slave' frame than the 'sub'. Perhaps that is when he feels masterful?

I address him as Sir, but if in public, by his first name.

We currently live together with children, but as of august, they are moving out, so we shall be alone all of the time. Im sure that this will bring a opportunity to experiment with all sorts of ritualistic behaviours, ie. being naked or whatever. But like most things, we try it, see if its a keep or ditch and then enjoy.
I do have a little concern, that without the children there to prevent the full on submission whenever he wishes, that supposing what he wishes is more than i feel able to give? Being at someone's beck and call 24/7 is not my idea of healthy for me. Too much control is not good for me. Where we are now, is really good.
Then again, no more worrying about the dreaded noise factor! and shagging on a sofa

good lord! funny how things are adjusted when you live with children.

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: CONTROL - 7/15/2005 9:26:57 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

when you live with children.

children? oh! mini me's. nope. can't have em....so aint got none.

neener neener..thhhhhpppppppppttttttttt!

hehe lol
chuckling hard.

take care best wishes
the wolf

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to pandoravampire)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 7/16/2005 10:05:00 AM

dia

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I would greatly appreciate it if you would describe how your owner, ... controls you outside the bedroom. How is your day to day life controlled?

When we first got together, there were a few rules set out that I am to follow daily. There are consequences for not following them. Over the years, some of these things have been modified; some have been dropped and others added.

quote:

What does your partner DO and/or say to exhibit control? This should be active behavior, not 'it is understood between us' passive-type responses.

Yanno, he just *is*. If I do something that annoys him, I can see it in his face - whether he chooses to give me a reminder at that time, later or not at all. If I do something that pleases, I can see that as well.

quote:

What actions from them make you feel most submissive or them most in control daily?

On a daily basis, it's when he reminds me of something that I've forgotten or neglected - or even something that I wasn't expected to do, but he's just decided that he'd like that now, and as his slave, I'm to obey.

quote:

Do you feel that just by simply being submissive in the first place initiates much of their dominant behavior? Is it just a response to you? Do they constantly behave dominantly or does it ebb and flow throughout the day?

He's always dominant; it's his personality. "Behave dominantly" doesn't sound right to me, at least in context of his dominance. I'm not naturally submissive, so it sounds more accurate to say that there are times when I'll behave more submissively than other times. Overall, our relationship dynamic does ebb and flow - not so much throughout the day, but over longer periods of time and usually as a result of busy-ness, tiredness and/or stress from the rest of our lives. Over the entire length of our relationship, however, his control of me has gradually increased.

quote:

Do you behave in any certain way to 'encourage' their dominant streak? (other than misbehave of course)

Not really. Deliberate, intentional disobedience tends to get me ignored, not dominated. Unintentional disobedience gets me anything from a gentle reminder to a firm caning.

quote:

If you are involved in a D/s relationship that while may not be considered the infamous TPE, does bleed over into daily life, how do they see to it that you are 'kept in place' as it were?

The daily rules I mentioned earlier are pretty effective; this isn't a "chore" list since I don't really have regular chores that I'm expected to do, but rules specifically intended to remind me of my place, even if nothing else overt is happening to remind me. It is pretty effective overall. And, when he deems it necessary, he is quite capable of putting me in my place verbally.

quote:

as ultimately He will control however He sees fit! i would just like to see what works for you ;)

Exactly, and I think that while you are certainly wise to consider and explore ways of living a PE relationship, whatever the two of you end up doing does have to work for both of you in terms of both your personalities and overall lifestyle. I would be absolutely miserable if I happened to end up with someone to whom micro-management was important. His kind of dominance is kind of like a rock against which I can either lean, or beat myself silly (which I have done from time to time *g*) - but it's not overbearing or always in my face on a day-to-day basis. I don't need that since I'm usually pretty good at doing what he wants me to do without a lot of reminding. He'd be miserable if he was with someone who needed a lot of structure and follow-up in order to be satisfied. :) And, of course, we're always a work-in-progress.

Good luck to you both. :)

Regards,
dia, owned by TrailMaster.

(in reply to subversiveone)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 7/16/2005 10:13:27 AM

LRODANDMASTER

Posts: 161
Joined: 7/13/2005
Status: offline

I CUNTROL HER BY LIKE TELING HER WHAT TO DO I MEAN WHATS SO COMPILCATED?

_____________________________

LRODANDMASTER TYPE LIKE DUMASS BUT HIM NO DUMASS

(in reply to subversiveone)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 7/16/2005 11:31:45 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LRODANDMASTER

I CUNTROL HER BY LIKE TELING HER WHAT TO DO I MEAN WHATS SO COMPILCATED?

=============
life itself is complicated. but in this lifestyle it gets worse. no one can just be a drill sergeant and expect someone to obey. THAT is THEE doormat syndrome. it is pure D wrong!
even though "I" am SERVICE...."I" am NOT taking orders from a drill sergeant.
there IS such a thing as the HUMAN factor. there are motivational factors. does Your girl love You or does she hate Your guts?
will she go out of her way to see to it Your day is as smooth as she can make it or will she defy You out of disgust?
it IS complicated.

the wolf
this was posted as a public service announcement.

i caught the dumbass remark at the end of your post.

< Message edited by lonewolf05 -- 7/16/2005 11:34:01 AM >

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to LRODANDMASTER)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 7/18/2005 2:37:04 AM

Gem

Posts: 100
Joined: 2/11/2004
Status: offline

Brightest Blessings

I have taks lists that must be completed daily, our only ritual is that when he awakens I hand him his first cup of coffee saying the mantra " I hand you this cup of coffee with my heart soul and surrender", it sets the day up for both of us and re-enforces the dynamic.

I suppose he controls passively in that I know the rules and follow them, he does not have to state them eveyday, such as task list done each day, 2 hours at the gym each day, he handles all finacial things, I do not have a penny to my name, he decides what we will eat at night and I prepare it. I serve him first, and no matter what I am doing if he calls I stop all things to go answer that call and do what needs to be done. It is a natural flow and ebb, and even in the ebb part of life, he is in charge I know that down in my bones and so go with it even if it is not outwardly displayed.

However the one thing (s) that has made me feel the most surrendered is when he chooses to do for himself, when he cleans the coffee pot, when he does the laundry, when he cooks ect. Why because it hits home that it is not about my needs or wants, but that life as I live it is about his needs and wants first, he gets choice, I don't, he gets to decide what he will and won't do.

Blessed Be
Gem

(in reply to subversiveone)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 8/7/2005 11:39:53 PM

subversiveone

Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline

To dredge this thread up again and give you a quick update, it's been a week and things are going pretty well.
He is handling as you say, 'the financials' and im taking a very active role in 'housekeeping' and such. No 'rituals' as of yet, other than lots of naps and snuggling ;) He had a full size bed, and so did i, so we said 'hey, why not bring em both in the bedroom'? So now we have the giganta-bed, 2 fulls connected! We just roll to seperate sides when we're ready for major beg hogging! lol
The routine that im looking forward to, and will try to accomodate with new work scheduling, is being there for Him when He gets home at night, prepared to serve Him in many ways. He welds and gets filthy dirty, so baths/showers, massages, quick naps, and/or quick-ies at the end of the day are definitely in order. Cooking while He rests, having clean 'home' clothes, and ice cold tea ready too! ;)

_____________________________

[img]http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style4,de-spc-de-spc-dee.png[/img]

(in reply to Gem)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 8/8/2005 8:10:13 AM

ChereeAmoor

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

I probably shouldn't answer this thread, as there is very little domination outside our bedroom, but here goes!
For the first question: I am not controlled outside the bedroom.
Second: My day-to-day life is not controlled.
Third: if either of my Masters demands something of me, I know to listen to them and do it, so generally verbal commands are the way They let me know, rather than any physical action.
Fourth question: the actions from Them that make me feel the most submissive are generally putting me into restraints, or posing me as they like.
Fifth: Their dominance definitely is in response to me. I don't misbehave to get their attention, just become more and more subservient. They have had several relationships before me that ran the gamut from extra-vanilla to edge play, and none of those lasted more than a few months. The middle way is best for all of us.
Sixth: both of my Masters feel my normal place is wherever I decide to be, as we are not TPE. But inside the bedroom, They keep me in my place by using me however They see fit. There is no time for argument or reflection or anything other than what They want.

(in reply to tigress31047)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Describe how they CONTROL - 8/8/2005 9:28:58 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subversiveone

How is your day to day life controlled?

You'd be surprised how very rarely he directs my movements. There are some rules. I'm not allowed to open my own doors. I can't tell you how hard it was to give up that independence. If I'm going to be late to work or sick, I have to call him first. I have to ask before I have any alcohol. It's little small things like that. The rest, either he trusts my judgement or we've been together long enough that he longer has to tell me what he desires.

quote:

What does your partner DO and/or say to exhibit control? This should be active behavior, not 'it is understood between us' passive-type responses.What actions from them make you feel most submissive or them most in control daily?

That's really hard to answer because it's rarely active behavior. It's more about his mental attitude. He has a quiet, innate dominance that is just part of his aura. We don't have a high protocol relationship, so it's not like I'm kissing his boots when he gets home. But, it's in his every request.

quote:

Do you feel that just by simply being submissive in the first place initiates much of their dominant behavior? Is it just a response to you? Do they constantly behave dominantly or does it ebb and flow throughout the day? Do you behave in any certain way to 'encourage' their dominant streak? (other than misbehave of course)

, he's

No, he's always Dominant. I've watch vanillas defer to him and I'm sure they have no reason why they have. He's not always A Dominant (I can only imagine how exhausting that would be.) But he always has a Dominant personality.

quote:

If you are involved in a D/s relationship that while may not be considered the infamous TPE, does bleed over into daily life, how do they see to it that you are 'kept in place' as it were? (your chore list is not what im looking for lol)

It's hard to explain. We tell people that we have a normal life that has a D/s undercurrent. The thought of his displeasure is what keeps me in place.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to subversiveone)

Profile

Post #: 30