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Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/20/2007 11:23:24 PM   
winterlight


Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline 		the relationship?

Are there different kinds of subs/slaves?

Are there subs that only serve with no sex involved?

tyvm
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/20/2007 11:29:07 PM   
Dddylilgrl


Posts: 56
Joined: 7/20/2007
Status: offline 		Each bdsm relationship is unique. Ys there are subs/slaves that only serve in non-sexaul ways.  I am not one of them but I have met them before so I know that they exist.  In a bdsm relationship there can be love between a Dom/mme and sub/slave. I hope that this information helps you with your question.

(in reply to winterlight)
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RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 12:05:40 AM   
HCWT1


Posts: 161
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline 		Yes,yes and yes,

I spent five plus years serveing my first owner,on a pure service,no sex,no love basis,These were some of the best years of my life and i think we got alot closer to each other,than alot of couples that are so called in love.Its amazeing how two people can interact when you remove all the crappy emotions.

I admit,i wouldn't know what love is, if i fell over it,and as for sex,......piiiiiiissssss.

(in reply to Dddylilgrl)
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RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 1:17:46 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		There are some BDSM relationship that flourish with no love involved if that's what both people want.  There are some BDSM relationships that flourish with love because that's what they want. 

As each person in the world is different, each sub or slave or Dom or Master or Mistress is different, with different needs, wants, and desires. 

Some subs are strictly service subs with no sex involved.  These subs fit well with a Dom who is looking for a sub with that quality. 

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 4:01:41 AM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight
 Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in
the relationship?
I've said a ton of times, each person definition of love is different.
There is a deep caring, wanting, affection, giving, trusting and respect between my  Sir and i.  Is this love?  Hell why label it all.  This is the way we are.

Are there different kinds of subs/slaves?
I have seen submission very differently this last month.
Both my sisters are submissive intaht they are people pleasers and can have very submissive natures.  But they both control or manipulate a situation so that they can please people the way they want to, then they are extremely happy and the relationship works.
I also have a friend who is bored with her boring husband, has been married 18 yr and is finally wanting to find someone who will give her what she has been lacking ....  a very kinky sexually dominated sex life.  She truely thinks its greener on the other side.  In actuality she is a bottom submissive. 
Something I cant grasp.

tyvm


Sir's girl

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.


(in reply to winterlight)
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RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 4:51:48 AM   
maledave7


Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		Each bdsm relationship is different; it depends on what the people are seeking. Yes, there are different kinds of subs and slaves. Some do serve with no sex involved. I personally am seeking love in the relationship.

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 5:32:45 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		yes and yes
 
  my first bdsm experience was with a Dominant who i met at APEX and knew topped.  I dont consider ours Top/bottom because it was an ongoing 2 year relationship that did include alot of mental as well as the physical..He continued to Top others and had no restrictions as to whether I could bottom to others ( even though I did not ) ...  there was no sex/intercourse and no loving intimacies. Although, I did come to love him later as a dear friend and still do to this day.  (and yes, the emotional boundaries were difficult for me to keep....I did it but it was difficult and taught me something valuable to know about myself and my submission ) ...The physicalities/bdsm without emotional intimacies that was his preference, also introduced/taught me SOOOOO much about myself physically, sensually and mentally. 
 
I'm grateful for the experience and wouldnt change it a bit, but what I know now about myself and my submission is that it is not the best kind of arrangement/relationship style for me.
 
My next relationship was D/s and became  M/s and was all inclusive and lasted 9 years.  "All inclusive" meaning including intimacies, love, sex, friendship, adoration, sharing our lives as well as our ds desires and needs. Emotional, physical, mental and spiritual..
  (ended 3 years ago )
 
good topic, thanks for bringing it up
 
Cyndi
 
 
 
 
 

(in reply to winterlight)
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RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 6:12:12 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight
the relationship?

Some do, some don't.
quote:


Are there different kinds of subs/slaves?

Yes, many.
quote:


Are there subs that only serve with no sex involved?

tyvm

Yes.

Winter- if you can imagine it, people out there are doing it, and very happy about it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 6:48:09 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		I think a Master loving his slave makes for a very difficult relationship, it adds alot of pressure on the Master to not care so much about the girl that he loses control over her. That having been said, I have the love of my Sir and could never imagine losing it.

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 7:02:59 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		To some it matters and to some not so much,AN in love M/s relationship is headed for trouble in this ol' masters opinion...WE can love a slave in our own way without fallin' head over heels in love..Does that make sense hell no but its how it works here for us,A loved, treasured, cherish family member ..One that knows her master loves her but in his own way..BOUNTY

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to winterlight)
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RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 7:13:48 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati
I think a Master loving his slave makes for a very difficult relationship, it adds alot of pressure on the Master to not care so much about the girl that he loses control over her. That having been said, I have the love of my Sir and could never imagine losing it.

I also have my Master's love and there is no way we could have the relationship we have without it.  I realize my background is different from a lot of folks here in that I don't have any other "lifestyle" experience outside of my relationship with Master.  I had read and chatted and so on but no hands-on, r/t experience at all until He found me.  We fell in love, He became my Owner, and everything I have experienced in this "realm," if you will, has been with Him only.  I haven't "bottomed" or submitted to anyone else nor do I desire to. 

The love that we share is the strongest that either of us have ever experienced and it is the foundation of the M/s relationship we are in.  Though I know others happily do it every day, I could never submit to or serve One that I did not love and who did not love me in return.  Maybe I'm not sophisticated or highly evolved or enlightened, but that's just how it is for me.  Without our love, there would be no M/s dynamic for us.

As far as love making it difficult or putting pressure onto Master to not lose control of me, He has assured me that is not the case.  I have wondered (aloud to Him, at times) if indeed His love for me does cause Him to think twice about what He requires of me, etc.  He is adamant that He does things as He chooses and doesn't "go lightly" or curtail His desires in order to "please" me.  But then, He knows full well that "pleasing" me is easy.  Just allow me to please Him.  Anyway....just our perspective on how love is not a hinderence to His mastery of His slave................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 7:16:59 AM   
DianeB269


Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		Yes to all three.
I have one sub I use for sex. If the other subs are good, I'll let them watch .


Diane

< Message edited by DianeB269 -- 7/21/2007 7:29:10 AM >

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 7:25:21 AM   
MusicalBoredom


Posts: 620
Joined: 5/8/2007
From: Louisiana/New York
Status: offline 		This lifestyle segment of the world is really no different that the rest in that respect.  Each interpersonal relationship is unique and tends to be defined in terms that work for both parties.  Of course many of those end up not meeting the needs or those needs change but that's just normal life.

For me, I have had subs with me for a while without sex evolved and D/s relationships where sex was evolved.  Both worked at the time.  As for love, I have never had a sub that I didn't love.  I have to agree with Bounty on the difference between "love" and "in-love" though.  I need to feel some sense of care and protection for anyone that I take on in that capacity.  I'm also not one for casual play.  I like the mind part of the dance to much for casual play to work for me.  But I can't wrap my mind around connecting casual play and someone being submissive to me.  That's just me.  Hopefully each person defines what works for them and seeks to grow in that area.

One more random thought -- I think sometimes if we do fall in love and things go south, we tend to feel thaeheartache that's normal with a breakup and want to find reasons for it's failing.  Out of the two times that I was in love with a submissive one was very hard to maintain the D/s dynamic because I couldn't use my ultimate "tool" with her -- the tool of dismissal.  In the other one the dynamic worked but the relationship didn't.


< Message edited by MusicalBoredom -- 7/21/2007 7:32:47 AM >

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 8:45:58 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		You'll get every combination of answers for this one:
Sex only
Romantic Love only
Sex and RL
sex and no RL
no sex and RL (which I'd think would be rare)
No sex and no RL

There is no romantic love or sexual service in the relationship with my girl anne (a collared relationship). There is no romantic love but there is sexual service between me and jason (a noncollared relationship). There is sexual service if I choose and no romantic love between me and michelle (a nonnollared relationship). I'm not sure that romantic love would be a good thing for my Ms relationships.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 8:50:33 AM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

the relationship?

Are there different kinds of subs/slaves?

Are there subs that only serve with no sex involved?

tyvm


Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

Yes.

Yes.

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 9:06:36 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight
the relationship?
Any relationship, whether BDSM-based or not, can flourish, fade, or remain static, for any number of reasons.  Whether a relationship flourishes or not is, i believe, largely based on what the expectations, needs, and desires of the people involved are and whether or not each person is gaining something desired and valued from the relationship.  Love might or might not be one of those needs/desires/expectations.  It also depends on how love is defined.  Some people simply love being in a BDSM relationship and don't need to be "in love" with the other person. 

quote:

Are there different kinds of subs/slaves?
There are different kinds of PEOPLE, and submissives and slaves are just people, with particular interests and ways of interacting in their personal relationships.  So, yes, there are different "kinds" of subs and slaves, just as there are different "kinds" of Doms and Masters.

quote:

Are there subs that only serve with no sex involved?
Yes.  i was a domestic submissive to a Dominant, elderly, disabled man, for 2 years, without any sexual activity involved.  There was also no B&D or S&M involved.  i simply did as i was told and took care of the house, yard, animals, laundry, cooking, running errands, personal grooming, and providing companionship. slave joyOwned property of Master David "Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 9:22:52 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		sometimes i just want scream. i swear people make things so complex. we over anylize over critcial of thought. i think this is a prozac moment. anyhow it is about balance. all i hear is me me me me me want want my me. ok lets ship you to the moon so you can have you you. life is about bonding on a lot levels. never at someone else exspense. i look at peoples track record. when somehing does not go right its always i am sorry my bag i hate that term by the way.. how about this one. I take responsibilty for who and what i am. If i meet someone with things i have in common with We will do our best to make things happen with out the influnce of out side opionions or people. you can build a relationship in so many ways.. but only certian combinations work.. if it is purely sexual it will not last.. if is devoid of love or commit ment it will not last.. so if you want balance make sure you commit to find just that in someone else.. just that simple

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 12:14:41 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		winterlight,

you have received a ton of yes answers so little to be added besides I agree with them.

CP

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 12:16:08 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		hey pepper, glad to see you on the boards again, any boards! Hope you anf Gary are doing well

CP aka TM

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Does a BDSM relationship flourish due to no love in - 7/21/2007 12:42:24 PM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati

I think a Master loving his slave makes for a very difficult relationship, it adds alot of pressure on the Master to not care so much about the girl that he loses control over her. That having been said, I have the love of my Sir and could never imagine losing it.


This post reminded me of a book I jusat recently read LOVE & RESPECT  by Eggerichs.
 
His theory is that we all get tangled up in the love and respect issues.
Men want respect from the woman.
Women want love from the man.

A woman will not actualize love if she doesnt give respect.
A man will not actualize respect if he doesnt show love.

The cycle is breakable and always in need of some type of repair or some never do get to that spot where everyone gets what they want.
 
Sir's girl 




_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.


(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 20
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