Being known

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Level -> Being known (7/21/2007 8:47:47 AM)
A quote from Anne Rice, in a post by CM's lovely Miss Jo, sparked the idea for this thread. "Each of us has within him a dark chamber where real desires flower; and the horror of it is that they never see the light of another's understanding, those strange blooms. It is as lonely as it is dark, that chamber of the heart." How important is being known, and understood, to you? I mean, being able to bare yourself to another, and have them "get it", and still not turn away, and to still care for you, whether it be a friend or lover. Edited to add: I'm not just speaking about D/s, either.

jayded34 -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 9:03:42 AM)
to be completely understood and accepted........no matter what i tell someone.......even if they dont agree.....is the greatest act of love to me......nothing touches my soul more than the unconditional love......that i give and that i receive...

juliaoceania -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 9:08:28 AM)
Really good question... I would have answered that it was very important to me not so long ago... and now I am stuck with this feeling that it is just not possible to connect to other people on that level. Our own egos, what we desire as individuals, will always cloud our judgments about how others feel, what their dreams are, their most precious inner desires. I think that we all connect to something bigger than ourselves when we are acting upon our bliss, and that makes up for it... in other words when we follow our bliss, our passions, our deepest desires, we connect to all that is... and that makes up for the sense of being unable to completely connect to others here on planet earth. I am very ok with the fact that I do not believe that anyone will ever truly "get" me. I used to try to get that from my lovers in the past, it just seems to have lost importance to me because it is more important to "get" myself. And to be completely honest... the more one exposes of themselves, the more they risk someone taking that information to destroy them, and I do not want to give that much of myself anymore. I do not believe it is necessary.

KatyLied -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 9:20:57 AM)
I think it is impossible to be known in a deep and profound way. And it's no longer something I have an expectation of. I find it a lot easier to live my life without worrying about being deeply understood. It people can be cool about how I'm sort of wacky, it works for me. [8D]

bandit25 -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 9:26:15 AM)
Wonderful question, but I expect nothing less from you Level. Like katy, if someone just kinda gets me, I'm good with that. I believe we all do have a very dark side to us. One that we keep hidden, not just from others but from ourselves as well. I don't know that I would ever want to reveal that side of myself to anyone because that would mean revealing it myself also. And I don't know that I could ever face that.

slavegirljoy -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 9:27:56 AM)
For me, it's not really a necessity to be understood, especially since i don't fully understand myself. What i do need to feel, in order for me to want to remain in an intimate relationship with someone, is that i am accepted for who i am and that i can be myself and not be afraid to reveal myself. It doesn't matter, to me, if the other person "gets it" or not, as long as they can accept that this is who i am. i don't even necessarily "get" everything that is inside me, and i accept that. The main thing is that i feel i have a safe environment where i am allowed and encouraged to show myself for who i am and not feel that i have to be guarded about letting my true inner self be seen. Getting to know someone takes time and it's an ongoing process, i believe. It's not something that just stops one day, like a train reaching it's final destination. i'm still discovering myself and getting to know who i am with every new day and every new experience. slave joyOwned property of Master David "Commitment transforms a promise into a reality." quote: ORIGINAL: Level A quote from Anne Rice, in a post by CM's lovely Miss Jo, sparked the idea for this thread. "Each of us has within him a dark chamber where real desires flower; and the horror of it is that they never see the light of another's understanding, those strange blooms. It is as lonely as it is dark, that chamber of the heart." How important is being known, and understood, to you? I mean, being able to bare yourself to another, and have them "get it", and still not turn away, and to still care for you, whether it be a friend or lover. Edited to add: I'm not just speaking about D/s, either.

CuriousLord -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 9:30:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level How important is being known, and understood, to you? I mean, being able to bare yourself to another, and have them "get it", and still not turn away, and to still care for you, whether it be a friend or lover. I do not feel people can truly know one another. At best, they can pick out identifying points and aspects. To draw analogy, one may consider knowing another in terms of knowing this other's body. What do you know of your lover's body? Perhaps the surface- the physical characteristics? Maybe some bland details- such as vague descriptions of the lungs and stomach, and where they're at? Hell, you only know those things because people have cut eachother open and studied them. You know there's a system of tubes with a large muscle pushing that red stuff that comes out when one's injured only because it's been studied and taught to you- not because you truly know your lover's heart nor blood, just the general and vague description of what a average person's may sort of be like. Below the components, do you know the subatomic particles? Then the quarks? Then whatever might lurk below such? Do you know- ultimately- what forms your lover's body? The mechanics of it? Breaking from analogy, this is to say, "Do you know the little small decisions, below the ones you can know, on how your partner works?" All I mean to say is that, the best we can really know eachother is in general patterns. Knowing another "well" is to have a more refined set of patterns, usuaully more complex and such, but this isn't to say that one is known beyond a marginal degree. To answer the orginial question, I have come to accept this. My word for "best friend", in my head, is far more closer to "ally", in English.

Donnalee -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 9:43:08 AM)
I believe that people can become deeply known as they are in a moment, but that those moments change, and people evolve. If you want to get absolutely technical, there are no absolutes, but as far as a working hypothesis goes, I believe it can be done, and I also believe that being known deeply itself changes a person. I enjoy and am honored by the commitment it takes for another to try to know me, and I'm often astounded by the things they see in me that I wasn't aware of. The more known I feel, the more emotionally vulnerable I feel, and if that person is a safe one, I'll also feel more secure. Its interesting to say the least. I love getting to know people better...how they think...how they make decisions...how they feel. It facinates me to no end. When someone lets me in, I try to honor that trust as best I can and do no harm.

TheHeretic -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 9:53:01 AM)
Sometimes the most important word in a relationship is a simple, "okay." I don't expect to be understood. Hell, there are times I have trouble understanding myself. How can I place such an expectation on someone else? To simply be accepted, warts and all, might be the best we can really hope for. I think that is enough.

kyraofMists -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 9:56:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level How important is being known, and understood, to you? I mean, being able to bare yourself to another, and have them "get it", and still not turn away, and to still care for you, whether it be a friend or lover. Edited to add: I'm not just speaking about D/s, either. It is vital for me in my intimate relationships. In getting to know my Lord he used the analogy of a store. A lot of people only window shop and look at the surface. Some decide to go inside and look around a bit more. When he came into my life he came in and went to the most important, precious part and wanted to know all about it. I do not focus so much on being understood but on being vulnerable and accepted for who I am and that includes the most intimate and precious parts of me. I also focus on accepting others for who they are as well. However, acceptance to me is not the same thing as agreement. He accepts me for who I am and cares about me enough to call me on it when he thinks I am doing something stupid. Those that I care about I treat the same way. I accept them for who they are but if I think they are doing something unhealthy, then I express that. If I don't care about the person, then I keep it to myself. Knight's Kyra

lighthearted -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 9:58:12 AM)
being known and having the freedom to express myself is extremely important. to me, that is the ultimate definition of trust in a relationship. I would expect anyone that I'm in a long-term relationship, D/s or romantic, to feel the same way, to feel free to express their desires without the consequence of me turning away, or vice versa. I don't know if it's necessary to be understood, because there are still parts of myself I don't understand. I would also expect that in revealing those things I don't understand, the other person would help me do so.

SexyRed -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 10:01:03 AM)
This would indeed be the most desired state, the knowing that someone truly "gets" me. But, like others have said, I am finding that most people do not want to know someone that intensely. I believe that people are deeply afraid of being genuine and revealing their true nature. The irony is that in our world, in D/s, I believe you need to be more comfortable revealing your true self, but some can only act out, instead of share themselves, if that makes sense.

juliaoceania -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 10:44:17 AM)
quote: To simply be accepted, warts and all, might be the best we can really hope for. I think that is enough. Amen Rich A lot more simple than what I wrote, more succinct and to the point... I agree... just being accepted for who one is, that is all one has the right to expect from their SO...

KnightofMists -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 11:31:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists I accept them for who they are but if I think they are doing something unhealthy, then I express that. If I don't care about the person, then I keep it to myself. Knight's Kyra unfortunately... many people expect you to agree with them and not just accept them to maintain a relationship. When you express a different opinion that they don't like (even when it's done respectively and politely)... they immediately become defensive and even passive aggressive. It's these times that one learns the hard way that they misplaced their feelings for another. It's these times that one learns they are better off without them. But ... yeah.. some want to have smoked blowed up their ass... I guess you could called it their kink

KnightofMists -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 11:36:20 AM)
Level... all I can say to your OP will only reinforce what Kyra has said... but anyways Being Understood and Accepted. Doesn't equate to Agreement. Many use the words wanting to be Understood and Accepted... but too often I find... what they really want is Validation and Agreement. It's a fine line between the two.... a person usually finds out how much they want to be understood and accepted when you don't agree or validate their opinion. editted to add Confident and esteemed individuals will seek to be understood and accepted Unconfident and Insecure individuals will seek Agreement and Validation

DrkJourney -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 11:41:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level A quote from Anne Rice, in a post by CM's lovely Miss Jo, sparked the idea for this thread. "Each of us has within him a dark chamber where real desires flower; and the horror of it is that they never see the light of another's understanding, those strange blooms. It is as lonely as it is dark, that chamber of the heart." How important is being known, and understood, to you? I mean, being able to bare yourself to another, and have them "get it", and still not turn away, and to still care for you, whether it be a friend or lover. Edited to add: I'm not just speaking about D/s, either. what a nice dream it would be to find that person....I hope he has long hair and a nice chest [sm=smile.gif]

TheHeretic -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 11:47:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Amen Rich Not to hijack a great topic, but isn't this a sign of the apocalypse or something???

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 2:29:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level A quote from Anne Rice, in a post by CM's lovely Miss Jo, sparked the idea for this thread. "Each of us has within him a dark chamber where real desires flower; and the horror of it is that they never see the light of another's understanding, those strange blooms. It is as lonely as it is dark, that chamber of the heart." How important is being known, and understood, to you? I mean, being able to bare yourself to another, and have them "get it", and still not turn away, and to still care for you, whether it be a friend or lover. Edited to add: I'm not just speaking about D/s, either. Wow, that's quite flattering Level. I'm actually blushing. LOL Now if only I could answer that question. I'll have to think on that and come back to reply.

Level -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 3:21:49 PM)
quote: julia: it is more important to "get" myself. And to be completely honest... the more one exposes of themselves, the more they risk someone taking that information to destroy them, and I do not want to give that much of myself anymore. I do not believe it is necessary. Getting oneself does indeed matter [;)] And I agree with the risk involved in opening up, but when it goes right, it is an incredible thing. Don't lose hope! quote: Katy: It people can be cool about how I'm sort of wacky, it works for me. You are quite wacky...... [:-]

Level -> RE: Being known (7/21/2007 3:35:43 PM)
quote: bandit: Like katy, if someone just kinda gets me, I'm good with that. I believe we all do have a very dark side to us. One that we keep hidden, not just from others but from ourselves as well. I don't know that I would ever want to reveal that side of myself to anyone because that would mean revealing it myself also. And I don't know that I could ever face that. Hello little miss four paddles [;)] you bring up a very good point, one that I tend to believe a majority of people "suffer" from, if that's the right word.

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