Question about relationships with woman

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Question about relationships with woman

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Question about relationships with woman

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Question about relationships with woman - 7/21/2007 4:29:55 PM

Carrisa

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/11/2007
Status: offline

Due to some very traumatic and unfortunate experiences that Ive had with woman in my life in the past I have just never had anything to do with them even as friends. Ive had a hard time trusting them or having respect for them. Id like to get over this and broaden my horizons so to speak. My question is do any of you think that having a female Dom would help me overcome some of these issues? Thanks

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/21/2007 4:42:06 PM

BBBTBW

Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline

It depends on the issues you have with them. Do you have issues with women as authority figures? You have to remember that no 2 women are alike...you cannot judge a whole based upon the actions of a few. When possibly entering into a realtionship with a woman (platonic or not) remember they are not responsible for what the others did to you.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to Carrisa)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/21/2007 4:44:07 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Personally speaking i could never be with a Domina that i didnt`t trust. you will be expecting Her too look after your health and wellbeing and for that, in my opinion, trust is essential. As for respecting Her, if you are a submissive then that should be natural. If it isn`t then you have chosen the wrong Domina for you.

(in reply to Carrisa)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/21/2007 5:35:40 PM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

You're in a relationship with her 'cause you mention you're straight in your profile?
Not all women are deceitful they're nothing better than men and vice versa, you may simply have been unlucky, having a female dominant may help you and it also may not, simply having a good girlfriend (as in a friend..) can make the difference.

(in reply to Politesub53)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/21/2007 6:58:27 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Honestly, no.

Get to know women as friends before you scene with one. That goes for both men and women.

A Ds or SM relationship has to built on basic trust but if no basic trust exist there is no foundation and thus I think it will fail.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Carrisa)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/21/2007 11:26:56 PM

GuidingLite

Posts: 233
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline

Try having one of them go down on you.

(in reply to Carrisa)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/21/2007 11:35:44 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Being submissive (which, in my eyes, is about being vulnerable and trusting with a dominant) with a person who you inherently feel traumatized by is putting yourself in a vice between what the relative position requires and what makes you safe. Seems like a recipe for failure. Why not try healing your relationship with women in baby steps that you can control and assimilate?

However, different strokes for different folks -- if you learn best by pushing yourself out of your own psychological comfort zone and directly confronting a fear, this would be a fine way to go.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Carrisa)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/22/2007 2:25:05 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

My opinion is, any time you ask yourself the question "with a relationship with X fix Y problem?" ... the answer is 'no' - you are just setting yourself up for failure and misery (and usually making the problem worse) if you go that route.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/22/2007 6:49:51 AM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

My question is do you think you could trust and respect any woman? Are you assuming a female Dominant will somehow help you cross the barrier? Are you attracted to women on some level you have not shared with us here? Or are you looking for some kind of phobia desensitizing regarding women?

Just my thoughts...

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to Carrisa)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/22/2007 6:58:12 AM

WyckedMystress

Posts: 118
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

My question is do any of you think that having a female Dom would help me overcome some of these issues?

Try that or therapy! Not all Women are bad just like not all men are bastards.

Good luck with whatever path you choose.

WyckedMystress

(in reply to Carrisa)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/22/2007 9:36:25 AM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carrisa

Due to some very traumatic and unfortunate experiences that Ive had with woman in my life in the past I have just never had anything to do with them even as friends. Ive had a hard time trusting them or having respect for them. Id like to get over this and broaden my horizons so to speak. My question is do any of you think that having a female Dom would help me overcome some of these issues? Thanks

No.

(in reply to Carrisa)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/22/2007 12:11:06 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carrisa

Due to some very traumatic and unfortunate experiences that Ive had with woman in my life in the past I have just never had anything to do with them even as friends. Ive had a hard time trusting them or having respect for them. Id like to get over this and broaden my horizons so to speak. My question is do any of you think that having a female Dom would help me overcome some of these issues? Thanks

Sorry, but I'm a hardliner here when it comes to mixing psychological issues and SM-as-therapy.

NO.

Please, do yourself, and the potential play partners a favor and get some professional counseling. Once you've gotten a handle on the issues, then perhaps you could use BDSM as a mechanism (if it still interests you.)

Dominant women are not tools for you to get over your psychological life trauma. There's too much at stake and it'd be tremendously unfair for you to saddle her with the burden of being your shrink.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Carrisa)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/22/2007 12:46:37 PM

ErusDespicienta

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carrisa

Due to some very traumatic and unfortunate experiences that Ive had with woman in my life in the past I have just never had anything to do with them even as friends. Ive had a hard time trusting them or having respect for them.

I've had taumatic and unfortunate experiences with women. They were due to MY lack of foresight.
If I'd been gay I probably would be saying the same thing about men.
IF I'd been a sub I'd be saying the same thing about Dommes.

Look! how many times have you heard people say " I hate this place, I'm moving somewhere better" and then found out that a year later they are in the same mess.
We create our environment with the choices we make, I have and I think you are picking the wrong ones, take some time to research human personality and characteristics, you will find a common thread in the choices you make that bring these troubles to you.
Alternatively understand that your type is bad for you, find a way to understand that kind of relationship and put it to good use.

In closing I have to add, in learning about myself I discovered this:

~~~~ if all women are bitches, then all men are pigs~~~.

MissyRane put it very succinctly too :)

_____________________________

You can't always get what you want but if try, sometimes, you might get what you need.~~ Rolling Stones

(in reply to Carrisa)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Question about relationships with woman - 7/22/2007 2:52:14 PM

blmtrsne

Posts: 201
Joined: 6/29/2004
Status: offline

First solve your problems before getting into any relation. If you feel you are a slave or a sub that's one thing, but if you feel you're sick, consult a doctor. A domme would have to invest Her time comforting you while normally you should be there to serve Her. You should trust and care for Her before engaging into any form of relation. And if you're talking about a commercial Domme: depending on Her personallity you might find one who does anything for money. But that's play, not a relationship. So this person will not help you with an illness, she'll just do what you expect.

_____________________________

-- Owner of slrn733561 --

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)

Profile

Post #: 14