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Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 12:33:38 PM

MasterClay

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/27/2004
Status: offline

greetings

I just received an e-mail from someone, who clams to be a slave, flaming me telling me I am “not a Master and would not know what a Master was if it bit me on the A$$”. she goes on to explain that because I “asked” her to accept a task AND I used the words “Please” and “Thank you”. I am apparently “begging” her to do what I want, not demanding her to do it so there for I am “nothing more than a weak spineless worm that, need to get a F*%king gold fish.”

I am just retelling this because I would like to get a census from the subs/slave here- If a Master/Dom asks you to do something (mind you - he is not your Master), and he is polite and respectful and uses the words –please and thank you. Do you view him as weak? Or- Would you prefer a complete stranger making demands from you from –GO?

Thanks
A curious Master

Post #: 1

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 12:53:04 PM

Wolfspet

Posts: 143
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline

Unfortunately, this is one of my pet peeves. Don't take it personal.

Aren't you*(generic) old enough to know that good manners are good manners regardless of what the situation?

Why is it that people get involved with BDSM and think the rest of the world drops out of existance?

She sounds like a cyber chatroom infected case, nothing more.

I have in roughly 23 years met a insignificant minority of those identifing as a Dominant or Master that was not polite, well mannered and on many occasions extremely chilviarous(sic). Within the power dymanic of the relationship of course

(in reply to MasterClay)

Post #: 2

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 1:02:39 PM

Isolde

Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline

Strangers who make demands before they even know my real name are deleted, blocked and ignored. I see that sort of chest-thumping as something to chuckle over with my friends; those who are polite will always get the same response from me.

I'm also of the opinion that it is very possible for a dominant to do his/her thing in a quiet tone of voice, with courtesies like pleases and thank yous, and not come across as weak. Someone who has the confidence to behave that way, to project the confidence of knowing they'll be obeyed without the need to yell, wave a crop around, stomp their feet, etc. seems stronger to me, in fact.

But that's just me.

Wolfspet has a good point too. Just because someone's moving in BDSM circles, online or off, doesn't mean that bad manners are excusable. It's better to see that sort of behaviour as a sign of someone to be avoided instead of a sign that you might need to lower your expectations or change your behaviour.

(in reply to Wolfspet)

Post #: 3

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 1:19:24 PM

simpleprop

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/10/2005
Status: offline

saying please and thank you and being courtious (sp???) are not signs that one is a weak Dom. my Dom says please and thank you and open doors for me and is respectful and coutious and i do not feel that He is weak. His strength is portrayed in the way that he carries himself, his tone of voice, and how he looks at me with his eyes.

simple

(in reply to Isolde)

Post #: 4

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 1:38:51 PM

sudja

Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterClay

greetings

I just received an e-mail from someone, who clams to be a slave, flaming me telling me I am “not a Master and would not know what a Master was if it bit me on the A$$”. she goes on to explain that because I “asked” her to accept a task AND I used the words “Please” and “Thank you”. I am apparently “begging” her to do what I want, not demanding her to do it so there for I am “nothing more than a weak spineless worm that, need to get a F*%king gold fish.”

I am just retelling this because I would like to get a census from the subs/slave here- If a Master/Dom asks you to do something (mind you - he is not your Master), and he is polite and respectful and uses the words –please and thank you. Do you view him as weak? Or- Would you prefer a complete stranger making demands from you from –GO?

Thanks
A curious Master

Frankly, anybody who thinks that just because they call themselves a Master they can ask *or* tell me to do anything and I will do it is no "Master," or "Dom/me" by any definition I'd be willing to use.

I appreciate that you were courteous, but if you, or any "complete stranger," or even a Dominant I know who isn't -my- Dominant, asked me nicely to do something just because you/they ID as a Master I would wonder where the heck you think you are getting off.

As for courtesy, whether my Mistress says "please" or "thank you" or not, it is the same thing. She wants, I do.

She shows Her appreciation in many ways, some of them the standard words of "polite" others less "standard."

More on courtesy, and respect.

I am courteous to everybody until they prove they are not deserving, and even then I tend to stay polite.

Nobody, Dominant or not, is entitled to "extra" respect from me merely because they are a Dominant. My deference is to One, not to all, not to the world.

sudja

(in reply to MasterClay)

Post #: 5

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 2:27:36 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

Well, if someone I'd never spoken to before asked me to do something, I'd be irritated first, then I'd laugh at them. Of course, I'd only respond to them after those two reactions were passed.

While she might not have responded in the best manner, you -will- get negative reactions if you ask people you've never spoken to before to perform "tasks."

I've never understood the "task" mentality, but even if I did, I wouldn't appreciate an unsolicited expectation of obedience.

She wasn't polite in responding, true, but that's true of 3/4 of the people on the net. I'm thinking that it's possible her reaction to the "please" and "thank you" bit stemmed more from irritation at the implied obligation of obedience than the politeness, but that's probably just my perspective.

I don't think less of a dominant person who is polite. I think less of a dominant person who assumes dominance is automatic.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to sudja)

Post #: 6

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 2:44:08 PM

shyguyuk

Posts: 25
Joined: 5/3/2005
Status: offline

If a dom/domme asked me to perform a task before i knew them i would just politly decline there demand, no matter how polite.. i do belive the sub did go a little over board though manners dont cost anything.

michelle x

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 7

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 2:52:07 PM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

If I didn't know you, I wouldn't feel like I owe you anything. Asking me to do something politely is fine, but if I don't know you I would tell you I couldn't and wouldn't do it. As far as a Dom/Master saying "please" and "thank you", I don't think that makes anyone weak. That is called manners. I wouldn't let a complete stranger order me around either.

perfection

(in reply to MasterClay)

Post #: 8

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 4:48:02 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I do not see the problem in being polite after all she is not your submissive. I would have found it very odd if my late Master would have asked me to please do something. Sinch however she is not yours it is polite and respectfuly to her. Of course if someone i did not know asked me to do a task i would politely decline

Littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 6/24/2005 4:54:19 PM >

(in reply to MasterClay)

Post #: 9

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 4:51:46 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I am just retelling this because I would like to get a census from the subs/slave here

I think the word you want is consensus. And why are you asking a stranger to do tasks anyway?

(in reply to MasterClay)

Post #: 10

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 5:38:51 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

saying please and thank you and being courtious (sp???) are not signs that one is a weak Dom.

Exactly. It's the sign of someone with a modicum of class & decorum.

During play, I don't "always" say please because it doesn't always fit into every order, i.e.: "on your knees and worship my legs and feet... please"... well the please takes the punch out of it.

But on the other hand, I would say please if I asked them to do something for me, such as "would you pass the pepper, please".

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to simpleprop)

Post #: 11

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 5:42:03 PM

subcheryl

Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline

You didn't state what the task was that you requested, that for one thing would be a problem, and another, like the others have said, for you to request her to do a task, even though it was politely, is not right before getting to know her, and in my personal opinion depending on the task I probably wouldn't have done it either, but would have told you politely so not in the manner the person did. Please and thankyou are getting to be a rare commodity in todays society, and refreshing when you meet someone who uses them so perhaps it was all in your approach and timing.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 12

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/24/2005 11:44:37 PM

harmony3709

Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfspet

She sounds like a cyber chatroom infected case, nothing more.

I have in roughly 23 years met a insignificant minority of those identifing as a Dominant or Master that was not polite, well mannered and on many occasions extremely chilviarous(sic). Within the power dymanic of the relationship of course

I agree with Wolfspet completely and my experience, however only about 3 years, is the same with the Doms I have met. Strength and/or weakness have nothing to do with manners in my opinion.

My Master is well-mannered with me and others because he chooses to do so. Although maybe his Dominant Manual was missing the page that said he was required not to say please and thank you to his slave or else he would be weak. (And of course then have his "Real and Twue Master" card revoked.)

Blessed be,
harmony

(in reply to Wolfspet)

Post #: 13

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/25/2005 12:39:12 AM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I just received an e-mail from someone, who clams to be a slave, flaming me telling me I am “not a Master and would not know what a Master was if it bit me on the A$$”. she goes on to explain that because I “asked” her to accept a task AND I used the words “Please” and “Thank you”. I am apparently “begging” her to do what I want, not demanding her to do it so there for I am “nothing more than a weak spineless worm that, need to get a F*%king gold fish.”

first of all. hello, and welcome to the forums. *s*

ok, in reading this, and some of the responses, i don't think the issue the offending party had was with being handed a task. if she in fact criticized Him for HOW He gave the task, it begs the point that she would have accepted it if He had demanded it of her. now, if she did not use the language He relayed, that could be different.

as far as if You were wrong, MC, if You do what You're comfortable with, and try to build a relationship around Your standards of behaviour, i don't think You are wrong.

it seems to me this woman was either fishing for some serious discipline by going off and insulting You, which would mean she was topping from the bottom, or she has no clue about respect and what it is to be courteous. really, she is probably used to showing her brass online, and getting a good hard cyber session out of it.

i could be wrong. if, in fact, she gets off on demands with no consideration or respect in r/t, then she has to maintain her standards in her search.

such rudeness, though... oh, that is looking to be jack-slapped.

either way, she is probably not a match for You, if You are more comfortable being respectful.

there is a time and a place for everything. sometimes One demands, sometimes One asks, and alot of the time, One can say "thank You, slave"

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to MasterClay)

Post #: 14

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/25/2005 12:47:42 AM

innoSINt

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

I feel that saying "please"and "thank you" are a very good act of manners. However I must agree with several others that asking someone you don't know to perform a task is a very bad act of manners in our lifestyle. While (yes) the response was a bit overboard, this particular submissive was with in "rights" to respond in a negative fashion. I personally would have responded similarly if a person who did not know me or my Master had given me a task, regardless of how nicely it was worded.

In Service 2 One---innoSINt

(in reply to MasterClay)

Post #: 15

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/25/2005 1:01:52 AM

Reiter

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: Around
Status: offline

In another perspective, I'd think that perhaps the "sub" was trying to push around to see where she could get with you. The scenario in my head is that she is looking for someone who she will try to push around and is looking to get put in her place.

Or she truly is a "chat room cybercase" and I am wrong.

Either way, I'd hope you've moved on if it indeed made you feel that way. Courtesy is a very common thing amongst many different categories and should always be extended as an avenue of diplomacy when getting to know a new Master or slave. There are the occasional few that like to jump right into things, and hopefully those few will find a companion that like to do the same.

-Reiter

_____________________________

There is no point in seeing another fiery sunrise if your own flame for living has died.

(in reply to innoSINt)

Post #: 16

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/25/2005 1:15:20 AM

DDignity

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

saying please and thank you and being courtious (sp???) are not signs that one is a weak Dom.

Exactly. It's the sign of someone with a modicum of class & decorum.

During play, I don't "always" say please because it doesn't always fit into every order, i.e.: "on your knees and worship my legs and feet... please"... well the please takes the punch out of it.

But on the other hand, I would say please if I asked them to do something for me, such as "would you pass the pepper, please".

- LA

My sentiments exactly.
As with everything, it's not so much the words used as the way they are conveyed.
And good manners can only be a sign of one's worth surely?
I don't feel any less a Domme for being polite on occassion...in fact it can have quite a humbling effect if a sub is less courteous than you would like. Emphasising certain words in a cold,direct way often does the trick quite nicely I have found.
Of course, if this approach gets ignored....choice of words tend to change rather swiftly too!

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 17

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/25/2005 4:14:40 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

greetings

I just received an e-mail from someone, who clams to be a slave, flaming me telling me I am “not a Master and would not know what a Master was if it bit me on the A$$”. she goes on to explain that because I “asked” her to accept a task AND I used the words “Please” and “Thank you”. I am apparently “begging” her to do what I want, not demanding her to do it so there for I am “nothing more than a weak spineless worm that, need to get a F*%king gold fish.”

I am just retelling this because I would like to get a census from the subs/slave here- If a Master/Dom asks you to do something (mind you - he is not your Master), and he is polite and respectful and uses the words –please and thank you. Do you view him as weak? Or- Would you prefer a complete stranger making demands from you from –GO?

Thanks
A curious Master

First off, what do you care what she thinks? Have you varified that this person is in fact a female? How can you determine this person is what 'she' says she is?

But seriously, why do you care what she's saying, or that she doubts you? Secondly, why would you be giving a complete stranger, who you don't know, tasks at all?

I'm always shocked by the fact that people actually think that you can do this...WIIWD via email; that a real, successful, binding relationship can be carried on that way. I suppose it could, but I certainly wouldn't find any lasting fulfillment in it.

I suppose I shouldn't be telling a Dom what to do being just a 'subby' but I'd suggest you get off the computer, find a local BDSM organization and go out and meet REAL people.

Trust me, it's better in real time.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to MasterClay)

Post #: 18

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/26/2005 9:02:56 AM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterClay

greetings

I just received an e-mail from someone, who clams to be a slave, flaming me telling me I am “not a Master and would not know what a Master was if it bit me on the A$$”. she goes on to explain that because I “asked” her to accept a task AND I used the words “Please” and “Thank you”. I am apparently “begging” her to do what I want, not demanding her to do it so there for I am “nothing more than a weak spineless worm that, need to get a F*%king gold fish.”

I am just retelling this because I would like to get a census from the subs/slave here- If a Master/Dom asks you to do something (mind you - he is not your Master), and he is polite and respectful and uses the words –please and thank you. Do you view him as weak? Or- Would you prefer a complete stranger making demands from you from –GO?

Thanks
A curious Master

First of all i would have NO cause to flame you or be dsespectful.
Second, i would only consider the task if there is some sort of "past" even if one or 2 emails between us.
Third, Begging is not beneath a Dom...... buttaht depends on ones definitonof begging.
Forth, Thank You and Please are politeness.....something many human beings have locked away or buried in their back yards.
Fifth, "claiming to be a slave"....you claim to be a "master"..... this submisive woman is a slave to one man, my slavehood is defined within our relationship...and as you can tell, I have my own opinions, thoughts and am my own person, strong, determined, stubborn at times, and would rarely think of defiantly doing something disobedient.

So, claim whatever you like...it is only a title..same with her..... but actions speak louder than words.

I have been told by many a sub my Dom is spineless and weak because he has me look for O/our BDSM desires.... why does that make Him spineless and weak? If His desires are mine and i am obedient, disobedience is the greater offense...in my opinion.

Lastly, if you responded to her in like, you are in my mind, weak. Why? Because you submitted to her immature behaviour.

~~shy

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to MasterClay)

Post #: 19

RE: Corutesy from Master to slave? - 6/26/2005 3:37:59 PM

SinTwister

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I think it's funny that so many people think that BDSM precludes the use of good manners.

Master opens doors for me (his way of taking away my independence and being a gentleman at the same time), he says please, he says thank you. This does not make him less Dominant.

So many people have no concept of the difference between Dominant and domineering. Keep on doing what you're doing, you're not the one with the issue.

(in reply to slavedesires)

Post #: 20

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