i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....???

i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (Full Version)

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playfulotter -> i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 6:05:39 PM)
Have other submissives had this problem when in a new relationship with a Dom.....Do You need Your Dom or Master or whatever You call him to contact You at least every 24 hours and when he doesn't You let him know how You feel and he says something like "chill out"..are men and women just different in this regard...i think if you are really into someone You want to have at least some kind of contact with them in every 24 hour period (be it phone, computer or in person) but maybe i am just wrong and men and women are different in how they interact.....just looking for other points of view. Thanks,rhonda[;)]

LadyIce -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 6:11:25 PM)
I don't think it is needy to have expectations of someone you are hoping to be in a relationship with. I think you need to let your new partner know about your needs. This is one time I am glad I am the Dominant, I demand frequent contact everyday.

AquaticSub -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 6:26:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: playfulotter Have other submissives had this problem when in a new relationship with a Dom.....Do You need Your Dom or Master or whatever You call him to contact You at least every 24 hours and when he doesn't You let him know how You feel and he says something like "chill out"..are men and women just different in this regard...i think if you are really into someone You want to have at least some kind of contact with them in every 24 hour period (be it phone, computer or in person) but maybe i am just wrong and men and women are different in how they interact.....just looking for other points of view. Thanks,rhonda[;)] I also need contact once every 24 hours. When Valyraen and I were long-distence we called each other once a day and talked for an hour or so.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 6:39:11 PM)
Angel and I arent in constant contact anymore, but he needed it when we began. It was his idea ot speak every day, and for about 4 months thats what we did. Even now, we are online about 2-3 times a week since I dont get to see him as often as we'd like. But in the beginning, it isnt uncommon for a submissive (male or female) to want that kind of reassurance. It is not necessarily unusual for a Dom or Domme to want it either, but there isa chance the Master you speak of is just not the constant contact type. Let him know what you would like (not what you need...) and see if theres a comfortable compromise that can be made between your desire for reassurance and his comfort with frequent contact. DV

SexyRed -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 6:41:12 PM)
I absolutely agree with you and no, you are not needy. It is very important to me to have a partner keep in contact, whether by phone, text, email. It is always a red flag to me when someone says they are "too busy" to answer a call within 24 hours. Whatever fledgling connection I have with them at that point, starts to lessen.

DreamyLadySnow -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 6:45:53 PM)
I think it's a personal thing and may also be a man/woman kind of thing. I don't need that much contact, especially at first. Others do. Throughout my life I"ve noticed that guys don't always think to call/email whatever daily. It wouldn't send up red flags for me, either way, unless a boy was TOLD to contact me and didn't. LS

LadyIce -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 6:48:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DreamyLadySnow I think it's a personal thing and may also be a man/woman kind of thing. I don't need that much contact, especially at first. Others do. Throughout my life I"ve noticed that guys don't always think to call/email whatever daily. It wouldn't send up red flags for me, either way, unless a boy was TOLD to contact me and didn't. LS I agree women need more reassurance and contact normally than men. That is one reason it is great to be in charge, in this case. I don't think it would be unreasonable for a submissive to ask her Dominant for regular communication. She needs to get clarification on this, in case he is not willing to remain in close contact.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 6:50:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: playfulotter Have other submissives had this problem when in a new relationship with a Dom.....Do You need Your Dom or Master or whatever You call him to contact You at least every 24 hours and when he doesn't You let him know how You feel and he says something like "chill out"..are men and women just different in this regard...i think if you are really into someone You want to have at least some kind of contact with them in every 24 hour period (be it phone, computer or in person) but maybe i am just wrong and men and women are different in how they interact.....just looking for other points of view. Thanks,rhonda[;)] I guess the "needy" portion would have to be judged by the Dominant you are interacting with.....and yourself....If it is a "need" of yours then ..it is what it is...If said Dominat has no issue with that need, then hurrah!..if he does..then you need to decide how much of a "need" it is...and if this possible relationship is a good "fit" , so to speak..Tempting

windchymes -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 6:53:16 PM)
What I prefer is a partner (Dom, whatever) to WANT contact with ME at least every 24 hours.

LadyIce -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 6:59:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes What I prefer is a partner (Dom, whatever) to WANT contact with ME at least every 24 hours. Great minds think alike! Isn't it nice to be on the same page when it comes to "needs"?

SexyRed -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 6:59:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DreamyLadySnow I think it's a personal thing and may also be a man/woman kind of thing. I don't need that much contact, especially at first. Others do. Throughout my life I"ve noticed that guys don't always think to call/email whatever daily. It wouldn't send up red flags for me, either way, unless a boy was TOLD to contact me and didn't. LS I don't believe it is a man/woman thing. I think it shows how much interest someone has in you and how much of a priority you are to them. It also shows respect when I tell someone I wish them to keep in touch.

Stephann -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 7:01:52 PM)
I don't think it's a D/s thing, I think it's a new relationship thing. Some people require that relationship to be reinforced often, early on, to help them build trust. There's nothing wrong with it as long as it doesn't annoy the other person overtly. Stephan

AquaticSub -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 7:04:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DreamyLadySnow I think it's a personal thing and may also be a man/woman kind of thing. I might be but I don't know. My ex-fiance once said he wouldn't be worried about me until he hadn't heard from me in a week. Which I thought was odd because I usually called him a few times a day.

Littlepita -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 7:06:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes What I prefer is a partner (Dom, whatever) to WANT contact with ME at least every 24 hours. Exactly! And that is how I knew my Joe was for real and for me. He never left me wondering where he was or when he would contact me. Consideration of your subs feelings is vital in my opinion. Especially if this is a long distance or online relationship.

DrkJourney -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 7:08:49 PM)
Not sure what kind of situation that you are looking for, but for me I am looking for a full relationship....and I don't think it's a man/woman thing, I think it's a relationship thing. I want someone in my life that can't get enough of me nor me of him, especially at first. I don't think it's needy, in a new relationship it should be natural to want to keep in contact daily, sometimes several times a day in some form or fashion. I like to know he's thinking of me as I am of him. That's just me

Aileen68 -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 7:12:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: playfulotter Have other submissives had this problem when in a new relationship with a Dom.....Do You need Your Dom or Master or whatever You call him to contact You at least every 24 hours and when he doesn't You let him know how You feel and he says something like "chill out"..are men and women just different in this regard...i think if you are really into someone You want to have at least some kind of contact with them in every 24 hour period (be it phone, computer or in person) but maybe i am just wrong and men and women are different in how they interact.....just looking for other points of view. Thanks,rhonda[;)] It's much nicer when there's open communication on a regular basis. Some just don't feel the need for that. You may just be incompatible.

NefertariReborn -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 7:45:36 PM)
I'm hoping to see more posts from the malesubs and/or Doms. I am in contact with dream daily, and if I'm going to be late I call him. He doesn't ask for this but I think it's important. Hmmmmmm I've never thought to ask him if it would be a bad thing if I only called him once a week. I know if I withdraw because of punishment he freaks but that's a totally different scenario. hmmmmmmmm

dawntreader -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 8:06:11 PM)
i have had this issue myself in the past...funny thing about it as i look back at these failed LDR's - the Doms claimed to be "mental" Doms, priding themselves on their ability to capture and control their sub's mind. But with a week at times between any form of communication and no tasks for the interim...not much "mind control" occured. Great learning experiences for me and helped me determine what works for me...If someone wants inside my "maze of a mind", they definitely need to talk with me more than once a week[:D]

SimplyMichael -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 8:14:44 PM)
I remember tearful arguments from my first submissive over missed phonecalls and such as we lived an hour and a half away from each other and so we were on the phone. I used to hate talking on the phone and still tend to keep it short. I tend to need more contact from my lady than she needs from me but with two kids she is kept pretty busy. What really stresses me out is when we do a bunch of calls over a few days and then suddenly nothing. My head starts to go to bad places but it is something we are both aware of and work on together. She knows I need it and I know she is working on it and so we can keep the issue pretty low key but it is there. Karma?

BabyNyla -> RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? (7/21/2007 8:18:30 PM)
I need contact everyday ... if I don't get it I panic. My poor Daddy ... he's in Iraq and I still make him either call me or get on line everyday to say hi to me (I am SEVERLY spolied). But if I don't talk to him I worry and then I can't sleep. He is my first Dom and I have never been so dependent on another person and it freaks me out ... but at the same time it's a good way to learn more about myself as well.

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