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trouble having an orgasm - 7/21/2007 10:00:08 PM   
pleasureforck


Posts: 95
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline 		Anyone ever have trouble with orgasms? I never have had this trouble until the last visit with him. I am worried it might be from using toys too often. I didn't use any for a couple weeks before I saw him though. Or maybe its my age.

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/21/2007 10:03:18 PM   
lighthearted


Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		could be anything, really.  if it was just once, I wouldn't worry about it.

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/21/2007 10:06:04 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		Nothing to do with age, I orgasm even stronger now than when I was younger. It also has nothing to do with toy usage, I love vibrators but can still come from a partner in various ways.

Most often, it is a mental thing, either stress, fatigue, or relationship issues.

But if it is only one time, just relax about it. If you know you are going to see him, lay off the vibrator for a bit and see if that helps.

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/21/2007 10:09:20 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasureforck

Anyone ever have trouble with orgasms? I never have had this trouble until the last visit with him. I am worried it might be from using toys too often. I didn't use any for a couple weeks before I saw him though. Or maybe its my age.


Heh.. I've had trouble all my life. I rely on my partners for my orgasms. But... I don't think it has anything to do with your age though. Women hit their sexual prime later in life as opposed to younger.

I would suggest go a week or two without your toys but it could be due to a lot of things, like stress or just trying too hard to have an orgasm.

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/21/2007 10:14:35 PM   
subsweetkitty


Posts: 16
Status: offline 		Lord have mercy.. that's the 50 million dollar question. I rarely orgasm although that's more than when I was in my 20's or 30's.. Toys usually help me. So does water..

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/22/2007 4:23:54 AM   
sirsprincess


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		My Dom controls my orgasms, usually I'm granted permission to cum maybe every 3 or 4 days, sometimes more often, once I think I had to wait a week.  I am aroused 24/7 to the point of having to wear a panty shield because of the constant extreme wetness (I'm 43, I reached my sexual awakening in my 40s, LOVE being 40ish).  Before, I could easily masturbate severl times per day, cumming without any trouble.  Of course I'd have the occassional "think too much right before you cum" and it would not peak, but that was not very often.  The last few weeks I have had trouble cumming when granted permission and the more it happens, the more I worry about it and then it is even more difficult.  I usually use my bullet and the lead up is great but then when I am ready to cum, I just think about it too much.  I do cum eventually, but it's not the release I so need.  Let me add that my Dom and I do not live together, I am married and my husband knows of my Dom. I am allowed to orgasm with my husband whenever he desires it, but funny thing is that even when I do with my husband, I get horny almost immediately afterwards, like my body knows I still haven't cum for Master.  Last night I was able to O with hubby while receiving oral sex and it took a while (poor hubby, says he loves it but my goodness, he had to be tired) but when I finally came, it was big and just what I needed.  Of course, I haven't cum for Master so I was horny before I finished cleaning up!

My Dom is so wonderful, he is concerned and has been so patient with me, he will tell me to try masturbating in the shower, hoping the water will relax me.  That feels good, but it's not my usual position on the bed and it's hard to get comfortable in there.  I think part of it is I know that once I cum, I will have to wait for awhile to do it again and so I want it to be the perfect O, or maybe I just don't want to cum because then once I do, it's over for me for awhile.  Orgasm control is not a punishment for me, being chaste is the norm for me and so when I am granted permission, it is a reward.  Also, I've been told that when I am given permission, it is His desire that I cum really hard for him, it's not just being allowed to cum, it's being told to cum for Him.  I do love to have to wait for permission to cum, I am much more submissive when I'm aroused and my Dom knows this and so I get more done on my task list, and that is what is expected of me.  Plus just the fact that he controls my pleasure makes me so aroused, it's a love/hate thing.

We're both kind of at a loss as to why I'm struggling when I'm so obviously ripe and ready to rock 'n roll.  One thing my Dom said was that he is noticing a pattern that I struggle first thing in the morning, but can cum later with a decent release in the morning or in the afteroon.   I also am able to cum with a decent release at night.  I take adderral (sp?) for ADD and I take my pill in the morning, not sure if that has something to do with it or not.

Anyone else have this problem?  I get so tense sometimes because I need to really cum and my Dom can see that and knows how much I need to really release some tension this way.  I think a glass of wine could help, but drinking that all the the time during the day could lead to other issues :-)  I hope some of you have answers. 

< Message edited by sirsprincess -- 7/22/2007 4:27:44 AM >

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/22/2007 7:47:33 AM   
salilus


Posts: 201
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline 		I sometimes get a little 'numb' if a vibrator is used on my clit a lot or even just consistently. It makes it hard for me to have an orgasm. Also, sometimes I have trouble with it if I'm focused too much on the orgasm. 

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/22/2007 8:07:46 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Don't worry about not orgasming- just enjoy the ride. My orgasms have changed as I have aged, and most times they are not as intense they once were, due to hormonal fluctuations, physical body changes, or who knows what. What matters is the time spent with my partner.

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/22/2007 8:20:59 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Use of toys trains the body to that sensation.  Some women who cum easy see no real difference, for others, especially women for whom cumming is an issue, heavy toy use can make it hard to cum from natural causes.

That said, other issues can always enter into it, and if he is saying there is a pattern and it matches your ADD medicine usage, try varing the usage and see how that affects it.

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/22/2007 10:29:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My guess would be performance anxiety.

As well, a lot of people, myself included, find that if they are not allowed to orgasm or masturbate, it makes it harder to orgasm when they can.  The more they cum, the more secure they are about it and the more their body is used to it.


< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 7/22/2007 10:30:57 AM >

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/22/2007 10:45:56 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		The only time I've had trouble has been when my mind was not in the right place - when I'm focused on the stresses in my life rather than on my Master.  When I redirect my focus to him and stay in the moment, there is no issue.

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/22/2007 10:49:32 AM   
pleasureforck


Posts: 95
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

My guess would be performance anxiety.

As well, a lot of people, myself included, find that if they are not allowed to orgasm or masturbate, it makes it harder to orgasm when they can.  The more they cum, the more secure they are about it and the more their body is used to it.



I hadn't seen him in a long time and then knew we only had 1 night and it was the first time together since I submitted. It upset me cause I wanted it to be special. He put his collar on me too. I was so happy and excited and then ended up dry and not being able to cum. Felt like I was ruining it even though he was so loving and kept telling me not to worry. Of course I have anxiety so worry all the time anyway.  lol... With me not cumming for a while makes it harder also.
Thanks for all the responses.

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/22/2007 11:25:36 AM   
angelsub642


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		yea i'd like to find the answer as well.

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/23/2007 2:30:25 AM   
SubinMaine


Posts: 1888
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasureforck

I hadn't seen him in a long time and then knew we only had 1 night and it was the first time together since I submitted. It upset me cause I wanted it to be special. He put his collar on me too. I was so happy and excited and then ended up dry and not being able to cum. Felt like I was ruining it even though he was so loving and kept telling me not to worry. Of course I have anxiety so worry all the time anyway.  lol... With me not cumming for a while makes it harder also.
Thanks for all the responses.


Just from this post alone it appears to be pressure and/or performance anxiety.  i certainly wouldn't worry too much about it...as things progress and you get a bit more comfortable/relaxed, it'll all come back


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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/23/2007 9:04:01 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I would say that is sounds like you are over thinking it.  Just try to relax and go with the flow.  I have never had trouble maybe because when Master starts my mind goes fuzzy and i can't think of much of anything.   Just try relaxing and getting into the moment.

Matt's littleone

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/28/2007 2:40:25 AM   
sirsprincess


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		I'm only allowed on these sites on the weekends, wanted to comment.  You guys hit the nail on the head, I've been stressed on many different levels.  Mainly, my Dom and I are online only at this point, we have met for drinks and hope to meet for sessions in the future, but I noticed a subtle change in him.  his emails and phone convos with me were different and so we talked about this earlier this week and got a lot out in the open. He's allowed me to cum a few times this week and they were back to normal, thank goodness.  amazing how your stress and anxiety can come out in many forms.

I do struggle to focus (hence the ADD meds) and Dom would like me to be able to cum by his words only.  We've tried this over the phone and he gets me quite worked up but I can't hear someone talking at the very end, just have to fantasize and get in my own little world to finally cum and that is frustrating as now he does not want to try that because I cum better without him on the phone with me.  Ugh, I tried explaining that I didn't always have to cum, like being aroused etc, and also maybe if we tried more, I'd get more comfortable with it.  But he said when he wants me to cum, he wants me to cum and it's his decision so I stop nagging.  I loved when he worked me into a frenzy with his words  Hope to do it in person soon.

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/28/2007 5:23:25 AM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline 		I wouldn't worry about not having an orgasm. The more you worry, paradoxically the worse you will be at being able to relax and come. Another point of view: orgasm is about your Master's will, so why are you worrying about it? I don't focus on the orgasm, or worry about when it will happen, because if I do... my Lady will simply make me wait longer for it.  So I stay in the moment.

That being said, if you keep having problems, do check with your regular doctor.  A lot of things can mess with ability to lubricate and to orgasm.  Certain blood pressure medications and antidepressants are notorious for this. Women entering our 40s and 50s also can be perimenopausal, have thyroid issues, or become diabetic... lots and lots of things that can affect your hormone levels, libido, and ability to orgasm easily.

I saw in the thread mention of problems in the early morning... are you sleeping restfully?  When I got into my 40s, being female my orgasms and overall enjoyment of sex skyrocketed. But I also started having trouble with snoring. Then I found out that snoring really means you are not getting enough oxygen while you sleep and in fact are wearing yourself out trying to breathe.  I ended up going to an ear-nose-and-throat doctor (otorhinolaryncologist), who sent me for a sleep study, and then treated me for sleep apnea.  And I wake up RARING to go, well rested, and I have lower blood pressure, less depression, etc.

It's also good to think about the fact that orgasm is not necessarily the end-all and be-all.  I like the feel of actual foreplay. I like pressure and sensation play. My Lady knows I am a sensualist, and treats me to simple sensual pleasures (snowcones yesterday, nice contrasts of texture, taste and temperature on the tongue!) Being restrained on a bed strewn with slightly cool rose petals, so that your body's warmth and movement make the scent of roses rise up around you... these kinds of things need to be enjoyed fully, appreciating them for their richness and as the gifts from my Lady that they are, not just a milestone that flashes by on the way to the orgasm finish line.






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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/28/2007 11:36:07 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Something that has always helped me is forgetting everything elese tha's going on and focusing on the sensations my body is feeling.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/28/2007 11:39:04 AM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Ach! I have never understood why the arrival was of such utter importance, when the journey can be sooo delicious...enjoy the loonngg journey,that is the stuff of  fantasy!...Tempting

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You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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RE: trouble having an orgasm - 7/28/2007 11:48:53 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Ach! I have never understood why the arrival was of such utter importance, when the journey can be sooo delicious...enjoy the loonngg journey,that is the stuff of  fantasy!...Tempting


While I agree with you that the journey is soooo delicious, I also believe that after taking a long lovely journey, I should arrive at some spectacular destination.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


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