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Being released - 6/24/2005 4:36:36 PM

flirt

Posts: 29
Joined: 5/16/2004
Status: offline

i have recently been released by my Master whom i had envisioned serving for years to come. It was unexpected and extremely painful. How does one that is rather quiet and reclusive heal when she does not know how to embrace friends? i can only say this is a pain that is barely tolerable and perhaps this is not the right venue but suggestions are desired. Do not feel i can be taken advantage of if you are simply a predetor i said i was quiet and reclusive - not stupid or defenseless. No offense meant to those who are sincere. What have some of you done to aid the healing process?

flirt

Post #: 1

RE: Being released - 6/24/2005 4:47:06 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

There's not alot of good that can be said. It hurts bad and it will continue for quite awhile. I am sure that there will be some subs here who can lend a sympathetic ear to you. Let them help you. It may feel like it, but you are not alone.

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 2

RE: Being released - 6/24/2005 5:28:06 PM

subcheryl

Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline

I am so sorry to hear about this, yes it hurts, and estring sir you are right it will take awhile. I would suggest giving yourself time to heal and not to look for another master till you feel on the mend and ready to go on. As time goes on the pain will let up. I would be glad to chat with you, contact me on the other side if you so wish, I have been told that is one of my gifts the ability to listen and to offer support where needed. Wish you the best.

< Message edited by subcheryl -- 6/24/2005 5:29:36 PM >

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 3

RE: Being released - 6/24/2005 5:32:58 PM

Elegant

Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline

Take this time to explore yourself and the path you now have ahead of you. Read and discuss and learn. ...and be true to yourself.

Accept friendships as they are offered but do please be wary of offers of 'protectors'.

Regards In Leather,
Elegant
~Slave to Master Archer
~Southeast Bootblack 2005

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 4

RE: Being released - 6/24/2005 5:57:51 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

So sorry to hear you have to go through this flirt. I think so far you have gotten great advice.

I do however want to reinforce what Elegant just said: please be wary of offers of 'protectors'. When I read your post, I do see how a predator passing him/herself off as a protector would pounce on you. This is not meant as a criticism of you. It's just the kind of dynamics I have observed.

Also think that we have an opportunity to come of these situations stronger.

Good luck, and I'll tell you also that having exchanged emails with cheryl, she is a great person to communicate with and is overall a good hearted person. I'd take her offer :)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 5

RE: Being released - 6/24/2005 6:15:40 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

flirt,
i am sorry for you.
it was painful for me the first time and i am a guy.
reach out to someone close to you and talk it out.

you have my support.

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 6

RE: Being released - 6/24/2005 6:20:37 PM

MrThorns

Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

There are a few things that may help you regain a sense of balance...feel free to adjust my suggestions to better suit your life...

Make a conscious effort to "Do the next right thing" for your life. It's up to you to decide what that next right thing is...if you decide that you're going to go to the gym after work, then do it. If you decide that you don't want to make any kind of romantic connections with anyone for 6 months...then stick to it. (The idea here is for you to take control of your life, provide yourself with some direction, and focus on things that make you feel better about being you.)

Find time to do the things you may have been putting off or haven't had time to do. (Hobbies, spring cleaning, seminars, concerts, etc.) I'm not saying to forget about your past relationship, but rather, learn from the lessons that relationship has taught you and use the time you have now, to do the things you need (or want) to do.

Good luck,

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 7

RE: Being released - 6/24/2005 7:13:54 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

One day at a time..
Accept that what is past is PAST you cannot ever regain it all you can do is look to today and deal with it today..

Tomorrow you can deal with that when it becomes a day.

Everything is a learning experiance and what is ment to happen does.
And yes sometimes it hurts.

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 8

RE: Being released - 6/24/2005 7:14:41 PM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

I am sorry that you had this happen. It is hard at first, but it is true that we do learn from our past relationships. The advice that has been given here is very good and helpful. Please remember that you're not alone. Talk to people here and on other sites. Making online friends does help.

perfection

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 9

RE: Being released - 6/24/2005 11:35:25 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

AND LIKE IF YOU NEED A PROTECTER JUST EMALE LRODANDMASTER

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 10

RE: Being released - 6/25/2005 7:29:43 AM

flirt

Posts: 29
Joined: 5/16/2004
Status: offline

Thanks to E/everyone for the words of encouragement i guess inside i know what i need to do and i know i am not unlike anyone else who has gone through such a thing but it was a place to vent and begin talking again.

flirt

PS. LordandMaster,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i been warned bout folks like You.........so i'll spare You this time.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 11

RE: Being released - 6/25/2005 8:03:26 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Make a conscious effort to "Do the next right thing" for your life. It's up to you to decide what that next right thing is...if you decide that you're going to go to the gym after work, then do it. If you decide that you don't want to make any kind of romantic connections with anyone for 6 months...then stick to it. (The idea here is for you to take control of your life, provide yourself with some direction, and focus on things that make you feel better about being you.)

Find time to do the things you may have been putting off or haven't had time to do. (Hobbies, spring cleaning, seminars, concerts, etc.) I'm not saying to forget about your past relationship, but rather, learn from the lessons that relationship has taught you and use the time you have now, to do the things you need (or want) to do.

This is some very good advice. I think it also needs to be posted in another forum at the moment.

(in reply to MrThorns)

Post #: 12

RE: Being released - 6/25/2005 11:51:00 AM

cumslutcockwhore

Posts: 46
Status: offline

such a silly fool i be

< Message edited by cumslutcockwhore -- 7/5/2005 4:50:20 PM >

_____________________________

if you dont give a damn neither do I

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 13

RE: Being released - 6/25/2005 12:44:58 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

HEY YOU MISPELLED IT ITS LRODANDMASTER

quote:

ORIGINAL: flirt

PS. LordandMaster,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i been warned bout folks like You.........so i'll spare You this time.

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 14

RE: Being released - 6/25/2005 1:12:30 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

hi..and hugs..i'm so sorry you have to go through this..heaven knows it's not easy. You've gotten some terrific advice that i won't repeat, but wanted to add also, to be kind to yourself during this time. Whether it's bubble baths, a good book or a night out, it's important, imho, that we remember that we deserve a treat, especially when life is crappy.

Good luck and blessing to you..

krikket

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 15

RE: Being released - 6/27/2005 10:16:18 PM

ravenna

Posts: 121
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

i sympathize deeply with you, flirt! i was set free abruptly and unexpectedly last fall, and it was extremely traumatic and disorienting. My best advice in the short term is actually a little counterintuitive: DO NOTHING! Don't make any big decisions or major life changes, your decision-making ability is probably much more impaired than you can realize (mine sure as hell was). Be gentle with yourself, treat yourself as if you're just recovering from a major illness or a terrible accident or a death in your immediate family -- because you are! Losing your connection to your master is just as traumatic as losing a loved one; you really have lost a loved one. And don't blame yourself and conclude you're worthless, that you're not worth another master ever owning you again; i'm not saying you've succumbed to this, but it's so easy to do, darling. Please remember you're unique and valuable and someone soon will recognize you for what you are. And i am totally in favor of being with friends and "protectors," but definitely not strangers. i think the best protector is probably just an old friend who loves you no matter what, and he or she might do as little as just buy you drinks once a week and let you cry on his/her shoulder. With a new dom, no matter how well intentioned, i suspect the temptation would be overwhelming to decide to prove you really are of value after all by submitting to him on the rebound and getting him to accept you, no matter whether you really are meant for each other or not.

In my case, after lots of scary and misconceived attempts to find myself a new master, any master, in way too much of a hurry, and making too many dangerous and crazy decisions, i finally recruited an earlier ex-owner, my second, a man who knows me better than i do, to be my agent. Just being with him through that period, someone i loved and trusted and knew so well, let me start to heal enough to think clearly again. And after trying to find me a new owner and actually being up to our ears in negotiating a deal to sell me to someone, we suddenly (i'll leave out all the endless complications) realized that the master i needed all along and the slave he needed all along were -- TA DAA! Each other. Sappy, i know, but a happy ending. Cue the theme music, pass the tissues... But if some of the scary decisions i was making and the crazy things i was trying to do when i was overreacting to the trauma of being cut loose had really come to pass, i would never have gotten to my happy ending, i don't know where i'd be now. Not happy, that's for sure. So there's my bottom line advice, darling: take it easy, be careful, don't do anything rash, stick to friends you trust, stay open but just let yourself heal a little first...

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 16

RE: Being released - 6/27/2005 10:50:51 PM

LGslave

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

hya sister

i am not sure if i can help at all having never been released by a Master but the mere fact it happened says something was wrong.. so maybe in the long term its better this way.. i know we get dependant on the Master and s such when it all ends we fall apart the only time i experienced something of like mind would be when the Dom i had been talking with an playing with suddnely dissappeared on me and stopped contact on the day we were to meet face to face he did not turn up...and then no contact at all he did not answer texts calls or emails... i did not know what i had done wrong or anything but i fell to bits i cried so much i thought i might drown but then got back on the horse as it were and started all over again its amazing how fast you can recover but as long as you ahve taken something away with you from the experience then it was not a waste of time.. and you will have grown from it do not waste your energys going over things its over accept it and move on..

love slave anwyl

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 17

RE: Being released - 6/28/2005 12:55:07 AM

Tazgirlx

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

Hi flirt, though I can only imagine what you must be going through, thought I'd add my 2 cents: Let yourself feel what you're feeling, but don't let it overwhelm your life. Cry, scream, whatever, for 10 minutes, and hour, an evening. . . but then go about your life, then REPEAT! The pain will only linger longer the further away you try to push it. Best wishes to you, Taz

_____________________________

"All that I bound I could not free. All that I freed came back to me."

(in reply to LGslave)

Post #: 18

RE: Being released - 6/28/2005 3:24:41 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

flirt,

I have read thru all of the responses that you received and agree largely with most of them.

Now consider this / under the circumstances of how it came about, your much better off now then if it had not occured. thus you have saved some precious life time.

I care not to know who your master was but suffice it to say, that one that deserves the true submission of another that would abruptly release his/her sub has much to learn about the responsibilities that come with being a "D"

The ponderings of CP

(in reply to flirt)

Post #: 19

RE: Being released - 6/28/2005 3:36:01 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

at the end of the day, there is still a person with a heart, that hurts, time heals---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 20

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