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MemphisDsCouple -> RE: Serious Question. (6/25/2005 6:45:15 AM)
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A few free association thoughts that come to mind after reading the OP:
1. Read the story in last week's USA Today about marriage therapists, about how many of them are not committed to saving marriages, about how there is a movement within that profession to identify therapists who *are* committed to saving the relationship so people can know they are going to a therapist who has that value, and I think you will understand my opinion that therapists often cause more problems than they help solve. And, even in the most favorable light, all you can say about therapists is that they can *help* solve a problem. They can't actually solve a problem. That is up to the individual or couple with the problem. You might want to just run away as fast as you can from this "therapist". This thing about the mother/son conclusion indicates a kink unfriendly therapist, at least that's my first impression. (No matter what the therapist actually *says* to you about how he/she isn't prejudiced about kink.)
2. Solve your own problem. Take a hard look at the situation. If this developed after you two incorporated a power dynamic into your relationship, then there is a good chance the power dynamic is causing (at least some of) the problems. Maybe this type of power dynamic is not right for you. This is what the therapist is saying but I don't like the therapist's take on it. It seems to indicate prejudice to me. The therapist would sound a lot more unbiased to me if he/she just said, hey this isn't working for you two instead of bringing up some mother/son thing with all the incest and negative connotations that come hand-in-hand with that analogy.
3. This story points out how difficult and demanding it is to be the dominant in a relationship. The responsibility can seem overwhelming. The duties are endless. The burden is heavy. Personally, it fits my personality. I thrive in that environment. But not everyone does. In fact, I think few do. You read/hear much more often about how difficult it is to submit. But this story reveals the truth, which is that it is just as difficult to be the dominant in a relationship - just in different ways.
4. Did the woman adopt the dominant role because she was asked to do so, rather than gravitating to it naturally? Is this something the man wanted so much that she adopted this role to please him? Is she, then, the submissive acting the dominant role? And is he the dominant demanding domination? I think this happens a lot in relationships. I think it happens on both sides of the gender "coin" but I think it happens more often in situations like the one described in the OP. How many dominant women dominate to serve?
Good luck.
quote:
ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy
My fiancee and I have run into a serious problem since we've started our 24/7 D/s relationship.
Ever since we started the arrangment it seems that the desire to have sex has completely gone out the window.
Lately, my fiancee has been attending therapy for various reasons, and a fairly good/valid point has been brought up by her therapist. The therapist explained to her that with the kind of relationship that my fiance and I had created for ourselves, we'd inadvertantly turned our relationship into a sort of, Mother/Son relationship, with all the responsibility on her, and all the descision making left up to her. The therapist explained that mothers dont want to have sex with their sons, so why should she be attracted to me?
We're wondering if anyone else out there, has run into any silmilar problems, we're both very interested in keeping in the lifestyle, but we need to find a way to make it work.
Even though alot of D/s relationships are non-sexual, ours was sexual, and it is important to both of us to stay sexually attracted to eachother.
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