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RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 8:55:07 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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Hugs Majik...would you consider writing to your Master,every mean, hateful,sorrowful thing and emotion you are experiencing. Get it all off your chest, let the words flow from your screaming brain...and when you are done...read it....then tear into multiple tiny pieces..and burn it..along with all the tissues you are using for your tears...then go to a mirror and smile, a big huge smile, lift your chin..and keep it there ......then get warm cup of hot cocoa, feel the warmth of the mug, as you curl up on your bed..and take simple delight out of the simple things in life for awhile..such as that warm cup,, and the safety of your bed,,the joy of taking long deep breaths,,......be well..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 21

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 10:08:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'm more concerned about the deserting you for days. That's simply completely inappropriate. Not that it stops people from doing it all the time, but he's got a lot more issues to work on than just feeling a bit empty due to not having a dominant.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 22

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 10:28:05 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

Dearest MagiksSlave,
My heart goes out to you. I have always enjoyed the message exchanges and postings. Do you remember the night of postings about unicorns and all. FukinTroll, myself, you and another.   The next day, your Master gave you a unicorn book. Ironic as it was.

Perhaps your Master/Sir just needs a break from being the Domly Master he is right now. Call it simply Dom Burn Out! Hey, this does happen from time to time. I myself have felt like this before, where I just wanted to chill out for awhile, spend some quality time alone with a worry in the world.

I've had my moments when I wish some domina would enter my world for a few hours or a day or two. However, I'm smart enough to know it would not last for very long! LOL.. Call it knowing myself and that I'm not truely a submissive.

It sounds like your Master wants to explore a potential submissive side? Perhaps he's burned out that he's questioning if he really is Dom or not? Being burned out does strange things to ones mindset! However, I'm certain reality would set in very quickly with the right Domina! LOL.

His Dom persona may have just slipped into hybrination for awhile for a variety of reasons.   I just read your post about him being a switch. Interesting food for thought. Are you 100% sub/slave or are you capable of being a switch to please this man? Perhaps function as a switch couple? Just an idea here?   The word Switch can be harder to define then Dom or Submissive. Can apply to just topping/bottom in scene play.. or in the 24/7 relationship itself.   Plus to what degree and extent do you switch for.   What are your Masters needs/wants in a Domina? Can you picture yourself being able to switch to fill that role, and switch back as needed? Is this something your Master would feel comfortable with you doing, yet still remain as your master? To remain as the Love of your life and you his?

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 23

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 10:31:18 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm more concerned about the deserting you for days. That's simply completely inappropriate. Not that it stops people from doing it all the time, but he's got a lot more issues to work on than just feeling a bit empty due to not having a dominant.

Yes.. it is unexeptable, And that made things much worse for me!! I was worried for days feeling sick even now knowing what was going on with him and then he hit me with this shit. It wasnt right in fact it totaly sucked, but I still understand where he is comeing from.

Thank you everyone I really needed some suport here and I really apreaciate it... Im starting to get my thoughts together and I think we are doing the right thing takeing a few steps back and working on things. We need to make our foundation strong or the M/s has NO chance to servive... And to tell the truth I wasnt given it to much longer untill I called a hold on the M./s as well, because I was the only one really giveing I spoke with Aqua about it a while back, he just beat me to it... It doesnt stop it from hurting, but we are doing what needs to be done to fix our relationship. I have had a good meal a long swim and time to talk with friends and it has helped me clear my head.. Im going to be ok, we are going to be ok.. I think it was just the inicial shock of hearing him say that things werent working that really got to me... Its one thing to know something is going on its another thing to really acknolage it out loud!

ms

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 24

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 10:33:30 PM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

I am really sorry you are going through this. I feel stupid about the venting I just did on my post tonight when something like this happens to someone.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 25

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 10:36:00 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Dearest MagiksSlave,
My heart goes out to you. I have always enjoyed the message exchanges and postings. Do you remember the night of postings about unicorns and all. FukinTroll, myself, you and another.   The next day, your Master gave you a unicorn book. Ironic as it was.

Perhaps your Master/Sir just needs a break from being the Domly Master he is right now. Call it simply Dom Burn Out! Hey, this does happen from time to time. I myself have felt like this before, where I just wanted to chill out for awhile, spend some quality time alone with a worry in the world.

I've had my moments when I wish some domina would enter my world for a few hours or a day or two. However, I'm smart enough to know it would not last for very long! LOL.. Call it knowing myself and that I'm not truely a submissive.

It sounds like your Master wants to explore a potential submissive side? Perhaps he's burned out that he's questioning if he really is Dom or not? Being burned out does strange things to ones mindset! However, I'm certain reality would set in very quickly with the right Domina! LOL.

His Dom persona may have just slipped into hybrination for awhile for a variety of reasons.   I just read your post about him being a switch. Interesting food for thought. Are you 100% sub/slave or are you capable of being a switch to please this man? Perhaps function as a switch couple? Just an idea here?   The word Switch can be harder to define then Dom or Submissive. Can apply to just topping/bottom in scene play.. or in the 24/7 relationship itself.   Plus to what degree and extent do you switch for.   What are your Masters needs/wants in a Domina? Can you picture yourself being able to switch to fill that role, and switch back as needed? Is this something your Master would feel comfortable with you doing, yet still remain as your master? To remain as the Love of your life and you his?

Thank you very much, this post helped a lot, it makes a lot of sence and i think it is deffinetly a big part of it!!

As for me tpping him... while I have a sub of my own Im deffinetly mostly subbmissive, and not only that I am incapable of switching within a relationship, I cant feel Domanent to someone I submit to and I cant submit to someone I have Dominated, I have tried and it doesnt work for me, that and I dont feel Dominent twords him and he doesnt feel submissive twords me.

ms

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 26

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 10:36:58 PM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline

upside down boy u turn me inside out...

sorry u are going through this. hugs

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 27

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 10:42:01 PM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

I'm sorry for what you're going through. If it makes you feel any better i think you are handling it quite well. That doesn't make it any easier now but from what i've come to see of you on the boards and in this thread i believe you when you say you'll be ok. sending warm thoughts

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 28

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 10:48:05 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

I'm sorry for what you're going through. If it makes you feel any better i think you are handling it quite well. That doesn't make it any easier now but from what i've come to see of you on the boards and in this thread i believe you when you say you'll be ok. sending warm thoughts

HEH thanks, Im trying, though I think I made him feel terabble as I started totaly sobbing on the phone.. but that was for a lot of reasons this was just the case of the straw the broke the cammels back (really bad day at work and was scared as hell I couldnt get through to him) But I know I have my head on straight and it isnt like Im loseing him, is this what I want? No its not, but Im going to do what needs to be done to get what it is I want and need. Im lucky to have a great support network, my sister even stayed in the pool while I swam laps for 2 hours, she swam with me and we talked, this is when Im lucky that they know Im into BDSM and understand (to a sertain extent they understand) Im spending a few nights in her room with her so that I dont have to be alone, and tomarow we are going to the mall and stuff to de stress and have some fun and take care of me for a change.

ms

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 29

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 11:33:43 PM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

That sounds like a very good plan. Taking care of you is exactly what you should be doing right now. I'm glad your sister is there for you and that she knows at least somewhat about bdsm. I plan to talk to my sister about it at some point though i have not yet.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 30

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 11:40:17 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

That sounds like a very good plan. Taking care of you is exactly what you should be doing right now. I'm glad your sister is there for you and that she knows at least somewhat about bdsm. I plan to talk to my sister about it at some point though i have not yet.

Yes she has been a great help, im feeling much better because of her... Though I nearly had to tie her down to keep her from running off and kicking his ass for upsetting me she is very protective of me.

ms

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 31

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 11:49:54 PM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

Awwwww how sweet. Maybe you should tie her down anyway, might be a fun distraction ...hehe..just kidding

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 32

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/22/2007 11:56:29 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Well I was kinda thinking more along the lines of letting her go kick his ass.. but I guess thats just the mood Im in

ms

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 33

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/23/2007 12:06:55 AM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

ah yes. i understand. well at least you have somewhere to vent and people who care about you. i have no doubt you'll get through this.

I'm off to bed now but i'm wishing you a restful sleep and good day with your sister tomorrow

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 34

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/23/2007 1:45:36 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Hon, I am really sorry you are feeling so shocked and hurt and I totally understand why. I also know what you meant about still submitting in accepting that he needs space at the moment to sort himself out. That is probably a good way to look at it. I can also see your point about not being able to switch with the same person, i can't see the switch between Master and myself flipping the other way either, though I am more than happy to Domme someone else. So obviously the required solution is a Mistress for your Master! Is this something you can support and help him to find??

It sounds as if your Master is rather like Me, in need of being a duality rather than a switch, ie having BOTH of his "sides" fulfilled simultaneously to be completely happy. And I know that's not easy to achieve, but neither is it impossible. I was lucky enough to find a Master who understood my switch needs, and who was initially willing to stick with me through a long and painful period with a "sub who wasn't". Now W/we have moved away from that situation and are still together, i admit freely that i have had periods of wishing that i could be 100% happy being 100% sub. It would be so much easier to just be Master and i! But the truth is ... i can't. My Domme side keeps popping up and demanding to be heard. And Master, bless Him, knows that. So He has encouraged Me to find a sub ... and that's not been easy either. BUT ... I have a fem sub here at the moment who is working out remarkably well, may yet work towards a 24/7 future. And Master is delighted! she comes in knowing she is on the bottom rung of the hierarchy, knowing that Master and i have the primary relationship, and she is fine with that thus far. And I know I feel SO GOOD with both Jay and violet flowing freely. I do understand how your Master feels, it is hard enough for me to keep my Domme side under control in my interactions with Master when She doesn't have an outlet! Must be even harder for him to try to put his mind to Dominating when his sub side is screaming out for the chance to lay down control and place it in someone else's hands. I think he has been honourable in telling you that while he is not in control of himself, he should not be in control of you, and as you said, you knew he was a switch when you signed on. I am surmising you would be quite happy to be like My sub in the future and be in a hierarchy if your Master finds a suitable Mistress. His "failing" was disappearing for a few days, not appropriate, but, I suspect, borne out of his sense of desperation at the situation. That he needs to apologise profusely for and should give you the assurance it will not happen again. At very least he needs to tell you "hey I need to disappear for a few days to get my head together, I promise I will contact you by x time, please don't worry!"

you are a strong girl and this has been a strong relationship, you have a good support network, therefore I have faith that you will come through this. Hold on to the thought that it could all work out ... but it may not happen as fast as you wish, given it isn't always easy to find a Mistress. However, I hope there will be One out there who recognises that a man who is already a Master has to have a lot of useful knowledge and skills to be an excellent sub! That was Master's take on it anyway! All the very best to both of you!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 35

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/23/2007 8:37:44 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Knowledge is wisdom that's gone to the heart. The path is takes to get there is often painful. Why humans are wired this way, who knows?

Even though we "know" something...we've all done it. I know I have...and it hurt like hell.

*hugs*

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 36

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/23/2007 8:56:37 AM

SlND3R3LLA

Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

Though it is hard to understand, there is nothing you can do. I know there are times when I haven't felt submissive at all, I am just grateful I wasn't with someone. He needs time to explore himself a bit, that doesn't mean you are losing him, it just means that he is needing to make sure what he wants. It won't make you feel better, but atleast he is talking to you about it and didn't just vanish. If nothing else, you two can be friends, if that leads you back as his slave, great, if not...you still have him in your life (if you want him).

You are losing a part of what your life was, but that doesn't make you any less of a slave or any less of a person. Hurting sucks, trust me..I know. Life does go on though, the sun will still rise, and ice cream with fudge sauce will never taste better than now. Feel free to cry, don't be down on yourself for it. Take the time you need to heal from it, not what anyone else thinks you need.

It's good you have your sister there to listen. Be safe and stay strong.

Sin

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 37

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/23/2007 9:20:13 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

i feel for MagiksSlave this is a very common thing with tourist in our lifestyle... I do not know the person in question ..i do know switches need to be on both sides fed. wish his dom side would have been a little more upfront and stronger to not let the relationship even have started.. time heals all wounds. also know there is dom and sub in all of us. with out it we would either be codependent or unable to survive. remeber the world does not end here and the other door awaits best of luck and good fortune :) to get over this keep busy listen to loud rock music. and DO NOT STAY AT HOME shop shop shop

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 38

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/23/2007 11:24:42 AM

stella40

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

No judgement from me... I'm really sorry.... I'm hoping that everything works out for the best, and time will restore whatever is lost or gone missing.

virtual hug

Stella

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 39

RE: Needing a shoulder - 7/23/2007 12:00:17 PM

HaveRopeWillBind

Posts: 514
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

MS,
Have you considered serving a Domme as a sub couple together where he would retain Dom rights over you? In the long run that might be the best way to satisfy the needs of all involved.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 40

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