RE: Needing a shoulder

RE: Needing a shoulder (Full Version)

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slaveish -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/23/2007 12:41:10 PM)
I'm sorry I'm late with this, but I'm so sorry, ms. It hurts to want an emotional and physical bond with someone who doesn't reciprocate on the same level. I wish you well in your recovery from the hurt.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/23/2007 6:23:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HaveRopeWillBind MS, Have you considered serving a Domme as a sub couple together where he would retain Dom rights over you? In the long run that might be the best way to satisfy the needs of all involved. I dont know, neather of us are bi and I dont much fancy searving a Mistress, I was willing if he found someone that I felt compatable with that if we where all 3 interested I would submit to them both, but I dont feel I could sub to a female and have her be the only one I sub'd to.. I dont know it just wouldnt work for me... I really care about him, and Im willing to take things back with him and work on things slow and see where it goes from there...if it was ment to be it will be, we still care about eachother, he is just going through things, and what kind of friend would I be if I didnt stick things out with him, I wasnt just sticking around for the M/s I want to be there for him.. and as someone said about helping him find a Domme, Iv been trying to help him with that almost as long as we have been together!! ms

missbehaeven -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/23/2007 6:30:59 PM)
~smiles quietly~ Greetings MagiksSlave, I'm sorry you're hurting. It's incredibly difficult to be in a situation that's not only painful, but totally beyond your control. Unfortunately there is no fix for this. I think distancing yourself from him for a bit, while you try and get your own thoughts and emotions in some semblance of order isn't a bad idea. I also think a support system of people to cry/rant/reminisce to is a swell idea( all the better if they drag you off to Coldstone Creamery!). Try and take a bit of quiet time for you each day..Pamper yourself by reading an erotic novel, watching a good baseball game, walking someplace soothing to the senses..whatever cheers you up best! I hope things are better for you soon...miss

CelticPrince -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/23/2007 6:42:01 PM)
MS, as you found there are alot of shoulders here, but in truth is is a time for you to put your "need" for him aside for awhile. The key for me is his looking for another to dom you! I cannot see that as anything other than a permanent change in the relationship, from D and s to good friends and that will be awkward as hell also. Just kick back lick your wounds and heal! CP

MagiksSlave -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/23/2007 6:56:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CelticPrince MS, as you found there are alot of shoulders here, but in truth is is a time for you to put your "need" for him aside for awhile. The key for me is his looking for another to dom you! I cannot see that as anything other than a permanent change in the relationship, from D and s to good friends and that will be awkward as hell also. Just kick back lick your wounds and heal! CP Hey wait press stop, rewind, I never said he was looking for someone els to Dominate me, he isnt, what it was was that when he found a Domme the rules where that I wouldnt automaticaly be owned by her and that only if we clicked I would deside if I wanted to submit to her and him, so when someone sugested that we find a Domme together as a sub couple, I was saying I wasnt really interested in subbing to a Domme or being owned by just a Domme, its different if I was owned by Him and Her but Im not interested in being owned by only a Domme... It complicated!! ms

MagiksSlave -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/23/2007 8:00:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missbehaeven ~smiles quietly~ Greetings MagiksSlave, I'm sorry you're hurting. It's incredibly difficult to be in a situation that's not only painful, but totally beyond your control. Unfortunately there is no fix for this. I think distancing yourself from him for a bit, while you try and get your own thoughts and emotions in some semblance of order isn't a bad idea. I also think a support system of people to cry/rant/reminisce to is a swell idea( all the better if they drag you off to Coldstone Creamery!). Try and take a bit of quiet time for you each day..Pamper yourself by reading an erotic novel, watching a good baseball game, walking someplace soothing to the senses..whatever cheers you up best! I hope things are better for you soon...miss Yes this is like beeing out of controll in a very bad way!!! I have been doing thinking on and off about things, I dont know what is what all I do know is Im very confused!! ms

twistedkytten -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/23/2007 9:17:36 PM)
i went through this.. yes it hurts, i couldnt't be angry at her, she was following her heart, while i may have lost my Mistress, i gained a sister. and one day, you will breathe again. promise-

MagiksSlave -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/23/2007 11:27:08 PM)
Master and I talked, and talked and talked... Im can say that Im feeling ok, and even good for us... We are going to take it back a few pegs let each of us sort out our own heads and work on the foundation of our relationship, our friendship. We are going to take baby steps and see where we nateraly go and not try and forse anything. Im not loseing him and I now have a better idea what is going on so I feel much safer... Thank you all I have needed people to talk to who understand where Im comeing from and you all really came through for me. ms

trustingsub -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/24/2007 9:10:32 AM)
this seems odd to me, but...things happen. it is apparent that he feels too deep in Your relationship, like he is trying not to rush things. many times Doms will get 'scared' if the relationship progresses too far, too soon. if he were a switch, then that is what he should have told You, so that You would have been giving the chance to decide if this is what You wanted or not. maybe he is just now finding this out about himself also? at least he is being honest with You in stating his feelings, but for him to 'abandon' his responsibilities to You seems very disrespectful. him saying that he is out of control of himself is not something i would find as a good trait for a Dom. what You choose to do is entirely up to You, myself... i would not be in contact with him.

shysoul -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/24/2007 12:35:18 PM)
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MagiksSlave -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/24/2007 12:38:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: trustingsub this seems odd to me, but...things happen. it is apparent that he feels too deep in Your relationship, like he is trying not to rush things. many times Doms will get 'scared' if the relationship progresses too far, too soon. if he were a switch, then that is what he should have told You, so that You would have been giving the chance to decide if this is what You wanted or not. maybe he is just now finding this out about himself also? at least he is being honest with You in stating his feelings, but for him to 'abandon' his responsibilities to You seems very disrespectful. him saying that he is out of control of himself is not something i would find as a good trait for a Dom. what You choose to do is entirely up to You, myself... i would not be in contact with him. OK Im gunna clear this up again!!!! I knew befor me and him had ever gotten together that he was a switch!!! I dont know where people are getting the idea he just sprung that on me. He didnt, its just that he isnt getting his submissive needs met and that is makeing it hard for him to Dominate. As for what you would do in not contacting him again.. Im sorry but I dont see why not, we are all human after all, he knows he handled this all wrong and I know he was trying to minamise my pain but he maxamised it instead and he has apologised for it admitted he was wrong and thats all I ask of anyone. Domanent does not equal perfect and if nothing els I care a lot about him and am not willing to give up whatever it is we have.. Look what is happening sucks, it hurts and I dont like it, but there is nothing wrong with beeing open and honest about what you need to the other person in the relationship, now we can go from here and have a healthier stronger reationship... It doesnt stop it from hurting but this is life.. Im not beeing hard on Him and no one els shoud be. ms

Lashra -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/24/2007 2:14:58 PM)
This is tough on both you I know. My sub was a Master when I met him, though he was already separated from his slavewife because he wanted to try switching and she simply could not deal with it at all. He found out in the process that his nature was truly submissive. He had just been wearing a Dom mask for so long because he was told that is what men do, instead of being true to his own nature.[:'(] So it happens and I am very sure your Master did not mean for it turn out this way, it is just he is either burnt out or a part of him KNOWS that he is submissive and he can't be the Master that you need and want him to be. You've gotten some great advice and yes you both need time to yourselves to just gather your thoughts and decide where it is you want to go from here. Take your time and do not rush into anything. Your a nice person so, be nice to yourself [:)] ~Lashra

MagiksSlave -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/24/2007 3:09:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra This is tough on both you I know. My sub was a Master when I met him, though he was already separated from his slavewife because he wanted to try switching and she simply could not deal with it at all. He found out in the process that his nature was truly submissive. He had just been wearing a Dom mask for so long because he was told that is what men do, instead of being true to his own nature.[:'(] So it happens and I am very sure your Master did not mean for it turn out this way, it is just he is either burnt out or a part of him KNOWS that he is submissive and he can't be the Master that you need and want him to be. You've gotten some great advice and yes you both need time to yourselves to just gather your thoughts and decide where it is you want to go from here. Take your time and do not rush into anything. Your a nice person so, be nice to yourself [:)] ~Lashra thank you, yeah, what you say is true, though I dont think his Domanence is a mask he is simply burnt out, we are both just very emotionaly charged and needing to back up and slow down, we kinda jumped in the deep end head first, but everything will be ok, this is what needed to be done to save the relationship and our sanity... I care about him and I know he cares about me. ms

PsyVamp -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/24/2007 3:34:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave Thank you, I know we will both be ok I care about him so much and want him to be my Master.. but if he cant be in controll right now I understand.... doesnt mean I dont still want it or need it it just means Im putting his needs first, so in a way Im still submitting... if that makes any sence at all Just me No need for BOTH of you to put his needs first. You had better take care of you. I just hope the domme he finds knows he switches and doesn't fall for him like you did. This is the heartbreak of it all. (switches.. gotta love 'em, eh?:/) I knew he was a switch when we got involved.. We just werent counting on it beeing so hard for him to find someone to Dominate him. we have been together a year and in that time he has literaly had no luck, He isnt pulling a bait and switch I knew full well what i was getting when i sighned on... Just me First I'd like to say that I'm sorry you are going through this. hug I know others have said this, but can/will he still be your dominant if/when he finds someone to submit to? Can he do both at the same time? There are all these questions in my head about this. I am a Mistress to a switch and I sometimes enjoy watching the dom in him try to come out. If he really needed to dominate someone, I would have no problem with him having his own sub, but my being poly may make it easier. How far does he want to submit to someone, does he know? Does he need to submit or does he want to bottom? There are just so many levels to this. Keep the lines of communication open and good luck to you. Psy

MagiksSlave -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/24/2007 3:52:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PsyVamp quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave Thank you, I know we will both be ok I care about him so much and want him to be my Master.. but if he cant be in controll right now I understand.... doesnt mean I dont still want it or need it it just means Im putting his needs first, so in a way Im still submitting... if that makes any sence at all Just me No need for BOTH of you to put his needs first. You had better take care of you. I just hope the domme he finds knows he switches and doesn't fall for him like you did. This is the heartbreak of it all. (switches.. gotta love 'em, eh?:/) I knew he was a switch when we got involved.. We just werent counting on it beeing so hard for him to find someone to Dominate him. we have been together a year and in that time he has literaly had no luck, He isnt pulling a bait and switch I knew full well what i was getting when i sighned on... Just me First I'd like to say that I'm sorry you are going through this. hug I know others have said this, but can/will he still be your dominant if/when he finds someone to submit to? Can he do both at the same time? There are all these questions in my head about this. I am a Mistress to a switch and I sometimes enjoy watching the dom in him try to come out. If he really needed to dominate someone, I would have no problem with him having his own sub, but my being poly may make it easier. How far does he want to submit to someone, does he know? Does he need to submit or does he want to bottom? There are just so many levels to this. Keep the lines of communication open and good luck to you. Psy I dont know!! ms

NefertariReborn -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/24/2007 9:39:18 PM)
[/quote] First I'd like to say that I'm sorry you are going through this. hug I know others have said this, but can/will he still be your dominant if/when he finds someone to submit to? Can he do both at the same time? There are all these questions in my head about this. I am a Mistress to a switch and I sometimes enjoy watching the dom in him try to come out. If he really needed to dominate someone, I would have no problem with him having his own sub, but my being poly may make it easier. How far does he want to submit to someone, does he know? Does he need to submit or does he want to bottom? There are just so many levels to this. Keep the lines of communication open and good luck to you. Psy [/quote] I dont know!! ms [/quote] Licks My popsicle Don'tchya just wish sometimes that you hadn't said anything?

MagiksSlave -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/25/2007 10:37:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NefertariReborn First I'd like to say that I'm sorry you are going through this. hug I know others have said this, but can/will he still be your dominant if/when he finds someone to submit to? Can he do both at the same time? There are all these questions in my head about this. I am a Mistress to a switch and I sometimes enjoy watching the dom in him try to come out. If he really needed to dominate someone, I would have no problem with him having his own sub, but my being poly may make it easier. How far does he want to submit to someone, does he know? Does he need to submit or does he want to bottom? There are just so many levels to this. Keep the lines of communication open and good luck to you. Psy I dont know!! ms Licks My popsicle Don'tchya just wish sometimes that you hadn't said anything? Nothing wrong with what you said i just dont have the answers to all of those questions. ms

Sinergy -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/25/2007 10:53:34 AM)
I agree with LotusSong, I would suggest you focus on your needs and let him go. Do not hesitate to ask if there is anything I can do. Sinergy

MagiksSlave -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/25/2007 1:25:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy I agree with LotusSong, I would suggest you focus on your needs and let him go. Do not hesitate to ask if there is anything I can do. Sinergy I understand people telling me to let go of him, but how do I let go of someone I dont want to let go of!! ms

PsyVamp -> RE: Needing a shoulder (7/25/2007 6:12:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy I agree with LotusSong, I would suggest you focus on your needs and let him go. Do not hesitate to ask if there is anything I can do. Sinergy I understand people telling me to let go of him, but how do I let go of someone I dont want to let go of!! ms My questions were meant to prod to see if you have to let go or if he can accept both his natures. Did he tell you that he absolutely cannot be your Master or top you while he is going through this? His not dominating you at the moment doesn't necessarily end the relationship but it does change it. Can you still be with him without him actively dominating you? I'm not really asking you for answers, just trying to help you have alternative solutions, please do not be upset by what I write. If you need to have a switch's point of view, I can ask mine to write. Let me know by off board message. Psy

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