D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy

D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

EvaLass -> D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 7:19:11 PM)
I was speaking with a Dom friend of mine who I am getting to know. After a brief period of getting to know a new submissive, he requires her to leave the bathroom door open at all times, regardless of what she is doing in there. His feeling is that the submissive must give up all rights to emotional and physical privacy when she is with him at his home, even if they are only dating but not yet in a committed relationship. For him, the control aspect of a D/s relationship is very empowering, so I am assuming that he would choose a partner who enjoys giving up control. His contention was that his partner should regard the action of giving up privacy, including in the john, as a way to open herself up more to him, permitting him more control, and reliquishing more of her autonomy. I am curious if this is a common element in D/s relationships even during the dating phase. I want to hear from Dom/mes and submissives/slaves alike about this topic - including any examples of how it has affected or enhanced the D/s connection. eva

AquaticSub -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 7:33:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EvaLass His feeling is that the submissive must give up all rights to emotional and physical privacy when she is with him at his home, even if they are only dating but not yet in a committed relationship. If he can find women to agree to that, more power to him. But as far as I'm concerned, until I have submitted to you I don't have to do a damn thing I don't want to. Now as far the bathroom door thing... it's not a requirement. We just don't give a damn when it's just us. I have my privacy about the things I need it for. Valyraen doesn't need to know everything and he doesn't want to know. He trusts me to tell him when something is important.

gypsygrl -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 7:42:40 PM)
I'm in a new relationship thats beyond the dating stage but not at the committment stage, but I don't worry much about privacy. As a rule, I find it a lot of work to keep up those walls and am grateful to be with someone I trust enough that I can just not worry about shutting bathroom doors behind me and that sort of thing. It's not a matter of giving up control or autonomy but of being open and transparant. And, maybe a bit lazy.

mstrjx -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 7:51:42 PM)
My first reaction is...... BDSM people 'date'? That would be the new concept for me after all these years. It always used to be you would meet someone and decide if you wanted to take the next step. A-ny-way, while you all are aghast at the last statement, I'll answer the real issue here. Yes, this request/command is not untoward at all. I don't know that 'all' dominants are interested in this, but it's certainly commonplace for me. I've gone one step further than this with one individual, but I was feeling pretty frisky with her for some reason. It sounded like an interesting idea at the time. She was required to pee in a kitchen pot, not in the toilet. (#2 could be accomplished in the toilet.) That started with our first meeting, and it seemed as if it might go on indefinitely. She never once quibbled over it. On the first anniversary, I said she could pee in the toilet in the future. All told that relationship lasted 7 years. Jeff

Littlepita -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 7:53:05 PM)
We once discussed my leaving the bathroom door open when we were still very new together. Upon understanding what a huge humiliation that would be for me, he decided it didn't need to occur for us. I am very grateful because I seriously don't think it is something I could do. Plus, I don't think every detail about ones private actions in the bathroom make a stronger D/s. [&:]

thetammyjo -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 7:53:34 PM)
Fox is allowed to close his door most of the way but not all the way and he is not allowed to lock it. I will make a small knock on his door before opening. I learned to do this because if I just walk in, it can scare him in an unhappy way which is not my intention. We don't share the same bathroom but again same rules there as his bedroom. In my own home I'm very free about my nudity and my normal everyday functions. No one has a problem here and after 7 and 15 years this behavior does not seem to affect how much turned on my partners can get by seeing me naked. Oh, wait maybe that's why I do it -- for the power trip of knowing I can turn them on from stripping down in a blink of an eye and without any warning. Yeah.... my house is very weird.

NefertariReborn -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 7:56:34 PM)
Watching one pee is kewl....holding and aiming for him even better...I swear it's not penis envy....I just like aiming. #2? There's sometimes a thing as too much togetherness. I don't need to be privy to anyone's bm's. Don't want anyone privy to Mine. Nope....not a good thing.

BitaTruble -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 7:57:01 PM)
SOP in this house. The door is open when I'm in there, closed when he's in there. As for 'when' that happens, if both parties agree to it, then what anyone else thinks really doesn't matter. If a submissive doesn't wanna, they don't hafta. Just a basic compatibility issue. Celeste

SexyRed -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 8:01:58 PM)
I don't know...while I love being controlled and power exchange and having boundaries stretched, when it comes to the bathroom door being open, a little bit of mystery is a good thing.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 8:02:26 PM)
Angel ha a choice whether or not to close the door. I really couldnt care less. For a while I demanded it stay ope sherly becaue I was checking that he followed orders and sat to pee. Now, I dont worry about that anymore. I think it is very important for a slave to have their own private space. Mentally, I think its something they need. Mine wil always have it, be it their own room or an office... somewhere they can be by themselves. There wil be no restrictions on my access there, but they can ask to be left to their own devices for a time and I will oblidge. DV

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 8:08:33 PM)
red flag for me - i need my bathroom privacy ...there are things we women do in there men shouldn't be privvy to it(that's how i was raised) - he's one dom i would pass on by in a heartbeat.

ownedgirlie -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 8:11:50 PM)
I have no closed doors to my Master, physical or otherwise. From the day we met in person through today, the bathroom door remains open. We didn't date. He had authority in the relationship from the beginning.

chiaThePet -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 8:30:10 PM)
Let's face it folks, there are certain sights, sounds, and smells which are not meant to go happily dancing throughout the abode. Keep me naked, tie a bell around my neck so you know where i am, but i'm in agreement with Nefertari here, there ain't nothing about a bm that you just gotta get to know, now *scat* and close the door! chia* (the pet)

SunNMoon -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 8:49:15 PM)
For me there are just some things I don’t need to know, nor do I want my S.O to know. This just happens to be one of them.

proudsub -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 8:51:43 PM)
One of the nice things about being "empty nest" now is we don't close the bathroom door.[:)]

chellekitty -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 9:15:04 PM)
am i the only one that doesn't want to be locked in the bathroom when it smells like something dead came out of me and to hell with it if anyone else can smell...?

MasterGremlin -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 9:22:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EvaLass I was speaking with a Dom friend of mine who I am getting to know. After a brief period of getting to know a new submissive, he requires her to leave the bathroom door open at all times, regardless of what she is doing in there. His feeling is that the submissive must give up all rights to emotional and physical privacy when she is with him at his home, even if they are only dating but not yet in a committed relationship. For him, the control aspect of a D/s relationship is very empowering, so I am assuming that he would choose a partner who enjoys giving up control. His contention was that his partner should regard the action of giving up privacy, including in the john, as a way to open herself up more to him, permitting him more control, and reliquishing more of her autonomy. I am curious if this is a common element in D/s relationships even during the dating phase. I want to hear from Dom/mes and submissives/slaves alike about this topic - including any examples of how it has affected or enhanced the D/s connection. eva In O/our relationship, Master owns me therefore, nothing I have, do, say, write, think is really "mine". Master has access to my purse, all my emails and chats including all my passwords to any online accounts and may look into any of them at His leisure. He does not go as far as making me leave the bathroom door open, but if I lock it, He tends to get....cranky [:o] These are not things that He immediately insisted upon, it was a gradual thing even after I gave myself to Him. To my knowledge, He has only used this "power" in times of "unrest" in O/our relationship and only for the purpose of getting to the root of the trouble and making things better for both of U/us or just making sure things run smoothly. Sincerely, minxy [:)]

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 9:24:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx My first reaction is...... BDSM people 'date'? That would be the new concept for me after all these years. It always used to be you would meet someone and decide if you wanted to take the next step. A-ny-way, while you all are aghast at the last statement, I'll answer the real issue here. Yes, this request/command is not untoward at all. I don't know that 'all' dominants are interested in this, but it's certainly commonplace for me. I've gone one step further than this with one individual, but I was feeling pretty frisky with her for some reason. It sounded like an interesting idea at the time. She was required to pee in a kitchen pot, not in the toilet. (#2 could be accomplished in the toilet.) That started with our first meeting, and it seemed as if it might go on indefinitely. She never once quibbled over it. On the first anniversary, I said she could pee in the toilet in the future. All told that relationship lasted 7 years. Jeff Umm.. Did you throw away the kitchen pot?

octavia -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 9:27:47 PM)
We don't date? really? oops! [:D] And here i've been running around willy nilly dating Dom's. What was i thinking! [;)]

chiaThePet -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/22/2007 9:27:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty am i the only one that doesn't want to be locked in the bathroom when it smells like something dead came out of me and to hell with it if anyone else can smell...? Oh so the rest of us should suffer cause *you smell dead people?!* Open a window, turn on the fan, spray the glade, till you flush the can. chia* (the pet)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125