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is this wrong to want - 7/24/2007 6:58:20 PM   
moki1984


Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		I am a married woman. to a vnailla man. and after some time and hardship i have come to realize this is what i ultimately want...
many slaves male and female with different obligations BUT one male Dominate over Me to satisfty My masochistic wantings. is this wrong?
I feel terrible because My vanilla husband thinks bdsm is rather.......wrong
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/24/2007 7:58:45 PM   
OrangeJulius


Posts: 122
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline 		Wrong according to who? Your husband? Yes, I think he would find it wrong.

According to the laws of many US states, it's iffy until you have sex with them. Then it's wrong.

I guess you could play it off as some sort of business, with you as the (vice?) president, but then you would have to actually run a business... and most managers don't beat their employees.

If you actually just wanted opinions though, personally, I think it's wrong unless he both knows about and at least somewhat approves. As in, you go out and he doesn't lie on your couch and cry softly to himself.

(in reply to moki1984)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/24/2007 8:17:48 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		I'm admittedly biased, as you know, but no I don't think it's wrong to *want* that.  But some happy medium has to be created with your spouse or face that you're simply not compatible.

Warm thoughts on this toughy.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to OrangeJulius)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/24/2007 8:20:49 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moki1984

I am a married woman. to a vnailla man. and after some time and hardship i have come to realize this is what i ultimately want...
many slaves male and female with different obligations BUT one male Dominate over Me to satisfty My masochistic wantings. is this wrong?
I feel terrible because My vanilla husband thinks bdsm is rather.......wrong


What is your point? You want everything, your cake and eat it too, what else is new. Everyone wants that, acting upon it is another story and one that YOU need to decide upon, no matter what our opinions are, after all, it is your life.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to moki1984)
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RE: is this wrong to want - 7/24/2007 8:46:43 PM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline 		It's the husband or the subbies + Dominant.  Hubby could try to fake it and go along but I sorta bet after a week or two of mr. right subbie walking around calling you Mistress and you grinning like a cheshire ....he'd start to be pissed off and resentful.  JMHO of course.  Decide which is more important to you and move fully in that direction.  What about hubby being dominant in your life or is it M/s on the whole that he thinks is wrong?

(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/24/2007 10:43:58 PM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		I think what you want is wrong, not at all. But the problem is that in your current relationship it doesn’t sound like this is possible. Your husband doesn’t sound from what you have written that he is going to be able to support you in finding a dom and subs. And if you do it won’t make him happy, which isn’t good for the relationship you have with him, yet at the same time the question is then are you happy within your current relationship? If you’re not then are you willing for the possibility of losing your husband to have the dom and subs? I’m assuming you’ve talked to him about this need you have? Because right now it sounds like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Sorry if this doesn’t make to much sense, I’m up way past my bedtime.

(in reply to NefertariReborn)
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RE: is this wrong to want - 7/24/2007 11:50:46 PM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Is it wrong to want what you say you want?  Not at all, but it is wrong to get it if it's without your husband's knowledge.  If you committed to be honest and faithful in your marriage, then you should be or change your situation.... either by encouraging your husband to participate in your dreams, or by changing your marital status.  Otherwise accept what is.

Pehaps ask yourself if it would be right for your husband to find intimate/sexual fulfillment with others and without your knowledge/consent?  A relationship with deception and without communication will likely leave one or more parties unfulfilled enough to cause the destruction of the relationship anyway.  Stick with the decision you made, or find a mutually satisfying way to amend it... or end things and find the one(s) who will make you feel complete.  Asking a bunch of strangers if your desires are wrong isn't going to solve your dilemma.

(in reply to SunNMoon)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 12:25:52 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		This is a lifestyle about trust. If you go behind your husband's back (which you've not said, other than that he thinks BDSM is wrong) then in my opinion you're doing wrong. If your husband is fully aware of what you plan to do then why would it be wrong?

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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(in reply to moki1984)
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RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 12:54:23 AM   
Satyr6406


Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moki1984

many slaves male and female with different obligations BUT one male Dominate over Me to satisfty My masochistic wantings.



You don't need a male dominant to satisfy your masochistic wantings. You need a sadist (or, a truly service-oriented submissive)
 
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
 
Michael

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,


Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to moki1984)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 1:14:16 AM   
ShyMistress


Posts: 173
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: your sexiest nightmare ;)
Status: offline 		In My own opinion, no what you want is not "wrong". It is the very position I find Myself in and I enjoy My way of living the lifestyle, and find it perfect for Me.

However, to either take your desires into action without his consent, or worse even his knowledge...well, that is to many morally wrong. I do feel for you and the position you are in, but honesty and the respect your husband deserves as your spouse do deserve at least that much.

As for My opinion on what to do, be honest and like others have already said...decide what is best for not only you but your husband and move towards that decision. I do include your husband with yourself in this as not only is he human and deserving of your honesty, but in reality what person whom truly loves another would want that person unhappy? You may find that he won't be able to join you in your activities, but at least he then he can take into consideration what you need and either step out of the picture, or be open to a different relationship with you (ie: allows the exploration of your sexuality).

Wishing you the best luck in finding your happy ending...

_____________________________

"Everyone is a potential naked slave to You once You become a Trainer." -Anne Rice-

~*~ Proud Owner of kajiradream, patiently awaiting her return Home ~*~


(in reply to moki1984)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 1:18:59 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		It is never wrong to want. I want many things. Some I can get, some I cannot. If your vanilla husband is so extremely against BDSM, you have to make a decision.  Him or it, I dont see a compromise there.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to ShyMistress)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 5:19:11 AM   
PairOfDimes


Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think it's wrong to want kinky things when your spouse doesn't. People have different tastes, and surely you and he have some other separate hobbies and interests. Although, if he actually thinks it's ethically wrong to do BDSM, then you might have difficulty presenting it as a matter of taste.

I would think it would be wrong if you indulged these desires without the consent of your spouse. If you indulged some of these desires with your husband's consent and that made him less happy with your relationship, but he still preferred being in the relationship to not being in it, I think that would be perfectly okay. Partnership and marriage are about compromise, and alas, not every compromise is a win-win.

(in reply to moki1984)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 5:23:01 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moki1984

I am a married woman. to a vnailla man. and after some time and hardship i have come to realize this is what i ultimately want...
many slaves male and female with different obligations BUT one male Dominate over Me to satisfty My masochistic wantings. is this wrong?
I feel terrible because My vanilla husband thinks bdsm is rather.......wrong


no, this is not wrong. i have said it many times in the past, humans are not a monogamous species by nature, it is a choice dictated by society.


_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to moki1984)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 8:02:09 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

quote:

ORIGINAL: moki1984

I am a married woman. to a vnailla man. and after some time and hardship i have come to realize this is what i ultimately want...
many slaves male and female with different obligations BUT one male Dominate over Me to satisfty My masochistic wantings. is this wrong?
I feel terrible because My vanilla husband thinks bdsm is rather.......wrong


no, this is not wrong. i have said it many times in the past, humans are not a monogamous species by nature, it is a choice dictated by society.



i'll disagree slightly, michael.  some people truly are monogamous, and couldnt fathom being otherwise.  some people wish to spread their pollen as widely as possible (as it were).

the *feelings* arent wrong, definitely.  chosing to act in a manner that you know is going to hurt your partner, that could be extremely disasterous.

kitten, who also has a very vanilla spouse, but who isnt monogamous.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 8:06:42 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Do YOU feel it's wrong? In deciding what's right for you, no one's opinion really means squat, including your husband's. Now, what you DO have to pay attention to is how your loved one will react to your actions and choices...and you have to be able to deal with whatever those reactions might be. So, if he's threatened to leave if you find all these things and you decide to be true to yourself, be mentally and emotionally prepared that he will leave.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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-----
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(in reply to moki1984)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 8:46:51 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Not sure that I have an opinion, given that your situation doesn't really affect me as a female dominant.  Perhaps your situation might best be expressed in the ask a submissive or master board for some maledom/femsub feedbck?

To thine own self be true.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to moki1984)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 9:51:08 AM   
CollegeSub09


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/11/2007
Status: offline 		Before you try persuading him to accept people from out of the relationship as slaves (which will take time anyways, as searching is not easy), i would reconmend persuading him to take a more dominant role in your life. 

By this i do not mean giving him paddles and telling him to spank you if you do something he doesnt like, that can be worked up to, but for now just work on him being more assertive when you dont do something he "asks" or tells you to do.  My ex-girlfriend (non BDSM related breakup) used to dislike the whole scene.  Told me it was, and i'm sorry for saying it but it's her words, "stupid and weird and pointless" but finally she grew to embrace my role as a submissive.  We ended up back together for a while with me being her sub and she loved every bit of it. 

He may end up liking it if you can get him to give it a shot, if not, then it's innevitable that wont have this lifestyle with him.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 11:50:05 AM   
LordVelvet


Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		I sent you an email on the otherside.
LordVelvet

(in reply to CollegeSub09)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 12:06:10 PM   
moki1984


Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		I never should of posted this. Im getting somuch shit from people in my mail. NO I AM NOT DOING THIS BEHIND HIS BACK
jesus christ I forgot how much people on this site will jump all over you without knowing the entire situation

(in reply to LordVelvet)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: is this wrong to want - 7/25/2007 12:13:29 PM   
LordVelvet


Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		moki,
I hope that you didn't feel that way about what I sent. I was just trying to help. sorry if I offended you.
LordVelvet

(in reply to moki1984)
Profile   Post #: 20
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