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ORIGINAL: taintedgypsy

Hey I have spent my life going from arsehole to arsehole

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ORIGINAL: SexyRed

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Learn why YOU choose such cold hearted idiots?  What patterns of yours cause you to meet men like this, what causes you to entertain a relationship with them, and what allows you to fall in love with them.

They ARE assholes but YOU chose them, figure out why and you will be a lot happier.

You know I am not picking on you but I am deathly sick of this tact. We don't have a "pattern". You keep trying to meet someone NORMAL and try to trust again based on what someone does and says and you can do all the right things and still they fuck up. Not you.

I know many, many amazing women who are intelligent, self aware, therapy veterans, sophisticated, savvy, kind, generous and confident and yes, they still get fucked over by men who create a lack of trust towards men in general.

And yes, I agree that one has to look inward and see what it is that is attracting someone to a particular man, but when the men involved are all different in so many ways, then there is no "pattern". It could be just rotten luck.

So, while it is fabulous to always blame the victim, perhaps we should be blaming the other parties for lying, cheating, withdrawing, betrayals, non-communication, etc.

And go ahead and say that I must be bitter; I am at the moment because I have been through therapy, relationships, thought I learned everything about my motivations and desires and yet still it can happen.

Why? because this game called life and relationships throws punches that you are unprepared for, and you don't know fully what the other person intends, wants, or what motivates them even if you think you do.

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ORIGINAL: submissiveness

I've lost my submissiveness.   I just walked out on Dom #2..    The first Dom, well he never really wanted me, I was just someone to fill the void.  

My second Dom, well we were together for 5 months, living and working together,  in the beginning things were great, his behavior to wards me gradually deteriorated.   He became almost cruel and unfeeling to wards me.  I tried harder and harder to gain his love.   Then one day I found out, he was still searching for a submissive.  Living with me telling me I was the one and only and searching on line morning and night. 

When I told him that I knew, yeah for a few days he was extremely kind and affectionate, promising me the sun and moon, but after only a few days he was back to being cold and mean. 

Long story short I left.   How does one be a submissive when you are afraid to trust.   My heart has been riped out and stomped on twice, both times Dominant men where to blame.  I want this lifestyle more than I can tell you but there has to be trust.  How do I trust again?

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So, while it is fabulous to always blame the victim, perhaps we should be blaming the other parties for lying, cheating, withdrawing, betrayals, non-communication, etc.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

SexyRed,

I understand and have sympathy for your pain and will agree that many people, male and female, top and bottom are assholes either consciously or unconsciously.  If they were here I would advise them to look inward to find the source of their issues.  In this case the OP was asking why all the men she meets fuck her over.  Telling her they are assholes is like feeding someone for a day, I want to teach them to fish or at least mention it to them that some people fish and hope they choose the path of change and growth.

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So, while it is fabulous to always blame the victim, perhaps we should be blaming the other parties for lying, cheating, withdrawing, betrayals, non-communication, etc.

Saying why do you choose assholes is far different than saying why do you create assholes.  Nobody is blaming the victim, we are pointing WHY she is a victim and giving advice on how to avoid BEING a victim.

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

I have trust issues, however they are centered around a couple of bad experiences with prospective submissives from this site.   You know the fun liar, game player types.