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RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 2:45:59 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

See and I figure there's enough people out there erring for caution and being nice, that it's ok for me to throw out the tough love. Balance and all.

I'm right there with ya LA. Combine that with the way that I would want to be treated if it were me who was asking for help and demonstrating that I was using absolutely no common sense or restraint in my life....I would not want the sympathy....I would prefer the bitch slap, reality check. As you said earlier, many times I am called out for being too harsh on someone....only to have it be followed by a "Thank you sooooo much" from the involved party.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 21

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 2:47:25 PM

asubmissiveheart

Posts: 462
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

I don't mind the "Help me, please" threads as much as the people that moan and
groan endlessly about the same problems.
Every post they make is about the same issue.
To say some here are self absorbed is an understatement.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 22

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 2:48:40 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I agree 100%. The butt kissing, nice stuff just flies right past me... whereas the "headslap, hey you!" may piss me off royally but it will also give me cause to think.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 23

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 3:22:54 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia

Drama is drama, whether posted by a regular on the message boards or someone who is new. Even a bit of drama is okay when tempered with some common sense and even the slightest bit of intelligence.

What i find ironic are the recent posts about avoiding the drama here only to find 100 replies to the "help me, i've fallen over a cyber Master and i can't get up" topics.

LMAO!
Tricia, I know, it's like some people are just fookin' helpless!
"Bad Master? Leave!"
"Can't get off on one type of dildo? Try ANOTHER type!"
I like the ones about relationships, you know the, "It's complicated" threads.
It doesn't matter what advice you give them they, "just can't do it now" for WHATEVER reason, "fill in the blanks."
"It's NOT complicated."

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to tricia)

Post #: 24

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 4:41:13 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

See and I figure there's enough people out there erring for caution and being nice, that it's ok for me to throw out the tough love. Balance and all.

I'm right there with ya LA. Combine that with the way that I would want to be treated if it were me who was asking for help and demonstrating that I was using absolutely no common sense or restraint in my life....I would not want the sympathy....I would prefer the bitch slap, reality check. As you said earlier, many times I am called out for being too harsh on someone....only to have it be followed by a "Thank you sooooo much" from the involved party.

By ....Receiving these "Thank you sooooo much" from the involved parties....I'm rather sure that you are interpreting that as their meaning when they actually state that they dislike you and are blocking you forever?.....Geee whiz! I get thanked a lot out here too. This is actually incredibly rewarding....By being a dick I'm actually helping others....This is really some fucking deep ass shit.

_____________________________

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 25

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 4:51:44 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

No, actually I was referring to much longer communications where their intent was pretty clear. I simply shortened them to "thank you very much" for the sake of this thread.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 26

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 5:05:02 PM

Kalyrra

Posts: 142
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

I prefer not to ask for advice here. I did once a while back and I was torn to shit by alot of people. The genuine advice, I read, considered and used to help me get out of the situation that I was in. It's rare that I delve too deeply into my personal problems here now because I don't want to have people pick apart something that tears me up and treat it like a joke. Maybe alot of people on here are making up bullshit, but there are people whos lives have been hell. You can't know for sure what's reality and delusion in here really, but I personally feel it's not best to assume that just because a story seems extreme, that it's false.
Now, as far as the writers of the extremes go, you have to realize that you're going to get shit as well as advice. It's reality. So if you really want advice from the people either write to those whose opinions you value, or suck it up and accept that it's not all going to help things.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 27

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 5:06:32 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

No, actually I was referring to much longer communications where their intent was pretty clear. I simply shortened them to "thank you very much" for the sake of this thread.

Oh.

_____________________________

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 28

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 6:46:03 PM

TheHeretic

Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline

      Is there some part of "this is a site where sadists dwell" that you aren't clear about?

     If I choose to reply to an OP seeking opinions, I will offer the thoughts inspired, and the advice that seems best. If my thoughts are that the person I'm replying to is an attention seeking punk/bitch/dumbass, that attitude could, conceivably, affect the overall tone of my reply.

      It is still my honest answer, even if I'm wearing the little smile that makes my wife nervous.

_____________________________

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 29

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 7:14:32 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

     Is there some part of "this is a site where sadists dwell" that you aren't clear about?

    If I choose to reply to an OP seeking opinions, I will offer the thoughts inspired, and the advice that seems best. If my thoughts are that the person I'm replying to is an attention seeking punk/bitch/dumbass, that attitude could, conceivably, affect the overall tone of my reply.

     It is still my honest answer, even if I'm wearing the little smile that makes my wife nervous.

Heritic, good advice but some will never heed it.

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to TheHeretic)

Post #: 30

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 7:29:47 PM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

(fast reply)

I have posted a thread before, asking for other people's experiences on a certain matter. I received nothing but helpful comments and best wishes. Not one negative post was made. I think a lot of time, the answers you get depend on the question you ask. If you ask a question where there is a chance that someone might HAVE an answer for you, then you will usually do well. In other words, a brief question, not a request to analyze your life, empathize with your mistakes, and tell you what you want to hear so that you can go ahead and do what you already want to do, but have someone to share responsibility when the cycle repeats. It should be printed somewhere on the forum homepage, in large red letters, that the forums cannot substitute for common sense, self awareness, or professional therapy.

I would never post an intentionally unkind or hurtful response to anyone, but often the thoughts I have had on reading some posts, were much along the lines of what some people do post in reply. You never know who will read the post, or what kind of mood they may be in when they reply. It could be the truth, spoken gently and tactfully, or it could be the truth, spoken cruelly. There is no "spell check" for empathy, I am afraid.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 31

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 8:11:34 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

I'm not arguing against tough love. I'm arguing against pissing on someone who's already pissed themselves.

The reasons are still clear, and a few have expressed this is why they don't ask such questions; the harsher we are with people in their questions, the less likely we are to get questions that merit a resoponse other than 'dumbass!'

There's a difference between sadistic exchanges with willing or complient individuals, and poor manners. Just because one person expects to be slapped when they screw up, doesn't empower them to slap others when they screw up.

I don't expect there will be a major shift in tone or attitude on this board, based on this one thread. I'm pointing out that for those who post such angry and venom filled statements are just as much of an eyesore as the posts they are attempting to ridicule.

Yes, you can steal whatever words of mine you like.

And no, I will never...ever post a question on this boards related to something important or personal in my own life. I get enough ridicule from posting on other people's problems ;)

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to nyrisa)

Post #: 32

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 9:28:37 PM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

I am presuming your post was a general reply, or was it to me specifically?

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 33

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 9:32:40 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I'm pointing out that for those who post such angry and venom filled statements are just as much of an eyesore as the posts they are attempting to ridicule.

Well said and I agree completely. I can't begin to imagine how someone with insecurities, self-doubt or low self-esteem can take some of what's spewed forth without falling completely apart. If it was a single poster, they could probably handle it ... but when there are scores of people jumping on a bandwagon (almost always based on incomplete information and assumption) spouting vile and hurtful things, such potentially, could effect folks regardless of the level of their self-esteem and security.

It truly can crush the spirit of someone who's already feeling damaged and drive away the very people who would gain the most benefit from online forums. All that said, Stephan, all you can do is lead by example and hope for the best. In that, I'd stand right next to you.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 34

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 10:32:10 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Again, where is the line between "You aren't mature enough to be in these waters, go back to the kiddie pool" and "Here, let's help you learn to swim better?"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 35

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 10:41:06 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I'm pointing out that for those who post such angry and venom filled statements are just as much of an eyesore as the posts they are attempting to ridicule.

Well said and I agree completely. I can't begin to imagine how someone with insecurities, self-doubt or low self-esteem can take some of what's spewed forth without falling completely apart. If it was a single poster, they could probably handle it ... but when there are scores of people jumping on a bandwagon (almost always based on incomplete information and assumption) spouting vile and hurtful things, such potentially, could effect folks regardless of the level of their self-esteem and security.

It truly can crush the spirit of someone who's already feeling damaged and drive away the very people who would gain the most benefit from online forums. All that said, Stephan, all you can do is lead by example and hope for the best. In that, I'd stand right next to you.

Celeste

Most of the "regulars" that always show up and do this are considered by MANY here,
to be witty, comical and entertaining.
What fun they are!
They seem to be popular and that is what I find interesting.
To each their own, I always say.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 36

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/27/2007 11:22:20 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

General reply -

Stephann, I am fine with helping people find information or a new perspective on a problem. But if they have deep seated problems that require professional help such as a doctor, therapist, lawyer, etc. I will send them in that direction.

LA & Erin, I think that the line of kindness/brutal truth differs for each of us, whether we are the person posting the question or responding.

Rich - Damned straight this place is full of sadists!

LaT - Your new haircut looks fabulous dahling!

Susan - Great to see you posting again and good luck with the house!

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 37

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/28/2007 4:01:34 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

Good morning to ya Stephan. Not that anyone has noticed but I have really slowed down on posting in any thread that is even slightly serious or controversial for just the reasons you mention.
Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to swim upstream against the currents of negativity and plain nastiness.

When I do respond I always take the OP as seeking a genuine answer, even if it is wank fodder. Even if it is the basic 'what is a slave' type question. If ya take the time to post why not try and give a genuine answer?

The way I see it, is that someone down the line may have the same question and I'd much rather they see real answers instead of mocking answers.

It seems there have been more threads than usual on both trying to take people to task as well as more responses that make me cringe. It seems to happen in cycles, I hope this one is over soon cuz I do miss being involved with the threads.

*permanently pollyanna posting*

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 38

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/28/2007 4:19:32 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

When I do respond I always take the OP as seeking a genuine answer, even if it is wank fodder. Even if it is the basic 'what is a slave' type question. If ya take the time to post why not try and give a genuine answer?

The way I see it, is that someone down the line may have the same question and I'd much rather they see real answers instead of mocking answers.

Please don't stop posting, camille. People like you are the only thing that keep many of the rest of us on the site! Down with nastiness! Yeeeeeaaaahhhhh!

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 39

RE: "Help me, please" threads - 7/28/2007 4:39:26 AM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

I always have, and always will, post my opinion. And more often than not, it is one of shut up and do something, or I will continue to make fun of you.

If you can't handle the words I type, you need bigger balls. Or, if you don't need balls at all, you need to get laid. Or something.

Fucking insomnia.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 40

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