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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:59:06 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		MistressSassy: Thanks! I can see your other point, especially being a Switch (we seem to be in the minority, too).

- Susan 

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 5:02:19 PM   
lonlyrossInNeed


Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I have thout ones about taking a break but it wasnt for me i came to the relization with help from my lifestyle sis that it wasnt me that was the problem it was the Mistress i wanted to somuch but was not a good match for
 
ross.g

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pain is not just a wound in your flesh
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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 5:03:31 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		I took about a month or a little more just a few months ago. I realized that I was battling depression and was concerned that I may have been self medicating with BDSM. Now that I have depression (somewhat) under controll, I have returned to the scene with a whole new energy.

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 5:08:59 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Phin - interesting point about self-medicating Depression with BDSM activity. I take anti-depressant medication, and I know that "sub-space" makes any depressed feeligns I have disappear, Pronto. I am not sure if this is good or bad (it feels good, but am sure it can be "over-done", perhaps). I "sub-space" fairly easily, I am told (that is only one Dom's opinion, however). I think if I got to the point it was becoming a sort of sexualized addiction for me, that was truly disrupting other areas of my life, I'd be very concerned (or hopefully, my Dom would, and say something to me about it). Kudos to you, for being able to monitor yourself that way.

lonelyrossinneed: Yes, I think compatibility with a partner is an issue worth paying much attention to, as far as finding this life-style satisfying. I agree.

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/27/2007 5:11:35 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 5:22:51 PM   
lonlyrossInNeed


Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		at the time i think that we had a few to many vanilla activities wich we both enjoyed but when it came to the BDSM activitys some would fall on deff ears if you know what i mean
it got to a point where i was willing ot give up all my activitys that i enjoy so much and i was not geona get anyting in return other then having a lover a Mistress and someoen who wanted only to scen hwo they did my friend helped me to talk me out of leaving the lifestyle but also relize that we where not a good match this is why and how i learned you cant rush into somthing it might take a dozen years for you to find the right Owner or pet but be paritent
 
ross.g

_____________________________

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pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 5:50:22 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
1) Have any of you "taken a break" - from a few months to a few years - from BDSM, and  if so - how did it work out for you?

I've taken breaks from playing, I've taken breaks from going out to public events, and I've taken breaks from having relationships.

But I've never said "I'm taking a break from kink life."  It's just who I am, taking a break isn't really possible.
quote:


2) Why did you do it?

The breaks I took were because either I needed to focus my attention on other things, or needed to regain some stability and strength.

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 5:59:00 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
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Status: offline 		I took one "break," and it was a disaster.  I ain't taking any more breaks.

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 6:13:56 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
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Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
My question is -

*I am just asking out of curiosity -

1) Have any of you "taken a break" - from a few months to a few years - from BDSM, and  if so - how did it work out for you?

2) Why did you do it?

Any replies are appreciated. Thanks.  Susan


I took about a 6 month break in the late 90s after a bad and somewhat public breakup with my slave.  During that time, we worked on things and got back together and we just did things privately, but I took a break from meeting friends and others. I was burned out at the time, too active and forgot really why I was in the lifestyle, I wasn't enjoying myself and it was just not a good time.

During that time it also gave me an opportunity to regroup and remind myself why I was into BDSM relationships in the first place and I'm glad I did.


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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 6:22:57 PM   
SusanofO


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Status: offline 		I appreciate the replies, people. Thanks. - Susan

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
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And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 6:25:16 PM   
ShellyD


Posts: 207
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline 		I am in a hiatus at present, due to the very situation of not having a partner to indulge. It has been 2 years since my ex and I parted and have not found any dominant men who live close enough to develop a relationship with, many submissive men apparently...just not my thing

I have thought on more than one occasion, that I should just walk away from the lifestyle. But I don't seem to want to, I am questioning myself though and fear this self imposed exile might just waste any chance of developing any form of relationships at all. My continued search has shown me that I am in this lifestyle now and continue to think, dream and want to live in a way that is good for my soul.

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 6:31:39 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with you that a dearth of Domly men in your vicinity may force one to think maybe "Vanilla" life isn't so bad after all...so, in my opinion, will a really bad (as in incompatible) D/s or BDSM partner.

The thing that really made me walk away was not believing I had enough time to properly devote to a partner. I do think D/s relationships, and BDSM activity with a partner take more time and attention than some "Vanilla" relationships. Maybe this isn't true for everyone, but for me, it has been (maybe) sad, but true. I didn't think these past few months I had enough time to devote to my doggies, let alone a full-time (or even part-time) partner.  I do have someone (sort of) that I see, I just haven't seen them much at all for about the past 3 weeks. Hopefully, in the next month to six weeks that will change, and-or I will meet someone new. Thanks for the reply.

- Susan  

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/27/2007 6:35:03 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 6:31:41 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
1) Have any of you "taken a break" - from a few months to a few years - from BDSM, and  if so - how did it work out for you?

2) Why did you do it?


I have taken several. Since BDSM doesnt HAVE to be part of my relationships, I have met a few vanilla partners with whom I enjoyed long periods of time lifestyle-free.  However, in the long run it never does work out ebcasue of the personality and power struggles that come up. My preference for submissive men is more one of the ability for them to let me be the one in charge, and not need to struggle for power in the relationship, the actual actiities I can take or leave and often do. 

DV


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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 6:33:26 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I appreciate the reply, Diurnal. A glad you and Angel are doing well. - Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 8:17:42 PM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline 		I took a break for a little over a year a few years ago.  I was critically ill, and after surgery and treatment, I needed time to regroup physically, mentally, spiritually. 

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 8:31:57 PM   
hsagnev


Posts: 188
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I recently stopped all BDSM activity in my life for about 2 months, mostly because I was so busy with the re-modelling of my house, to get it ready for re-sale, I had little time to think about anything else. But I missed BDSM, and the forums here, when I was gone. As soon as I am able, I hope to become more involved in my local community.

I have met someone, and have a (sort of, quasi) BDSM relationship now, but I haven't seen him recently, because I've just plain been too busy (we are not exclusive with eachother, and our relationship is pretty casual, and we both allow eachother to see other people, and he also understands that I've been very busy). Anyway...

This experience got me wondering if I will ever really be able to be happy, if I were ever to run across someone "Vanilla" who was maybe perfect in every other way - except they just didn't want to be involved in BDSM at all. I doubt it (there is another thread on this somewhere now on these forums, too). I've dated one "Vanilla" person since becoming involved in BDSM, and I do appreciate "Vanilla" sex, on occasion, too. Anyway...that wasn't my question really. My question is -

*I am just asking out of curiosity -

1) Have any of you "taken a break" - from a few months to a few years - from BDSM, and  if so - how did it work out for you?

2) Why did you do it?

Any replies are appreciated. Thanks.  Susan


Yes, I have taken a break many times before.  I think the longest was about a year or so.   The reasons vary, sometimes I'm just too busy with work and other times I've become a little bored with it, however one thing is a constant - I always return.



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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 9:39:08 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I appreciate everyone's replies. I also find that I can't seem to stay away, so I guess I am a permanent "Vanilla convert", hehe.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to hsagnev)
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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 11:21:25 PM   
cckbound


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		i was in a 7 year relationship and was the top 24/7. i have submissive tendencies as well. so, i was frustrated at times. after that relationship, i didn't date for a year or so. i was then in a vanilla relationship for 6 years. i didn't date much for about a year after that. then i met my current girlfriend about 4 years ago. she was extra vanilla, that changed. about 2 years ago i started easing her into things. i have been submissive and she seems to really enjoy it. but, she is still a little timid. she worries that she'll hurt me.lol....i wish.

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 11:27:29 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		The only reason I would ever take a break from BDSM is if I am forced to, by not meeting someone compatible.

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 12:45:12 AM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		I've done so twice. Once for close to 3 years after the death of my 24/7 sub. I pretty much just shut down completely in that time. I've been on a break now for several months because I felt with school and internship I didn't have the time to really devote to anyone but myself. I tried to juggle all 3 and it just didn't work. Something suffered. It wasn't fair to Me and it wasn't fair to him. So I had to evaluated my priorities and decide it was time to focus on school. I still talk to someone, but as far as a relationship, for right now, it just isn't possible.

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She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 1:15:45 AM   
taintedgypsy


Posts: 228
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline 		I am on a break atm and though I still come to the message boards and still have friends in the L/s that I have coffee with, I am not active or seeking ...  I am concentrating on personal issues and putting myself in a better place. I have no intention of becoming active in BDSM untill I feel that I am ready too ... wether that takes 2 months or 6 months only time will tell but I know this period of abstance will be rewarded in the end by being healthy and more stable person who can walk forward and embrace life and all the possibilities it has to offer.

I wish you well.

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warm smiles to all

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