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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 2:10:46 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the replies, people. - Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 6:08:47 AM   
Phoenix2raven


Posts: 347
Joined: 10/14/2006
Status: offline 		Yes I have taken a break from BDSM. No I wasn't happy but didn't realize that at the time. My reason for taking a break was that I was misinformed buy a bad shrink. Bad shrink no cigar! lol 

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 6:12:32 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		I've been forced to take a break from BDSM, as in having no one to do anything with and being single, but that never once stopped me from wanting and needing an owner... even if I was purely disgusted with the prospects that had come along lately at the time and wished I were anything but submissive.

(in reply to Phoenix2raven)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 6:12:41 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		i've taken so many breaks, people wondered if i've moved into McDonald's...LOL

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Are we having fun, yet?

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 7:11:12 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		LOL.. love this question Susan.

Yes, I have taken breaks for different reasons.

  1. Breaks due to not having enough time for it.  Amazing how remodel projects can take up a lot of time and engery.
  2. Breaks due to major life changes.  Death in family and etc...  you know the when life comes at you fast type of things.
  3. Breaks due to crappy relationship dynamics going on...  last thing I was thinking was about spanking ass for fun or banging them hard and pulling hair in a good way.   I was too pissed off to want to do BDSM, let alone think about sex.
  4. Breaks due to being involved in a more vanilla like relationship...  Sure I admit to this one.  I simply fell head over heels for somebody that had a little bit of BDSM but was more vanilla.   Yes, I was thinking Dirty Nasty Fantasy thoughts in the back of my mind while Banging the Hell out 'em.
  5. A breaks due to one major identity crisis...  I actually took a major break one time in life from BDSM.  In fact I viewed it as something sinful...  I ended up embracing the christian right wing morals for awhile.  However, I woke up one day and said to myself HOLY shit..  I'm still BDSM regardless, and God expects me to be honest with myself and other people.  So the bible kinda saved my Ass after reading it so damn much...   Needless to say, I ended up coming full circle back to the realization.   That Sex and kinky shit is just another part of being human.  LOL.   Satan does not own my soul and I'm not going to burn in hell for doing BDSM.   I know I'm doing everything right that my subbie/slave partner loves and wants.   Whew... needless to say...  I can't believe I admitted this one on public message board.  I only shared this with one person here in a private email exchange. 
  6. Break due to Dom burn out...  simply put.. I needed a break away from being in charge of everything.  Call it a form of personal vacation.  LOL

Hope these reasons give some insight for somebody... 

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 9:22:21 AM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		1) Yes i did take a break for a couple years after my very first Dom. And after he showed me a little of what this lifestyle is about and he "mentored" me i guess you could say on it.

2)i had to rethink about whether this lifestyle was for me, and i went back online to do more research and find out more about both sides. Both Dominant and Submissive, and came to the conclusion that i was and am more submissive.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 10:26:55 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		After the disaster with my last dominant, I hung up my submissive hat, and was never going to submit again.

Four days later Mr. Wonderful stepped into my life. 

I did try denying myself a few years earlier, deciding I could live with out this.  I couldn't.  The drive was too strong and I was living in a way that wasn't true to myself.  I was essentially playing a part, "acting" as I felt I should act, and miserable inside.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 10:38:36 AM   
DommeChains


Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		Talk about a timely topic lol.  I have informed one of my boys just today that I need a months breather from play or D/s training.  I have been in hard pursuit of a job in a different field and finally signed a contract for one on Thursday. Yeah me!! However, since I have achieved that goal and can relax a bit the exhaustion has set in big time and kicked my behind.  I'm funny that way; I can burn the midnight oil for weeks or months in pursuit of a goal and then just totally collapse from sheer nervous exhaustion once I achieve it.

Since I pour huge amounts of energy mentally, spiritually and physically into my SM or D/s interactions I have to recharge my batteries periodically.  For me that means taking time to pamper myself, do non-kink related things with my husband and vanilla friends and keep things on just a friends level with my boys for a few weeks.  I, in turn, allow them a long leash to deal with life issues not pertaining to the two of us.  We keep in contact during these times so no one feels rejected.  They remain my boys and I their Mistress whether we are engaged in kink play or training.  We are just taking a little pause to deal with life outside that relationship.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 10:45:41 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Since I consider BDSM to be the play aspects of our life, it can be months in between the times that we play.  Mostly it is because of the distance.  I have not played since May and will likely not get an opportunity to play again until late October.  I have also not attended a BDSM event since then either.

Play is only a small part of our life and at this point community involvement is not something that we are seeking.  He and Alandra are moving several hours north to a small town so we will be isolated from BDSM events.  With any luck I will move up there next year and we will spend the next several years focused on our relationship and becoming even stronger together.

His dungeon in his current house was dismantled back in April so they could sell the house.  The last time it was used was in February when all three of us were there.  For us it was a nice way to say good bye to that space.  He hopes to have the dungeon built in the new house by Christmas time but he has other things he wants to accomplish that are more important to him.  He decided that his new dungeon will be christened with the three of us and since I will not be there until Christmas there is no rush.

I don't really consider this time to be breaks, because he could decided to use me in that way at any time.  The one thing that is always constant in our relationship is the M/s structure.  There are no and I do not see how there will ever be breaks in the authority transfer dynamic.  That is just who we are together.

Knight's Kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 2:52:59 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I just wanted to say I appreciated everyone's replies on this topic. Re: Whiplash's reply: I also went through a period where I felt that engaging in only BDSM relationships was somehow "wrong". It was right in the middle of my one LTR with my ex-Dom, and didn't really have to do with the fact I was still married at the time (although that kind of got to me as well, eventually, despite the fact I had what I felt was a great reason for "cheating")), but everything to do with  just feeling that allowing myself to "get beat up" was "wrong" somehow. I contemplated that for about a month, and reached the same conclusion you did.

I sort of equate this to people who feel, for example, that homosexuality is a sin against God, etc. My reasoning was that God created these desires in me, and since "God doesn't make junk", then who am I to argue? As far as I know, I was born this way. I stopped feeling "guilty" about it, and just enjoyed it from that point on. It's nice to know there are others out there who may have struggled with the same kinds of thoughts. Anyway, thanks everyone for the replies.

- Susan  

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/28/2007 2:53:52 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 4:46:01 PM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline 		I took a break of several months due to a much anticipated meeting that ended rather badly.  During that time I stopped reading the forums, disabled my profile and yes, even dated vanilla (though there was a decidedly D/s flavor to it).  Eventually I came back and perhaps I'll someday meet someone who is a good fit.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 7:12:48 PM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		Sure.  We took a break this weekend from it.  Sometimes one needs to relax their mind and have plain ole fun.

Regards, MissSCD

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 8:43:30 PM   
luckycharmpoppet


Posts: 26
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		I know I am incredibly young, but I have struggled with this since I was 16.

I have taken breaks, but when I do I find myself very resentful in every relationship started.

I feel like I have taken more of a break from it while in a relationship, when I am struggling with the idea of it all. Sometimes I feel ashamed and dirty for wanting such a lifestyle, partly because I was raised catholic for 18 years. What kind of moral woman could want such a thing? Then I remember that's partially why I left the church. lol

Other times I feel bitter about the lifestyle. How could I want to be with someone that enjoys hurting me? Why do I enjoy being hurt? All those questions.

I sometimes have the thought that this is not who I wanted to be or asked to be. I am wired this way. I cannot change this, god knows I have tired on numerous occassions. My life would be so much easier if I could just stop being "kinky." I have tried to turn off my submissive nature on several occassions and I cannot. I am incredibly assertive and dominant in my professional life, but at home I simply cannot be. I need a place to let it all go and when I cant, it's horrible. When I try to turn it off, I fight more and even pick fights in hope of being taken control of.

It's a vicious cycle, but I think I'm finally learning that I just need to accept that this is who and what I am.

I think I kind of strayed... sorry!

(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 9:26:47 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		luckycharmoppet: If God made you this way, then I think you're okay if you want BDSM. Just my "two cents".

Good luck, and try not to worry about your desires.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/28/2007 9:27:41 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to luckycharmpoppet)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 11:34:42 PM   
luckycharmpoppet


Posts: 26
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

luckycharmoppet: If God made you this way, then I think you're okay if you want BDSM. Just my "two cents".

Good luck, and try not to worry about your desires.

- Susan


Oh yes, I know. :) It was something I dealt with at frst, just one of my many reasons I gave myself to "take a break." I've gotten pretty good about it all and I'm accepting myself now!

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 11:40:15 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		luckycharmoppet: Good to hear, I hope you keep it up! - Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to luckycharmpoppet)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 11:47:03 PM   
trustingsub


Posts: 36
Joined: 7/17/2007
From: VA
Status: offline 		i was in a M/s relationship for 8 years, left because of abuse. i then married a 'vanilla' man and the marriage lasted a little over four years... i married him because i fell in love and it did not seem to matter at the time that he was not Dom.
 
but, after realizing how much i craved this lifestyle... i moved on!

_____________________________

~You do not own me until i allow You to~

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/28/2007 11:48:25 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I appreciate your answer, velevetears. Sorry you had to leave due a relationship due to abuse.Thanks for the reply. - Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to trustingsub)
Profile   Post #: 58
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