A good Dom

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saseblubutrfly -> A good Dom (7/28/2007 6:20:40 AM)
I have been told that a good Dom is one that has been in a sub/slave before and had the toys used on him that he uses on his own sub/slave. Is this true or has anyone found it to be true of their Dom?

slaveish -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 6:41:16 AM)
Not necessarily. It would be like saying a good sub is one who has been a Dom/me before. Or a good reader is someone who has been an author before. It might broaden the scope of experience but is isn't indicative of proficiency or betterment.

slaveluci -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 7:24:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveish Not necessarily. It would be like saying a good sub is one who has been a Dom/me before. Or a good reader is someone who has been an author before. It might broaden the scope of experience but is isn't indicative of proficiency or betterment. Wow....what a great, simple answer. Nothing to add, just "ditto!"[:)]............luci

gooddogbenji -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 7:33:51 AM)
A good dom is one who does not confuse flogging and flaying. That's my only rule. Yours, benji

MasterFireMaam -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 8:48:27 AM)
Is a good driver REQUIRED to have first been a mechanic? Master Fire

beargonewild -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 9:02:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam Is a good driver REQUIRED to have first been a mechanic? Master Fire chuckle Good comeback MasterFireMaam!

gooddogbenji -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 9:04:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam Is a good driver REQUIRED to have first been a mechanic? Master Fire That makes no sense. In order to be a good driver, you don't need to have been a mech, you need to have been a car. Yours, benji

AquaticSub -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 9:28:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly I have been told that a good Dom is one that has been in a sub/slave before and had the toys used on him that he uses on his own sub/slave. Is this true or has anyone found it to be true of their Dom? It's both true and not true. It can help someone understand being a submissive/slave and can enhance their own dominance but it's not required to be a good dominant.

LaMspeach -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 9:50:45 AM)
No, I havent found that to be true at all. IMO a good Dom starts with getting to know all of the sub not just her kinky side or how much pain she can take.

NakedGirlScout -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 9:53:07 AM)
Being a bottom before might possibly help someone be a good top, since they know how it feels. On the other hand, I don't think that someone who has been controlled before makes a better owner; I prefer the sort of person who only operates on the top side of the power spectrum.

SexyRed -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 9:53:19 AM)
I really cannot answer that question as I have only found Dom's who were good at the "playing", not at anything else resembling a relationship.

Masternslave07 -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 10:03:28 AM)
A Dom can never experience submission as a sub/slave would. I don't think a Dom will learn anything more than pain hurts. Which he probably knew already. I would say it is more important that a Dom understand the role he has chosen and work to be good at it. That seems to me to be a better use of time.

feastie -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 10:16:53 AM)
A good dominant, or submissive for that matter, is a person that is willing to put forth the effort to be good. It doesn't matter if they've submitted or dominated or not. The willingness to test a toy or implement or having done so does not indicate submission in the least. It doesn't even equate to bottoming, for that matter. I was with a dominant at a flogging demo and he lined right up to feel the double flogging with everyone else. He was good at aftercare and all that jazz, but ... He didn't think it was necessary to tell me he had a collared slave in another city. Good dom? Debatable to some, but not in my book. Point is, only you can judge whether a dominant is a good dom, based on your own perceptions and expectations.

OsideGirl -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 10:19:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie A good dominant, or submissive for that matter, is a person that is willing to put forth the effort to be good. This is precisely it. I would also add, that a good Dom or sub will also accept that there is always more to learn.

ownedgirlie -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 10:31:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie A good dominant, or submissive for that matter, is a person that is willing to put forth the effort to be good. BINGO!

littleone35 -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 12:35:16 PM)
I don;t think so my Master has never been and would never be a submissive. A good Dom/Master is one who takes the time to learm all about his sub/slave. Just because he has not used had a toy used on him does not mean he does not know the it hurts/stings he has to ask her while use it if it is too much. As a sub to a great Dom i am glad he was never a sub. Matt's littleone

classykindasassy -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 1:09:33 PM)
No, the OP's presumption is not true. It's a myth that lingers from the "Old Guard" gay leatherman days, back when they were the only ones that really had any organization to their inquiry into and participation in BDSM. IMO the makings of a great dom start with the ability to connect with, read, and think like another person.

subsfaith -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 3:52:07 PM)
quote: I have been told that a good Dom is one that has been in a sub/slave before and had the toys used on him that he uses on his own sub/slave. I think there are lots of things that make a good dominant, however, IMO neither of the above come into it. I would be looking for his levels of dominance, honesty, integrity and self awareness. Faith :: smiles ::

Archer -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 4:08:09 PM)
The question reflects on the idea that a good leader should already know what it takes to be a good follower. It's a pretty common idea but if you read enough you'll find that even back in the days of the "Old Guard" not everyone started as a slave/submissive/bottom. I would out to you the chapter in Leather Folk where the young man is "adopted by an older more experienced bottom and then the bottom arranges for the young man to be trained in the various skills a "Top must have" . Cannot recall the chapter's name at the moment but it's my favorite story in the entire book. Now generally the saing today is much less absolute Some of the very bes Tops started out as bottoms. (insert label you prefer for each role) but generally speaking it is no longer prevelent that a Top starts off as a bottom. (you can make your own judgement asto if that is on the whole a good trade off or a bad one.) Personally I see it as a mixed blessing.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: A good Dom (7/28/2007 6:21:35 PM)
I haven't found that to be true. To be good at whatever it is you want to be you have to learn and understand how to be that. I have served those that have served before and found no difference. I think it depends on the individual themselves if they think experiencing the other side makes them better.

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