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Coming out - 7/29/2007 4:02:17 AM

lateralist1

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I believe that if more people were not scared of being 'out' the environment for 'lifestyle' people would be easier.
I empathise with all the fears BUT I believe that secrecy is destructive.
Of course we don't want to share our most intimate details of our relationships with strangers.
Neither do many people want to go around with a sign plastered on their forehead. Some do of course that's up to them.
I never intend to walk down any high street wearing thigh high boots with sub on lead in tow.
However there are ways of being out that don't necessitate that kind of display.
What do others think?

Post #: 1

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 4:32:09 AM

ELUSIVE1

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I don't hide my kink, nor do I put it in anyone's face...my TAt....of a shackled female leprechaun, is on my left hip, and only exposed at lifestyle events...and the beach, my swimsuit obviously would not cover that

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Post #: 2

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 4:39:23 AM

beargonewild

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Yes it would be great if everyone was comfortable enough to be more open about their lifestyle. At times I do understand how many people must keep this secret from everything else yet I also see the hypocrisy by leading this "double" standard. It is possible for one to be open yet not be blatant about their kink.

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RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 4:57:06 AM

womanworshipper

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i don't make a secret of my submissiveness to Madam & i never deny it. On the other hand, We/we don't do anything to frighten the horses. In practise, this means (e.g.) Her clearly giving me instructions to fetch and carry or berating me in terms that make Our/our respective status unambiguous, all in a public setting, yes: collar and lead in the supermarket, no.

We/we don't feel that a FemDom/malesub relationship is anything to hide as such, it is only the more extreme manifestations of it that need to be kept discreet in vanilla situations. It's true that We/we probably still attract attention and even make some people uncomfortable, but then some people need their preconceptions challenging.

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 4

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 5:26:32 AM

earthycouple

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I'm with the masses so far...I am quite happy to just be who I am, day in and day out...I don't flaunt what it is I do but if asked or the topic arises, I'm by no means shy.

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Post #: 5

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 5:44:59 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild
Yes it would be great if everyone was comfortable enough to be more open about their lifestyle. At times I do understand how many people must keep this secret from everything else yet I also see the hypocrisy by leading this "double" standard. It is possible for one to be open yet not be blatant about their kink.

Beargonewild,
I've seen many posts here by you but I don't think I've ever responded to one. So....hello. I agree with your last statement that it is possible to be "open yet not be blatant." Let me try to explain how I feel about this. The M/s relationship that Master and I share is our reality. It's not just a kink. So, just by us being in this relationship and me being submissive to His desires (whether in "public" or private), we are being "open" about who/what we are. The "kinks" that we enjoy are really something totally different - something above and beyond - what our relationship consists of.

The dynamic that we live within is the same whether we are at home or shopping at Wal-Mart. He is Master and I am here to serve and please Him and to make His life better. That doesn't change or get hidden just because we go outside the house. So, in that sense, we are very comfortable in sharing who we are. In public, I call Him "Sir," I defer to Him, I serve Him as best I can - just like at home. So, we are very open about our dynamic in that sense. Do I wear a collar and leash? Not hardly. This doesn't mean we are keeping who/what we are a "secret." It means we are showing respect for the environment we are currently in and the people who are around us.

I've never understood the need that some people have to expose their "kink" to the world. Being able to be open and honest about your relationship/dynamic is one thing but being "out there" about your kink is totally different. Vanilla folks don't strut about eager to put the details of their sex lives under everyone's noses. I'm not sure why some think we should. Who cares? Some things are better kept private. Am I ashamed of anything Master and I do? Not one bit. Do the people "on the street" care to know all the details? I sure doubt it. I guess for us, we just don't have a need to parade our "kink" to show who/what we are. Because, frankly, it's only a tiny part. So, for me, it comes down to this: We are comfortable "exposing" our dynamic but not our kink. I think there's a big difference.

I don't think it's "hypocrisy" or having a "double standard" to keep the details of our private lives private. I would only see hypocrisy coming into play if, when we exited our dwelling, we pretended as if our M/s dynamic didn't exist. To me, THAT would be hypocritical. It would be hiding and temporarily changing who/what we are. That won't ever happen. As far as keeping our "kink" to ourselves. In general, that's always going to happen. To me, they are very different.

I am, of course, speaking only for us and our relationship. I hope this reply is taken in the spirit with which it was written. I intend NO offense to anyone who sees/does things differently. Just wanted to share a slightly different perspective........luci

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Post #: 6

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 5:57:36 AM

beargonewild

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I do agree with what you are saying slaveluci. Allow me to clarify what I meant by double standard. I see that was not the correct term I had wanted to use. I mean by double standard was a person who for their own reasons have to led a double life where they feel they need to hide a part of who they are. Much the same way a person isn't out of the closewt about their sexual orientation so they pretend they are one but inside they feel different. Hope this makes sense.

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Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

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10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 7

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 6:02:47 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild
I do agree with what you are saying slaveluci. Allow me to clarify what I meant by double standard. I see that was not the correct term I had wanted to use. I mean by double standard was a person who for their own reasons have to led a double life where they feel they need to hide a part of who they are. Much the same way a person isn't out of the closewt about their sexual orientation so they pretend they are one but inside they feel different. Hope this makes sense

Perfect sense, bear

. What you are talking about is like the example I used about hypocrisy: "turning off" the M/s dynamic when you leave the house and feeling you need to hide the very essense of your relationship or who you are. I kind of thought that's what you were meaning. Thanks for clarifying............luci

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Post #: 8

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 6:04:26 AM

bubbles4Daddy

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Joined: 7/28/2007
Status: offline

Those who take the time to know me know of my lifestyle preference. I don't believe it needs to be a label I place on for all to see.

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Post #: 9

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 6:15:44 AM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1
Of course we don't want to share our most intimate details of our relationships with strangers.
<snip>
However there are ways of being out that don't necessitate that kind of display.

I trimmed your post to focus on the two sentences that I have a question about.

What are the ways that you think people can come out that doesn't share the intimate details of their relationship with strangers and doesn't require the action that is listed in your OP?

Knight's Kyra

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Post #: 10

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 6:32:57 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

I'm with the masses so far...I am quite happy to just be who I am, day in and day out...I don't flaunt what it is I do but if asked or the topic arises, I'm by no means shy.

Okay, I have a question for you :) I remember reading in previous posts that you're a nurse, and possibly even in a supervisory position? I'm assuming you work in a hospital or nursing home/rehab type setting. Has it ever come up in conversation at your place of employment, and if so, how did they react?

I ask because I work as a lab tech in a hospital, always have, and I can't imagine the reaction of those receiving that kind of news as being anything but shocked and judgemental. I mean to the point of probably starting the usual chain of documentation of any little transgression that might otherwise be overlooked, being written up, reprimanded, and eventually being let go. I don't know if it's because laboratory employees seem to be more "uptight" about things than the normal population, or it's just been the norm for places I've worked. As it is now, I wouldn't dream at even hinting at even having a sex life at all, let alone a kinky one. I mean, one co-worker joked once about giving her husband a blow job, and there were gasps and rolled eyeballs, a couple techs left the room, and the subject was quickly changed. It's that bad.

Is it more "open" and relaxed in other cities or parts of the country? Or have I just had the luck of working with uptight people? :)

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RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 7:15:22 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

I believe that if more people were not scared of being 'out' the environment for 'lifestyle' people would be easier.

ummmmmmm so how would it be easier... I find no hardship now.... in fact... it's pretty easy to live my lifestyle already... so just how is it going to make it easier?

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Post #: 12

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 7:32:38 AM

julietsierra

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Directing this to the OP:

hmmm... I don't call my Master "Master" even when we're alone. I am deferential. I am respectful. I am many things. However, while he is not necessarily my "boyfriend" that's exactly what I'm going to call him if asked by my boss. My sex life is none of her business and how I relate to him beyond that isn't either.

This is just life for us and just because we opt to maintain our privacy does not smack of hypocracy in any way shape or form.

And beyond that, I personally could care less if this life was somehow "easier" for anyone or not. Personally, I have no problems with the level of difficulty (whatever that is) of this life.

Just how are you thinking it cold be "easier?"

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 7/29/2007 7:34:25 AM >

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Post #: 13

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 8:20:31 AM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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Unless there are those who are willing to sacrifice jobs, family and unmentionables "for the cause" this won't ever happen. However, if the rest of us who don't have these things are risk DO come forward, we can try to change people's minds to make it easier for those who currently MUST hide. But, this is just one opinion.

Master Fire

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Post #: 14

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 8:35:23 AM

aidan

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Joined: 5/28/2005
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I'll join the choir here.

I'm out in the sense that I don't hide it. I won't bring it up without prompting, though. If a conversation among friends turns to sex or dating, I'll talk about it because this is a large part of my sexuality and my views on relationships are greatly influenced by it. If that makes my friends uncomfortable, I let them know they have two options: don't bring up sex as a topic, or don't hang out with me, because I'm not going to hide or keep my mouth shut because they don't approve.

In a more professional or academic environment, I feel I can make known my views on gender and sexual equality and relationships without overtly talking about BDSM, but probably anybody who pays attention long enough would be able to guess.

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Post #: 15

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 8:35:29 AM

SusanofO

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I tend to think whatever I choose to do in my own house and bedroom is just nobody else's business, regardless of whatever "alternative minority" I am affiliated with.

I mean no offense by that statement. I don't particularly feel a need to be "liberated" in that regard, because if someone has the balls to ask, I tell them it's none of their business (this has only happened once, and the question was asked in pretty veiled terms. Still, I could tell what the person - who barely knew me - wanted to know, and I was offended. You had to be there...).

On the other hand, as far as court cases go, and things like custody of UMs if one parent is into BDSM, I think we have a ways to go. I am not sure what can be done about that.

I think time - and activism (like peaceful marches and rallies) will maybe help, though, akin to what they "gay rights" movement has gone (and is still going) through.

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/29/2007 8:39:52 AM >

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RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 8:36:28 AM

Driver1961

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He dips His lid to all;

It's unfortunate but MasterFire has the bottom line. Way too much education of the masses to enable respectability. Can you imagine your country's leader 'coming out' saying they love to give or receive 'arse whoopins'? It puts a whole new spin on catch cries for military conflict and does nothing to engender society's faith in persons of responsibility. Police, (Firepersons) Teachers, Doctors, Pollies, Corporate heads etc- the list of us goes on.... and on......

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Post #: 17

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 9:23:51 AM

MasterMataeo

Posts: 215
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i dont hide it ,, but it is a subject that the masses are not ready to fully accept ,, over the last 10 years ,, there has been a growing amount in the lifestyle and it is slowly becoming accepted,, so give it time ,, and soon there may be more than a hisper in the back booth of the local bar ,, and we as a whole will be accepted for what we are by the rest of the masses

MM

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Post #: 18

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 10:30:29 AM

missbehaeven

Posts: 41
Joined: 1/25/2007
Status: offline

~smiles~
Greetings windchymes,
It must just vary not only place to place, but department to department.
I work in a hospital as well, on an adult med-surg unit, and as colleagues, we're all very supportive of one another, and I couldn't imagine myself or anyone shunned because of their personal life.
However, a nurse who used to work in phlebotomy before obtaining her RN license made a casual joke with a fellow phlebotomist she'd known for years, and had even socialized with during dept get-togethers.
This colleague went to human resources and reported her, and now she has to take sensitivity training, though no disciplinary action.
I guess bottom line is limit out of work topics to out of work events because you don't know what might be overheard by who, or misconstrued.

Now, in response to outing in general.
I'd definitely be judged by my family and friends.
Even if they didn't mean to.
I'd be politely asked if the stress of work was getting to be too much, and did I need someone to talk to.
It would be extremely awkward.

Have a wonderful Sunday, all...miss

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 19

RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 10:32:44 AM

feastie

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Is it truly anyone's business but your own?

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Post #: 20

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