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Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 5:29:13 AM   
Babybass


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline 		Hi, i am not sure if this is being posted in the correct area - and its not really a question!! So sorry about all that! Anyway - i am a submissive - and very new to the scene - it is always something i was interested in but never explored - until a few months ago that is. i met a guy online and have submitted to him - he is also relatively new to the scene although he has more experience than me. Things were going great and i care very much for him - we have met a few times and it has been amazing. i love him so much and we had been in constant contact. i long to be with him always and to explore how this relationship can work in the real world - day-to-day.
My problem is that he has now gone away on business for a week and i have not heard from him in 3 days! i know that this is not long and that he is very busy with work etc. so rationally i know that i should not be worried and we will meet when he returns. but i feel lost - i loved serving him daily in little things - even though he wasn't there - i felt like he was while i was serving him. i am now left with no contact and no instructions!! i worry that maybe he does not want a D/s lifestyle and just wants to play - that he does not understand my need. also i worry that if i tell him i will seem too needy and it will scare him. maybe it is something we need to talk about. but i suppose my question (even though i said i had none) is this: is it being too needy to want contact daily and to need daily instructions (even if it is something that will only take a few mins) and how do i bring up the subject of where this is going - i want the whole lifestyle but we haven't been seeing each other long and i don't want it to come out sounding like i expect him to marry me or anything!!!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 5:32:06 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		read a book that will improve yourself to pass this time, and not one of those worthless goddamn self help books.

nutrition
etiquitte
formal table setting
napkin folding
how to clean nearly everything.

something of use.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Babybass)
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RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 5:51:53 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		What Ron said~

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It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

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RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 5:56:07 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		when i was gone to AZ for 2 weeks, i still called my gf every night.

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Are we having fun, yet?

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RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 6:01:59 AM   
Dreamz423


Posts: 10
Joined: 7/13/2005
Status: offline 		"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."

(in reply to dawntreader)
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RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 7:01:57 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		Get a life.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Babybass)
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RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 7:07:05 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		yes, if a guy is genuine, he would call daily, even if for a few minutes. No excuse for not calling., but I surely would have better things to do than sitting by the phone.  


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RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 7:10:16 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		this is really a too broad brush stroke.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 7:10:16 AM   
Babybass


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline 		I have a very full life - i asked for advice because i am new to this and i am feeling vunerable without contact - as is usual in any new relationship. so i think that it is a tad unfair of people to assume that i have no life or need to improve myself by reading pointless books while i wait for my Master to return.
I do not see it as a character flaw that i need to be reassured. maybe i am asking the wrong people - but i thought that masters would be able to offer advice on how to bring up the subject of the future or what my Master wants from all of this without completely freaking him out. Or is that something i should be even thinking about at this stage. 
as i said - i feel lost and a bit confussed - i am sorry if that seems a bit pathetic to you all but i cannot help my feelings and to deny them is not an option!
and i don't mean to sound defensive - but 'Get a Life' is hardly a helpful comment. 

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
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RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 7:11:59 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		pointless books?  you are indeed lost.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Babybass)
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RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 7:23:59 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Hold onto your emotions for now. When he gets back, express that you missed him, missed his command, but don't cling. (It doesn't sound like you are at this time but keep it in mind.) Ask him if he can give you a list of items to accomplish the next time he's gone (maybe he would allow you to send him a daily journal or would think of some regular duties / protocol).

Don't get whiny, demanding, or accusatory - big turn-off for anyone, whether they are Doms, subs, Master, slaves, or vanillas. Do be pleasant, light, and someone he looks forward to coming home to. ~smiling~ Good luck.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 7:33:20 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Next time you'll know that you need to make expectations clear for things like this.  I'm not really sure why he wouldn't give you a line at least to let you know he's ok, but some people are like that.

But you can't let your fear of being 'too needy' get in the way of seriously needed discussion.  This is generally why people say to wait several months or more before making a commitment- so you can iron these things out BEFORE you get wrapped up.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slaveish)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 7:48:12 AM   
CutieMouse


Posts: 81
Status: offline 		Easy Peasy - when you speak with him next, say something along the lines of "Sweetie, I enjoy talking with you so much and really missed it when you were on your business trip. I know you were terribly busy, but I didn't realize how important it was to me to hear from you daily - even if it's just a quick email or phone call hello. Honestly, I felt a bit unsure/missed you/worried you were safe/etc; could we please find a solution to stay in contact when life gets busier than usual?"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 9:47:19 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		The best thing to do is be honest. Let him know you missed having contact with him. There have been a lot of very good suggestions here that you could use. If you are D/s then ask him for something you can do to stay in s-mode while he is gone. Ask if he would please contact you occasionally. Reading books, like Ron suggested, would be another way to increase your practical skill set so you could offer more serve in your submission to him.

Feeling what you feel is not wrong. What you do with the feeling might be though. Find ways of using your feelings to improve yourself so you can please him more.

Just my thoughts......

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to Babybass)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 10:58:34 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings. I'd suggest that when you do have contact with your Master is to sit down with him and fully tell him your wants and needs. Especially in this scenerio when you need to have daily contact with him. Granted he may be extremely busy with work, etc. but at the same time he is also human and may need to be reminded of this. A Master isn't able to read minds and neither is a slave able to read  a master's mind. Clear communication is needed to avoid situation slike your in the future.
One other thing, Ron's idea to read books is sound advice. You stated your are very new to this lifestyle, perfect. Use this time away from your Master to read the several books available on the market concerning this lifestyle. You'll gain the knowledge to grow inyto yourself and into being a better slave for your Master. Taking upon yourself to seek knowledge shows a Master you have initiative and drive to be the best you can be.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 7/30/2007 10:59:25 AM >

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to Babybass)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 11:12:53 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		I have struggled with this very same issue...... my insecurities say 'out of sight, out of mind'... however, over time I realised it was jsut my insecurities speaking.

My Sir frequently stays away for a few days for business, however he is billeted into a random hotel with his subordinates, meaning he is spoon feeding them even when he is not at work, and during the day he is mad busy, so it is possible that we do go a few days without contact. 

I have found several different ways of dealing with my negative feelings.  Firstly  Ido text him frequently and let him know how I am feeling, the negative thoughts I try to present in a submissive and non-accusatory manner.  Secondly I fill my time, I still prepare myself as though he were here with me, I bathe, I exercise, I eat well etc... and I try my hardest to remember my place.

I do bear in mind the out of sight, out of mind, because I too am guilty of this.  There are days when he toddles off to work, leaving me working from home, and I don't think of him until I have to prepare his dinner for his return, so it figures that he too has days where he doesn't give me another thought once he has left home.  However, this does not mean that he doesn't care deeply about me.

I do think speaking to your Master is good idea, however, I would be looking to resolve my insecurity issues rather than press my Sir for a solution to the problem that I am creating.

Faith

:: smiles ::

< Message edited by subsfaith -- 7/30/2007 11:13:20 AM >

(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 2:13:15 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I still say that if someone WANTS to talk to you badly enough, they'll find the time somewhere, somehow.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to subsfaith)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 2:16:37 PM   
Babybass


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline 		Hi - thank you all for your helpful replies. i realise that i am just freaking out at the moment and generally i can keep my freak-outs to myself but i so needed to share - so this has really helped!

I am generally not a needy person - so this is completely new to me - and i realise that it could easily have been avoided by actually talking to my Master before he left - which i will do as soon as he returns.

thanks again!!!

(in reply to subsfaith)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 3:09:27 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		We all go through personally unique circumstances, babybass. You weren't expecting to feel what you felt so you didn't know to discuss this with him. Now you know. It will be a nice way for you to grow together in the dynamic.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Babybass)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Feeling Lost - 7/30/2007 3:21:14 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I'd like to know why so many people get into relationships and then feel like they can't talk to, or bring up a subject to their significant other.  How do you ever meet if you can't talk?  This confuses me. 

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to slaveish)
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