Long-term asexual/service-only relationships?

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Long-term asexual/service-only relationships? - 7/30/2007 7:34:00 AM

petdave

Posts: 2479
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i see a lot of discussion of service-only submissives, particularly in the Femdom/malesub world, but i was wondering... how often does this actually work for more than a year or two?

If you are a submissive in this type of relationship, is this your only relationship, or are you also in a vanilla marriage, in a primary D/s relationship, still looking for something more complete, ?

If this is your only relationship, do you encounter any internal struggles with never feeling "wanted" as a person, or is that something that should only happen with bad/fake/conniving subs?

If you do feel this way (unwanted), how do you live with it?

Anything else to add?

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RE: Long-term asexual/service-only relationships? - 7/30/2007 7:40:37 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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They are rarer, but certainly exist and very happily. I used to choose relationships which always somehow prevented sex happening between myself and my owner- so even though sex was supposedly a part of our dynamic, it really never happened.

It was an issue, but not THE issue. However, I know I won't choose a life without sexual relationships anymore.

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RE: Long-term asexual/service-only relationships? - 7/30/2007 7:42:52 AM

spankmepink11

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Joined: 9/28/2005
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I'm sure there are some who can thrive in that particular dynamic, I'm just not one of them. I could see myself being in a service only situation for a short period...(for maybe a weekend) but definitely not long term.

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RE: Long-term asexual/service-only relationships? - 7/30/2007 4:15:02 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
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i donno... i can't remember even hearing about it happening. Kinda seems like one of those "Velcro collar" deals... Dom uses sub for a while until sub realizes that s/he will never be valued as a person, just as a set of completed tasks, then bails.

Is that all there is?

No trick to making it work?

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RE: Long-term asexual/service-only relationships? - 7/30/2007 5:09:18 PM

earthycouple

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I have play partners with whom I don't engage in sex (that being intercourse). There is senuality, there is touching and playing; just no penises in vaginas.

Any potential live in knows up front that until such time as I decide there is no intercourse until I'm ready and when that time comes it will be discussed with my husband first and if my husband is "ok" with it, then he has the option to join in (for my pleasure) or watch or leave me to my own devices.

It is what it is and I don't hide my expectations. It works fine for me and no one has ever complained of feeling unwanted or unfulfilled by me.

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RE: Long-term asexual/service-only relationships? - 7/30/2007 6:14:41 PM

petdave

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But how long? A couple of weeks? Couple of months? Couple of years? Couple of decades? Do they fade away, or do you have an ever-growing cadre of free labor?

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RE: Long-term asexual/service-only relationships? - 7/31/2007 8:21:24 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
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I only have three people in my life who have been such for at least 2 years. Only one is sexual, and it's the one that's the most infrequent.

Master Fire

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RE: Long-term asexual/service-only relationships? - 7/31/2007 10:35:17 AM

HCWT1

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Joined: 7/7/2005
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From where i sit,i can't concieve any reason why you would arsk such a question.

Shit,sex doesn't rock everybodies boat.

I had five and a half years in service and only ending with the death of my owner,due to illness.

Most around here want thir cake and eat it to,but for mine simplystic is best.

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RE: Long-term asexual/service-only relationships? - 7/31/2007 3:06:04 PM

SirDraco7

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Joined: 8/7/2006
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Service only?
Well, perhaps this will rock the boat a bit, but this is what I think about most 'relationships' like this: Garbage.

Now, I said most, not all. There are exceptions where this works and where the people are happy.
As earthly couple said it's sensuality that matters in my opinion.

I say this because without sensuality, the Dom is just using the sub. Free labor basically. Not much different than a Pro-Domme saying "pay my bills" except it's "Cut my lawn".
Like I said there are exceptions. But more and more, if I read or see a profile seeking 'service only' it's a pro Domme, or it has the attitude and tone of a Pro Domme.
Yes the subs should know better, but shouldn't the Dommes know better too?

My sugguestion is that you avoid those relationships at all costs. They will do you more harm than they are worth. Espesially if you are looking for something more.
If you are service only chances are they will have someone else to be intimate with, be it vanilla, or be it another sub.
And if you are looking for something more, no sense wasting your time with someone who is lazy.

::shrugs:: Maybe it's me.
If you are treated like a servent, and are being used like a servent, then you should be paid like a servent. I don't care what they say or call it. "sub" is not "servent" swap the words around but what they are changes not.

If there is senuality, then you become more of a submissive and less of a servent.

PLUS.
If you are looking for something more, make sure she understands such.
The truly good ones will be supportive and perhaps even help you.

The not as good ones would be irriated and upset because they would have to do housework again when you leave.

::shrugs:: Just my abrasive, but honest thoughts.

Sir Draco

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RE: Long-term asexual/service-only relationships? - 7/31/2007 6:44:47 PM

classykindasassy

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I know a M/s couple comprised of a gay leatherman and a lesbian leather dyke. They have been M/s for 6 yrs, no sex. But infinite love and partnership. In fact, they co-own the South Plains Leatherfest, and slave's daddy dyke lives with them - all one happy family. They are truly an inspiration to those who know them in the Texas leather community and wherever they happen to go.

< Message edited by classykindasassy -- 7/31/2007 6:46:19 PM >

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RE: Long-term asexual/service-only relationships? - 7/31/2007 6:55:12 PM

slaveaurora

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Joined: 6/30/2006
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Master and I have been together for 7 yrs, but don't have sex.

I can't elaborate any more because I have unresolved issues with this, and don't wish to air them here.

However, with that said, we make good partners on a basic level.

a~

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