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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 7/31/2007 3:38:07 AM

dasein42

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWolvenOne

When people use the word "needy" it rarely refers to the number of needs or depth of needs. It is usually a reference to some one trying to have thier needs met inappropriatly. The majority of people have very simaler needs. Some of them we never learn about because the person is having thier needs met through therapy, recovery, medication, etc. We don't really get upset over the needier people having thier needs met appropriatly. It is the one or two "needs" that are infringing on our time or energy that we care about.

This is a great post, all of it, not just what I posted. If my slaves didn't have needs, what would they be bothering with me for? And vice versa? And yes I and they have needs that would be 'inappropriate" to the majority of the population, which explains why we need an alternative lifestyle.

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 7/31/2007 6:18:26 AM

biracalsub4wmDom

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wow, thank you to everyone who has responded! i have a lot to think about here. :) reading all of these posts has been very helpful to me. i find myself becoming very needy at times, and this feedback is great.

thanks again...

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 7/31/2007 6:44:55 AM

Babybass

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I don't think that being needy is a bad thing - and i have just gone through a needy patch!!! but i think that having needs and being needy are two completely different things!! Everyone has needs - and to deny them really isn't good for you - thats why there are so many unhappy people out there. To me the term 'needy' means clingy and whiney!! you know - constantly looking for attention and affirmation! And to need attention and affirmation isn't in itself a bad thing - if you are with a partner that understands this need and meets it in a way that suits them also. People only get needy when their needs are not being met at all and they feel vunerable and insecure - and those feelings are completely natural. If you kow that you tend to be needy then you can stop yourself! Communication with your partner is key - and how you communicate your needs is also important! Instead of 'you never called me' say 'when you didn't call i missed you' or whatever!! I'm new to this - so learning still!!!

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 7/31/2007 6:06:09 PM

Kinkypupper

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No it is not a bad thing.
It can become one if its is a game or being misused.

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 7/31/2007 10:05:26 PM

SexyRed

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWolvenOne

When people use the word "needy" it rarely refers to the number of needs or depth of needs. It is usually a reference to some one trying to have thier needs met inappropriatly. The majority of people have very simaler needs. Some of them we never learn about because the person is having thier needs met through therapy, recovery, medication, etc. We don't really get upset over the needier people having thier needs met appropriatly. It is the one or two "needs" that are infringing on our time or energy that we care about.

Some one saying that you are "Needy", it is some times "bullshit" for "I don't feel confortable meeting your needs" from people who have difficulty setting boundaries. A person who can set boundaries can usually tell some one what needs they are confortable taking care of and what needs they are not. Some people who have difficulty setting boundaries find themselves telling alot of people that they are "needy".
They say some one is "needy" when they mean: Please don't call me at work." or "I am not affectionate, please don't be so touchy feely with me" when some calls them alot or is always giving them hugs they don't feel confortable with.

Telling some one that they are being "needy" is not setting a boundary. Telling some one they are being "needy" does not help a friend or aqaintance have thier needs met. It just convinces the "needy" person to have thier needs met in a more subconsious way. It leaves thier needs unmet and leaves them uneducated on appropriate method of having them met. It can also leave them with more "insecurity", "desperation" or whatever "needy" qualities people usually get from them.

This is a perfect explanation.

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 8/6/2007 9:24:13 PM

Darkhaven80

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I always read articles and such online about how a sub should be self-dependant, not needy, etc, etc. Bottom line is I am self-dependant, support myself and live alone, and do not need others to live my life for me. BUT there are people out there who are looking for this. Despite what these articles say, if it's what you're after, don't feel ashamed about it. Some dominants are really looking for that. People are always like "dont be a doormat..." It may not fit in with a healthy checklist on psychological sheets, but if that's the way a person is and they don't want to change, then ignore the other advice and just find someone wanting the same thing. You just have to be careful with neediness not to fall with the wrong kind of guy, as I'd imagine many of them are looking to take more advantage and use.

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 8/7/2007 12:14:45 PM

SirDominic

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There is a big difference between having needs and being needy. The former is normal, natural and to be expected; the latter is rarely a good thing. The reason being needy is not good is that it places the responsibility for your happiness upon someone else. And that is one of the great fallicies in life, because no one can be responsible for yourself except yourself.

No one can "make" you happy, "make" you angry, "make" you feel you are a good person. Only you can do that. It has nothing to do with being a sub. This is a basic tenant of achieving self-worth for yourself.

Be in a relationship because you want to be, not because you need to be.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 8/7/2007 12:48:23 PM

mmb1

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I agree with SweetNSmartBBw, those needs are normal. I used to believe being needy was a sign of inferiority, weakness, and i am sure it can be annoying for some, but understandably, some are very needy in different ways, and its not weakness, its the courage to admit you are needy that counts, rather then pretending you are "strong".

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 8/8/2007 3:13:41 PM

biracalsub4wmDom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Hello and welcome!

I don't think being needy is a BAD thing at all.
At least you realize that you have this insecurity, so you can monitor it.
Be honest about it, when you find yourself becomming attached to a potential mate.

Most people suffer from any number of insecurities, it is called being human.
You are well ahead of the game, by being aware of it.
As long as you are not like the woman in Fatal Attraction, I think you will be okay.

thank you SO MUCH for the encouraging words. :) i feel a lot better after reading the posted replies. like you said, at least i am aware of it so i can make sure to keep it in check. and no, i haven't boiled any bunnies lately. haha!
rabit stew anyone??

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 8/9/2007 6:51:10 PM

sophia37

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In life, balance is important. Too much need is out of balance.

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 8/10/2007 9:03:00 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

There is a big difference between having needs and being needy. The former is normal, natural and to be expected; the latter is rarely a good thing. The reason being needy is not good is that it places the responsibility for your happiness upon someone else. And that is one of the great fallicies in life, because no one can be responsible for yourself except yourself.

No one can "make" you happy, "make" you angry, "make" you feel you are a good person. Only you can do that. It has nothing to do with being a sub. This is a basic tenant of achieving self-worth for yourself.

Be in a relationship because you want to be, not because you need to be.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

While I couldn't agree more with the first paragraph, I wouldn't want the symantics issue to go overboard with My assessment of the second. (A person can make Me happy by remembering My birthday, or make Me irritated if they can not get it through their head that I don't like being intruded on repeatedly during My personal quiet time. Another discussion.)

I completely understand that everyone has needs, but to Me, being needy is something else. It is usually where having needs crosses the border between healthy and not healthy. Also, I think how people interact and their own personal demeanor allow for varying definitions of the mark. Extenuating circumstances play a role, too. A person's needs change during times of trial, rather than the normal day to day.

I don't do well with needy, drama queen, attention whore (yes, I put it that way for a reason) types. It's just who I am. Others are different.

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 8/11/2007 12:21:24 PM

Celeste43

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Needy is one of those terms that means you think badly of someone who is different than you. For example, I know a woman who doesn't really care if she has almost no contact with her dom during the week except for a brief call to set up when they'll next get together. Now I could characterize her as uncaring, cold, emotionally distant etc - all nasty pejorative terms. In exchange she could call me needy, codependent etc because I need a lot of contact with mine - multiple daily phone calls, emails, chat etc.

Neither set of negative terminology are correct. What is correct is to say that she would not be compatible with my dom because he likes a high level of contact just like me, and that I wouldn't be compatible with her ex because he liked their minimal contact also. Neediness is in the eye of the beholder.

The Man likes that I come to him with problems immediately instead of trying to solve everything on my own. To someone who didn't like that, I would be needy. To him, I'm compatible.

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 8/13/2007 12:40:29 AM

MasterFireMaam

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If by being "needy" you are refering to habits and patterns that encourage negative codependency, then, yes, being needy it bad. However, if you are describing someone who knows, explains and expects their needs to be met, then, no, being needy is not bad.

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RE: is being needy a BAD thing?? - 8/24/2007 5:56:07 PM

vinesign

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LittleWolvenOne that is an astoundingly thoughtful reply. Thanks for your wisdom. Next time I fear I'm being needy and unfairly demanding, I'll first ask myself what need of mine is going unmet and how can it best be met.

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