Collars. Important or not?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Collars. Important or not?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Collars. Important or not?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 2:00:43 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Im curious if collars are important as people make out? I understand its meant to mean ownership etc but most often or not it can only be worn at home as many people need to keep good public image.

Take for example a training collar... Is one ever fully trained? Sure people will do exactly whats told but even then they will still learn things.

Im expecting some negative feed back etc but any comments about the subject would be interesting...

Thanks for your time

ImTempting

Post #: 1

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 3:36:55 AM

fp2012

Posts: 97
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

Hmm my best way to describe the meaning behind a collar (in my opinion) would be to compare it to how guys would give a girl their class ring after they'd been dating a while, but a bit more meaningful... some people see it as important and binding as a wedding ring, others casually slap a collar on their sub after a few meetings. It really depends on each person's view. Basically either way, it means the relationship is taken to a new level.

As for keeping a good public image, many couples make use of discrete collars that look like chokers or necklaces so that they can go out in public and not get questioning stares. However, there's still meaning behind it.

I agree, I don't think one is ever fully trained, as everyone's tastes and personalities evolve over time. I also don't believe in training collars... to me those are equivalent to the leather, non-locking collar I bought for myself just in case some Dom wanted to put me on a leash during play, and to add to the "submissive look" during a scene.
Hope that answers a few of your questions

Cheers,
~fp

_____________________________

"When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm better" - Mae West

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 2

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 4:17:21 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

I don't do/use collars. They are an M/s symbol in my opinion and I am not M/s.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 3

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 5:23:49 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

A collar, like a tattoo, or branding are symbolic elements of ownership and training. Although I do use them sparingly, and with some I don't have to engage the notion of a collar or belonging to or ownership at all...I do think the collar in itself is a very useful tool regardless of when or to who it is applied. For the sub/slave that needs it, a collar or the use of one offers a security/promise to the person seeking to be owned. Yes, I realise a lot of people aren't looking to be 'owned' , but like a promise ring, the collar, tattoo or branding inspires a sense of security, another 'level' of the d/s relationship...even if 'training' is all that that level is... the roles are clearly defined, the sub/slave feels secure in their submission to their significant O ... Owner.

As said, collars etc are symoblic elements and thus anything can be made to be as symbolic as a collar placed around one's throat. I make them wear rubber bands instead of wrist watches, and helps to remind them their time is Mine. It does not matter that it is not about their throat, it is the fact they are wearing something that I as their Mistress or Trainer have deemed a symbol of ownership or training.

I might make a fuss of having him put on a throat collar, ie locked into it for weekends or special occasions, etc , and give this collar a special hook in the play room, perhaps a tag with his name on it.

I dont tend to see a collar as been about 'owning' someone or stamping a document, you tarzan Me Jane, kind of stuff, or making the dom job easier, but rather that it can make the sub's act of submission easier.

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 4

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 5:37:12 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

I have collars. A studded one, an chin lifting italian leather one, a metal one - but I also have an 'suspended angel' necklet and a wedding ring. All of these are collars. No collar has to look any specific way. I am fortunate, I can where whichever collar, whenever - I don't have a fear of being looked down on because I wear one or fear being 'outted', because I already am 'out'. However, Demon & I still respect other peoples 'discomforts' - and if I must wear one that is more discreet, then I will refrain from wearing, say, the chin lifter. What a collar must 'look' like, is just a myth.

What I am trying to say is that a collar doesn't have to look like a 'collar' to be a collar or mean anything more than the individuals concerned within the relationship, desire it to. A simple chain or braclet is just as important as a studded inch thick rubber dog collar.

Some people use collars to show that a sub or slave should not be approached, say at a munch - some use a collar to show what stage they are at - again, myself I feel that it's really all just for show, like the velcro collars one sees in chat rooms, or the bracketed initials. But it's down to personal choice - and as long as the individuals within the relationship are happy, other people should just learn to accept its personal choice.

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 5

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 5:57:17 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Collars mean what we choose for them to mean.

I think people put too much value on them because they frenzy so fast to get "the collar" that they don't spend nearly enough time figuring out exactly what that collar means, or who the person putting the collar on is. I think we can all easily conjure up a few dozen instances where a sub is delerious over having a new collar only to come back 6 months later quite regretful.

They also put too much value on them because it becomes "the collar" to which they are attached and not an inner commitment. One should be who they are whether they wear a collar or not. If they put so much importance on a physical item, how strong is their inner will?

That being said, there's certainly nothing wrong with a commitment symbol. A collar can be a wonderful thing. Over the weekend I saw dozens of people wearing black leather with rings clinking, tattoos over bodies, brands, even rhinestones- all symbols of being with someone else. It's good to take pride in that, as long as the symbol does not become the source.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 6

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 6:30:19 AM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

Not.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 7

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 7:02:06 AM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

Collars mean different things to different people. You don't have to have one to be owned, and having one doesn't mean that you're any better than one who doesn't have one. Its just a symbol, nothing more, nothing less.

perfection

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 8

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 7:19:02 AM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

I have a collar I wear for play but I don't have one to tell the world I am "collared". I do however proudly wear His ring on my third finger of my left hand which means as much if not more to me than a formal collar.

We are not heavily into the D/s protocol. There are times when He is Master and I am sub but other times when we are just a happy couple in love. Though we live in the same house together we don't live D/s 24/7 even though I serve as His carer. I have His heart, I do not need a collar

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 9

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 7:26:29 AM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

I take the very seriously... they are a sign of mutal commitment. No ring on my finger, no ring around your neck.

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 10

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 7:45:20 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Ok interesting replies. Thanks for giving me your opinion on the topic :)

(in reply to MaitresseEden)

Post #: 11

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 8:05:13 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

Collars are a fetish object for me. So, important. But not for the reason they are to most people.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 12

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 9:46:12 AM

LGslave

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

Emerald slave

when i read your reply i had to nod and Master said yes i know some subs like that too..

i do agree that a collar is a symbol of ownership but that its special and donates that you are serious about being owned /trianed by the Dominant /Master.

that you have spent sometime getting to know him and him you before proceeding.

i have an issue with those who meet online and the next day say they own that girl. or the girl saying he is my Master. and then on first meet collaring.

i firmly believe that in odder for an M/s relationship to work you need to do the neogitation phrase properly, afterall you would not give an engagment ring to a girl you met on a blind date or someone you have never met..

i have about four collars i have a silver engraved one that i wear for work, i have the leather lockable one for fetish nights and i have Masters soft collar as well but Master puts them on and takes them off not slave..
to me the one that is most special is the one Master collared me with on our special day ...

i beleive one needs to trust 100% in your owner so its important to take time .

slave bethany

(in reply to MsIncognito)

Post #: 13

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 10:03:12 AM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

Yes I do for a few reasons..
First off that the "history" of a wedding band it is a sign of "ownership" and a collar is just a "larger" ring.
2nd It is a visable sign of submission from the "sub" to the "Dom" That she has committed herself to him. (This also is a sign for others to show that she IS taken)
3rd It is a reminder to the "girl" about who and what SHE is.

A Collar does not have to necessarily be around one's neck however due to current fashion it can be without raising a eyebrow of others. It can be a simple nipple piercing ring as well. The important thing about ANY collar is that the wearer knows and has earned it and its significance is not ever EVER lost on her about what it means.

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 14

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 6:40:26 PM

fourpeas

Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline

They mean what you want them to mean. Symbols are all around.

It would mean just as much TO ME to wear my man's class ring, wedding ring, anything he's made for me, t-shirt, sunglasses, collar, whatever, as it would to wear a collar or a ring. Symbolism is what you want it to be.

That said, there are times when I wear the collar and times when I do not. After a recent particularly rowdy all-nighter sex session we fell asleep in one another's arms and he said to me that I didn't need to wear it, because we knew what it meant, and what it was all about.

There are lots of things I wear that are symbols. He made me an anklet with bells on it, I can't wear it every day because it is delicate, but I wear that sometimes. There are so many things and ways that it can be symbolic.

So I agree with both statements, they are important and they are not. They are important in the sense that in our community, a "collar" is a symbol that works in the language we use, just as in many cultures, wearing a wedding band or some kind of wedding adornment is also symbolic. It's important to me to have a symbol that other people can recognize, but it's also important that there are symbols that only I know the meaning of...

Make sense?

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

Post #: 15

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 8:27:39 PM

CalliopePurple

Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline

I think it all depends on the couple and the meaning behind the collar. I plan on giving my pet a necklace when I visit her to show that I care and that she really is important, but it won't be a "collar". That is, it won't be a sign of her belonging to me. We've only been together a couple months - it's too soon for that.

This is a pic of it, just wrapped around my wrist.

Attachment (1)

< Message edited by CalliopePurple -- 6/30/2005 10:20:54 AM >

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 16

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/29/2005 11:03:26 PM

SteelBondager

Posts: 86
Joined: 5/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Im curious if collars are important as people make out?

To some, collars are very important. "Dress" collars can cost much more than an engagement or wedding ring. The "collaring" ceremony is an important thing for many people, especially for BDSMers who know the couple.

quote:

I understand its meant to mean ownership etc

I don't care about ownership collars or any other token. I do like branding and have done it, but if I die tomorrow or she can't handle 24/7 anymore (it happens), my slave is left with a mark that might make her less desirable to someone else.

quote:

but most often or not it can only be worn at home as many people need to keep good public image.

Depending on the collar, it can be worn in public. Depending on a person's profession a BDSM-style collar can be worn, but other collars are more subtle. It can also depend on a person's desire to keep our lifestyle private. Some conventional jewelry is sometimes welded on.

quote:

Take for example a training collar... Is one ever fully trained? Sure people will do exactly whats told but even then they will still learn things.

Yes. I can fully train someone to serve me. I don't make it difficult. That doesn't mean that she won't continually learn new things about me - what I like, what I want, what I like to wear on different days of the week, when to just give up trying to cheer me up and chain herself to the whipping post. ;)

quote:

Im expecting some negative feed back etc but any comments about the subject would be interesting...

Some people live to fight and argue. Don't take it personally. It can be rather entertaining.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 17

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/30/2005 6:33:20 PM

zaynab

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

a collar is important to me because it is an extension of my Master... in the event that he is not with me.... it is the same as his big strong hand wrapped gently around my throat the entire time i'm wearing it.... a great way to feel one with him when he is not with me...

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 18

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/30/2005 10:37:47 PM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

No offense Zaynab but squeeze a person's neck is a universal symbol of killing someone. I know I know.. there are those who like breath play and so forth.. but speaking personally as someone who was nearly strangled to death year ago (criminal action, totally not scene related).. I find the comparison of loving tenderness and the beauty of sweet submission to hands being squeezed around your neck to be a bit of an oxymoron.. nothing personal against you , and I'm totally cool if breath play is your kink.. just an odd analogy for me.

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to zaynab)

Post #: 19

RE: Collars. Important or not? - 6/30/2005 11:50:37 PM

Goddesshesykhia

Posts: 10
Joined: 6/15/2005
Status: offline

Collars mean so many different things to different people. I really think it is up to the Dominant and His/Her submissive if they want to show that. Personally I have play collars in which I scene with but to Me... a collar around the neck is just that... something around the neck. The servitude and devotion is around the heart and soul. Not a body part. Just My two cents.!

Lady H

_____________________________

Regular love has two ways to go. It can either feed
you or destroy you.

A D/s love goes both ways. It destroys you and feeds
you all at the same time.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Collars. Important or not?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.062