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How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 9:11:53 AM

charmdpetKeira

Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
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I received an e-mail containing the, often, though not always, self declaration of intelligence, good looks, etc; which realistically tells me nothing, other then the person thinks highly of themselves, with a request of “If you care to get to know one another, let me know by telling me more about yourself.”

I write back saying “This kind of statement always throws me off because I am not sure exactly what the person is looking for. I will give it my best though.” Then gave a brief description of what I am hoping to get out of being in a D/s relationship.

In response to what I said, I get the explanation that the vagueness was intentional, as it serves as a type of test for intelligence, a lot of repeating of what I said in my response to his first e-mail and “if you still are interested in this exploration, tell me more about yourself, including what you consider your better qualities as a woman, those things about yourself that you would change if you could, and your experience with relationships (D/s and otherwise) in general.”

So, my initial reaction to this is…

What exploration? Alls I’m getting from this, is feeling like I’m being held under a microscope, and getting nothing to go on in return.

Then there is the thought “Did you ever consider the approach you are using might only make the intelligent ones wonder just how intelligent you are?

I realize, while I could possibly be correct in my assessment, it is most likely not the best way to respond.

What I am looking for would be a different pov then my own. Oh yea, and what does “better qualities as a woman” mean?

Thank you in advance.

k

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

Post #: 1

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 9:16:30 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Personally, sounds like he had a stupid introductory email, can't fess up to it, so he created an excuse by throwing the ball back in your court ("I was testing YOUR intelligence"). To begin with, he's pretending he's seeking wisdom, not intelligence (although he doesn't even know this), and I'm suggesting he has neither of the two but lots of excuses as for why he can't just come out and say, "Okay, that was a stupid email from me. Let's start over please."

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 2

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 9:28:10 AM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

"IF" you still want to converse with this person, you might tell him something to the effect of: "Rather than just authoring a monologue which might not touch on the specific areas of your interest, I would prefer that you list the questions that I have not yet addressed to your satisfaction. I would also like to know about you in regards to those same areas of interest. I look forward to discovering more about you in return."

If he won't share information with you, then there is probably not much of interest about him.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 3

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 9:30:41 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Why are you allowing yourself to feel pressured into giving a "good response" to a completely internet stranger who knows how to click "send" ?

He clearly stated "If you are interested, then reply" What about him/his profile/his email made him someone you really wanted to get to know better? What did YOU write in your email which would actually give you more information to know whether he was interesting to you or not? Or did you just passively do as he asked and waited?

Seems like you just walked into the email trap happily. At least it only took you two turns to realize it wasn't working for you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 4

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 9:32:13 AM

ownedgirlie

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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Sounds loosely similar to some of the things my Master asked me when we were first talking, although he didn't jump into the "tell me about yourself" until we got on the phone. And yes, he was intentionally vague about it, admittedly so. He wanted to see what I would do with it.

It didn't seem odd enough to me to challenge his intelligence; I just asked him some direct questions in return, and he answered them. Every time he asked me something about me, I would answer, and then ask something about him. That kept the conversation flowing in both directions. If I just answered and let it lay there, he could really only just comment on it and ask me something else, to keep us engaged.

"Better qualities as a woman" - I would take it as asking what you like most about yourself. If unsure of what he meant, I'd ask him to clarify.

I know I can be outside the norm with my thoughts, but I didn't see much wrong with his approach.

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 5

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 9:34:32 AM

MistressCass

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Joined: 5/30/2006
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OH PLEASE, please, please (I hate to beg) go with your first instinct.....reply with : “Did you ever consider the approach you are using might only make the intelligent ones wonder just how intelligent you are? "

Your gut will never let you down.....and this type of cat and mouse play deserves such a response. If he laughs and gets "real" you might have something going......if he gets indignant just blow him off.....cuz he is playing and can't see the humor in the situation.

(in reply to nyrisa)

Post #: 6

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 9:45:17 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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I appreciate what ownedgirlie has said. One of the up sides of her point of view is that if you respond to him as an interesting challenge, you may find someone delicious. If you go in thinking that he's being an ass -- and who knows, he might be -- you close off possibilities.

I can often be vague in expressing what I am looking for in another person, because it's too easy for him to parrot back those qualities to me instead of letting me know who he is. It's a controlling way of going about things, and admittedly frustrating for the other person. It's also one way of finding out who the other person is without tainting their response with my own expectations.

If he's a solid man, he'll be OK with you asking your own questions. I think the questions that people can ask can be as revealing as their own answers to *my* questions.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 7

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 11:13:56 AM

charmdpetKeira

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Joined: 6/2/2007
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LA,

My first response to his original e-mail was given after reading his profile, which did come across as intelligible. The fact that he asked to know more about me in the first e-mail was not a problem, other then what I previously stated. It was when he came back with the mocking bird effect and then requested more information, that made me wonder, what exactly has he offered since the initial e-mail, which was mostly self assessment, to make me want to give him more info.

I could have easily gone with my first instinct, (noted above), or even the second “no thank you”, but I thought “well k, you know you don’t know it all, and if there is a different way to look at this, then maybe you should ask others that might have a different outlook on the situation to see what they have to say.” So, here I am.

Ownedgirlie,

Would you say the conversation between your Master and yourself flowed fairly well before the “tell me about yourself” question on the phone?

MistressCass,

*smiles* I was trying to behave; didn’t want to be the cause for the next “Don’t subs know their place” thread. ;) lol

MySweetSubmssive,

If you were to ask the question “tell me about yourself”, how many times would you do so?

Thank you all for your responses.

Sincerely,

k

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 8

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 11:35:29 AM

MistressCass

Posts: 80
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

MistressCass,

*smiles* I was trying to behave; didn’t want to be the cause for the next “Don’t subs know their place” thread. ;) lol

Sincerely,

k

Now what makes you think he would be able to find the forum to post such an erroneous idea?

I guess the older I get the less tolerant I get of stupidity.....and as much as "tell me about yourself" can circumvent someone parroting back what you (meaning Dominant) have just expressed as your desires, it also leaves the sub not understanding what it is you require......esp if it is asked/answered and reasked.

I prefer "tell me what you offer to my life".......and I could write a book on the answers I've recieved to THAT one....LOL.....and they aren't as good at oral as they claim to be.....believe me.

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 9

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 12:21:29 PM

charmdpetKeira

Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Now what makes you think he would be able to find the forum to post such an erroneous idea?

Lol, one never knows; better safe then sorry.

quote:

I prefer "tell me what you offer to my life"

That question might be a little easier for me to answer; but unfortunately, my response would cause most that e-mail me to immediately exclaim, “We’re prefect for each other”; which roughly translates to “You’re perfect for me; to hell with your needs.”

quote:

.......and I could write a book on the answers I've recieved to THAT one....LOL.....and they aren't as good at oral as they claim to be.....believe me.

Lol I bet.

When I read a bunch of; “I am x, y, z”, I find myself wanting to ask, “Is that your opinion, or did somebody tell you that?

Sincerely,

k

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to MistressCass)

Post #: 10

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 1:12:36 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I would only tell him a little about myself age, height, eye color, hair color then say tell me more about yourself such as...(insert question here). Thart way you told him more about youself and threw the ball back in his court. If he retuns the volley (sorry tennis analogy here). Then you may get a dialouge going. Does not hurt to try i think.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 11

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 2:06:24 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

You're overthinking it, I'm afraid. Either you like that approach and what he had to say, or you don't. And if you don't, just say so and move on. We all have different methods of approach based on our personalities.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 12

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 2:16:15 PM

charmdpetKeira

Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

Yes, I agree.

The reason I asked was; while I knew it bothered me, I was unsure of why it bothered me. Now I know, and have taken care of the situation, in a direct yet, courteous manner.

Thank you all for your input.

Sincerely,

k

< Message edited by charmdpetKeira -- 7/31/2007 2:17:00 PM >

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 13

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 6:55:12 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

Well I would not have responded to his first email. The second would be moot.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 14

RE: How would you respond? - 7/31/2007 11:01:48 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

Hmmm, the ol' "tell me about yourself" thing. My usual response:
"i am 47, ex-wife, mother of 2 bio and 2 strays, all extremities are intact, have all my own hair and teeth which i brush regularly and respectively, can read write and speak english, i don't drive drunk, i don't throw wet towels on the floor and i change my underwear every day if i wear any at all."
It usually gets a chuckle and a better worded email after that. If not, so be it.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

Post #: 15

RE: How would you respond? - 8/1/2007 1:17:46 PM

charmdpetKeira

Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

LA,

I noticed I didn’t really answer your question; kind of jumped track, again.

The reason I bother to answer e-mails the best to my ability, regardless of how I choose to do so, is because it is what I would do if I meeting someone off line. The fact that they are often many miles away and can’t see me does not change my feeling I should treat them courteously; after all, they are just people too.

Arayofsunshine,

Fair enough.

Littlebitxxx,

That’s a good one; made me smile. Thanks, I needed that.

Sincerely,

k

< Message edited by charmdpetKeira -- 8/1/2007 1:19:15 PM >

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 16

RE: How would you respond? - 8/1/2007 2:46:13 PM

MrsMunchkin1

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

When Doms respond to my ad I always ask them the two following questions:
1. How many years' experience they have had
2. What kit do they own
It weeds out the wannabe Doms. It also gives them direct questions to answer.

I also don't respond (nicely) to the "you will call me Master"/"get begging b*tch" emails. For one, a Dom has to earn the right to be called Master and two, I might be a sub but I'm also a human. I don't hand over my will to anyone who will disrespect me. I need someone who cares about me to allow them anywhere near my bare butt with anything remotely pain giving!

It might help, on the intelligence front, to ask him/her what kind of job they do too. It's likely that someone in an office/management will be more intelligent than, no disrespect intended, the bin man.

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 17

RE: How would you respond? - 8/1/2007 8:00:13 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

Hmmm, the ol' "tell me about yourself" thing. My usual response:
"i am 47, ex-wife, mother of 2 bio and 2 strays, all extremities are intact, have all my own hair and teeth which i brush regularly and respectively, can read write and speak english, i don't drive drunk, i don't throw wet towels on the floor and i change my underwear every day if i wear any at all."
It usually gets a chuckle and a better worded email after that. If not, so be it.

I can appreciate this kind of reply,,you give some info..and yet make it a bit less intense and more humorous..thus opening the door to a more relaxed exchange..unless of course the Dominant in question gets ticked off by the response,,then you will also know if you find humorlessness attractive..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 18

RE: How would you respond? - 8/2/2007 5:58:23 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

One of my rules of thumb is: if they have to tell me at great length how great they are, they aren't so great. The longer the novel they write, the farther I run. Too much too soon.

And, it my gut feeling and interest is not piqued, I don't owe them a damn thing. "Thanks for your interest, but I don't feel we're compatible".

I don't mind giving some basics about me and my life philosophy, but I'm not going to apply for a job with them - so my writing a novel about myself is kinda stupid IMO. The ablility to communicate is key to me, and moving on to IMing is a good way to see if they can engage. Then, set up to meet for coffee if that feels good. It is really no sweat.

< Message edited by classykindasassy -- 8/2/2007 6:00:49 PM >

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 19

RE: How would you respond? - 8/3/2007 6:07:07 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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When I have receieved that question whether searching or not my answer was always the same.
Female, brown hair and brown eyes. 41.

Incredibly generic but you get what you give. If a person could not handle a real conversation they were somebody I wasn't going to get along with in the long run anyway. So, it didn't matter how long before they got frustrated and ran.

As far as the better qualities as a woman question. Well, I would do as I've always done in life. I can rebuild an engine, remodel a home. I'm intelligent and educated. I am stronger than most men. I don't need a man in life so

Can you tell me the better qualities of a man?

Which actually usually sparked discussion with them actually trying to carry on a conversation.

Of course, my way works for me. I was looking for someone specific. Didn't want to waste time with people I knew I wasn't compatible with.

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 20

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