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Dommes on Top - 7/31/2007 2:34:44 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I know.....  That's a really pathetic title for a thread, but hear Me out.
 
I consider Myself a Domme, but at this time, I have no submissive of My own.  I've had boys of My own in the past, just not one currently.  I don't think the lack of one changes who I am.  I know what My lifestyle preferences are and who I am inside.
 
Because of the fact that I have not found what I am looking for on a relationship/dynamic basis, I've been doing more in the area of casual play, or what I would consider Topping.  First, let Me say that these have been fabulous experiences that I have been having, and very much appreciate those who have joined Me in them.  The trips to top space have been excellent, and the bottoms have had nothing but raves to say about the play and their trips to bottom/sub space.  (Personal note, this past weekend was absolutely spectular!)  While I do admit to missing having a boy of My own, I have to admit that I am having more than My share of fun.  At this time, even if a boy did fall into My lap, I'm not entirely sure that I would want to stop topping others, just because I've been enjoying it so much.
 
So, here are My questions.  If you are a Domme without a sub, do you engage in topping others?  Do you participate in casual play of any kind?  If you do have a sub of your own, do you still play with others for particular scenes?  What are your views on casual play?
 
Oh, and just so Our submissive friends are not left out, just reverse the pronouns.  I realize this is Ask A Mistress, and I put the post here for that reason, but it's always good to hear from the other side, so submissives, feel free to chime in.
 
I thank any and all in advance for participation in the thread.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dommes on Top - 7/31/2007 2:44:09 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I haven't played casually in a few years. The last GLLA event I was at I did top a person I knew through our local munch. Had a fun time, he went off with another top/dom and they had even more fun in private. I will top someone I know like that at a public play party.

It's been years since I've had a top only relationship though. Those I have had were fun and we were good friends first. By top though I mean that I did not do Ds of any type with these folks. For me, Ds isnt' casual so I don't I'm very good at it if there is no possibility of a deeper relationship developing. But I, too, have been told I'm a very good top.

Maybe I'll go to the play party at GLLA here at the end of August and find someone to top while Fox does the scene I'm auctioning him off to do. We'd be there for each other then but not in each other's space. Frankly it will depend on how much my being at the party will interfer with his ability as a top.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Dommes on Top - 7/31/2007 3:00:05 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I don't play, ever. But this Friday, I'm actually going to my first munch in a decade.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dommes on Top - 7/31/2007 3:15:24 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		littlesarbonn i hope your munch goes well.

i can only give a hypothetical answer as i have not played casually before. While i am pretty sure i could enjoy it for its own sake, i am not sure it would be as fulfilling for me as it would if i was in a relationship. The fact i was part of a couple would increase the intensity for me. i would take part in casual play both for fun and to learn more about play and myself though.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dommes on Top - 7/31/2007 3:20:18 PM   
MsCameron


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		I've been single for about 2 years now.

I'm fortunate to have some really good friends that lend me their submissives to play with. So I get to keep my play skills fairly sharp. It's usually at play parties that we all attend.
But I'm not controlling or dominating anyone. (not even my cats) smile

Now here's the weird thing.. LOL I'm very comfortable doing anything to someone else. CBT, pussy torture or fisting etc.. All very intimate acts. But I never allow a casual play partner to become intimate with me.

I was asked why I hadn't used a sub I was playing with for oral service. I just don't go there and I suppose I'm more comfortable reserving those things for a relationship.

I've always played casually, even when I have owned.

MC

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dommes on Top - 7/31/2007 3:22:58 PM   
queencaliph


Posts: 131
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline 		I have a slave and still enjoy topping others at times. Especially a masochist who can really feed my sadistic streak. 

_____________________________

"awwww hell......the Queen!"

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dommes on Top - 7/31/2007 3:24:47 PM   
DianeB269


Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		This is why I like to go to private fetich parties when I'm bored.


Diane

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dommes on Top - 7/31/2007 3:30:11 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Oh, and just so Our submissive friends are not left out, just reverse the pronouns.  I realize this is Ask A Mistress, and I put the post here for that reason, but it's always good to hear from the other side, so submissives, feel free to chime in.
 
I thank any and all in advance for participation in the thread.


I've recently expanded my parameters in terms of my outlook towards D/s. Whereas previously, I had been confining my search to finding "The One," I've recently opened myself up to the idea of casual play, and relationships that are more casual and/or part-time than a committed one-on-one relationship. 

In so doing, I've also been able to greatly expand the geographical map of my search radar. I'm looking for new places to go on the weekends anyway. And I can always arrange for a few days off during the week, if I want them. Besides, airfare is cheap!

I'm pleased to report that this is the smartest move I've made since having an interest in F/m, and I've asked myself more than once: Why the hell didn't I do this sooner??

The irony of all this is that I now realize that my new approach only increases the odds of finding "The One." Along the way, I'm learning more about myself as it applies to BDSM, and having lots more fun...   

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dommes on Top - 7/31/2007 3:33:25 PM   
MsCameron


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I don't play, ever. But this Friday, I'm actually going to my first munch in a decade.


Is it your choice not to play or just the way things have worked out?

Have fun at the munch :)

MC

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dommes on Top - 7/31/2007 3:49:07 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCameron

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I don't play, ever. But this Friday, I'm actually going to my first munch in a decade.


Is it your choice not to play or just the way things have worked out?

Have fun at the munch :)

MC


It's kind of how things have worked out for me. I've usually been a relationship kind of submissive, and that's not allowed me the opportunity to do a lot of playing. I'm also a bit on the shy side (although people who know me refuse to believe that for some bizarre reason), so play parties have never been all that comfortable for me. There have been very few where I wasn't brought there by someone.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to MsCameron)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dommes on Top - 7/31/2007 4:14:36 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		To OP topic:

If I "played" casually with someone that I knew and trusted as a "top",  I'd leave the experience feeling bonded to them for having submitted physically to them.  The physical submission would cause and enhance the mental/emotional end of it for me, and vice versa. It's the only way this stuff has ever turned out for me.  Its sort of like a circular cycle of sorts, where I cannot separate the physical from the mental and emotional.  Im either in it fully, or not in it at all.

Sometimes I wish I could have some fun in a casual way until the right relationship occurs in my life, but I'm simply not wired for it. 

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dommes on Top - 7/31/2007 10:27:32 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		Having my M/s need covered makes the rest of the spectrum no less attractive to me. :)


(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/1/2007 4:08:20 AM   
aidan


Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline 		This is something that's been on my mind lately.

Because of how things are currently set up for me, I don't really have a chance to be part of the community that much. I get to go to a club or an event maybe once or twice a year. By the nature of this infrequency, I don't really get to practice submission. I consider what I do with my friends when I get to see them bottoming. The play, while fun, is just that, and never very "intimate". This isn't to say I don't enjoy it. Just that at the end I feel a little wanting. Like I've put a band-aid over a much larger wound.


_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/1/2007 4:24:13 AM   
interestingtimes


Posts: 57
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		I havn't done casual yet so i cant be sure, but from what you say, my mind spins the same way....

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/1/2007 5:26:20 AM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		I do top a few people that I have a good rapport with, but I keep it mostly on an impact and sensation play level. That is what works for me and what keeps me happy, so it may not work for others. 

(in reply to interestingtimes)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/1/2007 6:06:16 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for the replies.  I have to say that there were two things in My mind when I wrote the post.  One being that if it weren't for casual play, I really wouldn't be playing at all right now, and what fun is that?  Two being that these have been extrordinary experiences.  As subfever said, I've really been asking Myself why I didn't start doing this before?  I'm not especially sure it helps in My search for a submissive, but it's great anyway.
 
I have to wonder, somewhat, if My own personal views on casual play are expanding and changing.  I certainly feel like I am reaping the benefits.

(in reply to LaMistressa)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/1/2007 7:15:57 AM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Casual play does nothing for me, I don't mind watching it though.
I need the emotional/mental connection to get into the types of play that I enjoy the most.
My feelings are very similar to the ones stated by Marie. 

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 8/1/2007 7:18:04 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/1/2007 8:07:47 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I rarely do casual play these days, but, as per my relationship negotiation, I am free to do so, if I wish. I don't usually do casual play now because I did so much of it in the beginning. I was very much a service top, trying to show new people that it really doesn't have to be all that bad. Now, being "fluffy" just frustrates me and I want to do what I want. And, I much prefer to have a connection with my partner, so that kinda precludes many "meet and beats".

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/1/2007 9:00:02 AM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		LadyP... Lord only knows I could use the experience and I would be a fool to pass up some casual play? Surely wouldn't rule it out but deep down inside I would feel unfullfilled(sp?) as I need the emotional, intimate,and mental connection I seek.....

I would probably go for the casual play but I already know the outcome would leave me incomplete (but more experienced!)

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/1/2007 1:46:02 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm very glad to be hearing the input on the topic.
 
One of the comments that I did forget to mention in the OP is that, to date, the casual play I've been doing recently has been with bottoms that I consider friends.  Not really the, "Hi, We just met, would you like Me to beat you" variety.  That could be contributing to My still feeling connected during play.
 
Btw, MasterFire, if I haven't mentioned it previously, great new pic.

(in reply to stockingluvr54)
Profile   Post #: 20
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