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RE: Dommes on Top - 8/1/2007 6:38:23 PM   
PairOfDimes


Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		Oh, hell yes. Casual play is great! Also, I don't consider having a d/s relationship and indulging in casual play mutually exclusive, but I'm goofy in that multiple-partners kind of way.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/1/2007 7:13:27 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		I respond more to mental aspects of BDSM than physical ones. My interest in physical play is mostly for its accompanying mental aspects, or that the physical play may be part of the dance towards courtship. So I usually don't seek physical play for the sake of sensation or bottoming.

However, I do regularly  participate in D/s play in a casual sense. This play occurs most often as service and can also include other expressions of dominance and submission.

To me casual play is not cold unless I am specifically seeking a dynamic that involves emotional SM. I play with only those with whom I feel some form of attraction and chemistry. I harbor good will towards them. Sometimes this play occurs as I have just met someone, and there is excitement about the potential for chemistry. Sometimes this play occurs with someone whom I have gotten to know and there is enough chemistry for recurring play but not an exclusive relationship. And sometimes this play occurs casually because circumstances (distance, other relationships, lesbian domme) allow only that.

I have had many beautiful moments through this type of play and am grateful for these moments even if the play relationship has now waned.

Cheers,

Sea


(in reply to PairOfDimes)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/3/2007 4:11:54 AM   
skareamoos


Posts: 46
Joined: 5/13/2005
Status: offline 		From the male perspective ... in the (sadly distant) past I have worked both sides of the street, so to speak, and in the absence of a more settled and permanent relationship I have indeed just played, but would never do so while I had a devoted sub OR domme ... UNLESS it was her unlikely preference for me to do so.  For me, at least, the whole question is largely moot, since there appears to be little demand for  a 70-something male, no matter how young he is.  (Please don't take this to sound bitter; I fully understand, am am reasonably content with this age-enforced abstinence.)

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/3/2007 11:30:11 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear LadyPact, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my opinion --just because you are in an 'in between' state that doesn't mean one shrivels up like a dried prune.
 
Topping is just fine in my mind's eyes, while in between relationships you have yourself out there, to be seen and also to maintain skills and reputation.  For some of us, it is a healing time and a bit of 'me time,' as we aren't tied down into a relationship so we only invest as much of ourselves as we want to/wish to and with whom we want/wish to; on a short term basis.
 
Owning slaves is a huge responsibility and for me, if I cannot do the job fully and with all my energy and devotion, I dare not try to have a full time slave.  Having real time duties as a care giver, I place myself in a Topping mode due to the situation currently but, not due to the lack of experience as a Mistress/Master.  Other than Topping, one can always help the community by being a presenter, mentor, teacher/instructor and or participate in the community when and or however they can.
 
Speaking for myself, I am secure enough to not be worried about what others think of my situation in a Topping capacity.  Most who talk with me quickly find out I am more than just a Top--I am a woman who is a Dominant and has a lot of mileage under the belt, per se.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/4/2007 10:22:31 AM   
Aimtoplease101


Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline 		As long as casual play encounters don't violate an agreement of exclusivity that you have going on in a committed relationship, I think they can be great.

Humans are complex beings. We have a variety of different needs and personality facets. Committed relationships are great, and often provide a depth of emotional satisfaction that casual play can't attain. But we have physical desires as well, and experiences to enjoy. Casual play-- or even professional sessions, which I put in much the same category-- have something to offer. You can learn a lot-- about yourself, about new techniques, etc.-- that can be imported into committed relationships later. The sum of your life experience contributes to who you are and that, after all, is what you bring to a relationship. The people you meet and interact with along the way are part of that summation.

Regards, ATP

_____________________________

Pleasing you pleases me.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/4/2007 12:15:09 PM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		Yes I think the friends element has a LOT to do with it!
I played casual for awhile and decided to focus on LT because it was too much like " loving and leaving".  I got too attached to a couple and they weren't into LT. 


_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/4/2007 12:21:01 PM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

As long as casual play encounters don't violate an agreement of exclusivity that you have going on in a committed relationship, I think they can be great.

Humans are complex beings. We have a variety of different needs and personality facets. Committed relationships are great, and often provide a depth of emotional satisfaction that casual play can't attain. But we have physical desires as well, and experiences to enjoy. Casual play-- or even professional sessions, which I put in much the same category-- have something to offer. You can learn a lot-- about yourself, about new techniques, etc.-- that can be imported into committed relationships later. The sum of your life experience contributes to who you are and that, after all, is what you bring to a relationship. The people you meet and interact with along the way are part of that summation.

Regards, ATP


I agree with your correlation between casual play and professional sessions.
They are very much in the same category.
They both serve a need for those that have the desire to participate in them.
I have never been inclined to participate in casual play or relationships, because I have
to have the emotional, mental and sexual component.
But they are a viable alternative for those that can pull them off.

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 8/4/2007 12:22:32 PM >

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/4/2007 3:55:54 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

As long as casual play encounters don't violate an agreement of exclusivity that you have going on in a committed relationship, I think they can be great.

Humans are complex beings. We have a variety of different needs and personality facets. Committed relationships are great, and often provide a depth of emotional satisfaction that casual play can't attain. But we have physical desires as well, and experiences to enjoy. Casual play-- or even professional sessions, which I put in much the same category-- have something to offer. You can learn a lot-- about yourself, about new techniques, etc.-- that can be imported into committed relationships later. The sum of your life experience contributes to who you are and that, after all, is what you bring to a relationship. The people you meet and interact with along the way are part of that summation.

Regards, ATP


I agree with your correlation between casual play and professional sessions.
They are very much in the same category.
They both serve a need for those that have the desire to participate in them.
I have never been inclined to participate in casual play or relationships, because I have
to have the emotional, mental and sexual component.
But they are a viable alternative for those that can pull them off.


From reading this, I would have to say that I don't agree with the correlaiton.  I think there is a difference between casual play and professional services.  I'd see it if there was a comparrison to say, your accountant doing your taxes for free because of the pure enjoyment of it.  Some of Us still do it just for that reason alone, rather than a monetary transaction.
 
Lady Hugs, I have to say I very much enjoyed your post.  Quite the similar view.  Play, rather than play dead.

(in reply to VeryMercurial)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/4/2007 6:18:34 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Hey LadyP,

I have been doing casual play while seeking LT.  The casual is not with strangers or people I do not care for - but they are not folks for whom LT is a good fit.  As I am in the exploration and learning phase I see the casual play as a way for me to get experience and see what I like and don't like.  Like others though, so far, I have not desired oral or other sexual servicing - just too intimate for something casual.  I would prefer the dynamic of my pleasure to be exlored in a D/s dynamic which for me will be LT.  And I just have not had a sexual desire for my casual playmates at this time - might in the future - time will tell.  I am wanting that D/s LT connection and focusing on that more and more but the topping play and technical practice has been good experience and much needed. 

I think if you are having fun and enjoying yourself - you should not look back.  And who knows a casual thing might turn into something else. 

Also I concur that pro and causal topping are not alike.  I encouraged one playmate to see a pro because I thought he could satisfy some of his "do me" energy that way.  It worked rather well - I mean he was paying for a service that they negotiated beforehand - so for the most part he got the specific activity that he wanted.  He was dissappointed that the pro he choose does not allow her bottoms to cum (she said it had to do with the laws or some such?) and her cropping skills were not that good as she did a pretty thorough job of wrapping his hip bone raw. 

Anyhow in the end the play thing is not about my pleasure so much since I do not get turned on by just the act of giving pain.  So the LT female supremacy is more what I seek and fpr me that is not done casually.

< Message edited by ocilla -- 8/4/2007 6:21:36 PM >

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/4/2007 7:20:45 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Yes, while I do not have a LTR attached to me at present, I occupy myself with casual encounters.  These days, I don't spend my time meeting people for casual encounters.  Thankfully, I have two gentlemen who keep me suitably entertained in that area, plus there are always casual hookups for play at events I attend and willing bottoms for the classes I teach (and those that follow afterwards for "tutoring"!!!!)

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/4/2007 7:25:32 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

I have never been inclined to participate in casual play or relationships, because I have
to have the emotional, mental and sexual component.

That's quite bold to imply that those who engage in casual play to whatever level involve no emotional, mental or sexual component.  There are a number of us who've replied on this thread that have said we have "casual encounters" (read: not a long term relationship/contract with) folks whom we consider friends.  These are people we care for, have built a level of trust with and clearly don't consider them "just some trick."  I hope that's not what you were trying to imply.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to VeryMercurial)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/5/2007 1:15:25 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

Hey LadyP,

I have been doing casual play while seeking LT.  The casual is not with strangers or people I do not care for - but they are not folks for whom LT is a good fit.  As I am in the exploration and learning phase I see the casual play as a way for me to get experience and see what I like and don't like.  Like others though, so far, I have not desired oral or other sexual servicing - just too intimate for something casual.  I would prefer the dynamic of my pleasure to be exlored in a D/s dynamic which for me will be LT.  And I just have not had a sexual desire for my casual playmates at this time - might in the future - time will tell.  I am wanting that D/s LT connection and focusing on that more and more but the topping play and technical practice has been good experience and much needed. 

I think if you are having fun and enjoying yourself - you should not look back.  And who knows a casual thing might turn into something else. 

Also I concur that pro and causal topping are not alike. 


Hey neighbor!
 
I missed seeing you at the munch last night.  If you attended and I didn't say hello, please accept My apologies.  There was a good crowd, and even aside from that, I was quite occupied.  (If you could see the big, wicked grin on My face just now!)
 
I am smacking Myself on the forehead for skipping an important detail in the OP.  I was not in any way relating casual play to oral service, sexual service, or any other activity that would be related to that group.  I was referring only to those things that are within the confines of most public dungeon rules.  I probably should have been more specific about that and My apologies if there was any confusion on that issue.
 
Btw, if you're up for it, contact Me on the other side.  I'm going to be hosting an event in Atlanta next month.

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/5/2007 1:57:52 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Oh I wish I had known you were there it would have motivated me to go. I went to 1763 for the last one which was a bit unsatisfying due to some odd drama that ended the evening rather abruptly. But the usual Georgia crowd is just a lovely bunch of folks and so welcoming.  I will definitely contact you to get the details of the event you are hosting - gotta back up and support my gal in the neighborhood.  smiling

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/10/2007 6:39:35 PM   
sting516


Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline 		For me...since i've felt the need to be owned as a slave...casual play just doesn't work for me anymore...maybe because i need that connection now to really give myself to that person...submission just for the sake of submission has a hollow ring for me.

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/10/2007 8:22:17 PM   
RaynaSub


Posts: 185
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		Casual playing does nothing for me either.
I need to be in a relationship, in order to really open up and be able to commit.

(in reply to sting516)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/10/2007 9:02:36 PM   
BotanicalMiss


Posts: 82
Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline 		I've recently begun to play on a more casual basis for pretty much the same reason of not having a sub of My own right now. I try to make a habit of meeting them and have at least a decent level of attraction and friendship with them first. And while it's never as fulfilling as the play is with one I own, it's certainly enjoyable and I'm gaining some experience in some types of play I'd not yet gotten into.... such as with one I've known online and over the phone for quite some time who's bringing his TENS unit for Me to play with when he's in town here in a few weeks. Kinda looking forward to that one.

I also have to say that I'm with MsCameron on the intimacy issue. Casual partners are never allowed physical intimacy with Me. They may ask or even beg for it, but I'm always very honest about it upfront... it's not happening, and if that's what they're looking for they can go play elsewhere.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/10/2007 9:25:54 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		(DAMMIT!!!!  I read half the post, wanted to say something...and then realized the question was "for Dommes").

(Just know....what I wanted to say may in some future generations, may be considered not only important...but historic....however, I've already forgotten my point...so...I blame you).

(Said, of course, in the most submissive of ways).

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/10/2007 11:56:48 PM   
Hrmnence


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/12/2006
Status: offline 		Griswold, you needed to continue reading the OP, as LadyP clearly stated ...

Oh, and just so Our submissive friends are not left out, just reverse the pronouns.  I realize this is Ask A Mistress, and I put the post here for that reason, but it's always good to hear from the other side, so submissives, feel free to chime in.

Looks like there is no one to blame (smile).

(in reply to Griswold)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/11/2007 4:59:37 AM   
MsCameron


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

LadyPact wrote: I am smacking Myself on the forehead for skipping an important detail in the OP.  I was not in any way relating casual play to oral service, sexual service, or any other activity that would be related to that group.  I was referring only to those things that are within the confines of most public dungeon rules.  I probably should have been more specific about that and My apologies if there was any confusion on that issue. 
 

 
 
No worries :) I was also making reference to casual play that taked place in private settings.

In response to some of the replies (and to no one in particular), I appreciate that some of you  may need the emotional connection or to be in a long term relationship etc. There is another side to the coin though.
Most of us seem to play with friends.. or people that we know well and although there may not be a long term relationship, there is a connection.

Play can just be for fun :) It doesn't always have to be gawd awful serious with sub drop and taking someone to the moon and back (although it can be).
I have enormous fun when I play casually and so do the people I play with.

A month ago a group of us were playing at a local dungeon. The whole room was laughing as we chased the submissive around the cross who was yelling "4 out of  5 Dominants agree you guys are mean"

Chuckling still. I was laughing so hard I could hardly play.

MC


_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Dommes on Top - 8/11/2007 8:19:13 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		Casual play is kinda empty for me.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 40
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